True Soulmates

Aug 14, 2011 03:46


Title: True Soulmates
Pairing: GDYB
Rating: PG-13
Genre: ar, angst
Warnings: pill swallowing
Summary: Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ~Emily Brontë
A/N: So I had many bits of inspiration for this.
Obviously from the prompt given but also for the five lines below (taken from a City Hunter gif on tumblr)
and also for that picture of GD and Taeyang eating together.
Taken from a prompt by ymo1157.
Prompt~ Dead and Gone.



“I’m afraid of living with my eyes opened

Because even if I’m searching…

I won’t be able to see you.

Instead of yearning for you,

Living with my eyes closed is better”

Youngbae stared at the slightly crumpled and worn out paper in front of him. He reread the prophetic words again, unable to turn away. If only he had known that this would actually become reality. That he would end up wishing to be blind, blind from the pain, the loneliness, the complete emptiness that surrounded and filled him every day.

Everywhere he turned, everything he saw only made him wish that he was dead. Death would be a relief. At least then he could be where Jiyong was. Youngbae grabbed the desk gripping until his knuckles turned white. It had been two years and he still grieved like it just happened…

----

“Ji… you done with that yet?” Youngbae quietly whispered not wanting to disturb Jiyong when he was in one of his ‘writing sessions.’ He had to though; Jiyong had been holed up in his room for hours. Not even using the restroom. He knew food was never a priority for Jiyong but he was done with watching Jiyong become skinnier and skinnier. Jiyong was naturally thin and had a hard time putting on weight but not eating wasn’t helping him.

Jiyong looked up with exhausted, red rimmed eyes. He stretched and rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“Yeah… I guess.” He got up without much of a fuss, which was unusual for him, and walked toward the door. Youngbae watched as he looked back mournfully at his desk. He saw a lone piece of paper with five lines written on it. Youngbae furrowed his brows. That’s all he’s written?

Youngbae understood writer's block but staying holed up for hours for five scrawny lines was just insane. Jiyong brushed past him and he noticed the slight worn look that seemed to cling to Jiyong. Maybe he had gotten used to the fact that Jiyong always looks slightly haggard but today he noticed something was off.

Even when Jiyong was at his most weakened he always carried himself well. Always had a certain spark that said ‘I’m exhausted. But I’m alive and I’m happy.’ Maybe he had been in denial but lately Jiyong had lost that spark. Youngbae must’ve been staring to long because Jiyong looked back at him

“Youngbae you coming?” He noticed a gripping emptiness in Jiyong’s eyes, an emptiness that confused him. Then Jiyong flashed his normal boyish grin. As always Youngbae smiled back, unable to resist, but he felt a barrenness in Jiyong’s eyes. Jiyong sighed and grabbed Youngbae’s arm. Even the tiny tug that he gave felt frail and empty. “I think I want curry, is that alright with you?” Youngbae just nodded his head, anything to make Jiyong happy.

They ended up at a curry restaurant called ABIKO. Jiyong went to use the restroom while Youngbae ordered. He wasn’t sure on what his long time friend wanted so he just ordered the most popular thing. Usually they didn’t have to say anything as they ate. Their friendship was such that silence allowed them to eat comfortably.

But the silence this time only enhanced the off kilter feelings that Youngbae was getting from Jiyong. Something wasn’t right, he knew that. But he didn’t know quite what to do.

Every time he broached the subject of something being wrong, Jiyong would just flash a smile and say everything’s fine. Youngbae realized he could be depressed again. He had been before during the Heartbreaker era and just like then he couldn’t do anything to help him. Jiyong had medicine for it and it had worked last time but he didn’t know if he was still taking them.

He looked toward Jiyong who practically inhaled his food; he was staring at his empty bowl. It wasn’t just a daydream gaze it was more than that. He was staring but he had nothing more to dream, nothing left to give. If hearts could actually break, Youngbae’s broke right there. Unable to watch Jiyong like that he pulled out his phone, “Hey Ji take a picture with me?” Jiyong just looked up and nodded his head. Youngbae tried to put a smile on but he couldn’t.

They returned to their dorm silence still permeating the air. Youngbae watched Jiyong shuffle to his room. He wanted to call him back, talk to him, fix him, return him to the Jiyong he used to be. He looked on mournfully as Jiyong entered his room and slowly shut the door. Right before his door closed Jiyong looked at him hesitantly. A sadness spilled from his eyes, sorrow so deep Youngbae felt it.

He involuntarily clutched his chest… his heart hurt. Then Jiyong smiled. A smile that spoke of a tiredness so deep no amount of rest could cure. His soul was tired. Tired of the numbing ache that filled him. “Bae?”

“Yeah Ji?”

“I’m glad I met you. I’m glad you’re my best friend.” Youngbae didn’t know what to say. His mouth turned upwards but he knew it looked more like a grimace.

“Ji… I’m glad you’re my best friend too…” Silence fell again. Jiyong turned to go in. Youngbae wanted to go hug him and tell him everything was alright. But he didn’t.

“Oh… and Bae…” All Youngbae could manage was a slight grunt. “I love you.” Youngbae reached a hand out in the air and pulled it back. He loved Jiyong too. They were soul mates. Not the romantic kind like everyone thought but the kind where you knew you met a kindred spirit, where you were one soul sharing two bodies.

“I… love you too Ji.” Youngbae watched as Jiyong silently shut the door without another word.

----

That next day had killed him. Not physically but it had torn him in two. He had found Jiyong on his bed with an empty pill bottle by his side. That day he had lost part of his soul. How do you live on from that? They had found his suicide note lying on his desk on the back of the five lined paper. Besides the contents of the note, those five lines were the last lyrics he had ever written.

Did he know they would express what Youngbae felt? Did he know that he was being selfish? Youngbae tore up the paper in his hands and threw it on the ground. He hated Jiyong for leaving them... for leaving him. Angry tears fell from his eyes. He had cried so many times he lost count. He sat down again and surveyed Jiyong’s room.

It was exactly the same. He wouldn’t allow others to change it. He wiped his eyes and looked at the remnants of his rage. He got on his knees and picked up the ripped shreds of paper, the last words Jiyong ever wrote, he’d have to tape it together; he’d have to fix it, repair it somehow. If only he could do the same for his soul.

fanfiction: oneshot, pairing: gd/taeyang, fic: archive

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