so much for regular posting...
Hah. Still, twice in one month is good going right now, so cheers to that!
I've had a slightly hellish week, and posting to lj has always been nicely cathartic for that sort of thing, so here we go.
- unhappy things have been occurring for some of my closest friends, and I can't fix them, and that makes me sad.
- I had to have The Meeting with my supervisor wherein I admitted that I'm struggling to cope and needed to make sure the door was still open for extensions. He was fine about it and supportive of course, but it's never a fun conversation. I still find it intensely difficult to talk about my illness in terms like relapse and recovery, and while it's useful to have that language in the times I have to explain difficult things to other people, because it helps them to understand, I don't like it.
- on that note I also had a meeting with the mental health services advisor at university, which meant going through my whole mental health history, which was also fine but so exhausting.
- Thursday night I went out with friends from work for dinner, and (there's a pattern here) it was fine, but it was also exhausting. Overwhelmingly loud and I felt awkward when a lot of the conversation inevitably turned to sex, and I love each one of those people very much but I think all of them together is just too much for me to handle. It's difficult to steer a conversation away from a subject that makes you feel uncomfortable when six people are cheerfully talking about it in a way which is perfectly inoffensive. Life lessons 2015.
- Also on Thursday night, our kitchen sink blocked. We both had to be out all day Friday and the housing agency wouldn't do anything about it until Monday at the earliest because they deemed it not an emergency, and the woman I spoke to on the phone was so rude when I questioned this that she made me cry. Consequently, Jasmine and I are at my parents for a quiet weekend. (I still have to go to work tomorrow, but that's fine).
On the plus side:
- I had an amazing fralentines parcel from my favourite girl in the world, and it arrived yesterday afternoon, so perfect timing.
- I've finished all the mandatory training at university now.
- My classes on The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (which incorporated making the students sit in the dark with their eyes shut and listen to the middle section of the Iron Maiden version - I am just that cool) went really well.
- In three weeks' time I'll be in Berlin again!
- My riding lesson was also a+ and my instructor is being very complimentary at the moment.
- I'm thinking about taking up the ballet mantel again <-- secrets
- Mum and I are going to London on Wednesday to see CATS and I could not be happier about that.
- Steph invited me to go out for a ride with her on Tuesday.
- I have actually got nearly 5,000 acceptable words of this final thesis chapter written in the last fortnight. It's been difficult, but that is half the chapter. Kind of. Ish. Maybe. Anyway, it's better than the 1,000 idea-words I had in January.
- It's the antique book fair on Friday and Saturday and I'm working it again and I loooove the book fair, it's my favourite time of the miserable half of winter! I get to chill out and make easy sandiwches all morning, serve a thousand cups of tea to all these old booksellers who try to flirt in their shambolic, adorable, antiquarian way, and then my boss gives me cash in hand and I go and buy old books what is not to love?
So, that's the shape of my life. How is everyone else doing?
I've had a slightly hellish week, and posting to lj has always been nicely cathartic for that sort of thing, so here we go.
- unhappy things have been occurring for some of my closest friends, and I can't fix them, and that makes me sad.
- I had to have The Meeting with my supervisor wherein I admitted that I'm struggling to cope and needed to make sure the door was still open for extensions. He was fine about it and supportive of course, but it's never a fun conversation. I still find it intensely difficult to talk about my illness in terms like relapse and recovery, and while it's useful to have that language in the times I have to explain difficult things to other people, because it helps them to understand, I don't like it.
- on that note I also had a meeting with the mental health services advisor at university, which meant going through my whole mental health history, which was also fine but so exhausting.
- Thursday night I went out with friends from work for dinner, and (there's a pattern here) it was fine, but it was also exhausting. Overwhelmingly loud and I felt awkward when a lot of the conversation inevitably turned to sex, and I love each one of those people very much but I think all of them together is just too much for me to handle. It's difficult to steer a conversation away from a subject that makes you feel uncomfortable when six people are cheerfully talking about it in a way which is perfectly inoffensive. Life lessons 2015.
- Also on Thursday night, our kitchen sink blocked. We both had to be out all day Friday and the housing agency wouldn't do anything about it until Monday at the earliest because they deemed it not an emergency, and the woman I spoke to on the phone was so rude when I questioned this that she made me cry. Consequently, Jasmine and I are at my parents for a quiet weekend. (I still have to go to work tomorrow, but that's fine).
On the plus side:
- I had an amazing fralentines parcel from my favourite girl in the world, and it arrived yesterday afternoon, so perfect timing.
- I've finished all the mandatory training at university now.
- My classes on The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (which incorporated making the students sit in the dark with their eyes shut and listen to the middle section of the Iron Maiden version - I am just that cool) went really well.
- In three weeks' time I'll be in Berlin again!
- My riding lesson was also a+ and my instructor is being very complimentary at the moment.
- I'm thinking about taking up the ballet mantel again <-- secrets
- Mum and I are going to London on Wednesday to see CATS and I could not be happier about that.
- Steph invited me to go out for a ride with her on Tuesday.
- I have actually got nearly 5,000 acceptable words of this final thesis chapter written in the last fortnight. It's been difficult, but that is half the chapter. Kind of. Ish. Maybe. Anyway, it's better than the 1,000 idea-words I had in January.
- It's the antique book fair on Friday and Saturday and I'm working it again and I loooove the book fair, it's my favourite time of the miserable half of winter! I get to chill out and make easy sandiwches all morning, serve a thousand cups of tea to all these old booksellers who try to flirt in their shambolic, adorable, antiquarian way, and then my boss gives me cash in hand and I go and buy old books what is not to love?
So, that's the shape of my life. How is everyone else doing?