[oc] And this is the moment
A couple of days ago cf33 just totally rocked and I promised her a fluffy story. She even gave me a prompt. It took some doing, mostly because it's been a while since I've written fluff and even more since I've written angsty-free fluff. It was litle pulling a tooth, truth be told, but I think it was fun nonetheless.
Here it is. I hope it's fluffy enough. *g*
Title: And this is the moment
Author: M. F. Luder
Pairing: Ryan/Seth
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2'300 words.
Category: Future fic.
Challenge: For fanfic100 and 23. lovers. The rest of the stories can be found at Big Damn Table.
Author's note: Thanks to mylogiceatsyou for doing the beta work, again.
And this is the moment
you take me back to the place where I've loved you forever
Seth's sitting in one of the stuffed but surprisingly comfortable armchairs around the living room of Tatiana's one bedroom apartment. It's Patrick's birthday and Tatiana might be in love with the guy, but she doesn't particularly like his friends. She says they are a bunch of idiots and nerds -- and she loves the guy, geesh -- and Seth for a moment wonders how she has the face to say that to Patrick, the guy's studying Geology, not pure Math, and Civil Engineering is not exactly art, is it? They are their own kind of nerds. He's an English mayor, he should know.
"You're doing nothing."
Seth rolls his eyes, turns to look at Claire giving him the evil eye. He's certain she hates him, though he has no idea why she should. He dated a lesbian, for God's sake, it's not like he's prejudice or bigotry or any of those horrible, horrible names. He's of the belief that the more lesbians, the better, and that if Claire and Emily make out in front of him, better still. That just might be why she hates him so much.
Her eyes are narrowed and in that moment he's reminded of Ryan with narrowed eyes when he's more than just a little ticked off. Only her hair is stark black and her eyes are green and Ryan certainly never wore kohl around his eyes.
He smiles at her, if only because it seems to bug her in a big way that Seth doesn't seem to answer in the predictable way he should. He's a mystery; he once told Ryan the first few nights he spent in Ryan's new two bedroom apartment that had followed the one bedroom. Ryan had rolled his eyes in that way he had, just like Seth had remembered, just like a part of Seth had hoped he would. A year and a half apart hadn't changed Ryan as much as Seth had feared, hadn't made him unreadable at all.
Oh, it had changed Ryan alright. Ryan who now had very simple and slightly uncomplicated friends, four very close female friends who seemed to guard Ryan zealously, who had all seemed to close ranks around Ryan the first time Ryan had introduced him to them. Never mind that he had left Providence and RISD for Berkeley for reasons he himself didn't want to examine too closely. Never mind that he'd be sharing an apartment with Ryan -- okay, Ryan's apartment, but who was keeping track, really. Never mind at all that Seth had known Ryan first goddamn it.
Claire rolls kohl rimmed eyes at him, dismissing him with the flick of her gaze and then Seth's turning around, looking for Ryan with his eyes.
And there he is, Ryan with one hand around Barbara's, the other on her waist, dancing not too close and yet not too far away. Ryan chuckles at something either Barbara says or something that they do, and then Barbara shakes her head and pushes at his shoulder. They are both laughing, the lines around Ryan's mouth visible even from this distance, a little over twelve feet. Seth smiles back, just because he can, just because he's here.
"You're watching him again."
He blinks and looks up and it's Tatiana leaning against the arm of the chair, ass planted right on the edge. She's grinning at him like the cat that ate the canary and most of the pet store and Seth would glare at her if he didn't know it'd be a waste of time and energy.
She's grinning at him because she knows. Seth can almost feel his throat tightening.
"You should tell him," she says, half whispers. She shrugs as she says so and Seth thinks that if the earth would decide to open up and eat him right freaking now that would be just fine. "I mean, you should. It's not like it's a big secret or anything."
She gives him a quick grin -- is it a quick grin or has the grin just never left her lips and ohmygod -- before leaving him there, blinking at her like she just dropped this bomb on him which she totally did because, dude, that was his fucking secret to keep, damn it!
Seth looks up and Ryan's there, still dancing with Barbara, all skin and hard angles, happy and joyful and for that second Seth thinks, yeah, I can do this.
Ryan rubs his face with the back of his hand and Seth shakes his head, hand fishing for the keys in his pocket. It's a little over three and they are both so bone tired, Seth could go to bed and sleep for a week. Ryan yawns, tired and mellow from the alcohol. Ryan's not drunk, because Seth would know. Seth's seen him drunk, once, half passed out in the pool house because Seth wanted to experience heavy drinking and that was the only place Ryan agreed to experience it with him, in the safety of the pool house. Ryan's in that place of about five drinks short of him giggling like a school girl, just enough to have him soft and mellow.
