annoying guy
there's this guy i work with who, as it turns out, should probably be discussed in a negative context on the internet. he is a mormon commerce student who wants to get into advertising, though he specifies he'll have nothing to do with those awful european agencies. they lack the moral chutzpah of their north american counterparts, he says. he likes to tell dull stories and spice them up with sound effects--except he always uses the same sound effect over and over again, as far as i've noticed. last week he attended the career expo--and hoooee. did he ever get some free stuff. erasers, pens, magnets, keychains--you name it. he emptied his backpack on the coffee room table and went through every item for me, making clever quips about each and every one of them. boy. he was excited. i got the impression that it was bigger than the arrogant worms concert he told me about at long length a week earlier. i've taken a liking to not dignifying his constant commenting on every minute detail of work with as much as a facial expression. he has seven siblings. imagine. i wonder if they all tuck their t-shirts into their jeans. i wonder if they all clip their cel phones onto their belts, put their hands on their hips, and stand bowlegged rocking back and forth on their heels alternating between asking stupid questions and talking to anyone who'll listen about how so many catholics are just so noncommittal these days. pure n' simple, he says. seriously. that's what he said. he said that catholics were noncommittal, and then he said it was pure n' simple. i wasn't aware that kind of thing discriminated between denominations. i wonder: if christianity is like work, would that mean mormons are chinese, and catholics are black? hmmm. i guess that analogy may be a little unfair. i can't recall ever being cornered by chinese people in the bowl and having their race pushed at me like a coupon booklet. pure n' simple. he tells me he likes to keep his cel phone handy in case his oft-cited wife gives birth to their oft-cited fetus. he tells me all of his profs have been warned, in case he ever gets the call and has to run out in the middle of class. i'm relieved. i imagine it will be the first of many. way to proliferate, i say. i guess a lot of us aren't certain what we're here for, but a lucky few of us are pretty sure the whole point of everything is to treat earth like a diaper. how fulfilling. smear the face of your planet with your own excrement and teach that excrement how be like you. exponentiate. perpetuate. produce in order to consume, and consume in order to produce. be like a maggot. or a dung beetle.
anyway, one night someone turned on the kids in the hall in the coffee room. oh, the tension. he was silent. he did not like that show. there was this skit on where kevin macdonald is a governor and david foley is his regular prostitute. the dialogue was about how the governor wasn't in the mood to have sex, and the prostitute was trying to arouse him, asking whether he wants her to pretend she's a democrat again and so on. anyway, he shifted uncomfortably for a while, and eventually found it so offensive that he stood up and left the room. i imagine the part he found most disturbing was that it was two men talking to each other like that. what an idiot. what an inconsiderate retard. here he is, labouring to give me the impression he's some kind of ethical genius--despite, and even coupled with the fact that he wants to advertise for a living--and he can't even show a whiff of empathy. his stomach turns at the sight of a man dressed as a woman, but he prattles on about erasers and the arrogant worms for three hours without mercy. every week. not once has he untucked his shirt from his pants or gotten rid of that cel phone for even a few minutes. here is this obscene perversion of the human species that walks around insulting religious denominations other than his own and using expressions like pure n' simple who sees himself as morally superior because he tenses up every time he hears a swear word. and he waves the blasphemous fact that more people like him are on the way in front of my face like it's something to be proud of. you don't see me advocating gay marriage or acting all faggy in front of him. what an asshole. he should be fired and sterilized.
anyway, one night someone turned on the kids in the hall in the coffee room. oh, the tension. he was silent. he did not like that show. there was this skit on where kevin macdonald is a governor and david foley is his regular prostitute. the dialogue was about how the governor wasn't in the mood to have sex, and the prostitute was trying to arouse him, asking whether he wants her to pretend she's a democrat again and so on. anyway, he shifted uncomfortably for a while, and eventually found it so offensive that he stood up and left the room. i imagine the part he found most disturbing was that it was two men talking to each other like that. what an idiot. what an inconsiderate retard. here he is, labouring to give me the impression he's some kind of ethical genius--despite, and even coupled with the fact that he wants to advertise for a living--and he can't even show a whiff of empathy. his stomach turns at the sight of a man dressed as a woman, but he prattles on about erasers and the arrogant worms for three hours without mercy. every week. not once has he untucked his shirt from his pants or gotten rid of that cel phone for even a few minutes. here is this obscene perversion of the human species that walks around insulting religious denominations other than his own and using expressions like pure n' simple who sees himself as morally superior because he tenses up every time he hears a swear word. and he waves the blasphemous fact that more people like him are on the way in front of my face like it's something to be proud of. you don't see me advocating gay marriage or acting all faggy in front of him. what an asshole. he should be fired and sterilized.