(Untitled)
I feel like my heart has been crushed. It is so hard for me to believe that he's ACTUALLY gone, he's never coming home, and I didn't even say goodbye to him because I was so sure I'd be picking him up the next day. I've been going through all my photos, not just of him but of everything I've ever loved, and it's made me realize how much I have
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There was no way anyone could've guessed he had anything on top of the colic, he had a history of colic as long as I've known you, and I'm guessing long before that. You did not just let him die, you *did* do something - he was at the vets when he died, you were doing what you thought was best, you were getting him help for what everyone (including your vet) thought the problem was.
You can second guess yourself, your decision to retire him until the end of time, it won't make a difference. Please don't beat yourself up like this - be grateful for the time you did have with him, regardless if it was cut shorter than you would've liked. He was a good horse. I know it's not the easiest to remember the good stuff right now, but the good stuff is the important stuff to hang onto.
And I know this is all easier said than done... I did my fair share of "Could I have done more?" questioning myself when my friend killed herself a few months ago, and I *knew* I had done all I could to help her. The hurt doesn't go away, but (and I know this sounds cliche) it does lessen with time... hang in there ok?
Many hugs, and I wish I could go to BF and give you one in person.
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