letters part 17
Dear right wrist,
If I promise to never ever again pour milk (or any other liquid) from a gallon jug with just one hand, will you please stop aching and throbbing and such? You're messing up yoga, writing, and music, which constitute basically all of my healthy coping mechanisms. I'll leave the writing and the yoga now, if you'd just compromise and stop screaming every time I try to play right-handed seventh chords?
thank you,
Jessica
Dear machine-fixing guy,
Actually, I think you're quite becoming. Still though, do you know why everyone at our store wants us to ... what? Meet? Talk? Fuck? Sorry, I think your tattoos are fantastic, but I'm off limits, and it's nothing personal, although I don't think I could handle the ... big giant earhole earrings? What are they called? Anyway, I hope you got the bar tray draining again properly so we can utilize our store's full beverage making capacity. I heard you were coming so I left work early today. (I am so bad at crushes. Not that this is a crush).
Jess
Dear neighbors three doors down,
I totally see you watching me through the blinds every time I walk by. I know that I walk around all spaced out with headphones on & a scary-looking black dog, and sometimes I don't bother to change out of my pajamas to walk my dog one block. I'm sorry, I just don't care! Stop staring at me. Give me a break. I think I'm at least 20 years younger than everybody else here, and you condominium committee people freak me the fuck out.
Maybe I'll put a hex on you! bwahahahahaha
love,
Jess
Dear (certain regular customer),
I'm sorry about your inch of cold milk. I really am. I will never omit any cold whole milk, nor will I put any inches of wrong milks, or warm milks, into your drink ever ever again.
I get the idea that you look down upon baristas and probably waitresses, and the girl behind the counter at Blockbuster next door. That's fine, but just so you know, I also look down upon you just a little because you are hugely pregnant and you drink five shots of espresso a day.
May your child be a hyper-active little ball of hell-fury!
love and hugs,
Jessica (the girl who forgot your inch of cold milk)
If I promise to never ever again pour milk (or any other liquid) from a gallon jug with just one hand, will you please stop aching and throbbing and such? You're messing up yoga, writing, and music, which constitute basically all of my healthy coping mechanisms. I'll leave the writing and the yoga now, if you'd just compromise and stop screaming every time I try to play right-handed seventh chords?
thank you,
Jessica
Dear machine-fixing guy,
Actually, I think you're quite becoming. Still though, do you know why everyone at our store wants us to ... what? Meet? Talk? Fuck? Sorry, I think your tattoos are fantastic, but I'm off limits, and it's nothing personal, although I don't think I could handle the ... big giant earhole earrings? What are they called? Anyway, I hope you got the bar tray draining again properly so we can utilize our store's full beverage making capacity. I heard you were coming so I left work early today. (I am so bad at crushes. Not that this is a crush).
Jess
Dear neighbors three doors down,
I totally see you watching me through the blinds every time I walk by. I know that I walk around all spaced out with headphones on & a scary-looking black dog, and sometimes I don't bother to change out of my pajamas to walk my dog one block. I'm sorry, I just don't care! Stop staring at me. Give me a break. I think I'm at least 20 years younger than everybody else here, and you condominium committee people freak me the fuck out.
Maybe I'll put a hex on you! bwahahahahaha
love,
Jess
Dear (certain regular customer),
I'm sorry about your inch of cold milk. I really am. I will never omit any cold whole milk, nor will I put any inches of wrong milks, or warm milks, into your drink ever ever again.
I get the idea that you look down upon baristas and probably waitresses, and the girl behind the counter at Blockbuster next door. That's fine, but just so you know, I also look down upon you just a little because you are hugely pregnant and you drink five shots of espresso a day.
May your child be a hyper-active little ball of hell-fury!
love and hugs,
Jessica (the girl who forgot your inch of cold milk)