Ryan walks into the apartment, going straight for the couch, sitting down heavily. He tilts his head back, eyes closed, and Seth can see the play of tendons along his throat, can feel his chest going cold and hot for a fleeting second. He sighs, places his keys in the small bowl with Sophie's handprints on either side -- made for Ryan, and Seth tells himself he's not jealous, nope, not at all, he's only now beginning to discover the wonder that is his little sister.
"Tired?" Seth asks as he makes his way to the kitchen, gets out a glass.
Seth can see Ryan's head moving, nodding, as the back of the couch faces the kitchen. A moment later, as Seth pours cold water into the glass, he hears Ryan say, "yeah."
Seth walks out of the kitchen, around the couch. Ryan clears his throat, eyes still closed, tone low, like a whisper. "Seth, do you think you could get me a glass of wa--?"
Seth stands by his side, nudges Ryan's calf with the tip of his shoe. Ryan blinks myopically at him for a moment before his eyes follow Seth's face down his arm to the hand around the glass. Ryan smiles, soft and mellow and perfect.
Seth sighs, watches Ryan take the glass from his hand, have a long long drink. They'd been apart for a year and four months. Seth had called all of seven times in that period. And its okay, it's alright, because it was Seth's doing, it was Seth leaving this, that time around. It had been distance that had knocked their wavelengths out of alignment, but it was better now. They were starting to synch back up.
"Thanks," Ryan whispers, handing back the glass. Seth takes it without a question. Ryan sighs, softly under his breath, leaning to the side, his head trying to find a comfortable position.
Seth will tell Ryan to go to bed in a second, before he falls asleep and ends up with a crick in his neck. In the meantime, Seth sits in one of the armchairs, leans forward, hands in between his knees. He watches the way Ryan licks his lower lip, the way his eyes flutter in that space between asleep and awake.
Seth smiles, because he doesn't know how not to, because he spent a year and four months away, pretending he could uproot his life to the east coast, and absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow, period.
"Ryan," he says, doesn't ask. His voice is tentative and hesitant, is barely a whisper, but Ryan seems to hear it well enough.
Ryan blinks, slowly and sleepy, looks up at Seth. Ryan, who made an art form of the lowered gaze and averted eyes. Ryan, who has his eyes wide open now.
Seth swallows, because they knew. They all knew. It was the way Tatiana said it, maybe the reason why Claire hates him so much half the time, maybe one of the reasons why Eve gives him a half smile when he's looking at Ryan when he knows Ryan's not paying attention, when he's looking at him like he's falling in love all over again.
"Hey," Ryan says, sleepily and slowly, and this is it, this is the hinge, this moment; this is the point at which it turns.
Seth smiles, head tilted to the side, watching Ryan with something he can't name. Ryan's eyes go soft and adoring. Seth's breath catches in his throat, because Ryan looks helpless, helplessly in love. And Seth had had a lot of doubts over the years, only they seemed insane now, idiotic. Because in a way, he'd always known this. They both have. There were no doubts, not when Ryan can look at him like that.
Seth stands up from the armchair, makes his way to the other side of the couch, close enough to Ryan to touch. Ryan turns his face to keep looking at him as Seth moves. Seth smiles.
Ryan smiles back, relaxed by the lateness of the hour, by the tiredness in his bones. His whole face is unguarded, open, and he's never looked at Seth like this. He's never smiled at Seth like he is doing right now, an uncomplicated smile that makes Seth feel like maybe all the fucked up things he's done in his life are balanced, just for making Ryan smile at him like that.
Seth leans over before Ryan can look away, before he loses his nerve. He cups Ryan's face with one palm, strokes a thumb across Ryan's lower lip.
"Ryan," he says, he whispers. Ryan sighs softly through his mouth, breath touching the inside of Seth's wrist. Ryan's eyes slide closed and he turns his mouth against Seth's palm, his lips parting, giving silent permission.
After a second, Ryan blinks, opens his eyes and looks at Seth as if he wants to ask a question, one Seth might not like to hear. He thinks he can hear it in Ryan's eyes. Are you lying, is this for real, how long will you--
Seth shakes his head before leaning forward, closing the space in between them. Ryan closes his eyes just as Seth does as well, one breath before their lips meet. Ryan inhales sharply, and welcomes the kiss with everything he has. He leans in, puts his hand over Seth's.
