Don't ask.

[sea_sprayed]

Heather's friend wishes she had a face unlike Heather's dog and like Kristin's facelift that was messed up after using the face plan of Heather jackson's toad that Heather kissed, married, and moved to a swamp so Kristin could marry his sister, but Heather was still not madly in love with Kristin, who secretly cheated on Heather, and was ashamed to be alive if she couldn't be with Kristin's really hot ex-boyfriend that loved Heather and strongly disliked Kristin, but he broke her heart by later coming out of the closet and expressing his love for Heather's dad's friend Kristin's dad who was, unfortunately, asexual, after admitting that he had joined Heather's dog's new gay pride club that was formed in honor of Kristin, who was inspired by Heather and her faithfulness and love toward all the women in America for reproducing men for Heather, who recently underwent a sex change operation (she was operating on Kristin) because she (Kristin) was having withdrawals, only because she saw how Heather unattracted the men and thought that it should be the same, so she tried to become as beautiful as Heather, but she knew that it would take an infinite number of operations to become as beautiful as Heather, but then Heather was in a serious car accident, losing her face, and she couldn't help but look at Kristin and admire her beautyless face. Fortunately, doctors were able to preserve Heather’s face, and they hung it in the museum of the most unbeautiful things ever that ever walked the planet, and right across the street a full body shot of Kristin hung in the Museum of Modeling for Apes, even though the apes thought that she was ugly too, but when they saw Heather they realized the true meaning of ugly, and Kristin became their new idol, because to them, ugly really means more beautiful than anyone else in the entire world, and Heather was so beautiful that they couldn’t even look at her, so they used Kristin as a lesser image of Heather, who, in an attempt to get attention, set the sacred temple of the apes on fire, but they called her a witch and put her on a stake to burn Kristin, who was dressed as Heather in an attempt to dethrone her, so instead they killed Kristin and let Heather burn her body and the apes ate her ashes, but one day an ape had a terrible headache, and so someone split its head open and out came Kristin, reincarnated as the wisest of all goddesses, Athena, and got a 35 on the ACT, going to Harvard, while Heather lived off the apes’ wealth, which was so great that Heather made more money each second than Kristin did in her whole life because she worked at the sewer cleaning the pipes of crap, which Kristin later rubbed in Heather’s face, smothering her to death, and Kristin stole her money and was filthy rich, filthy from working in crap. Meanwhile, Heather was really alive because she had a special crap filter built in her mouth from living with the apes, so she only pretended to die, so Heather snuck to Kristin’s shack and restole her money and hid where Kristin could never find her, forgetting one thing: Kristin now had the power, skill, and intelligence of Athena, and she was therefore able to find Heather hiding underneath her bed. However, Kristin (Athena) had grown so fat that she couldn’t crawl under the bed to get Heather, and she was too weak to even stand up, and Heather was able to escape while Athena (Kristin) was sleeping and put a spell on her so that she lost all her Athena powers and became regular Kristin again, but she was still very fat, but when she woke up she went on a miracle diet that made her lost the pounds she had gained, and she drove through town to find Heather ordering a Triple Big Mac, which went noticeably straight to her thighs with the first bite, and from then on she became known as “Thunder Thighs”, while Kristin began a modeling career for Victoria’s Secret in New York…

To be continued....