Hysterically funny if you’ve ever played Amber RPG
I’m playing a game with James W online. He’s playing a character named Alexander. He’s done a lot of amusing things. Last night even though I’ve been sick I just had to stay up until he discovered he accidently turned 6 cigars into spikards. Everlasting cigars of extreme power! Though this was just the perfect combination of a long line of hysterical things. I had problems going to sleep last night because I couldn’t stop chuckling. James said he dreamt of cigars. Today we went over his other clothing. The majority of what he was wearing also turned into spikards, some things gained intelligence.
Brand tells Alexander that what his son is doing has implications. Thought he suggest he can’t really talk about it because Alexander’s girlfriend is there. So Alexander completely disregards the information. And says he’s not going to look into the information further. During this time he asks Brand, his characters father, in front of his girlfriend for 50 years, if he thinks he can get Julian to consent to him taking his daughter Foan out on a date. To which Brand immediately points out that she’s his first cousin and he must be out of his mind. Alexander pointed out dating doesn’t mean wild sex. He replied that if you’re not courting the person it’s not dating. And suggested he doesn’t talk about dating family members in the future.
Later he comes in and asks Brand for training. Brand says yes he’s available for training. Alexander response to his incredible super genius dad is “be sure to train us in psyche. We’ve worked on building up our bodies now its time to build up our minds.”
Brand wants him to go to the Tyr tra noth silver festival with him and get moon silver to forge a weapon. Alexander’s response was even though he’s been in shadow for over 150 shadow years he has nothing to trade for the silver. He has not collected any money. And he doesn’t want to mooch. Brand tells him that he’s getting him silver to forge a weapon weather he likes it or not. And the pattern can be used to gain wealthy and items of power.
B rand tells him that he needs to really think about what he wants when using the pattern. Start with 1 thing and then move to the environment it’s in. He raises the pattern, walks to brands mansion, goes into his closet and gets a box of cigars. Brand, who was following him, laughs and says that’s the shortest pattern walk he’s ever seen. Then he wants to find things of lost items of power that are of great value and historical significance to Amber. So of course the pattern is going to send him to the closet one first. The first time he was looking for something in a treasure hoard. He found a lost book. He showed it to brand. Brand called one of his other sons and yelled at him. The other son was supposed give the book to Benedict 3 years ago. He lost it. Instead of using the pattern to find it he went and found a shadow copy. Brand told Alexander he was wondering why Benedict was looking at him strangely the last 3 years. He was looking for some indication of weather or not Brand wanted him to kill his son. Next he found Cain looking for a ring he lost under a chair cushion. So he argues with the pattern over what the definition of lost is. The problem is that is if it’s lost and is powerful it’s not lost for long, or it’s in a way two dangerous place to go, or the owner s dead, or the person who lost it is hiding the fact they lost it. So he goes looking for things that are of great power and historical significance to Amber that belonged to dead family members. First he finds a dagger. The dagger says Hello. He finds out the daggers name but nothing else. He puts the dagger in his case and goes on to the next thing. He finds a purse. Which was lying next to a skeleton that appeared to be wearing and evening gown and was in a circle of scorched earth. He puts the skeleton in a coffin and struggles to put the coffin and purse into a trump storage box. Then he finds a battle ship. He calls Corwin because he doesn’t know the docks in Amber well enough. He tells Corwin what he found. Corwin explains that they should id the body but because it’s in a safe storage space he wants to take it to a safe location to take it out. Since it was on scorched earth it’s probably not a plague victim. But it could be a plot to infect the people of Amber. He gets to Amber and asks Oberon if he wants to id the body or not bother. Oberon, “Of course I want to id the body. You were looking for items of great power of historical significance to Amber and found a dead body. If you were looking for dead bodies in even gowns on scorched earth I might not bother.” Then they determine the dead person is Llewlla. At which point he goes into possible ways they could bring her back. Oberon explains she was hit with a logrus bomb, obviously from an elder choasian. There is no way to bring her back. And he goes to make funeral arrangements. Corwin and Alexander go to investigate. They find the only odd thing is a torn up trump of Lucas, Alexander’s son. Corwin immediately jumps to the conclusion that an elder chosain is after Lucas who only walked the pattern 6 Amber years ago and that Llewella died trying to protect him. And that Oberon needed to be contacted immediately and guards needed to be put in place. Alexander doesn’t give it a second thought that that’s the ‘obvious’ conclusion according to Corwin.
