Funny moments in parental caregiving
My mom has Parkinson's, among other things, and it is advanced from the neglect of 5 years in a "skilled" nursing facility. That means many of her muscles are stiff and it takes great strength for her to use. She is regaining much of that by huge leaps with better nutrition and some med changes, but it takes time. She will talk up a storm, well, many sentences, and suddenly just stop. She will clearly ask her caregivers to call me and say to me on the phone "This is your mom. ...I like it here". And that is all, she probably has tons more to say but she is really saying it between the lines, too. Sometimes I see her struggling to move her facial muscles, sometimes I am just not certain she is understanding, but then she catches me by surprise with very clearly understanding. Singing she can do. We are driving to the restaurant to get lunch and an old tune from my teens came on and she sang vigorously along with me to the chorus of "Rocking pneumonia and the boogie woogie blues". And then there was lunch:
Me: Mom, do you want tofu, chicken or seafood?
Mom: ( Flat face, silence, looking around and distracted by sounds in restaurant, just like when feeding your toddler. )
Me: Ok, smile when I say the thing you might want...tofu (smile), chicken (bigger smile)...ok, we will take chicken (nod and big smile). Now what do I want, hmm... (quietly reading the vietnamese menu) maybe I should just order you an appetizer of fried squid?
Mom: (almost shouting but with a smile) NO!
My mom will always prioritize when she wants to make her needs clear. But, it is also clear that she is still my mom and remembers a great deal. Later I got a call from Goodwill about a handmade doll that husband took to donate by accident, my handmade doll that I was given around 5 by a dear aunt who was dating my dearest uncle who died sometime later. So it reminds me of that uncle. I got excited, only to be told that they still had not found it but wanted to update me. So I told my mom:
Me: Do you remember the doll Nancy made me, red hair, yellow dress, my Nancy doll? (big nod)
Well, Jerry and Conor packed it up with other stuff and left it in a donation bin while I was at work.
Mom: (loudly and with upset face) Aaaaaah!
That's my mom.