Funny How Things Change
Pairing: Jonghyun/Onew[Jinki]
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst/Romance/Smut
Author's Note: Hey, wow. I didn't realize I would be writing again so fast but this just struck me the other night when I was lying in bed and I had to get it out. So I spent all day working on it and bam. I'm a little unsure if I captured their personalities as well as I would have liked but I'm glad to see it finished. Hope you like it :'3
Somewhere within the taste of vomit and blood mixing in his mouth, he knew he had a problem. He could feel it. he knew it. Maybe this was finally the last straw, he thought, as he knelt in the bottom of the shower with the hot water pounding against his back. He wretched again and again, the lining of his throat burning and stinging, abs aching from the force and he watched through bleary eyes as the nasty acrid mess made it's way down the drain like a bad dream. Like his internal organs were liquifying and rotting into a putrid goo and every gag and every heave was forcing them out. Yes, he thought, curling into himself on the shower floor with his knees to his chest as the nausea began to pass, now was the time to get help.
Countless times this had happened. So many times. And with every trip to the bar, the liquor store, anywhere he could get to find a drink, he felt more hollowed out. What had started as an escape from problems had become just that. A problem. And as Jonghyun lay in the bottom of his shower he knew this couldn't happen anymore. It was time to stop this before it got far too out of hand, as if this wasn't out of hand already. No more drunken nights alone. No more 3am walks through the city after dark trying to get home. No more puking and crying and feeling ashamed at money wasted and time wasted. No more bruised knees. And most of all, no more trying to forget. No more running away. It was time to get some fucking help. If he nipped the root of the cause in the bud, the rest would work itself out. It was time to heal.
-----
The phone dialed all the way through on the first try and he hung up. Head still buzzing. Still drunk honestly, but sobered enough with a towel slung around his waist that he knew this was the right decision. Wet hair dripping trails onto the phone but he couldn't be bothered to them stem off. The cut on the inside of his lip from where he'd somehow bitten himself deep was still swollen and he licked at it nervously as he dialed the number again. Hands shaking as the ring went through and this time, the voice of the person on the other end reached him before he could hit end.
"Hello? If this is some kind of practical joke I-"
"It's me. It's Jonghyun." His mouth felt numb. His tongue was so dry, how where words even coming out? But he'd called, eyes glassy as he glanced around his small studio apartment. Flicking over his opened school books and his laptop, the light blinking as it charged.
The man on the other end sighed heavily, relief clear in the sound. He sounded groggy. "Shit."
"I.... I think I need you now." His voice sounded like someone else even as he felt the words come out.
"O-ok, yeah, of course. In the morning? At like 7? If you're serious about it this time I'm willing to try and help." So calm and soothing, even through a receiver miles away. Even after being woken up at 4am.
Jonghyun nodded, realized the other man couldn't see it and cleared his throat. "Yes. Definitely."
-----
7 am came fast. Jonghyun dressing himself in a pair of grey jeans and a simple graphic tee even as his muscles and head screamed out for him to crawl back into bed. He looked like a dead man, the bags under his eyes pronounced and his cheeks sunken slightly from sleepless nights filled with too much liquor and worry. Only 22 and already so drained, but it was his own doings. Just a student, living off the money his parents graciously gave him to support himself every month and so much of that had been used to drink away his issues.
His knuckles rapped against the door at 7am sharp and the door swung open. This was the second attempt as some kind of counseling. Hopefully it'd go better than the last time. Last time he'd angrily stormed out before he could even say anything. In his mind he'd pictured it to be so serious, but the smile Jinki offered to him was light and warm.
The man was just a little taller than he was. Chestnut locks framing his face in perfect waves and his syrupy honey eyes fixed on him immediately as they disappeared into slits with his smile. He'd known Jinki for years. Since grade school and over the years he'd watched the shy awkward boy he knew change and develop into the well toned man before him. His chest had filled out and the simple long sleeved shirt he wore gave a nod to what lay underneath. Dressed casually. A comfy pair of sweat pants with a mug of tea in hand. Still a touch on the awkward side, but so much more comfortable in his own skin. So much more put together that he had been all through high school and now that he'd cleared through college and was working as a therapist, he only grew more confident.
Jonghyun avoided his gaze and went straight for the couch, sitting down and rubbing at his tired blood shot eyes.
"Here, drink some of this. It'll make you feel better." Jinki said calmly, handing the hot mug of tea to him and giving him a quick pat on the shoulder before seating himself in the chair adjacent to him, resting his socked feet on the edge of the coffee table.
Jonghyun muttered a thank you and took a sip. The warm liquid sweet with honey and the acidic bite of green tea and lemon. Jinki always knew how to make a perfect cup of tea.
"So... Last night." Jinki ventured, crossing his legs and leaning forward. His brows knit together in seriousness and those deep honey eyes fixed themselves on Jonghyun. The younger man swallowed hard. All niceties out of the way, it was time to get to the point.
Jonghyun cleared his throat, dropping his gaze the floor and fiddling his fingers around the rim of the mug. "I went drinking again last night."
"Is that something you've taken up doing often?"
Jonghyun dead panned. "No Jinki. Not at all."
The other man sighed, the picture of patience. He always was so patient. "You know these are questions I have to ask. Put our friendship aside and act like I'm your therapist here and I don't know anything about you ok? I can help you for free but you have to play by my rules."
"I'm sorry," Jonghyun caught his fat lower lip between his teeth, wincing when he hit his still fresh wound. "Yes. Ive been doing this quite a bit lately. To excess even. For the passed maybe... 4 months."
Jinki nodded and grabbed a notepad, scribbling down notes and chewing the end of his pen pensively. The sound of the ink tip scratching on the paper raised the hairs on the back of Jonghyun's neck but he shook it off.
"And why is it that you've been drinking to excess?" The question was so simple. But Jonghyun's mouth dried out and his hands started to tremble. Jinki scribbled a few more notes down.
An audible swallow and Jonghyun answered. "Because I'm unhappy."
He knew the question that was coming next and as much as he didn't want to hear it, as much as he didn't want to answer, he knew there was no escape now and it was time to face facts. Why are you unhappy? Such a simple question. But as the words left Jinki's mouth he let a few tears slip out. Quiet tears. Much unlike his usual sobbing that was so typical of him in any situation. Happy or sad, Jonghyun was known for his crying. But this felt different.
Jinki's eyes softened at the sight but he held fast. Holding perfectly to his professional air with his leg crossed over his knee and his right hand twiddling the pen idly while he waited for an answer.
Jonghyun covered his eyes with his hand, sniffling quietly, "I'm unhappy because... I think I like guys."
He heard the sound of the pen dropping, the way it clattered against the floor. The sound of of the notepad being tossed carelessly to the table and Jinki shedding his persona as the professional and turning instantly back into Jinki the friend, the best friend even. The same guy who'd stayed up late on weekends to play video games and sing noraebang with him. And that only made Jonghyun's trembling increase, turning into full blown shaking as he ran his unsteady hands down his face and finally looked up to meet Jinki's eyes.
