Totally would.
Feeling fucking horrible. Had another talk with Ania. It's definitely not gona work, and definitely not through lack of trying.
I already went too far. Feel in love and all that shit. So she's saying she doesn't wanna be with me because she's gonna be moving to Poland and doesn't wanna get hurt. I blurt out that I would go with her, and she's telling me it's a terrible idea, to uproot for someone.
I agree, it is. Doesn't make it hurt any less, for sure. Because I'm at that point where I would.
Yeah. Serious.
Give up the band. Everything. Starting fresh.
Evidently, I'm not though.
So I left her place at about 2:30, in terrible spirits. Decided to go for a walk to try and clear my head, even though it was raining. Got back at 4:30.
I didn't cry, though. It's been longer than I can remember since I properly cried, with the tears and the sobbing and everything. And I know it's because I spent pretty much all of my childhood giving myself this thick skin and being stoic and strong and all this other bullshit.
Makes me wonder...can I cry anymore? Like, seriously ever? Because I think I'd much rather cry than not, when needed. I don't want to end up bottling everything until I explode and do something incredibly stupid.
I just wanna get drunk right now. I've only got a beer left.
I could open up that litre bottle of Jack Daniels, though..... I'm incredibly tempted to. I wanna drink and fall asleep and wake up and get drunk. Rinse and repeat.
I already went too far. Feel in love and all that shit. So she's saying she doesn't wanna be with me because she's gonna be moving to Poland and doesn't wanna get hurt. I blurt out that I would go with her, and she's telling me it's a terrible idea, to uproot for someone.
I agree, it is. Doesn't make it hurt any less, for sure. Because I'm at that point where I would.
Yeah. Serious.
Give up the band. Everything. Starting fresh.
Evidently, I'm not though.
So I left her place at about 2:30, in terrible spirits. Decided to go for a walk to try and clear my head, even though it was raining. Got back at 4:30.
I didn't cry, though. It's been longer than I can remember since I properly cried, with the tears and the sobbing and everything. And I know it's because I spent pretty much all of my childhood giving myself this thick skin and being stoic and strong and all this other bullshit.
Makes me wonder...can I cry anymore? Like, seriously ever? Because I think I'd much rather cry than not, when needed. I don't want to end up bottling everything until I explode and do something incredibly stupid.
I just wanna get drunk right now. I've only got a beer left.
I could open up that litre bottle of Jack Daniels, though..... I'm incredibly tempted to. I wanna drink and fall asleep and wake up and get drunk. Rinse and repeat.