Just an update - a return too?
I've thought about this post for sometime. Trying to figure what I want to say. How can I say "I think I can return now?" Maybe I just should quit trying to say something witty, and just do it.
Yeah, I will.
I think now, I can really start to return. I've had lots of time to clear my head, both figuratively, and practically.
For one, I think I know now what was part of the problem. I've reported before I suffer from something called 'brain fog' Well I've pretty much eliminated that finally. This one site ' http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/brain_fog.htm' gives several dozen reasons for it. I for one just stopped all the soda drinking. Now down to only 1 a day - at times that's about 2 or 3 a week at best. Now only teas, and water is mostly what I drink. Sure enough haven't had the severity I've seen before.
To be sure however. Diabetes also contributes as well. Hypoglycemia, nutrient deficiencies, and other things are a cause.. Also I noticed thyroid imbalance too. Guess what? I found out only about 3 months ago, I had low thyroid, which now I'm on replacement meds. So something I did has cleared up the problem for good.
The low thyroid, and brain fog too could explain these SADS episodes I went though in the winter of 11, and some of 12s. We'll find out around oct - dec.
Another little thing. I - uh..." (rubs his neck and chuckles) Well I had to stop reading LJ for all this time. At first I kept up with it, but slowly I drifted away and I have no idea what's been going on. I've followed srain on FB, but I gave up on LJ. I needed the time away to clear my head. I'll be reading a couple of people's journals to catch up soon.
About 2 years ago I decided once and for to start changing my life for the better. I've really put some serious effort into this, even though it's been a challenge. I threw out, or finished all these half-ass projects brought on by a physiological need. That's the only way I can really explain that. At first I had no idea what I was doing, but I found a friend did the exact same thing after he went though some pretty hard times. It must be something that 'happens' for lack of a better term. You just have this feeling to do something It's a form of nervousness I believe, for I always felt like I needed to look over my shoulder - as though something was stalking me. (I believe that was what I once told Mavra too.)
Well as I hoped clearing this out finally freed up a lot of time, and de-stressed me as well. I'm actually still clearing out my life. Recently the folks had the old carpet replaced (it was nearly 12 years old, and getting even THAT long out of modern carpet is good.) After moving my entire apartment out, and replacing it I started a major clean out. I've tossed nearly 6 bags of trash to the recyclers, and nearly 400lbs of electronics to the electronics recyclers or donated what does work to various places around town. I only have a bunch of old books to sell though half-price books in a couple of weeks to finish.
Money still is incredibly tight. The folks have stopped asking for rent this year again. $200 more for me to use but still I'm just putting it away instead. Health insurance is the major bitch now, and I'm definitely a sub to it. I'm down to just 2 clients for my books. Only $250 for them. So I'm just slipping over the 'starving poor' level now.
But for all that negative, there actually is some good coming:
I am working on my real-estate sales persons test. So far too I'm doing remarkably well. I'm hoping that I can try for the test before Oct or so.
What happened to all these plans this year? Money - It took me nearly till July to actually afford this class I still have to pay (off) the FBI for a background check, then the test itself requires money. I'll be lucky to have enough to start on my appraisal tests next year unless I get lucky and sell a home or lot. At least that's coming in quickly. I just finished updating the company site, and we've got dozens and dozens of properties for sale; farms, land, residential, and even 2 commercials - our first in nearly five years So the chances are good.
Lastly, one long time dream of mine is actually working out.
For years - decades even. I've been a creative person. It's a bit cause of my nervousness. (Yeah I finally figured that part out about me recently too.) I'm not a shaky nervous, or one that worries consistently, but one of those types that cannot quite settle. I've always got to do something Just a low-level type. Nothing to cry to momma or such.
Anyway, as many of you know I tried for 10 years to learn to become an artist. Well I finally just abandoned that this year. I didn't make much progress - for I know that I really didn't have the drive to learn. I switched gears though and put an effort to learn fiction writing. BAM! That was it. This was one of those things that just "happened" I guess. I was in the right place at the right time.