Yeah, he'd dropped a huge bomb but after so many tortured nights grappling with the idea of finding men attractive he'd needed to tell someone. Not just someone but Jinki. He'd needed to tell his best friend, the person closest to him. He couldn't tell his mom or his dad, or even his sister. That would be the worst thing. But he could tell Jinki.
The other man sat beside him on the couch, reaching out to him. "Jesus, Jonghyun. Why didn't you just say something to me before? You know you can tell me anything."
Shame and guilt twisted in his gut, a dull blade. The same blade that had been smarting since he realized at the end of high school that he might actually be interested in the same sex. Not that the opposite sex didn't still hold appeal but the same sex... He'd been able to fight off the urges until recently. Mostly through dating women, on again, off again. Serial dating a few to keep his mind occupied and to trick himself. To try and push out the idea of being with another man but 6 months ago he'd realized that he just couldn't lie to himself about it anymore. And with that realization came the disgust with himself. The depression. And with that, he'd started drinking. Really heavily actually. He'd had a few run ins with men at clubs, stealing kisses here and there, quick touches before running out on them. Sick at the very idea that he wanted this. He wanted to be touched and to touch. And he really did like it, moaning into their mouths as their hands slid down his chest before shock hit him and he'd bolt, off to a new club to down more booze before getting kicked out and he'd end up puking violently. Sick with the liquor and sick with himself as well. It had become a cycle. Almost nightly. Thankfully his school work hadn't suffered much, but emotionally he was in agony. And his body was following suit. His throat raw, and he'd lost some weight from not eating properly. His liver was probably a little worse for wear as well. Still the handsome, well muscled man he had been since age 20 but he looked hallowed out.
Jonghyun spilled all of this to Jinki, face buried in his hands the whole time, shaking violently until Jinki got worried and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it tightly around him and doing his best to calm him.
"Jonghyun, listen to me," Jinki said softly, gripping his face between his big warm palms. "It's ok. You're ok. I know it's scary to admit things like this but you aren't alone in this. I mean, Kibum likes men too and you guys are inseparable. it doesn't make you a freak, it doesn't make you less of a person. And going out and hurting yourself like you have been... you can't do it anymore. I won't let you. It's going to be ok. You're still the same person."
Those honey eyes were so resolute. His lips set in a soft line and the heat of his hands pressed into Jonghyun's cheeks made his eyes flutter closed. He nodded finally, the tremors easing out until he was still and both men sighed.
"I'm sorry. If I made you worry about me." Jonghyun mumbled, eyes blinking open to look at the other man. "It's just really complicated."
Jinki ran his finger's through his hair and Jonghyun could have purred at the touch but he didn't. "I was worried. We all were. Me and Kibum, and even Minho and Taemin were worried about you. But now that I know what the problem has been... Should I tell them or do you want to? They'll be ok with it, you know."
Jonghyun sighed, Jinki's finger's still carding their way through his hair, "Go ahead and tell them. I think telling you was the hardest. But they do deserve to know too."
The other man nodded, chestnut hair moving into his eyes and Jonghyun lifted a hand to move it. And just like that his lips sunk into Jinki's. His brain shut off and impulse took over, his body working of it's own accord. It was a shock and Jonghyun realized in horror as he pulled back with wide eyes and stood up, blanket around his shoulder's falling to the floor.
"I have to go." He said thickly, turning on his heels and getting out the door as fast as he could, leaving a confused Jinki behind.
-----
He could still feel the heat on his lips. Burning into him, searing through his system like a fire and here he was at home again with a bottle of soju in hand. It had been an hour, maybe 2 since he'd left Jinki's. The clock blurred in his vision but he was sure it said 12:00 noon. Time seemed to slip and bend around him. So much for help. He'd only made the problem worse, he thought as he took another fiery swig of the bitter liquid. Back to square one as his vision swam. And now his best friend, his sweet, caring, handsome friend was going to to think he was gross and would probably never talk to him again. And he felt sick with the fact that he'd liked it. He'd really liked it. His head was so mixed up, turned upside down. The haze of alcohol wasn't helping much, only serving to smudge the lines and lessen the edge.
Jonghyun had vaguely heard the buzz of his blackberry somewhere to his right but ignored it. But when there was loud pounding on his door, he hauled himself from his seat on his bed and stumbled to the door, bottle tightly gripped in hand. As the door swung open, there was Jinki, eyes hard. He didn't wait to be invited in, simply pushed passed Jonghyun, slammed the door and snatched the bottle out of his grip.
"I told you, I'm not going to let you do this to yourself anymore." His voice was hard, so unlike the soft, calm man he knew so well. So calculated in his rage. All hint of awkward shyness evaporated.
Jinki made quick work, dumping the entire bottle down the drain, well what was left of it, and finding the others as he ignored Jonghyun's feeble protests. He dumped each and every bottle. Leaving the sink reeking of liquor and when that task was done and every bottle was dry, he grabbed the collar of Jonghyun's tee and dragged him to the bathroom. Jonghyun squirmed as Jinki tugged at him free of his shirt and peeled his skinny jeans off before being shoved into the shower. The cold jets of water were a shock to the system making his lungs tense, sobering him quickly as he gasped for air. His skin erupting into goose bumps.
"Jinki what the fuck." Jonghyun panted through chattering teeth, hands protectively covering his junk as the cold water seeped through his thin boxer briefs making the material cling to the curve of his ass.
But Jinki was swelled with anger, chest puffed. "I told you this has to stop and this is what you do? You kissed me, Jonghyun. So fucking what? If you wanted to, fine! If you have any kind of feelings for me then face that because maybe I have some for you, but do not fucking play with my emotions like that. I don't know what's going through your head, but obviously it's not a whole lot. And I swear to god I will END you if this shit keeps up. I will KILL you if you hurt yourself because I love you, you big fucking idiot. You may not have any feelings for me and that's fine but I love you."
Jonghyun shivered harder, teeth clattering louder, looking like a kicked dog and Jinki hissed through his teeth. Tugging in frustration at his hair.
"And you're still drunk and I'm a big idiot too. I shouldn't let my feelings get in the way. It's stupid of me to think you're interested. You're just all mixed up. And I wasn't very helpful back there, was I..." Jinki muttered, more to himself than to Jonghyun as he reached in and switched the water to hot, his sleeves thoroughly soaked already from the splash back.
Jonghyun let out a soft moan at the temperature change and relaxed, sliding against the shower wall to sit in the bottom, arms propped on his knees and Jinki sighed. Shutting the lid to the toilet and seating himself on it. Their eyes locked, Jonghyun's vision still unfocused, but there was understanding there.
"I ran away again." Jonghyun mumbled after a pregnant silence. "I'm sorry I kissed you."