Later he goes to Oberon in the church. They are talking and he goes to hand Rigel the dagger to Oberon and says, ‘I believe this belongs to you.’ Which Oberon thought was odd because he didn’t make and never actually owned Rigel. Oberon tells him that Rigel would be more useful to him. Alexander’s response was that he’s not a blade person. He has a quick back and forth with Rigel and Oberon. And says that he prefers staffs and doesn’t need a steak knife because hes thinking of going vegetarian because it’s healthier. He neglected to check to see what this intelligence ‘Item of great power and historical importance to Amber’ was actually capable of before calling him a steak knife in front of Oberon. Oberon and Rigel were both took a long time to verify he wasn’t joking.
He finds out the pattern is making pattern bloods. Basically creating new Amberits out in shadow. His son has been finding them. Is having a baby with one, is the lover of another and is sending Gerard after another. And that a lot of the elders were flirting with the one he’s having the baby with. He finds out there is another one. But Oberon hasn’t finished securing a double for Lucas yet and doesn’t want his absence to be noticed. So Alexander agrees to go. (James had a dream that Alexander’s destiny was to have the pattern slam him through a sealed shadow and have to father children which would be the gods of the shadow and not be able to get out til after the children were fathered. It may have resulted from things that happened to a previous character. But we decided this was the time he would do this.) He asks Oberon if contemplating something counted. Because he thought about hitting the pattern with a bat. And felt karma was going to hit him. So he starts walking the pattern. He gets an image of him running around trying to put out a flaming bat. Then he goes through the pattern walk. And he knows something is going strange. The pattern tells him to brace himself. He rolled a d20 to see how he did because there are certain things in the game that are just too difficult to determine other wise. He failed to brace himself. Gets pushed through a billion shadows at once. Slammed into a barrier of just about every type of power around. All well smoking a cigar. He ends up in a lake. He thinks he’s rolling to see if he drowned which would suck but not be fatal because he’s a shape shifter. He gets a 19 but said it was a moment of panic because for a second it wobbled between 1 and 19. But it wasn’t to see if he drowned. It was to see how much power his cigars absorbed. He turned his cigars into spikards. Along with everything else he was carrying other then his pants, boxers, shirt and belt. But they all became items of power and armor. Yes even his socks and money are now spikards. He has 7 spikards that can talk to him. 2 of them could talk before because brand made them but they were hiding the fact they were intelligent. His cigar case is now intelligent and told him he should rotate which spikard cigar he smokes so none of them feel left out.
There was also a discussion of how Oberon was going to explain to brand what happened. Oberon, “Brand I.. Erh.. lost .. your son. It was really pretty though. I made a trump picture of it. It doesn’t work but it’s a really pretty picture. At least I put your favorite Grandson back where I got him so he’s not lost too. I tried to walk the pattern and ask to teleport to him. But it told me sorry try again later. It seems have confused itself with a magic 8 ball.”
Brand tells Alexander that what his son is doing has implications. Thought he suggest he can’t really talk about it because Alexander’s girlfriend is there. So Alexander completely disregards the information. And says he’s not going to look into the information further. During this time he asks Brand, his characters father, in front of his girlfriend for 50 years, if he thinks he can get Julian to consent to him taking his daughter Foan out on a date. To which Brand immediately points out that she’s his first cousin and he must be out of his mind. Alexander pointed out dating doesn’t mean wild sex. He replied that if you’re not courting the person it’s not dating. And suggested he doesn’t talk about dating family members in the future.
Later he comes in and asks Brand for training. Brand says yes he’s available for training. Alexander response to his incredible super genius dad is “be sure to train us in psyche. We’ve worked on building up our bodies now its time to build up our minds.”
Brand wants him to go to the Tyr tra noth silver festival with him and get moon silver to forge a weapon. Alexander’s response was even though he’s been in shadow for over 150 shadow years he has nothing to trade for the silver. He has not collected any money. And he doesn’t want to mooch. Brand tells him that he’s getting him silver to forge a weapon weather he likes it or not. And the pattern can be used to gain wealthy and items of power.