Seth's breath catches on the inhale, and it's like breathing in all the words he would have said, all the words he wanted to say. It's like breathing in Newport air and blue and orange and pink skies. It's like breathing in life and love and future and forever.
They are silent as they kiss, once, twice, three times. They are silent as they pull apart and Seth nuzzles the side of Ryan's head, the hollow of his throat and the nape of his neck. He can feel the roughness of stubble against his own cheeks, the line of Ryan's jaw. Seth breathes in and he can smell Ryan, around him, surrounding him, filling him on every breath.
And he'd thought he'd forgotten how much he wanted this, he'd thought it could never be as good or perfect or as right as he had imagined it could be, years ago, almost a lifetime ago. He'd been wrong. It was much more than that. It was home.
Seth pulls away once again, far enough to see Ryan's face, still soft and mellow around the edges, impossibly blue eyes shining bright under the dim light. Ryan looks back at him, blinks back at him. Seth sighs as he kisses Ryan again and again, until they both start to yawn over them, nuzzle each other tiredly, place sleepy kisses on the corner of lips, on the turn of the chin. There is no need for more words because this has been a long time coming, years coming, and there's no need for any kind of announcement. This is the way it is between them, the way it was always meant to be.
And in fifteen minutes they'll stand up and make their way to Ryan's bed in silent agreement. Ryan will strip down to boxers and white tee and lay down on the bed, scoot to the right side of the bed after a moment. He'll wait for Seth to do the same, to strip off clothes and let them fall haphazardly to the floor. Ryan will pull Seth's arm around him, pull Seth down with him as he rolls away, onto the side he likes to sleep on.
Seth will sigh, curl around him with knees up against the back of Ryan's, skinny knees fitting right into the soft hollows there between the muscle of thighs and calves, his face in between Ryan's shoulder blades. And Seth will kiss the skin over Ryan's right shoulder, nuzzle the back of Ryan's neck before hugging Ryan tight, arm around Ryan's chest, hand finding home on Ryan's left collarbone, burrowing in the shared warmth.
Okay, there it is. I shouldn't even have posted it yet, not when I'm at work. *giggles* But I couldn't stop myself. My boss is out for the day and though I have stuff to do, I'm just feeling too lazy to do them. *g*
Here it is. I hope it's fluffy enough. *g*
Title: And this is the moment
Author: M. F. Luder
Pairing: Ryan/Seth
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2'300 words.
Category: Future fic.
Challenge: For fanfic100 and 23. lovers. The rest of the stories can be found at Big Damn Table.
Author's note: Thanks to mylogiceatsyou for doing the beta work, again.
And this is the moment
you take me back to the place where I've loved you forever
Seth's sitting in one of the stuffed but surprisingly comfortable armchairs around the living room of Tatiana's one bedroom apartment. It's Patrick's birthday and Tatiana might be in love with the guy, but she doesn't particularly like his friends. She says they are a bunch of idiots and nerds -- and she loves the guy, geesh -- and Seth for a moment wonders how she has the face to say that to Patrick, the guy's studying Geology, not pure Math, and Civil Engineering is not exactly art, is it? They are their own kind of nerds. He's an English mayor, he should know.
"You're doing nothing."
Seth rolls his eyes, turns to look at Claire giving him the evil eye. He's certain she hates him, though he has no idea why she should. He dated a lesbian, for God's sake, it's not like he's prejudice or bigotry or any of those horrible, horrible names. He's of the belief that the more lesbians, the better, and that if Claire and Emily make out in front of him, better still. That just might be why she hates him so much.
Her eyes are narrowed and in that moment he's reminded of Ryan with narrowed eyes when he's more than just a little ticked off. Only her hair is stark black and her eyes are green and Ryan certainly never wore kohl around his eyes.
He smiles at her, if only because it seems to bug her in a big way that Seth doesn't seem to answer in the predictable way he should. He's a mystery; he once told Ryan the first few nights he spent in Ryan's new two bedroom apartment that had followed the one bedroom. Ryan had rolled his eyes in that way he had, just like Seth had remembered, just like a part of Seth had hoped he would. A year and a half apart hadn't changed Ryan as much as Seth had feared, hadn't made him unreadable at all.