Jinki visibly deflated but Jonghyun shook his head, sitting up onto his knees and leaning out of the tub. Dripping water on everything and thoroughly soaking Jinki's jeans and the bathroom floor as he reached out for his hands. He gripped them tightly.
"I mean... I should have waited. I should have asked you to go to dinner with me or something. But I'm impulsive and oblivious and I wasn't sure if you'd want to. 'Cause I didn't even know you would be interested. And I didn't really want to think of you that way, b-but I think I do. And I want to try." The words were rushed, a little slurred, but crystal clear even over the hushed roar of the shower still pounding against his back.
"Let's see if you say the same thing when you're not drunk..." Jinki gave him a sad smile and ruffled his wet hair affectionately.
"I'll take that as a challenge." Jonghyun said with a smirk.
-----
And he did take it as a challenge. The first date was a little awkward to say the least. Jinki chocked on a shrimp at dinner and Jonghyun had to give him the Heimlich and Jonghyun somehow managed to spill the entire pitcher of water across their table but the night had ended with a sweet simple kiss. They parted ways with big smiles, hands link until they had walked to far apart to hold on anymore. The second went much more smoothly. A movie on the couch at Jinki's with a bowl of popcorn between them and a shared blanket over their laps. And more sweet kisses, holding hands under the blanket.
By the 7th date or 8th date, as they'd began to loose track, neither man could stop himself and they spent the majority of their movie date locked at the lips. Tongues pushing and sliding, hands mapping out everything above the waist. Not daring to move lower yet. They'd talked it over and decided they wanted to wait on going further. Mostly becasue Jinki had yelped like a wounded animal the first time Jonghyun had gotten bold, both still unsure and inexperienced. And besides, they had all the time in the world. Their friendship slowly became a love affair and from that fine line, it became a relationship. That friendship they'd shared for so many years didn't just fall away, it stayed just there. But the love between them changed, became a passion.
Kibum gave a shrill squawk when Jonghyun told him about it later that week at the coffee shop he worked at part time.
"Jonghyun you ass! Why didn't you tell me you were dating Jinki?! He's been talking about some guy for the passed 2 months!" Kibum punctuated each word with a small slap to the arm. "I mean he told me about your blow up a while back but jesus! I thought we were close! Why didn't you tell me?! OF ALL PEOPLE."
Jonghyun only laughed, shoving Kibum's hands away. "I don't tell you everything!"
Kibum scowled, adjusting his apron. "Well you should! I mean, I deserve to know when you get a boner for and become boyfriends with a mutual friend of ours."
The word hung on the air like a good smell. Like perfume that reminds you of summer days and found memories. Boyfriend. Is that what they had become? They'd been going on dates for the passed 2 months. Every Friday had become date night, with small lunch dates during the week. Jonghyun leaving sweet notes or food for Jinki when he was having a hard day at work and Jinki leaving him books and music to listen to. But had they really became that much? It felt.. right.
"Yah! Why are you smiling so creepy? You look scary like that!" Kibum laughed, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "You were just staring off into space smiling! You do look a lot healthier and happier though. You were scaring me there for a bit."
Jonghyun merely laughed and quickly left the shop when Kibum's boss peered out of her office and shouted for him to get back to work, the younger man looking sheepish.
-----
"You're my boyfriend right?" Jonghyun said one night. He had his head pressed into Jinki's thigh, watching whatever was on TV as Jinki organized a patient's folder that he hadn't finished that day at work.
The older man looked down his nose, glasses sliding forward, and Jonghyun gave him a toothy smile. Jinki caught his lower lip between his teeth worrying on it for a second or two.
"Yeah, if that's what you want to call it."
Jonghyun scoffed, rolling to the side before sitting up on his haunches. "Don't play games with me. Are you? Or aren't you?"
He set down the folder and slid his glasses off, setting them on the table in front of him and the moment became tense. Jonghyun feeling his stomach clench but the mischievous smile that spread over those fat lips was a dead give away. Jinki had never been very good at picking a moment to joke.
"Of course I am." Jinki chuckled, running a hand over Jonghyun's face and grabbing his chin to bring him in for a kiss.
It was chaste and sweet, Jonghyun pulling back with soft eyes.
"Good."
-----
Life continued like that, spring waning into summer and soon Jonghyun had scrapped by his 3rd year of college with decent marks and was all on course for his final year, falling gratefully into the arms of his summer break. The air got hot and the days long and time was slow like molasses. Sweet and sticky and so worth every drop. Jinki still had work but Jonghyun had all the time in the world it seemed and he took that time to help Jinki out when he needed. To play soccer with Minho like they did every summer, which Jonghyun usually lost at and ended up throwing a mini temper tantrum and challenging best 2 out of 3. He made time to sit and chat with Kibum in the coffee shop while the younger man pretended to wipe up tables when it got slow and someone managed to chat and make iced coffee's when it wasn't. Then there was the time he spent with Taemin, watching him practice his dance routines for the summer showcase he had to prepare for. Making the teen laugh when he tried to dance along with him.
Jonghyun couldn't help but marvel at how far the past 6 months had brought him. 6 months since his last binge, since he and Jinki had gone out for their first date. The time had brought them closer. They'd had fights, they'd made up, but they still hadn't gone all the way. An was some kind of unsaid agreement between them. They'd touch, they'd explore, but yet they hadn't crossed that last boundary. really so simple when you think about it. Jonghyun played it over in his mind now and again, wondering when the right time would be. Well, he thought when he woke up that morning, no time like the present.
-----
Jinki slumped through the door at around 6pm that night, greeted by the sight of Jonghyun slouched on his couch clacking away at the keys of his laptop and the younger man shut the contraption quickly and stood.
"Hard day at work?" He inquired, tugging at the front of his tank top and fiddling with the air conditioner to pump cooler air into the small space.
Jinki sighed and nodded as he kicked his shoes off. Jonghyun followed him into the bedroom and watched the older man peel his shirt off as he grabbed some cooler, more comfortable clothes. Watched Jinki slip into the bathroom to strip down to nothing before coming back out in a pair of thin cotton pajama pants and a loose cotton tank top. His chest exposed by the flimsy material, following the line of it as it dipped lover in the middle before scooping back up and draping just right over those well sculpted shoulder, resting against the line of his collar bone. Skin like honeyed milk. Everything about the man was honey, from his curvy luscious thighs to his dark syrupy eyes. Honey from head to toe.
"You look really worn out. Want me to make you dinner?"Jonghyun ventured, eyebrows knitting together in a frown. "I wanted to take you out to dinner tonight but you look so tired. I don't want to make you."
Jinki sighed, sinking onto the edge of the bed. "We can always order in if you want? Or I can just whip something up... we know how your cooking usually turns out."
Jonghyun pouted. "You make a good point. I just wanted to do something special for our 6 month anniversary."
