(no subject)
This summer has been another emotional roller coaster in finding myself. It's sad to realize that I'm still not completely there yet and it's taking a long time to understand who I am as a person mentally and fully accept it. I'd had to over come a fear and it's still in the works as I have not fully over come it yet. My mental state is better but not anywhere near perfect. My stress level has decreased but also not nearly as much as it needs to be. My heart rate is no longer a 48 and starting to be normal so I'm not as worried about that as I was the beginning of the summer. Being sick and not knowing the reasons for it is probably one of the most scariest things anyway can go through. Not having people around that understand is also one of the worst things ever! I have fucked up dreams because of the medication that I am on. Normally this would freak me out but I try not to remember them as my doctor said I would prob have some messed up dreams. Sometimes they are pretty cool, but other times. Not so much. Random people show up in them very often that I don't really want to be there, but they are there and I forget about it until the next day when I realize what I actually dreamed about the night before. It's good to finally remember my dreams only because that means I'm actually sleeping. I have had the worst sleeping problems this summer. My mind won't shut off but yet when it's time to get up, it most def does not want to wake up. I think I've been late to work every single day this summer. Well, late in my own sense that I don't show up at exatly 8:30 and woble in before 9. I guess that's not completely late, but late to me seeing I have to make sure I'm out by 5 to go to school. Ahh the joys of being busy again. School is almost over and I can't wait! I just don't want to take the tests once I am done....... Hopefully I will figure out further what I want to do with myself. The fact that it's still all up in the air scares me. DCI finals are next week..... SOOOOOOOOOO excited. Then Dave is home for good. No more drum corps. It's going to be so different. I mean I hate having him gone for the summer but it's our time to reflect. I've dealt with him being gone this summer so much better than I did last summer. Last summer sucked but it sucked for so many more reasons than 1. This summer sucks too, but only because I'm so busy and don't have time for myself to think about having a social life. So that puts a huge stress level on you when all you want to do is go home and sleep but yet you can't sleep because your body won't let you.. Yeah, it happens and it's been the story of my life for the past 3 months.... Oh joy... Now I am home, hoping to actually go to bed before 11. .We'll see if it happens! :)
Nite!
Nite!