Nearly a year ago, a chance post on a local BBS asking for local writers got me with two writing teachers, and we started a workshop. That workshop, two incredible stories by Sagheer, AND my 'Terrafur' framework was the key to unlock that door to my creative side.
Now I will say right here and now - I am STILL not a professional or even a published author. But I can tell that I'm on the right path finally. I'm not drifting around as I was with my art. I'm on a clear, definite path, and to be honest (and I'm not tooting my own horn) I'm making rapid progress.
I have 4 stories in active development, and about a dozen or so inactive ones. One story has been in very active development, and I'm receiving good, and critical feedback from many folks. I know of my weaknesses, and working on actually learning how to fix those as I go along. Another story seems to have some interest - if (grr) - I can find the desire to work on it. It's been one of those like a carrot danging in front of me, and the stick is hooked to the back of my head. Always out of reach. For one I think the size has been intimidating. It's a 4 story "Metastory" (4 stories that tell one complete story) So the sheer size of it is putting me off. It's also a hard sci-fi story which is difficult to even conceive of, much less write.
On this front, I wanted to add something special.
First I am passionate about science fiction and fantasy writing. But the biggest problem?
One: SF has a specialness about it. It's totally different from say mysteries or romance fiction. So people who's never read SF will have problems understanding it. (note, the ones at my writing guild :)
Second, this one story I mentioned above. The one in very active development? At first when I wrote it, I thought it was a furry story. Furry stories I will NOT show outside the fandom; that is one major fear of mine. However I looked at the first 2 chapters very closely, though of what was coming out, and I realized it's not a furry story, but it's an 'uplift' story. Which is purely SF There is literally hundreds of uplift SF stories out there, from the well known "Island of Dr. Moreau" (H.G. Wells circa 1880s) to David Brin's uplift 6 novel series (featuring neo-dolphins, and chimps) to less well known ones like "The Lost C'mell" or one that surprised me but it definitely is; "2001: A space Odyssey" universe. The term uplift in SF circles merely means; "A sapient species, giving sapience (at least) to a non-sapient species"
In this story, we're introduced to what originally was the Hindvalians, which in the framework are uplifted deer. As far as I know, uplifting deer is not standard uplift, but there is no rules on what you can uplift. Anyway, once I figured out what this story is, I rewrote the 1st chapter from the ground up to eliminate the 'bad writing' fear and I actually read it at my local writing guild.
Nervous? Hell yes! Especially when we had a new girl in the group But I made sure to emphases this was sci-fi, even though at first you can't tell it. It's a post apocalyptic story in 'deep time', nearly 2,000 years after two comets hit the earth and basically destroyed civilization and set everyone back to at least medieval level culture and technology.
It went VERY well! I was surprised. Once they understood what was going on, they found errors, and plot holes I missed. One co-founder actually helped me bring out a new opening of the chapter. The 'hook' will tell the reader that a) this is sci-fi, b) what caused this, in a type of mythological story.
Right now, I'm also working on chapter 3, but it's been slow going because it introduces a second character and character development is difficult so far.
Another reason it's slow going, is I'm putting some serious research into native american culture, language, and mythologies. This tribe of uplifted deer are pre-Columbus native American in culture, language and setting. I also using my memories of the Appalachian mountains I use to live in, to make the setting more realistic as well. I'm really proud of this story, even if it's frustratingly slow going.
Publish it? I honestly would love too, and I want it to show up in a paper published magazine. Having something come out in Analog, or another like it has always been a dream of mine. Once it shows up there, then an e-version can happen if they wish. I'm working on a goal of having the 1st draft of the entire story done by the end of the year. Now I have it almost completely mapped out, so I've got a rough idea where this story is headed.
If you'd like to have a link to my accounts I'm showing these off, just ask in e-mail (shadwalk@gmail.com) or private note here. I will not post it in public. I'm using a nom-de-plum to distance myself from Shadowwalker. Making a clean slate, so to speak.
So there you have it. I'm not sure yet how FurryMUCK's going to go yet. That's something still needing time but I think now I'm slowly returning to LJ now. Just one step at a time it appears.