It was like watching a light flick on in a dark room, the change in Jinki's expression. His eyes brightening up and then looking quickly guilty. "I didn't remember that that was today. How did i forget that?"
Jonghyun shrugged, sliding his hands into the pockets of his shorts and shuffling his bare feet on the carpet. It did hurt a little that Jinki hadn't remembered, but he wasn't about to admit it. Jinki stood though, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun's waist and pressing soft wet kisses into his shoulder.
"Let me make it up to you? I have tomorrow off. We can go out to a nice breakfast or something and just have a fun day out. Go to the water front or something nice." Jinki murmured, voice low. "I feel so bad..."
Jonghyun shivered feeling blood rush south at the feel of Jinki's lips against the junction of his neck and shoulder, working his way up. Fuck if that didn't make him forget being upset. He let out an uncharacteristically high gasp when he nibbled over a particularly sensitive area and felt himself blush but Jinki only smiled into his skin.
"And we could... preoccupy ourselves until we're hungry... right now." Jinki practically hummed into his mouth, pulling the younger closer to him and pulling his lower lip into his mouth. Suckling on the plushness of it and running a hand down his side. Finger's pressing just right into the curve of his hip.
Jonghyun was putty in his hands, breath hitching as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Jinki between his knees. Lifting that flimsy hem out of the way to lick and suck his way across the top of the waist band of Jinki's pj pants. He could see the thick press of Jinki's dick against the flimsy barrier. Pressing a palm against it and relishing in the keen that tugged from his throat.
He wasted no time in peeling his own shirt off, tossing the flimsy black piece of fabric to the floor and Jinki followed suit. Shoving Jonghyun rather roughly back onto the bed to kiss and suck his way down that tanned chest. Following every dip with his tongue and digging a thumb into the plane of his hip, chuckling lightly when Jonghyun's hips jerked up a the action. A groan spilling out at the feel of the button of his shorts being unsnapped, shivering as the zipper vibrated against his already straining dick.
"God you look sexy like this." Jonghyun panted out, watching Jinki tug him free of his shorts and hissing through his teeth at the feel of his boxer briefs being tugged away.
Jinki just hummed, glancing up at him and brushing his fat kiss-red lips over the tip. The sight alone was enough to nearly make Jonghyun cum on the spot. And when he felt that wet heat envelop his whole length, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from doing just that. It wasn't perfect. Jinki gagged once or twice. Considering he never had been perfect, it was to be expected. Taking him too deep too soon, but his enthusiasm was enough to make for it, like it always was, and Jonghyun was gripping the sheets in record time.
"F-fuck, Jinki." Jonghyun groaned, voice already touched out. So close, so close already. "I'm gonna..."
Jinki could sense it, the way Jonghyun's abs tightened, pulling off in time with a sheepish grin and Jonghyun felt those plush lips pressing into his inner thigh as he huffed into the air, a growl. A big hot hand slid up the under side and lifted his leg up, Jinki following the motion until their chests pressed flush together and their lips met and he slid at last out of his pajama pants and boxer briefs. Kicking the annoying clothe off towards the bathroom. Jonghyun tasted himself on the others tongue and he couldn't say that he gave a shit, nipping at that plump lower lip, teeth clinking together before Jinki pulled back and slid three fingers in between Jonghyun's parted lips for him to lave.
So it was happening, it was really going to happen this time. Jonghyun had always envisioned himself on top but as Jinki slid a finger in slowly, all the way, he couldn't bring himself to care much. He winced at first, uncomfortable as he adjusted to the feeling of something sliding in the wrong way, but soon one became two became three and he was rocking back onto those digits with vigor. Stretching himself wider and wider. He whined at their absence when Jinki slid them out. Brows knit, sweat clinging to his bangs but Jinki was quick to react, giving him a pointed look as he pulled his leg around his waist. Spitting lewdly into his palm to slick up his dick.
The blunt press of Jinki's dick against his prepped hole was both thrilling and a little intimidating. He'd see it. He'd had the full thickness and length of it in his mouth and hands and he knew how big it was. But he couldn't stop, didn't want to, hips giving an involuntary jerk. He had the overwhelming feeling that something would change after this. Something between them wouldn't be the same. Like the act itself was the dividing line between then and now. Not that Jonghyun gave a fuck as the tip of Jinki's dick pressed slowly in, and he welcomed every inch of it.
Jonghyun winced a little, hissing through his teeth, but Jinki's soft cooing helped him relax as he pushed all the way to the hilt and paused. The air around them stilling with the dull throb of Jinki's dick so deep inside of him, splitting him in half. Tears standing in the corners of his eyes as he grit his teeth and took a deep breath. With a short nod Jonghyun gave him the ok to move and Jinki groaned, pressing open mouthed kisses to the column of his neck. Picking up a steady pace and muttering soft apologies until the pain ebbed away and Jonghyun let out a moan.
Again, it wasn't perfect. Jinki cumming before Jonghyun even had a chance. He pulled out with an embarrassed smile and Jonghyun merely smirked at him, eyes molten chocolate, swimming with unsaid affections, and he watched with a moan low in his throat as Jinki lowered himself back down to Jonghyun's still hard dick and sucked it back into his mouth once more. Jinki's finger's finding their way back into his stretched entrance, fucking into him experimentally a few times before he found that sweet spot and he feverishly licked and sucked his way over his dick. The howl of appreciation was enough to egg Jinki on, finger's working hard, tongue laving over every inch. Jonghyun couldn't even offer a warning before he was cumming. Fast and hard, into Jinki's mouth with a rough cry. Hips jerking up of their own accord as Jinki milked him for all he was worth, laving up every last drop and wiping away what dribbled out.
"Holy shit, Jinki." Jonghyun groaned, voice rough and touched out, eyes shut tight. "Happy 6 months. I think you may have ripped my ass though."
He heard the other laugh as he cleaned up the mess on both of them, the bed dipping as he laid himself down next to him and pulled the comforter over them both to shield from the nippy air pouring out of the air conditioner.
"I thought I did, but you're fine." Jinki murmed, a smile plastered over his lips, nuzzling his cheek into Jonghyun's shoulder.
Jonghyun pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and cuddling deeper. Post sex haze drizzling down over the two of them like a sugary glaze. And everything felt alright, because everything was alright. He had to smile to himself, pressing his lips into the top of Jinki's head. 6 months ago, Jonghyun would have never admitted that this was what he wanted. But laying here with the older man nestled into the crook of his neck, he couldn't imagine life any other way.
Funny how things work out, he thought to himself as Jinki stirred to gaze up at him and their lips met briefly before the older man sat up.
"We should go out tonight to celebrate. We can go to that little Italian place you like so much and I promise not to choke on the shrimp if you promise not to knock over the water." Jinki laughed richly, extending a hand.
"Let's not make promises we can't keep." Jonghyun laughed, taking his hand with a loving smile.
