. .. . .. .

[seafoam135]

i meant nothing. all of those things i remember were just drunken accidents. he accidentally ended up with me all those times, when he meant to be with one of those other people. and i don't think that i should try fixing anything ever again in my life. i think i should stick to one thing after something else after something else. fast-forward.

i've been called it before, and i would be called it again. pa-thet-ic. it didn't hold me back enough because there was only one person who could say anything to make me stop. but saying nothing at all is probably just the same. i don't even feel like keeping my dignity anymore. i'm really messy when i think about him and there's no words for this thing that would change that.

i wish i could make friends that didn't make me feel like they were all just doing me a favour. imagine the day that they'll tell me they love me. how much will i owe them then..

...........................................................................................

'it's just a simple line, i can still hear it all of the time.
if i can just hold on tonight, i know that nothing, nothing survives.
i think i'm turned around. i'm looking up, i'm not looking down.
and when i'm standing still watching you run, watching you fall.
fall into me.

am i making something worthwhile out of this place.
am i making something worthwhile out of this chase.
i am displaced.'