Yeah, I will.
I think now, I can really start to return. I've had lots of time to clear my head, both figuratively, and practically.
For one, I think I know now what was part of the problem. I've reported before I suffer from something called 'brain fog' Well I've pretty much eliminated that finally. This one site ' http://www.drlwilson.com/articles/brain_fog.htm' gives several dozen reasons for it. I for one just stopped all the soda drinking. Now down to only 1 a day - at times that's about 2 or 3 a week at best. Now only teas, and water is mostly what I drink. Sure enough haven't had the severity I've seen before.
To be sure however. Diabetes also contributes as well. Hypoglycemia, nutrient deficiencies, and other things are a cause.. Also I noticed thyroid imbalance too. Guess what? I found out only about 3 months ago, I had low thyroid, which now I'm on replacement meds. So something I did has cleared up the problem for good.
The low thyroid, and brain fog too could explain these SADS episodes I went though in the winter of 11, and some of 12s. We'll find out around oct - dec.
Another little thing. I - uh..." (rubs his neck and chuckles) Well I had to stop reading LJ for all this time. At first I kept up with it, but slowly I drifted away and I have no idea what's been going on. I've followed srain on FB, but I gave up on LJ. I needed the time away to clear my head. I'll be reading a couple of people's journals to catch up soon.
About 2 years ago I decided once and for to start changing my life for the better. I've really put some serious effort into this, even though it's been a challenge. I threw out, or finished all these half-ass projects brought on by a physiological need. That's the only way I can really explain that. At first I had no idea what I was doing, but I found a friend did the exact same thing after he went though some pretty hard times. It must be something that 'happens' for lack of a better term. You just have this feeling to do something It's a form of nervousness I believe, for I always felt like I needed to look over my shoulder - as though something was stalking me. (I believe that was what I once told Mavra too.)
Well as I hoped clearing this out finally freed up a lot of time, and de-stressed me as well. I'm actually still clearing out my life. Recently the folks had the old carpet replaced (it was nearly 12 years old, and getting even THAT long out of modern carpet is good.) After moving my entire apartment out, and replacing it I started a major clean out. I've tossed nearly 6 bags of trash to the recyclers, and nearly 400lbs of electronics to the electronics recyclers or donated what does work to various places around town. I only have a bunch of old books to sell though half-price books in a couple of weeks to finish.
Money still is incredibly tight. The folks have stopped asking for rent this year again. $200 more for me to use but still I'm just putting it away instead. Health insurance is the major bitch now, and I'm definitely a sub to it. I'm down to just 2 clients for my books. Only $250 for them. So I'm just slipping over the 'starving poor' level now.
But for all that negative, there actually is some good coming:
I am working on my real-estate sales persons test. So far too I'm doing remarkably well. I'm hoping that I can try for the test before Oct or so.
What happened to all these plans this year? Money - It took me nearly till July to actually afford this class I still have to pay (off) the FBI for a background check, then the test itself requires money. I'll be lucky to have enough to start on my appraisal tests next year unless I get lucky and sell a home or lot. At least that's coming in quickly. I just finished updating the company site, and we've got dozens and dozens of properties for sale; farms, land, residential, and even 2 commercials - our first in nearly five years So the chances are good.
Lastly, one long time dream of mine is actually working out.
For years - decades even. I've been a creative person. It's a bit cause of my nervousness. (Yeah I finally figured that part out about me recently too.) I'm not a shaky nervous, or one that worries consistently, but one of those types that cannot quite settle. I've always got to do something Just a low-level type. Nothing to cry to momma or such.
Anyway, as many of you know I tried for 10 years to learn to become an artist. Well I finally just abandoned that this year. I didn't make much progress - for I know that I really didn't have the drive to learn. I switched gears though and put an effort to learn fiction writing. BAM! That was it. This was one of those things that just "happened" I guess. I was in the right place at the right time.