It's so funny how things change.
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst/Romance/Smut
Author's Note: Hey, wow. I didn't realize I would be writing again so fast but this just struck me the other night when I was lying in bed and I had to get it out. So I spent all day working on it and bam. I'm a little unsure if I captured their personalities as well as I would have liked but I'm glad to see it finished. Hope you like it :'3
Somewhere within the taste of vomit and blood mixing in his mouth, he knew he had a problem. He could feel it. he knew it. Maybe this was finally the last straw, he thought, as he knelt in the bottom of the shower with the hot water pounding against his back. He wretched again and again, the lining of his throat burning and stinging, abs aching from the force and he watched through bleary eyes as the nasty acrid mess made it's way down the drain like a bad dream. Like his internal organs were liquifying and rotting into a putrid goo and every gag and every heave was forcing them out. Yes, he thought, curling into himself on the shower floor with his knees to his chest as the nausea began to pass, now was the time to get help.
Countless times this had happened. So many times. And with every trip to the bar, the liquor store, anywhere he could get to find a drink, he felt more hollowed out. What had started as an escape from problems had become just that. A problem. And as Jonghyun lay in the bottom of his shower he knew this couldn't happen anymore. It was time to stop this before it got far too out of hand, as if this wasn't out of hand already. No more drunken nights alone. No more 3am walks through the city after dark trying to get home. No more puking and crying and feeling ashamed at money wasted and time wasted. No more bruised knees. And most of all, no more trying to forget. No more running away. It was time to get some fucking help. If he nipped the root of the cause in the bud, the rest would work itself out. It was time to heal.
-----
The phone dialed all the way through on the first try and he hung up. Head still buzzing. Still drunk honestly, but sobered enough with a towel slung around his waist that he knew this was the right decision. Wet hair dripping trails onto the phone but he couldn't be bothered to them stem off. The cut on the inside of his lip from where he'd somehow bitten himself deep was still swollen and he licked at it nervously as he dialed the number again. Hands shaking as the ring went through and this time, the voice of the person on the other end reached him before he could hit end.
"Hello? If this is some kind of practical joke I-"
"It's me. It's Jonghyun." His mouth felt numb. His tongue was so dry, how where words even coming out? But he'd called, eyes glassy as he glanced around his small studio apartment. Flicking over his opened school books and his laptop, the light blinking as it charged.
The man on the other end sighed heavily, relief clear in the sound. He sounded groggy. "Shit."
"I.... I think I need you now." His voice sounded like someone else even as he felt the words come out.
"O-ok, yeah, of course. In the morning? At like 7? If you're serious about it this time I'm willing to try and help." So calm and soothing, even through a receiver miles away. Even after being woken up at 4am.
Jonghyun nodded, realized the other man couldn't see it and cleared his throat. "Yes. Definitely."
-----
7 am came fast. Jonghyun dressing himself in a pair of grey jeans and a simple graphic tee even as his muscles and head screamed out for him to crawl back into bed. He looked like a dead man, the bags under his eyes pronounced and his cheeks sunken slightly from sleepless nights filled with too much liquor and worry. Only 22 and already so drained, but it was his own doings. Just a student, living off the money his parents graciously gave him to support himself every month and so much of that had been used to drink away his issues.
His knuckles rapped against the door at 7am sharp and the door swung open. This was the second attempt as some kind of counseling. Hopefully it'd go better than the last time. Last time he'd angrily stormed out before he could even say anything. In his mind he'd pictured it to be so serious, but the smile Jinki offered to him was light and warm.
The man was just a little taller than he was. Chestnut locks framing his face in perfect waves and his syrupy honey eyes fixed on him immediately as they disappeared into slits with his smile. He'd known Jinki for years. Since grade school and over the years he'd watched the shy awkward boy he knew change and develop into the well toned man before him. His chest had filled out and the simple long sleeved shirt he wore gave a nod to what lay underneath. Dressed casually. A comfy pair of sweat pants with a mug of tea in hand. Still a touch on the awkward side, but so much more comfortable in his own skin. So much more put together that he had been all through high school and now that he'd cleared through college and was working as a therapist, he only grew more confident.
Jonghyun avoided his gaze and went straight for the couch, sitting down and rubbing at his tired blood shot eyes.
"Here, drink some of this. It'll make you feel better." Jinki said calmly, handing the hot mug of tea to him and giving him a quick pat on the shoulder before seating himself in the chair adjacent to him, resting his socked feet on the edge of the coffee table.
Jonghyun muttered a thank you and took a sip. The warm liquid sweet with honey and the acidic bite of green tea and lemon. Jinki always knew how to make a perfect cup of tea.
"So... Last night." Jinki ventured, crossing his legs and leaning forward. His brows knit together in seriousness and those deep honey eyes fixed themselves on Jonghyun. The younger man swallowed hard. All niceties out of the way, it was time to get to the point.
Jonghyun cleared his throat, dropping his gaze the floor and fiddling his fingers around the rim of the mug. "I went drinking again last night."
"Is that something you've taken up doing often?"
Jonghyun dead panned. "No Jinki. Not at all."
The other man sighed, the picture of patience. He always was so patient. "You know these are questions I have to ask. Put our friendship aside and act like I'm your therapist here and I don't know anything about you ok? I can help you for free but you have to play by my rules."
"I'm sorry," Jonghyun caught his fat lower lip between his teeth, wincing when he hit his still fresh wound. "Yes. Ive been doing this quite a bit lately. To excess even. For the passed maybe... 4 months."
Jinki nodded and grabbed a notepad, scribbling down notes and chewing the end of his pen pensively. The sound of the ink tip scratching on the paper raised the hairs on the back of Jonghyun's neck but he shook it off.
"And why is it that you've been drinking to excess?" The question was so simple. But Jonghyun's mouth dried out and his hands started to tremble. Jinki scribbled a few more notes down.
An audible swallow and Jonghyun answered. "Because I'm unhappy."
He knew the question that was coming next and as much as he didn't want to hear it, as much as he didn't want to answer, he knew there was no escape now and it was time to face facts. Why are you unhappy? Such a simple question. But as the words left Jinki's mouth he let a few tears slip out. Quiet tears. Much unlike his usual sobbing that was so typical of him in any situation. Happy or sad, Jonghyun was known for his crying. But this felt different.
Jinki's eyes softened at the sight but he held fast. Holding perfectly to his professional air with his leg crossed over his knee and his right hand twiddling the pen idly while he waited for an answer.
Jonghyun covered his eyes with his hand, sniffling quietly, "I'm unhappy because... I think I like guys."
He heard the sound of the pen dropping, the way it clattered against the floor. The sound of of the notepad being tossed carelessly to the table and Jinki shedding his persona as the professional and turning instantly back into Jinki the friend, the best friend even. The same guy who'd stayed up late on weekends to play video games and sing noraebang with him. And that only made Jonghyun's trembling increase, turning into full blown shaking as he ran his unsteady hands down his face and finally looked up to meet Jinki's eyes.
