okay..im sure it must be pms, so disregard whatever follows in about 2 days...
clouds. why can we friggin be like clouds. i think we are like clouds in some ways. some of us are cold, some of us are 'warm'...yes, we are clouds. very much so. and warm and cold clouds cross paths and form storms and then share some of the pain from both sides. i need to go write a song or something. but of course i cant. i realized i cant play the friggin guitar for beans. and ya know what...i might as well get it out there...the whole reason why i was 'upset' was due to the fact that me and erin had another one of our long long conversations, talking about everything..acting like morons, and acting like we were when we were best friends.
then:
"....oh..yeah..oh..ha..your gonna hate this"
"what?"
"oh nothing...you'd hate it..no reason to tell you"
"c'mon, tell me"
...*to short of a pause*
"well, ian got a guitar and im gonna teach him."
"bye."
...*click*
...*calls back*
"what?"
*mumbo-jumbo that i dont remember....*
*then she said something...i forgot her exact words, but it was something too close along the lines of 'if your friends with him im not going to be your friend'
so yeah...now im thinkin: you dumbass..you didnt have to say anything.
*bright eyes blares..sunrise and the sunset....*
then my mind drifts, with the help of the music...into the whole thing: 'if someone says that they're not going to be your friends because your friends with someone else...are they really a good friend?' well, the answer is no. duh.
but the thing is is that i cant just say that. its erin. shes like my best friend..or was...and now im 'choosing' ian over her? i would rather have erin..the most moronically-hilarious person ive ever met who i would hope would come to my wedding and get drunk...so i would really have something to remember on that day. and now...ive got ian. woot? not really..lets see...i rarely talk to him, and we havent had many 'deep' conversations...i mean, sure, i guess hes my friend....but i was too late to acknowledge my mistake before it happend. i knew she would hate it. why did i say it.
"its gonna break...you know it will..."
...*laughs*
"I SEE YOU JACKI"
...*snap*
...*gasp from the destroyer*
"OH MY GOD!"
"did i NOT tell you it was gonna break!!! *laughs*...
....i KNEW IT..I KNEW IT..."
and she knew it too, but she still went on with it....that was hilarious...for that one person out there who will understand it...but yeah..i screwed up this time and i just shouldnt have said it...but then theres the whole 'is she a good friend' thing. and yes, she is, despite her not wanting me to be friends with someone else...i mean...god. it wasnt meant to end like this.
and lately ive had a 'so be it' attitude...but i cant just let this pass on by...
it doesnt make sense...i say 'so be it'...then i think of ways to resolve it..which is completely contradicting the whole 'so be it' thing.
at least i have the clouds.
then:
"....oh..yeah..oh..ha..your gonna hate this"
"what?"
"oh nothing...you'd hate it..no reason to tell you"
"c'mon, tell me"
...*to short of a pause*
"well, ian got a guitar and im gonna teach him."
"bye."
...*click*
...*calls back*
"what?"
*mumbo-jumbo that i dont remember....*
*then she said something...i forgot her exact words, but it was something too close along the lines of 'if your friends with him im not going to be your friend'
so yeah...now im thinkin: you dumbass..you didnt have to say anything.
*bright eyes blares..sunrise and the sunset....*
then my mind drifts, with the help of the music...into the whole thing: 'if someone says that they're not going to be your friends because your friends with someone else...are they really a good friend?' well, the answer is no. duh.
but the thing is is that i cant just say that. its erin. shes like my best friend..or was...and now im 'choosing' ian over her? i would rather have erin..the most moronically-hilarious person ive ever met who i would hope would come to my wedding and get drunk...so i would really have something to remember on that day. and now...ive got ian. woot? not really..lets see...i rarely talk to him, and we havent had many 'deep' conversations...i mean, sure, i guess hes my friend....but i was too late to acknowledge my mistake before it happend. i knew she would hate it. why did i say it.
"its gonna break...you know it will..."
...*laughs*
"I SEE YOU JACKI"
...*snap*
...*gasp from the destroyer*
"OH MY GOD!"
"did i NOT tell you it was gonna break!!! *laughs*...
....i KNEW IT..I KNEW IT..."
and she knew it too, but she still went on with it....that was hilarious...for that one person out there who will understand it...but yeah..i screwed up this time and i just shouldnt have said it...but then theres the whole 'is she a good friend' thing. and yes, she is, despite her not wanting me to be friends with someone else...i mean...god. it wasnt meant to end like this.
and lately ive had a 'so be it' attitude...but i cant just let this pass on by...
it doesnt make sense...i say 'so be it'...then i think of ways to resolve it..which is completely contradicting the whole 'so be it' thing.
at least i have the clouds.