Trying to climb from paranoia sea
So I'm trying to swallow my customary paranoia and fear about sharing anything personal with other people and have added several people to my LiveJournal. We'll see how this works out. So welcome (or welcome back) to the weirdness that is Laura, I guess.
Thank you for all your replies yesterday, whether done as a comment on my post here or on Facebook, or done as your own entry. Something in me is crashing, and it's crashing hard, and being reminded people care after my own frustrations explode (over one part of my life, but that's probably it's own entry) in an unusually public manner does help. Quick apologies to non-KO who will have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, but part of it is not having any way to feed my Ka. I've starved my spiritual self almost to the point of spiritual famine. Yes, I know that's not good. Not god, either, like I just mistyped. $2.71 in the checking account doesn't go very far, you know, and I've never been good at the little things. Like attempting to say one good thing about myself a day as a Wep Ronpet resolution? I can't see good in myself half the time, no matter what other people say (I'm just inclined to disbelieve them, and I know it's the depression talking, but still).
So. Natural shyness (I had massively more stage fright performing than I ever let on), depression so deeply ingrained that I know it'll never be gone, paranoia about sharing any part of myself with other people, naturally quiet, and a habit of holding in negative emotions till I explode...well, that's a fairly accurate run-on sentence of my personality.
ETA: This entry is public, and some comments are screened.
Thank you for all your replies yesterday, whether done as a comment on my post here or on Facebook, or done as your own entry. Something in me is crashing, and it's crashing hard, and being reminded people care after my own frustrations explode (over one part of my life, but that's probably it's own entry) in an unusually public manner does help. Quick apologies to non-KO who will have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, but part of it is not having any way to feed my Ka. I've starved my spiritual self almost to the point of spiritual famine. Yes, I know that's not good. Not god, either, like I just mistyped. $2.71 in the checking account doesn't go very far, you know, and I've never been good at the little things. Like attempting to say one good thing about myself a day as a Wep Ronpet resolution? I can't see good in myself half the time, no matter what other people say (I'm just inclined to disbelieve them, and I know it's the depression talking, but still).
So. Natural shyness (I had massively more stage fright performing than I ever let on), depression so deeply ingrained that I know it'll never be gone, paranoia about sharing any part of myself with other people, naturally quiet, and a habit of holding in negative emotions till I explode...well, that's a fairly accurate run-on sentence of my personality.
ETA: This entry is public, and some comments are screened.