Yeah, he'd dropped a huge bomb but after so many tortured nights grappling with the idea of finding men attractive he'd needed to tell someone. Not just someone but Jinki. He'd needed to tell his best friend, the person closest to him. He couldn't tell his mom or his dad, or even his sister. That would be the worst thing. But he could tell Jinki.
The other man sat beside him on the couch, reaching out to him. "Jesus, Jonghyun. Why didn't you just say something to me before? You know you can tell me anything."
Shame and guilt twisted in his gut, a dull blade. The same blade that had been smarting since he realized at the end of high school that he might actually be interested in the same sex. Not that the opposite sex didn't still hold appeal but the same sex... He'd been able to fight off the urges until recently. Mostly through dating women, on again, off again. Serial dating a few to keep his mind occupied and to trick himself. To try and push out the idea of being with another man but 6 months ago he'd realized that he just couldn't lie to himself about it anymore. And with that realization came the disgust with himself. The depression. And with that, he'd started drinking. Really heavily actually. He'd had a few run ins with men at clubs, stealing kisses here and there, quick touches before running out on them. Sick at the very idea that he wanted this. He wanted to be touched and to touch. And he really did like it, moaning into their mouths as their hands slid down his chest before shock hit him and he'd bolt, off to a new club to down more booze before getting kicked out and he'd end up puking violently. Sick with the liquor and sick with himself as well. It had become a cycle. Almost nightly. Thankfully his school work hadn't suffered much, but emotionally he was in agony. And his body was following suit. His throat raw, and he'd lost some weight from not eating properly. His liver was probably a little worse for wear as well. Still the handsome, well muscled man he had been since age 20 but he looked hallowed out.
Jonghyun spilled all of this to Jinki, face buried in his hands the whole time, shaking violently until Jinki got worried and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it tightly around him and doing his best to calm him.
"Jonghyun, listen to me," Jinki said softly, gripping his face between his big warm palms. "It's ok. You're ok. I know it's scary to admit things like this but you aren't alone in this. I mean, Kibum likes men too and you guys are inseparable. it doesn't make you a freak, it doesn't make you less of a person. And going out and hurting yourself like you have been... you can't do it anymore. I won't let you. It's going to be ok. You're still the same person."
Those honey eyes were so resolute. His lips set in a soft line and the heat of his hands pressed into Jonghyun's cheeks made his eyes flutter closed. He nodded finally, the tremors easing out until he was still and both men sighed.
"I'm sorry. If I made you worry about me." Jonghyun mumbled, eyes blinking open to look at the other man. "It's just really complicated."
Jinki ran his finger's through his hair and Jonghyun could have purred at the touch but he didn't. "I was worried. We all were. Me and Kibum, and even Minho and Taemin were worried about you. But now that I know what the problem has been... Should I tell them or do you want to? They'll be ok with it, you know."
Jonghyun sighed, Jinki's finger's still carding their way through his hair, "Go ahead and tell them. I think telling you was the hardest. But they do deserve to know too."
The other man nodded, chestnut hair moving into his eyes and Jonghyun lifted a hand to move it. And just like that his lips sunk into Jinki's. His brain shut off and impulse took over, his body working of it's own accord. It was a shock and Jonghyun realized in horror as he pulled back with wide eyes and stood up, blanket around his shoulder's falling to the floor.
"I have to go." He said thickly, turning on his heels and getting out the door as fast as he could, leaving a confused Jinki behind.
-----
He could still feel the heat on his lips. Burning into him, searing through his system like a fire and here he was at home again with a bottle of soju in hand. It had been an hour, maybe 2 since he'd left Jinki's. The clock blurred in his vision but he was sure it said 12:00 noon. Time seemed to slip and bend around him. So much for help. He'd only made the problem worse, he thought as he took another fiery swig of the bitter liquid. Back to square one as his vision swam. And now his best friend, his sweet, caring, handsome friend was going to to think he was gross and would probably never talk to him again. And he felt sick with the fact that he'd liked it. He'd really liked it. His head was so mixed up, turned upside down. The haze of alcohol wasn't helping much, only serving to smudge the lines and lessen the edge.
Jonghyun had vaguely heard the buzz of his blackberry somewhere to his right but ignored it. But when there was loud pounding on his door, he hauled himself from his seat on his bed and stumbled to the door, bottle tightly gripped in hand. As the door swung open, there was Jinki, eyes hard. He didn't wait to be invited in, simply pushed passed Jonghyun, slammed the door and snatched the bottle out of his grip.
"I told you, I'm not going to let you do this to yourself anymore." His voice was hard, so unlike the soft, calm man he knew so well. So calculated in his rage. All hint of awkward shyness evaporated.
Jinki made quick work, dumping the entire bottle down the drain, well what was left of it, and finding the others as he ignored Jonghyun's feeble protests. He dumped each and every bottle. Leaving the sink reeking of liquor and when that task was done and every bottle was dry, he grabbed the collar of Jonghyun's tee and dragged him to the bathroom. Jonghyun squirmed as Jinki tugged at him free of his shirt and peeled his skinny jeans off before being shoved into the shower. The cold jets of water were a shock to the system making his lungs tense, sobering him quickly as he gasped for air. His skin erupting into goose bumps.
"Jinki what the fuck." Jonghyun panted through chattering teeth, hands protectively covering his junk as the cold water seeped through his thin boxer briefs making the material cling to the curve of his ass.
But Jinki was swelled with anger, chest puffed. "I told you this has to stop and this is what you do? You kissed me, Jonghyun. So fucking what? If you wanted to, fine! If you have any kind of feelings for me then face that because maybe I have some for you, but do not fucking play with my emotions like that. I don't know what's going through your head, but obviously it's not a whole lot. And I swear to god I will END you if this shit keeps up. I will KILL you if you hurt yourself because I love you, you big fucking idiot. You may not have any feelings for me and that's fine but I love you."
Jonghyun shivered harder, teeth clattering louder, looking like a kicked dog and Jinki hissed through his teeth. Tugging in frustration at his hair.
"And you're still drunk and I'm a big idiot too. I shouldn't let my feelings get in the way. It's stupid of me to think you're interested. You're just all mixed up. And I wasn't very helpful back there, was I..." Jinki muttered, more to himself than to Jonghyun as he reached in and switched the water to hot, his sleeves thoroughly soaked already from the splash back.
Jonghyun let out a soft moan at the temperature change and relaxed, sliding against the shower wall to sit in the bottom, arms propped on his knees and Jinki sighed. Shutting the lid to the toilet and seating himself on it. Their eyes locked, Jonghyun's vision still unfocused, but there was understanding there.
"I ran away again." Jonghyun mumbled after a pregnant silence. "I'm sorry I kissed you."