Oh, it had changed Ryan alright. Ryan who now had very simple and slightly uncomplicated friends, four very close female friends who seemed to guard Ryan zealously, who had all seemed to close ranks around Ryan the first time Ryan had introduced him to them. Never mind that he had left Providence and RISD for Berkeley for reasons he himself didn't want to examine too closely. Never mind that he'd be sharing an apartment with Ryan -- okay, Ryan's apartment, but who was keeping track, really. Never mind at all that Seth had known Ryan first goddamn it.
Claire rolls kohl rimmed eyes at him, dismissing him with the flick of her gaze and then Seth's turning around, looking for Ryan with his eyes.
And there he is, Ryan with one hand around Barbara's, the other on her waist, dancing not too close and yet not too far away. Ryan chuckles at something either Barbara says or something that they do, and then Barbara shakes her head and pushes at his shoulder. They are both laughing, the lines around Ryan's mouth visible even from this distance, a little over twelve feet. Seth smiles back, just because he can, just because he's here.
"You're watching him again."
He blinks and looks up and it's Tatiana leaning against the arm of the chair, ass planted right on the edge. She's grinning at him like the cat that ate the canary and most of the pet store and Seth would glare at her if he didn't know it'd be a waste of time and energy.
She's grinning at him because she knows. Seth can almost feel his throat tightening.
"You should tell him," she says, half whispers. She shrugs as she says so and Seth thinks that if the earth would decide to open up and eat him right freaking now that would be just fine. "I mean, you should. It's not like it's a big secret or anything."
She gives him a quick grin -- is it a quick grin or has the grin just never left her lips and ohmygod -- before leaving him there, blinking at her like she just dropped this bomb on him which she totally did because, dude, that was his fucking secret to keep, damn it!
Seth looks up and Ryan's there, still dancing with Barbara, all skin and hard angles, happy and joyful and for that second Seth thinks, yeah, I can do this.
Ryan rubs his face with the back of his hand and Seth shakes his head, hand fishing for the keys in his pocket. It's a little over three and they are both so bone tired, Seth could go to bed and sleep for a week. Ryan yawns, tired and mellow from the alcohol. Ryan's not drunk, because Seth would know. Seth's seen him drunk, once, half passed out in the pool house because Seth wanted to experience heavy drinking and that was the only place Ryan agreed to experience it with him, in the safety of the pool house. Ryan's in that place of about five drinks short of him giggling like a school girl, just enough to have him soft and mellow.
Ryan walks into the apartment, going straight for the couch, sitting down heavily. He tilts his head back, eyes closed, and Seth can see the play of tendons along his throat, can feel his chest going cold and hot for a fleeting second. He sighs, places his keys in the small bowl with Sophie's handprints on either side -- made for Ryan, and Seth tells himself he's not jealous, nope, not at all, he's only now beginning to discover the wonder that is his little sister.
"Tired?" Seth asks as he makes his way to the kitchen, gets out a glass.
Seth can see Ryan's head moving, nodding, as the back of the couch faces the kitchen. A moment later, as Seth pours cold water into the glass, he hears Ryan say, "yeah."
Seth walks out of the kitchen, around the couch. Ryan clears his throat, eyes still closed, tone low, like a whisper. "Seth, do you think you could get me a glass of wa--?"
Seth stands by his side, nudges Ryan's calf with the tip of his shoe. Ryan blinks myopically at him for a moment before his eyes follow Seth's face down his arm to the hand around the glass. Ryan smiles, soft and mellow and perfect.
Seth sighs, watches Ryan take the glass from his hand, have a long long drink. They'd been apart for a year and four months. Seth had called all of seven times in that period. And its okay, it's alright, because it was Seth's doing, it was Seth leaving this, that time around. It had been distance that had knocked their wavelengths out of alignment, but it was better now. They were starting to synch back up.
"Thanks," Ryan whispers, handing back the glass. Seth takes it without a question. Ryan sighs, softly under his breath, leaning to the side, his head trying to find a comfortable position.
Seth will tell Ryan to go to bed in a second, before he falls asleep and ends up with a crick in his neck. In the meantime, Seth sits in one of the armchairs, leans forward, hands in between his knees. He watches the way Ryan licks his lower lip, the way his eyes flutter in that space between asleep and awake.
Seth smiles, because he doesn't know how not to, because he spent a year and four months away, pretending he could uproot his life to the east coast, and absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow, period.
"Ryan," he says, doesn't ask. His voice is tentative and hesitant, is barely a whisper, but Ryan seems to hear it well enough.
