carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened a text channel [013]
OKAY SO I FIGURED I SHOULD WRITE UP SOME THINGS ABOUT THIS STUPID FUCKING PLACE FOR PEOPLE, BECAUSE IT'S BETTER TO HAVE THEM OUT THERE PISSING ON THE FAE THAN IN HERE PISSING ON US.
IT'S OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME.
NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE
BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE MOTHERFUCKING POINT, ISN'T IT?
1) RIGHT, FIRST THING'S FIRST, CHECK OUT THE FUCKING MAP. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF THE VILLAGE HERE. OKAY? YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE NOW. NO BITCHING AND WHINING ABOUT NOT GETTING ONE.
2) OKAY, WELL, YOU'VE PROBABLY NOTICED THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF ASSHOLES FLOATING AROUND HERE WHO WANT TO KILL, MAIM, TORTURE, OR JUST ANNOY YOU. IF YOU WANT TO BE FOREARMED AGAINST THESE SHITSLASHES, THERE'S A ROTTED OLD TOME ALL CHAINED UP IN THE TOWN HALL. IT'S GOT SOME PRETTY GOOD INFORMATION AGAINST THE DICKWEEDS, SO GO READ THAT BEFORE YOU WHINE ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH SOME OF THE ASSHOLES.
3) NEVER GO OUT UNARMED BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU FUCKING DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU GET AND I WILL LAUGH IN YOUR FUCKING FACE. SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE IN A PLACE FULL OF VIOLENT, MAGICAL CREATURES WHO WANT TO SUCK OUT YOUR BLOOD AND GRIND DOWN YOUR BONES AND SHIT LIKE THAT, AND YOU GO OUT WITHOUT ANYTHING TO DEFEND YOURSELVES? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF DUMBASS SHITWEASELS STRAPPED TO A ROCKETPACK FIRING STRAIGHT INTO THE SUN? THAT'S CALLED NATURAL FUCKING SELECTION AND YOU ARE WORTHY ONLY OF MY CONTEMPT.
4) IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WEAPON, GO ASK THE POKER FACED, CAT ARSE-MOUTHED TERRORWITCH AT THE FORGE TO MAKE YOU ONE. ASK NICELY BECAUSE SHE'LL CLOBBER YOU AROUND THE HEAD WITH HER TINY METAL FISTS IF YOU DON'T.
5) WHILE YOU'RE AT THAT, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN IRON CHAIN LINK. IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT, GET ONE AT THE FORGE BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING OUR ASSAILANTS ARE REALLY TERRIFIED OFF. THAT'D MAKE THEM SOUNDS LIKE WUSSES BUT WE HAVE ABOUT FUCK ALL IRON EXCEPT FOR A TINY FUCKING BIT THAT YOU COULD PUKE UP WITHOUT GAGGING TOO MUCH IF YOU WERE A DUMB ENOUGH SHIT TO SWALLOW IT.
6) CARRY THAT TWIGGY CROWN WITH YOU EVERYWHERE. IF YOU GO NEAR THE LAKE, THE FOREST, OR HEAR ANY KIND OF SINGING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, PUT THAT RIDICULOUS FUCKING THING ON YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU WILL LOSE ANY SENSE OF WILLPOWER TO DO FUCK ALL IF YOU DON'T.
I AM DEADLY FUCKING SERIOUS.
I KNOW HOW BULLSHIT THIS SOUNDS.
BUT FUCKING DO IT.
7) BEFORE YOU ASK, YES, WE'VE TRIED TO ESCAPE YOU NUBSLURPING FUCKPODS. PISS OFF IF YOU ARE SERIOUSLY GOING TO ASK US THIS QUESTION. I MEAN IT SERIOUSLY JUST GO STICK YOUR BULGE IN A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER NONE OF US CAN BE FUCKED WITH YOU.
8) OH YEAH, BEFORE I FORGET: IF YOU SWEAR A LOT, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THERE'S A WEIRDASS LITTLE GIRL CALLING YOU A UNICORN. SHE'S PROBABLY SEEING ONE PRANCING ABOUT A FIELD FULL OF RAINBOWS AND SPARKLES RIGHT NOW. WAY TO FUCKING GO, BIG BRO.
9) AS FAR AS ORGANIZATION GOES, WE HAVE A WATCH WHICH BASICALLY KICKS THE ASS OUT OF THE FAE THAT THREATEN THE VILLAGE. IT'S LEAD BY SOME DOUCHEBAG CALLED 'SOUJI SETA'. TALK TO HIM ABOUT JOINING IT UP.
THERE'S ALSO SOME ROYAL MOTHERFUCKER CALLED 'SCHNEIZEL' WHO DOES THINGS LIKE TAKE A CENSUS AND CHECK STOCKS AND GENERAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. IF YOU WANT TO DO SOME ORGANIZATION LIKE THAT, HIT HIM UP.
AND THERE'S A GIGGLING FREAKY FUCKGULLET WITH PURPLE SKIN AND BIG EARS YOU BETTER BE NICE TO BECAUSE SHE'S THE PERSON THAT RUNS THE FUCKING INFIRMARY HERE. HER NAME'S 'MYHRTA'. IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE HERE ANY TIME, YOU'LL BE IN HER CARE AT SOME POINT, SO DON'T BE A DOUCHEBAG TO HER.
10) THERE'S A MAILBOX IN THE TOWN CENTER. NO ONE HAS USED IT, BUT APPARENTLY WE CAN TO SEND MESSAGES TO THE QUEEN OR THAT USELESS FUCKING GUARDIAN. I THINK IT'S PRETTY SELF EVIDENT THAT NONE OF US SHOULD FUCKING DO THAT. UNDERSTOOD?