Jinki visibly deflated but Jonghyun shook his head, sitting up onto his knees and leaning out of the tub. Dripping water on everything and thoroughly soaking Jinki's jeans and the bathroom floor as he reached out for his hands. He gripped them tightly.
"I mean... I should have waited. I should have asked you to go to dinner with me or something. But I'm impulsive and oblivious and I wasn't sure if you'd want to. 'Cause I didn't even know you would be interested. And I didn't really want to think of you that way, b-but I think I do. And I want to try." The words were rushed, a little slurred, but crystal clear even over the hushed roar of the shower still pounding against his back.
"Let's see if you say the same thing when you're not drunk..." Jinki gave him a sad smile and ruffled his wet hair affectionately.
"I'll take that as a challenge." Jonghyun said with a smirk.
-----
And he did take it as a challenge. The first date was a little awkward to say the least. Jinki chocked on a shrimp at dinner and Jonghyun had to give him the Heimlich and Jonghyun somehow managed to spill the entire pitcher of water across their table but the night had ended with a sweet simple kiss. They parted ways with big smiles, hands link until they had walked to far apart to hold on anymore. The second went much more smoothly. A movie on the couch at Jinki's with a bowl of popcorn between them and a shared blanket over their laps. And more sweet kisses, holding hands under the blanket.
By the 7th date or 8th date, as they'd began to loose track, neither man could stop himself and they spent the majority of their movie date locked at the lips. Tongues pushing and sliding, hands mapping out everything above the waist. Not daring to move lower yet. They'd talked it over and decided they wanted to wait on going further. Mostly becasue Jinki had yelped like a wounded animal the first time Jonghyun had gotten bold, both still unsure and inexperienced. And besides, they had all the time in the world. Their friendship slowly became a love affair and from that fine line, it became a relationship. That friendship they'd shared for so many years didn't just fall away, it stayed just there. But the love between them changed, became a passion.
Kibum gave a shrill squawk when Jonghyun told him about it later that week at the coffee shop he worked at part time.
"Jonghyun you ass! Why didn't you tell me you were dating Jinki?! He's been talking about some guy for the passed 2 months!" Kibum punctuated each word with a small slap to the arm. "I mean he told me about your blow up a while back but jesus! I thought we were close! Why didn't you tell me?! OF ALL PEOPLE."
Jonghyun only laughed, shoving Kibum's hands away. "I don't tell you everything!"
Kibum scowled, adjusting his apron. "Well you should! I mean, I deserve to know when you get a boner for and become boyfriends with a mutual friend of ours."
The word hung on the air like a good smell. Like perfume that reminds you of summer days and found memories. Boyfriend. Is that what they had become? They'd been going on dates for the passed 2 months. Every Friday had become date night, with small lunch dates during the week. Jonghyun leaving sweet notes or food for Jinki when he was having a hard day at work and Jinki leaving him books and music to listen to. But had they really became that much? It felt.. right.
"Yah! Why are you smiling so creepy? You look scary like that!" Kibum laughed, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "You were just staring off into space smiling! You do look a lot healthier and happier though. You were scaring me there for a bit."
Jonghyun merely laughed and quickly left the shop when Kibum's boss peered out of her office and shouted for him to get back to work, the younger man looking sheepish.
-----
"You're my boyfriend right?" Jonghyun said one night. He had his head pressed into Jinki's thigh, watching whatever was on TV as Jinki organized a patient's folder that he hadn't finished that day at work.
The older man looked down his nose, glasses sliding forward, and Jonghyun gave him a toothy smile. Jinki caught his lower lip between his teeth worrying on it for a second or two.
"Yeah, if that's what you want to call it."
Jonghyun scoffed, rolling to the side before sitting up on his haunches. "Don't play games with me. Are you? Or aren't you?"
He set down the folder and slid his glasses off, setting them on the table in front of him and the moment became tense. Jonghyun feeling his stomach clench but the mischievous smile that spread over those fat lips was a dead give away. Jinki had never been very good at picking a moment to joke.
"Of course I am." Jinki chuckled, running a hand over Jonghyun's face and grabbing his chin to bring him in for a kiss.
It was chaste and sweet, Jonghyun pulling back with soft eyes.
"Good."
-----
Life continued like that, spring waning into summer and soon Jonghyun had scrapped by his 3rd year of college with decent marks and was all on course for his final year, falling gratefully into the arms of his summer break. The air got hot and the days long and time was slow like molasses. Sweet and sticky and so worth every drop. Jinki still had work but Jonghyun had all the time in the world it seemed and he took that time to help Jinki out when he needed. To play soccer with Minho like they did every summer, which Jonghyun usually lost at and ended up throwing a mini temper tantrum and challenging best 2 out of 3. He made time to sit and chat with Kibum in the coffee shop while the younger man pretended to wipe up tables when it got slow and someone managed to chat and make iced coffee's when it wasn't. Then there was the time he spent with Taemin, watching him practice his dance routines for the summer showcase he had to prepare for. Making the teen laugh when he tried to dance along with him.
Jonghyun couldn't help but marvel at how far the past 6 months had brought him. 6 months since his last binge, since he and Jinki had gone out for their first date. The time had brought them closer. They'd had fights, they'd made up, but they still hadn't gone all the way. An was some kind of unsaid agreement between them. They'd touch, they'd explore, but yet they hadn't crossed that last boundary. really so simple when you think about it. Jonghyun played it over in his mind now and again, wondering when the right time would be. Well, he thought when he woke up that morning, no time like the present.
-----
Jinki slumped through the door at around 6pm that night, greeted by the sight of Jonghyun slouched on his couch clacking away at the keys of his laptop and the younger man shut the contraption quickly and stood.
"Hard day at work?" He inquired, tugging at the front of his tank top and fiddling with the air conditioner to pump cooler air into the small space.
Jinki sighed and nodded as he kicked his shoes off. Jonghyun followed him into the bedroom and watched the older man peel his shirt off as he grabbed some cooler, more comfortable clothes. Watched Jinki slip into the bathroom to strip down to nothing before coming back out in a pair of thin cotton pajama pants and a loose cotton tank top. His chest exposed by the flimsy material, following the line of it as it dipped lover in the middle before scooping back up and draping just right over those well sculpted shoulder, resting against the line of his collar bone. Skin like honeyed milk. Everything about the man was honey, from his curvy luscious thighs to his dark syrupy eyes. Honey from head to toe.
"You look really worn out. Want me to make you dinner?"Jonghyun ventured, eyebrows knitting together in a frown. "I wanted to take you out to dinner tonight but you look so tired. I don't want to make you."
Jinki sighed, sinking onto the edge of the bed. "We can always order in if you want? Or I can just whip something up... we know how your cooking usually turns out."
Jonghyun pouted. "You make a good point. I just wanted to do something special for our 6 month anniversary."
