I WANT TO BELIEVE
Writer's Block Box tells me it's the X-files' anniversary. It asks me what my favourite episode is, and asks me if I've ever had any encounters with the paranormal.
Well, Writer's Block Box, let me get your first question out of the way by telling you that it can't be answered. You must be a dumb fucking robot, because there IS no favourite episode of the X-files. They're all the best. That's like asking somebody to pick their favourite war veteran. I like you, Writer's Block Box, but sometimes you act like such a God damned idiot. I'm not one to do somebody else's job, but why didn't you ask me how I'll be celebrating?
Let me answer that: I'm going to Ruckers.
All right. Second part of your question: have I had encounters with the paranormal?
Let me turn that one around on you: What do you think? OK, I'll give you a clue: Yes. I have. I have had more encounters with the paranormal than you've had happy meals, junior. I'm practically Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. That's right, a black woman.
She won an Oscar for that role, you know. OK, that's a lie. She won one for The Color Purple, though. Figure that one out. I saw that show! It's a piece of shit!
Anyway, the first time I almost saw a ghost, I was 5 or 6. I was in my bed, and I felt two hands on both of my feet. I sat up, thinking it was my brother, but nobody was there. Just me. And a ghost!
Another time I nearly saw a ghost was in my teen years. I went to a place called "Old Brownell School" somewhere around Saskatoon, and it was all boarded up and haunted. I went in it with a few people I didn't have a whole lot in common with, and there wasn't much going on. Just broken wood and old beer bottles, stuff like that. But I could feel the hauntedness. The hairs of my neck were standing straight up!
Hmm...
I'm sorry, that's all I care to share at the moment. It's very late where I am, and I am becoming afraid. I wish it was day time, because I don't scare as easily.
Good Night!