(no subject)
I think... I think i donn't know how to do this, how to do this without losing something, without ... he was supposed to ...
god, i'm such an idiot. here i was, telling him the last time i spoke to him that love doesn't come at the turn of a corner and that's exactly what happened to him. only i don't think it was a turn of the corner. i think he was seeing her way before we broke up. a month and a half after we finally broke up, she's pregnant? and what, he met her a few days before/ i don't buy that. he was seeing her, ergo, he started pulling away. he was maybe even going to see her on the weekends, when he was away from sevilla. god, he could have done anything and i wouldn't have known, never, ever.
and even through that, through the certainty that he had to have screwing around on me, god, it still hurts like a son of a bitch, the knowledge that this time around, it's done, over, no going back. there is no going back, there is no hope to be left after this. he's gone and found himself a family and gotten everything that I had promised him, that he had promised me, only I'm not in that picture.
god. i need. i think i need help here. i think i need therapy. i'm seriously considering it because i don't quite see how i'm going to handle this in the long run. then again, it's only been a day and at least today was almost half a good day.
god. i need something. i need to get myself a lobotomy, selective amnesia. both. fuck.
god, i'm such an idiot. here i was, telling him the last time i spoke to him that love doesn't come at the turn of a corner and that's exactly what happened to him. only i don't think it was a turn of the corner. i think he was seeing her way before we broke up. a month and a half after we finally broke up, she's pregnant? and what, he met her a few days before/ i don't buy that. he was seeing her, ergo, he started pulling away. he was maybe even going to see her on the weekends, when he was away from sevilla. god, he could have done anything and i wouldn't have known, never, ever.
and even through that, through the certainty that he had to have screwing around on me, god, it still hurts like a son of a bitch, the knowledge that this time around, it's done, over, no going back. there is no going back, there is no hope to be left after this. he's gone and found himself a family and gotten everything that I had promised him, that he had promised me, only I'm not in that picture.
god. i need. i think i need help here. i think i need therapy. i'm seriously considering it because i don't quite see how i'm going to handle this in the long run. then again, it's only been a day and at least today was almost half a good day.
god. i need something. i need to get myself a lobotomy, selective amnesia. both. fuck.