It was like watching a light flick on in a dark room, the change in Jinki's expression. His eyes brightening up and then looking quickly guilty. "I didn't remember that that was today. How did i forget that?"
Jonghyun shrugged, sliding his hands into the pockets of his shorts and shuffling his bare feet on the carpet. It did hurt a little that Jinki hadn't remembered, but he wasn't about to admit it. Jinki stood though, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun's waist and pressing soft wet kisses into his shoulder.
"Let me make it up to you? I have tomorrow off. We can go out to a nice breakfast or something and just have a fun day out. Go to the water front or something nice." Jinki murmured, voice low. "I feel so bad..."
Jonghyun shivered feeling blood rush south at the feel of Jinki's lips against the junction of his neck and shoulder, working his way up. Fuck if that didn't make him forget being upset. He let out an uncharacteristically high gasp when he nibbled over a particularly sensitive area and felt himself blush but Jinki only smiled into his skin.
"And we could... preoccupy ourselves until we're hungry... right now." Jinki practically hummed into his mouth, pulling the younger closer to him and pulling his lower lip into his mouth. Suckling on the plushness of it and running a hand down his side. Finger's pressing just right into the curve of his hip.
Jonghyun was putty in his hands, breath hitching as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Jinki between his knees. Lifting that flimsy hem out of the way to lick and suck his way across the top of the waist band of Jinki's pj pants. He could see the thick press of Jinki's dick against the flimsy barrier. Pressing a palm against it and relishing in the keen that tugged from his throat.
He wasted no time in peeling his own shirt off, tossing the flimsy black piece of fabric to the floor and Jinki followed suit. Shoving Jonghyun rather roughly back onto the bed to kiss and suck his way down that tanned chest. Following every dip with his tongue and digging a thumb into the plane of his hip, chuckling lightly when Jonghyun's hips jerked up a the action. A groan spilling out at the feel of the button of his shorts being unsnapped, shivering as the zipper vibrated against his already straining dick.
"God you look sexy like this." Jonghyun panted out, watching Jinki tug him free of his shorts and hissing through his teeth at the feel of his boxer briefs being tugged away.
Jinki just hummed, glancing up at him and brushing his fat kiss-red lips over the tip. The sight alone was enough to nearly make Jonghyun cum on the spot. And when he felt that wet heat envelop his whole length, he had to bite his lip to stop himself from doing just that. It wasn't perfect. Jinki gagged once or twice. Considering he never had been perfect, it was to be expected. Taking him too deep too soon, but his enthusiasm was enough to make for it, like it always was, and Jonghyun was gripping the sheets in record time.
"F-fuck, Jinki." Jonghyun groaned, voice already touched out. So close, so close already. "I'm gonna..."
Jinki could sense it, the way Jonghyun's abs tightened, pulling off in time with a sheepish grin and Jonghyun felt those plush lips pressing into his inner thigh as he huffed into the air, a growl. A big hot hand slid up the under side and lifted his leg up, Jinki following the motion until their chests pressed flush together and their lips met and he slid at last out of his pajama pants and boxer briefs. Kicking the annoying clothe off towards the bathroom. Jonghyun tasted himself on the others tongue and he couldn't say that he gave a shit, nipping at that plump lower lip, teeth clinking together before Jinki pulled back and slid three fingers in between Jonghyun's parted lips for him to lave.
So it was happening, it was really going to happen this time. Jonghyun had always envisioned himself on top but as Jinki slid a finger in slowly, all the way, he couldn't bring himself to care much. He winced at first, uncomfortable as he adjusted to the feeling of something sliding in the wrong way, but soon one became two became three and he was rocking back onto those digits with vigor. Stretching himself wider and wider. He whined at their absence when Jinki slid them out. Brows knit, sweat clinging to his bangs but Jinki was quick to react, giving him a pointed look as he pulled his leg around his waist. Spitting lewdly into his palm to slick up his dick.
The blunt press of Jinki's dick against his prepped hole was both thrilling and a little intimidating. He'd see it. He'd had the full thickness and length of it in his mouth and hands and he knew how big it was. But he couldn't stop, didn't want to, hips giving an involuntary jerk. He had the overwhelming feeling that something would change after this. Something between them wouldn't be the same. Like the act itself was the dividing line between then and now. Not that Jonghyun gave a fuck as the tip of Jinki's dick pressed slowly in, and he welcomed every inch of it.
Jonghyun winced a little, hissing through his teeth, but Jinki's soft cooing helped him relax as he pushed all the way to the hilt and paused. The air around them stilling with the dull throb of Jinki's dick so deep inside of him, splitting him in half. Tears standing in the corners of his eyes as he grit his teeth and took a deep breath. With a short nod Jonghyun gave him the ok to move and Jinki groaned, pressing open mouthed kisses to the column of his neck. Picking up a steady pace and muttering soft apologies until the pain ebbed away and Jonghyun let out a moan.
Again, it wasn't perfect. Jinki cumming before Jonghyun even had a chance. He pulled out with an embarrassed smile and Jonghyun merely smirked at him, eyes molten chocolate, swimming with unsaid affections, and he watched with a moan low in his throat as Jinki lowered himself back down to Jonghyun's still hard dick and sucked it back into his mouth once more. Jinki's finger's finding their way back into his stretched entrance, fucking into him experimentally a few times before he found that sweet spot and he feverishly licked and sucked his way over his dick. The howl of appreciation was enough to egg Jinki on, finger's working hard, tongue laving over every inch. Jonghyun couldn't even offer a warning before he was cumming. Fast and hard, into Jinki's mouth with a rough cry. Hips jerking up of their own accord as Jinki milked him for all he was worth, laving up every last drop and wiping away what dribbled out.
"Holy shit, Jinki." Jonghyun groaned, voice rough and touched out, eyes shut tight. "Happy 6 months. I think you may have ripped my ass though."
He heard the other laugh as he cleaned up the mess on both of them, the bed dipping as he laid himself down next to him and pulled the comforter over them both to shield from the nippy air pouring out of the air conditioner.
"I thought I did, but you're fine." Jinki murmed, a smile plastered over his lips, nuzzling his cheek into Jonghyun's shoulder.
Jonghyun pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and cuddling deeper. Post sex haze drizzling down over the two of them like a sugary glaze. And everything felt alright, because everything was alright. He had to smile to himself, pressing his lips into the top of Jinki's head. 6 months ago, Jonghyun would have never admitted that this was what he wanted. But laying here with the older man nestled into the crook of his neck, he couldn't imagine life any other way.
Funny how things work out, he thought to himself as Jinki stirred to gaze up at him and their lips met briefly before the older man sat up.
"We should go out tonight to celebrate. We can go to that little Italian place you like so much and I promise not to choke on the shrimp if you promise not to knock over the water." Jinki laughed richly, extending a hand.
"Let's not make promises we can't keep." Jonghyun laughed, taking his hand with a loving smile.
It's so funny how things change.