Ryan blinks, slowly and sleepy, looks up at Seth. Ryan, who made an art form of the lowered gaze and averted eyes. Ryan, who has his eyes wide open now.
Seth swallows, because they knew. They all knew. It was the way Tatiana said it, maybe the reason why Claire hates him so much half the time, maybe one of the reasons why Eve gives him a half smile when he's looking at Ryan when he knows Ryan's not paying attention, when he's looking at him like he's falling in love all over again.
"Hey," Ryan says, sleepily and slowly, and this is it, this is the hinge, this moment; this is the point at which it turns.
Seth smiles, head tilted to the side, watching Ryan with something he can't name. Ryan's eyes go soft and adoring. Seth's breath catches in his throat, because Ryan looks helpless, helplessly in love. And Seth had had a lot of doubts over the years, only they seemed insane now, idiotic. Because in a way, he'd always known this. They both have. There were no doubts, not when Ryan can look at him like that.
Seth stands up from the armchair, makes his way to the other side of the couch, close enough to Ryan to touch. Ryan turns his face to keep looking at him as Seth moves. Seth smiles.
Ryan smiles back, relaxed by the lateness of the hour, by the tiredness in his bones. His whole face is unguarded, open, and he's never looked at Seth like this. He's never smiled at Seth like he is doing right now, an uncomplicated smile that makes Seth feel like maybe all the fucked up things he's done in his life are balanced, just for making Ryan smile at him like that.
Seth leans over before Ryan can look away, before he loses his nerve. He cups Ryan's face with one palm, strokes a thumb across Ryan's lower lip.
"Ryan," he says, he whispers. Ryan sighs softly through his mouth, breath touching the inside of Seth's wrist. Ryan's eyes slide closed and he turns his mouth against Seth's palm, his lips parting, giving silent permission.
After a second, Ryan blinks, opens his eyes and looks at Seth as if he wants to ask a question, one Seth might not like to hear. He thinks he can hear it in Ryan's eyes. Are you lying, is this for real, how long will you--
Seth shakes his head before leaning forward, closing the space in between them. Ryan closes his eyes just as Seth does as well, one breath before their lips meet. Ryan inhales sharply, and welcomes the kiss with everything he has. He leans in, puts his hand over Seth's.
Seth's breath catches on the inhale, and it's like breathing in all the words he would have said, all the words he wanted to say. It's like breathing in Newport air and blue and orange and pink skies. It's like breathing in life and love and future and forever.
They are silent as they kiss, once, twice, three times. They are silent as they pull apart and Seth nuzzles the side of Ryan's head, the hollow of his throat and the nape of his neck. He can feel the roughness of stubble against his own cheeks, the line of Ryan's jaw. Seth breathes in and he can smell Ryan, around him, surrounding him, filling him on every breath.
And he'd thought he'd forgotten how much he wanted this, he'd thought it could never be as good or perfect or as right as he had imagined it could be, years ago, almost a lifetime ago. He'd been wrong. It was much more than that. It was home.
Seth pulls away once again, far enough to see Ryan's face, still soft and mellow around the edges, impossibly blue eyes shining bright under the dim light. Ryan looks back at him, blinks back at him. Seth sighs as he kisses Ryan again and again, until they both start to yawn over them, nuzzle each other tiredly, place sleepy kisses on the corner of lips, on the turn of the chin. There is no need for more words because this has been a long time coming, years coming, and there's no need for any kind of announcement. This is the way it is between them, the way it was always meant to be.
And in fifteen minutes they'll stand up and make their way to Ryan's bed in silent agreement. Ryan will strip down to boxers and white tee and lay down on the bed, scoot to the right side of the bed after a moment. He'll wait for Seth to do the same, to strip off clothes and let them fall haphazardly to the floor. Ryan will pull Seth's arm around him, pull Seth down with him as he rolls away, onto the side he likes to sleep on.
Seth will sigh, curl around him with knees up against the back of Ryan's, skinny knees fitting right into the soft hollows there between the muscle of thighs and calves, his face in between Ryan's shoulder blades. And Seth will kiss the skin over Ryan's right shoulder, nuzzle the back of Ryan's neck before hugging Ryan tight, arm around Ryan's chest, hand finding home on Ryan's left collarbone, burrowing in the shared warmth.
Okay, there it is. I shouldn't even have posted it yet, not when I'm at work. *giggles* But I couldn't stop myself. My boss is out for the day and though I have stuff to do, I'm just feeling too lazy to do them. *g*