I don't know why he does this to me.
He drives me crazy. I can't even help it... My god.
It makes me hurt inside...
My god... I don't know why I feel this way.. how my whole body can just shake with longing, desire for nothing more than to be near him.
I really wish I didn't feel this way...
I try my hardest not too.
I honestly wish I didn't....
that this sick captivation would just go away..
I feel like i'm tied to an invisible chain he doesn't even know he has me on.
A prisoner held bond to an uninterested captor.
Nothing more than a toy. A plaything that he's grown bored of.
Tormented by the poison that won't leave the body... That I can't handle not having... I'd hurt more without the toxic...
...I regret the kiss I should have never gotten...
I feel like a ravenous killer...
now that I tasted blood,
I can't help but want more....
...I feel like I have a sickness of the mind..
like a plague that just won't go away..
Ugg. I don't mean to get this way. I should be doing homework and going on with my life. All I did was check my myspace.. I noticed he changed his picture.. to this sexy vampire picture.. and the desire and longing just flooded me.. it makes me want to cry.. I regret the kiss I should have never gotten... now that I know what he tastes like, I can't help but want it so much more.
I had a dream the other night that really bothered me. It just purely upset me. I wish I never dreamt such a dream.. or that I never had to wake up. One of the two... or maybe a mix of both.
I don't even remember the point of the dream that lucidly.. only the part that counts really. It was sorta like murder.. well, only in the instance that he was leaning over me in the car... to get change out of the center divider as I sat in the passenger seat. Except it was day instead of night; the light of the day reflecting off his skin too perfectly, almost glittering in the light.. like some sort of vampire from a story tale. When his skin grew close to mine, I could feel the heat inside of me rise; my heart beat quicken in my throat. The longing and desire hit me like a strong current of the ocean, rising without mercy upon me, leaving me to be sweap away by emotions I couldn't control. He's honestly driving me insane... I wanted to kiss him so bad, much like the urges I've had in real life, except i'm much too coward to do so. ...As he reached back away from me, a whimper escaped from my slightly parted lips as my face grew closer to his.. I wanted it so badly; just one kiss to satisfy my empty lips; full of unsatisfied wantings. Again like a vampire from a fairytale, our lips barely met, only touching enough to tease me even more, throwing me into a frenzylike state as he smiled and pulled away; completely enjoying every last groan escaping my lips, every look full of hunger and want, every word left unspoken but still held in the air saying how willing I was to give myself to his every need, not in a sexual way but something so much more. After gaining enough satisfaction from my utter helplessness, he finally passionately kissed me, pinning me ferociously and ignoring the moans that I couldn't contain as our bodies quickly locked, my fingers entangling in his hair as his nails traced down my spine... sending marvelous chills of absolute ecxtacy, his nails digging into my lush skin only futhur exciting me, as he kissed my neck in an yet again vampiric way...
And then he gave me one last teasing smile, and left me with my thoughts.
And then I woke up.
I was so mad at myself.... this isn't the first dream i've had about him.. but waking up from such a graphic dream, the feelings still lingering... god. Just a dream. Never going to happen. My god... What is wrong with me. urggggggh.
So fucking frustrating.
It makes me hurt inside...
My god... I don't know why I feel this way.. how my whole body can just shake with longing, desire for nothing more than to be near him.
I really wish I didn't feel this way...
I try my hardest not too.
I honestly wish I didn't....
that this sick captivation would just go away..
I feel like i'm tied to an invisible chain he doesn't even know he has me on.
A prisoner held bond to an uninterested captor.
Nothing more than a toy. A plaything that he's grown bored of.
Tormented by the poison that won't leave the body... That I can't handle not having... I'd hurt more without the toxic...
...I regret the kiss I should have never gotten...
I feel like a ravenous killer...
now that I tasted blood,
I can't help but want more....
...I feel like I have a sickness of the mind..
like a plague that just won't go away..
Ugg. I don't mean to get this way. I should be doing homework and going on with my life. All I did was check my myspace.. I noticed he changed his picture.. to this sexy vampire picture.. and the desire and longing just flooded me.. it makes me want to cry.. I regret the kiss I should have never gotten... now that I know what he tastes like, I can't help but want it so much more.
I had a dream the other night that really bothered me. It just purely upset me. I wish I never dreamt such a dream.. or that I never had to wake up. One of the two... or maybe a mix of both.
I don't even remember the point of the dream that lucidly.. only the part that counts really. It was sorta like murder.. well, only in the instance that he was leaning over me in the car... to get change out of the center divider as I sat in the passenger seat. Except it was day instead of night; the light of the day reflecting off his skin too perfectly, almost glittering in the light.. like some sort of vampire from a story tale. When his skin grew close to mine, I could feel the heat inside of me rise; my heart beat quicken in my throat. The longing and desire hit me like a strong current of the ocean, rising without mercy upon me, leaving me to be sweap away by emotions I couldn't control. He's honestly driving me insane... I wanted to kiss him so bad, much like the urges I've had in real life, except i'm much too coward to do so. ...As he reached back away from me, a whimper escaped from my slightly parted lips as my face grew closer to his.. I wanted it so badly; just one kiss to satisfy my empty lips; full of unsatisfied wantings. Again like a vampire from a fairytale, our lips barely met, only touching enough to tease me even more, throwing me into a frenzylike state as he smiled and pulled away; completely enjoying every last groan escaping my lips, every look full of hunger and want, every word left unspoken but still held in the air saying how willing I was to give myself to his every need, not in a sexual way but something so much more. After gaining enough satisfaction from my utter helplessness, he finally passionately kissed me, pinning me ferociously and ignoring the moans that I couldn't contain as our bodies quickly locked, my fingers entangling in his hair as his nails traced down my spine... sending marvelous chills of absolute ecxtacy, his nails digging into my lush skin only futhur exciting me, as he kissed my neck in an yet again vampiric way...
And then he gave me one last teasing smile, and left me with my thoughts.
And then I woke up.
I was so mad at myself.... this isn't the first dream i've had about him.. but waking up from such a graphic dream, the feelings still lingering... god. Just a dream. Never going to happen. My god... What is wrong with me. urggggggh.
So fucking frustrating.