(no subject)

[sealegs]

I am longing for the love of a close friend
someone who knows me
someone who cares
i am tired of pretences an scripted abnormalities
the weight of being 'acceptable' is just too much to bare
I want to speak intimately, philosophically, emotionally, intellegently
I don't want to pretend that I think things are funny
when really they're not
I don't want to smile when I feel like screaming
like I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't live

I want to know that the people who I choose to spend my time with don't save their affection for times when I am acting the way that they want me to. I am sorry, but I am not always happy, and outgoing, or nice, or generous. I am not always positive, or intuitive or sharp.

I am human- and I am sick of feeling like I need to tear myself down every time that I don't feel like being any of the above listed things.

I miss having the kind of friends that were with me through thick and thin. I miss having the feeling that I was with a kindred spirit- someone that I felt was a person that was similar to me