YOU GOT THAT? YOU BETTER FUCKING HAVE UNDERSTOOD THAT.
IT'S OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME.
NOT LIKE ANYONE WOULD IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE
BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE MOTHERFUCKING POINT, ISN'T IT?
1) RIGHT, FIRST THING'S FIRST, CHECK OUT THE FUCKING MAP. THERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF THE VILLAGE HERE. OKAY? YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE NOW. NO BITCHING AND WHINING ABOUT NOT GETTING ONE.
2) OKAY, WELL, YOU'VE PROBABLY NOTICED THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF ASSHOLES FLOATING AROUND HERE WHO WANT TO KILL, MAIM, TORTURE, OR JUST ANNOY YOU. IF YOU WANT TO BE FOREARMED AGAINST THESE SHITSLASHES, THERE'S A ROTTED OLD TOME ALL CHAINED UP IN THE TOWN HALL. IT'S GOT SOME PRETTY GOOD INFORMATION AGAINST THE DICKWEEDS, SO GO READ THAT BEFORE YOU WHINE ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH SOME OF THE ASSHOLES.
3) NEVER GO OUT UNARMED BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU FUCKING DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU GET AND I WILL LAUGH IN YOUR FUCKING FACE. SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE IN A PLACE FULL OF VIOLENT, MAGICAL CREATURES WHO WANT TO SUCK OUT YOUR BLOOD AND GRIND DOWN YOUR BONES AND SHIT LIKE THAT, AND YOU GO OUT WITHOUT ANYTHING TO DEFEND YOURSELVES? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF DUMBASS SHITWEASELS STRAPPED TO A ROCKETPACK FIRING STRAIGHT INTO THE SUN? THAT'S CALLED NATURAL FUCKING SELECTION AND YOU ARE WORTHY ONLY OF MY CONTEMPT.
4) IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WEAPON, GO ASK THE POKER FACED, CAT ARSE-MOUTHED TERRORWITCH AT THE FORGE TO MAKE YOU ONE. ASK NICELY BECAUSE SHE'LL CLOBBER YOU AROUND THE HEAD WITH HER TINY METAL FISTS IF YOU DON'T.
5) WHILE YOU'RE AT THAT, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN IRON CHAIN LINK. IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT, GET ONE AT THE FORGE BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING OUR ASSAILANTS ARE REALLY TERRIFIED OFF. THAT'D MAKE THEM SOUNDS LIKE WUSSES BUT WE HAVE ABOUT FUCK ALL IRON EXCEPT FOR A TINY FUCKING BIT THAT YOU COULD PUKE UP WITHOUT GAGGING TOO MUCH IF YOU WERE A DUMB ENOUGH SHIT TO SWALLOW IT.
6) CARRY THAT TWIGGY CROWN WITH YOU EVERYWHERE. IF YOU GO NEAR THE LAKE, THE FOREST, OR HEAR ANY KIND OF SINGING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, PUT THAT RIDICULOUS FUCKING THING ON YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU WILL LOSE ANY SENSE OF WILLPOWER TO DO FUCK ALL IF YOU DON'T.
I AM DEADLY FUCKING SERIOUS.
I KNOW HOW BULLSHIT THIS SOUNDS.
BUT FUCKING DO IT.
7) BEFORE YOU ASK, YES, WE'VE TRIED TO ESCAPE YOU NUBSLURPING FUCKPODS. PISS OFF IF YOU ARE SERIOUSLY GOING TO ASK US THIS QUESTION. I MEAN IT SERIOUSLY JUST GO STICK YOUR BULGE IN A FUCKING MEAT GRINDER NONE OF US CAN BE FUCKED WITH YOU.
8) OH YEAH, BEFORE I FORGET: IF YOU SWEAR A LOT, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THERE'S A WEIRDASS LITTLE GIRL CALLING YOU A UNICORN. SHE'S PROBABLY SEEING ONE PRANCING ABOUT A FIELD FULL OF RAINBOWS AND SPARKLES RIGHT NOW. WAY TO FUCKING GO, BIG BRO.
9) AS FAR AS ORGANIZATION GOES, WE HAVE A WATCH WHICH BASICALLY KICKS THE ASS OUT OF THE FAE THAT THREATEN THE VILLAGE. IT'S LEAD BY SOME DOUCHEBAG CALLED 'SOUJI SETA'. TALK TO HIM ABOUT JOINING IT UP.
THERE'S ALSO SOME ROYAL MOTHERFUCKER CALLED 'SCHNEIZEL' WHO DOES THINGS LIKE TAKE A CENSUS AND CHECK STOCKS AND GENERAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. IF YOU WANT TO DO SOME ORGANIZATION LIKE THAT, HIT HIM UP.
AND THERE'S A GIGGLING FREAKY FUCKGULLET WITH PURPLE SKIN AND BIG EARS YOU BETTER BE NICE TO BECAUSE SHE'S THE PERSON THAT RUNS THE FUCKING INFIRMARY HERE. HER NAME'S 'MYHRTA'. IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE HERE ANY TIME, YOU'LL BE IN HER CARE AT SOME POINT, SO DON'T BE A DOUCHEBAG TO HER.
10) THERE'S A MAILBOX IN THE TOWN CENTER. NO ONE HAS USED IT, BUT APPARENTLY WE CAN TO SEND MESSAGES TO THE QUEEN OR THAT USELESS FUCKING GUARDIAN. I THINK IT'S PRETTY SELF EVIDENT THAT NONE OF US SHOULD FUCKING DO THAT. UNDERSTOOD?
YOU GOT THAT? YOU BETTER FUCKING HAVE UNDERSTOOD THAT.