(no subject)
I dont care if you read this or if you don't. I don't want to know what anyone thinks because i am sick of having to care about what people think. I need to get this out of me before I do something stupid. I am in a panic right now and I have no idea what I have just done.
I feel like I have ended a part of my life. There has to be something that needs fixing before things can go back to the way they were...back to before I started feeling like this. As soon as that front door shut I just collapsed. What have I done? How can this help in any way? What good can come from being separated from the person you love...from your best friend. I don't know what to do, where to start, how to begin...I don't know anything. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I always the one that finds the faults and makes the issues. Knowing me, there wasn't ever anything wrong, I just made myself believe that something was different or changing.
Why do you have to love me so much? Why can't you ever hurt me? I feel like I let you down and keep you waiting on me constantly, and you don't even say anything. You just love me and let me be me and give me the space and the time I need and just...you still go on loving me.
I feel like I have gone through the spin cycle and have been hung up to dry. I thought this was what I wanted but now im not so sure. I think this is what i need...even if it's only for a little while. I don't know where to begin or when it will end. All I know is that I hate this, but I also hated where things seemed to be heading. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be treated with the love that you give. I want to be everything for you again. I want to be with you. That's why I am going to do this. To figure this out. You are far too important to me to just give up or throw away. I love you.
and the sad thing is...It's barely been an hour since he left.
I feel like I have ended a part of my life. There has to be something that needs fixing before things can go back to the way they were...back to before I started feeling like this. As soon as that front door shut I just collapsed. What have I done? How can this help in any way? What good can come from being separated from the person you love...from your best friend. I don't know what to do, where to start, how to begin...I don't know anything. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I always the one that finds the faults and makes the issues. Knowing me, there wasn't ever anything wrong, I just made myself believe that something was different or changing.
Why do you have to love me so much? Why can't you ever hurt me? I feel like I let you down and keep you waiting on me constantly, and you don't even say anything. You just love me and let me be me and give me the space and the time I need and just...you still go on loving me.
I feel like I have gone through the spin cycle and have been hung up to dry. I thought this was what I wanted but now im not so sure. I think this is what i need...even if it's only for a little while. I don't know where to begin or when it will end. All I know is that I hate this, but I also hated where things seemed to be heading. You deserve better than that. You deserve to be treated with the love that you give. I want to be everything for you again. I want to be with you. That's why I am going to do this. To figure this out. You are far too important to me to just give up or throw away. I love you.
and the sad thing is...It's barely been an hour since he left.