B rand tells him that he needs to really think about what he wants when using the pattern. Start with 1 thing and then move to the environment it’s in. He raises the pattern, walks to brands mansion, goes into his closet and gets a box of cigars. Brand, who was following him, laughs and says that’s the shortest pattern walk he’s ever seen. Then he wants to find things of lost items of power that are of great value and historical significance to Amber. So of course the pattern is going to send him to the closet one first. The first time he was looking for something in a treasure hoard. He found a lost book. He showed it to brand. Brand called one of his other sons and yelled at him. The other son was supposed give the book to Benedict 3 years ago. He lost it. Instead of using the pattern to find it he went and found a shadow copy. Brand told Alexander he was wondering why Benedict was looking at him strangely the last 3 years. He was looking for some indication of weather or not Brand wanted him to kill his son. Next he found Cain looking for a ring he lost under a chair cushion. So he argues with the pattern over what the definition of lost is. The problem is that is if it’s lost and is powerful it’s not lost for long, or it’s in a way two dangerous place to go, or the owner s dead, or the person who lost it is hiding the fact they lost it. So he goes looking for things that are of great power and historical significance to Amber that belonged to dead family members. First he finds a dagger. The dagger says Hello. He finds out the daggers name but nothing else. He puts the dagger in his case and goes on to the next thing. He finds a purse. Which was lying next to a skeleton that appeared to be wearing and evening gown and was in a circle of scorched earth. He puts the skeleton in a coffin and struggles to put the coffin and purse into a trump storage box. Then he finds a battle ship. He calls Corwin because he doesn’t know the docks in Amber well enough. He tells Corwin what he found. Corwin explains that they should id the body but because it’s in a safe storage space he wants to take it to a safe location to take it out. Since it was on scorched earth it’s probably not a plague victim. But it could be a plot to infect the people of Amber. He gets to Amber and asks Oberon if he wants to id the body or not bother. Oberon, “Of course I want to id the body. You were looking for items of great power of historical significance to Amber and found a dead body. If you were looking for dead bodies in even gowns on scorched earth I might not bother.” Then they determine the dead person is Llewlla. At which point he goes into possible ways they could bring her back. Oberon explains she was hit with a logrus bomb, obviously from an elder choasian. There is no way to bring her back. And he goes to make funeral arrangements. Corwin and Alexander go to investigate. They find the only odd thing is a torn up trump of Lucas, Alexander’s son. Corwin immediately jumps to the conclusion that an elder chosain is after Lucas who only walked the pattern 6 Amber years ago and that Llewella died trying to protect him. And that Oberon needed to be contacted immediately and guards needed to be put in place. Alexander doesn’t give it a second thought that that’s the ‘obvious’ conclusion according to Corwin.
Later he goes to Oberon in the church. They are talking and he goes to hand Rigel the dagger to Oberon and says, ‘I believe this belongs to you.’ Which Oberon thought was odd because he didn’t make and never actually owned Rigel. Oberon tells him that Rigel would be more useful to him. Alexander’s response was that he’s not a blade person. He has a quick back and forth with Rigel and Oberon. And says that he prefers staffs and doesn’t need a steak knife because hes thinking of going vegetarian because it’s healthier. He neglected to check to see what this intelligence ‘Item of great power and historical importance to Amber’ was actually capable of before calling him a steak knife in front of Oberon. Oberon and Rigel were both took a long time to verify he wasn’t joking.
He finds out the pattern is making pattern bloods. Basically creating new Amberits out in shadow. His son has been finding them. Is having a baby with one, is the lover of another and is sending Gerard after another. And that a lot of the elders were flirting with the one he’s having the baby with. He finds out there is another one. But Oberon hasn’t finished securing a double for Lucas yet and doesn’t want his absence to be noticed. So Alexander agrees to go. (James had a dream that Alexander’s destiny was to have the pattern slam him through a sealed shadow and have to father children which would be the gods of the shadow and not be able to get out til after the children were fathered. It may have resulted from things that happened to a previous character. But we decided this was the time he would do this.) He asks Oberon if contemplating something counted. Because he thought about hitting the pattern with a bat. And felt karma was going to hit him. So he starts walking the pattern. He gets an image of him running around trying to put out a flaming bat. Then he goes through the pattern walk. And he knows something is going strange. The pattern tells him to brace himself. He rolled a d20 to see how he did because there are certain things in the game that are just too difficult to determine other wise. He failed to brace himself. Gets pushed through a billion shadows at once. Slammed into a barrier of just about every type of power around. All well smoking a cigar. He ends up in a lake. He thinks he’s rolling to see if he drowned which would suck but not be fatal because he’s a shape shifter. He gets a 19 but said it was a moment of panic because for a second it wobbled between 1 and 19. But it wasn’t to see if he drowned. It was to see how much power his cigars absorbed. He turned his cigars into spikards. Along with everything else he was carrying other then his pants, boxers, shirt and belt. But they all became items of power and armor. Yes even his socks and money are now spikards. He has 7 spikards that can talk to him. 2 of them could talk before because brand made them but they were hiding the fact they were intelligent. His cigar case is now intelligent and told him he should rotate which spikard cigar he smokes so none of them feel left out.
There was also a discussion of how Oberon was going to explain to brand what happened. Oberon, “Brand I.. Erh.. lost .. your son. It was really pretty though. I made a trump picture of it. It doesn’t work but it’s a really pretty picture. At least I put your favorite Grandson back where I got him so he’s not lost too. I tried to walk the pattern and ask to teleport to him. But it told me sorry try again later. It seems have confused itself with a magic 8 ball.”