Nearly a year ago, a chance post on a local BBS asking for local writers got me with two writing teachers, and we started a workshop. That workshop, two incredible stories by Sagheer, AND my 'Terrafur' framework was the key to unlock that door to my creative side.
Now I will say right here and now - I am STILL not a professional or even a published author. But I can tell that I'm on the right path finally. I'm not drifting around as I was with my art. I'm on a clear, definite path, and to be honest (and I'm not tooting my own horn) I'm making rapid progress.
I have 4 stories in active development, and about a dozen or so inactive ones. One story has been in very active development, and I'm receiving good, and critical feedback from many folks. I know of my weaknesses, and working on actually learning how to fix those as I go along. Another story seems to have some interest - if (grr) - I can find the desire to work on it. It's been one of those like a carrot danging in front of me, and the stick is hooked to the back of my head. Always out of reach. For one I think the size has been intimidating. It's a 4 story "Metastory" (4 stories that tell one complete story) So the sheer size of it is putting me off. It's also a hard sci-fi story which is difficult to even conceive of, much less write.
On this front, I wanted to add something special.
First I am passionate about science fiction and fantasy writing. But the biggest problem?
One: SF has a specialness about it. It's totally different from say mysteries or romance fiction. So people who's never read SF will have problems understanding it. (note, the ones at my writing guild :)
Second, this one story I mentioned above. The one in very active development? At first when I wrote it, I thought it was a furry story. Furry stories I will NOT show outside the fandom; that is one major fear of mine. However I looked at the first 2 chapters very closely, though of what was coming out, and I realized it's not a furry story, but it's an 'uplift' story. Which is purely SF There is literally hundreds of uplift SF stories out there, from the well known "Island of Dr. Moreau" (H.G. Wells circa 1880s) to David Brin's uplift 6 novel series (featuring neo-dolphins, and chimps) to less well known ones like "The Lost C'mell" or one that surprised me but it definitely is; "2001: A space Odyssey" universe. The term uplift in SF circles merely means; "A sapient species, giving sapience (at least) to a non-sapient species"
In this story, we're introduced to what originally was the Hindvalians, which in the framework are uplifted deer. As far as I know, uplifting deer is not standard uplift, but there is no rules on what you can uplift. Anyway, once I figured out what this story is, I rewrote the 1st chapter from the ground up to eliminate the 'bad writing' fear and I actually read it at my local writing guild.
Nervous? Hell yes! Especially when we had a new girl in the group But I made sure to emphases this was sci-fi, even though at first you can't tell it. It's a post apocalyptic story in 'deep time', nearly 2,000 years after two comets hit the earth and basically destroyed civilization and set everyone back to at least medieval level culture and technology.
It went VERY well! I was surprised. Once they understood what was going on, they found errors, and plot holes I missed. One co-founder actually helped me bring out a new opening of the chapter. The 'hook' will tell the reader that a) this is sci-fi, b) what caused this, in a type of mythological story.
Right now, I'm also working on chapter 3, but it's been slow going because it introduces a second character and character development is difficult so far.
Another reason it's slow going, is I'm putting some serious research into native american culture, language, and mythologies. This tribe of uplifted deer are pre-Columbus native American in culture, language and setting. I also using my memories of the Appalachian mountains I use to live in, to make the setting more realistic as well. I'm really proud of this story, even if it's frustratingly slow going.
Publish it? I honestly would love too, and I want it to show up in a paper published magazine. Having something come out in Analog, or another like it has always been a dream of mine. Once it shows up there, then an e-version can happen if they wish. I'm working on a goal of having the 1st draft of the entire story done by the end of the year. Now I have it almost completely mapped out, so I've got a rough idea where this story is headed.
If you'd like to have a link to my accounts I'm showing these off, just ask in e-mail (shadwalk@gmail.com) or private note here. I will not post it in public. I'm using a nom-de-plum to distance myself from Shadowwalker. Making a clean slate, so to speak.
So there you have it. I'm not sure yet how FurryMUCK's going to go yet. That's something still needing time but I think now I'm slowly returning to LJ now. Just one step at a time it appears.