AtLA fic: Airbender's Child: Fire 4/15
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, in fact a lot of the dialogue will probably be cadged straight from the show itself, which means I own even less.
Author's Notes: To Castlejune, I made a quick fix to the sentence you noted. Thanks for pointing that out. To everyone else, no I haven't abandoned this just because I'm writing at a snail's pace all of a sudden. Actually, a small bit of the delay was my making a snap decision to move one thing to a totally different chapter. So, there you go. Anyhow, those who delight in Mai-bashing will, I suppose, take some joy from this section. Those who like Mai, all I can tell you is that I'll probably try to make it up to you at some point. I really don't want her to be a cardboard cutout of bored, almost-but-not-quite-evil.
"Why weren't you angry that the Mechanist was working for the Fire Nation?" Aang asked.
Zuko shot him an annoyed look, then reined himself in. "You recall what the Southern Air Temple was like, right?"
Aang nodded sadly. "Yes. But what-"
"It has everything to do with it Aang," Zuko told him. "He loves his son, and he wants to protect his people. He's an inventor, not a warrior. Not everyone is able to fight back."
"But his weapons are killing people," Aang insisted.
"Answer this for me," Zuko said. "Who do you care about more? Katara and Sokka, or a bunch of faceless people you'll never meet or know? He knew, absolutely knew, that his son would die horribly if he didn't comply." Zuko added, "And not just his own son, but all the people here."
There was a long silence. "Katara doesn't think he should have compromised," Aang said.
"Katara holds other people to a very high standard," Zuko said dryly. "Not everyone is able, I mean, as a person, to meet those standards. That's why some people are sages, some are warriors and some are farmers.
"And sometimes," Zuko added, as he admiringly watched Katara and Sokka efficiently work together to raise morale and organise the resistance, "People need someone who can lead them." He turned to Aang. "The Mechanist would be a good peacetime leader or headman. He cares for his people and is willing to do a lot to protect them."
Aang slowly nodded in understanding. "That's why I'm here, isn't it? To do those things for people so they don't have to do things they're not meant to."
Zuko sat bolt upright in bed, panting. There was a vague sense of a receding headache, but he was distracted from it by the dream. It felt real. It felt like something he'd actually seen and done and said.
More than that, he was having an ever more difficult time pushing the awareness of the war's effects from his mind. He had known, before Ba Sing Se, that people on the opposite side of the war had been affected, but the sight of the terrified people had struck some chord in him, making him feel guilty for the actions of his people. The dreams he was having, night after night, were making it no easier to make that guilt go away. Dreams about seeing homes destroyed and people fleeing for their lives before the Fire Nation forces made his nights a terror. Intellectually he'd always known there were casualties in the war - civilian casualties - but he'd never had it truly pointed out how horrible it was to attack those targets.
The blackmail was no better. He couldn't remember where he'd heard about it, but that Mechanist was the basis of half the Fire Nation's weapons. The man was being blackmailed into working for the Fire Nation out of fear for his son and his people's lives. It wasn't right. Clearly his mind had latched onto this knowledge, brought to the forefront of his mind by whatever had been damaged in his illness and was making up dreams where Zuko interacted with Avatar Aang. That had to be it.
They just felt really real.
He went to breakfast, and there was Azula. "Good morning, Zuko."
"Morning," he said, shortly.
She looked at him with concern. "Are you okay? You seem a little . . . upset this morning."
He sighed, dropping into his seat and letting the servants serve his breakfast. "You'd think the dreams would go away," he said. "Those nightmares I started having in Ba Sing Se just won't stop coming," he told her. "I just . . ." He decided to go ahead and say something. "Don't you think this war is just . . . ridiculous?"
She raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean?"
Zuko made a face. "What I mean is that we're wiping out whole villages to take over the whole of the Earth Kingdom, and why?"
Azula shot him a baffled look. "Because it is our destiny as the greatest of the four nations to control the fate of the world," she said, as though stating the obvious to a stupid child.\
"Assuming that we are the greatest nation," Zuko said, "Which seems a little presumptuous, we nearly wiped out the Southern Water Tribe for what reason? They never did anything to us, never threatened us, and there's nothing there we want, or need. What's the point?"
It was a question he'd always wanted answered. What was the point of the war?
Sighing, Azula told him, "Sometimes I wonder about you, Zuko. The point is power. To have the power to control the fate of the world. We can't do that if there are savages at the poles and silly airbenders zipping around fomenting rebellion. Anyhow, they're resisting us because they're not smart enough to see how we'd get them out of their ridiculous savage ways."
"How savage do you think they are?" he asked her, sceptically. "They have some amazing healing skills among the waterbenders, and the North Pole is as large and sophisticated as city as our capital or Omashu."
Azula shot him a look. "Omashu's king is a crazy old man."
"Just because the king is crazy doesn't mean everyone else are savages," he countered. "Their mail system alone is very impressive."
"How do you know about their mail system?" she asked, sounding suspicious.
Zuko shrugged. "Same way I know about most things from outside the palace, I guess," he said. "I must have read it in the library some time. I mean, I spent a lot of time there, you know."
"Right," said Azula, looking . . . a little odd. "The library. How could I forget?"
"What is wrong Azula? Is this about what Aiko's been telling you? You've kept on visiting her, haven't you?" Zuko demanded. "Listen to me. I know everyone thinks I'm a failure and that I don't know anything, but I know her and she's just going to get you all twisted up. You're not acting like yourself."
His sister flinched. "You mean I'm not calling you stupid and acting like you have nothing worth saying," she said. "Zuko, she's . . . she's made a lot of things clear. If father wanted you to be the son he felt he should have had, he needed to do more to make you into that." She shook her head. "She may have this crazy idea that the Fire Nation should stop fulfilling its destiny, but she's right about our family. I want you with me when we conquer the world," Azula told him. "You were incredible in Ba Sing Se, and I'm just sorry it took some pathetic airbender to make me see it."
"Azula . . ." he trailed off. He didn't know, in the slightest, what to do with this. His sister had never been like this. She'd always mocked him, taunted and teased him for his ineptitude, for having their mother's so-called affections.
That last thought shook him. So-called affections? Their mother had petted him, made much of him and had loved him deeply where she had just barely tolerated Azula. But why did he feel like that was a lie? He had no evidence of it.
Save a few dreams.
Zuko shook it off. He'd figure it out later. "How long will this affection last, Azula?" he asked her suspiciously. "You've never cared that much . . ." He paused, frowning in thought, then added, "Well, not since you were four. That was when you decided I wasn't worth your time because father said so. Tell me, if I keep trying to convince you that this war is a bad thing will I lose you all over again?"
Her lips pressed together for a moment. "No. I . . . you're my brother," she said. "I don't think Father ever understood that with Uncle. I'm not going to make the same mistake."
Somehow their arms went around each other, and Zuko sighed as the little sister that he'd thought he'd never see again hugged him. "Just . . . be careful," he told her.
"I will, Zuko."
The moment he saw her off, however, he was off like a shot. He needed to talk to Aiko. He needed to know what she was telling Azula and he needed to be sure she wasn't going to get his younger sister into the kind of trouble he'd found himself with their father.
"You will fight for your honour."
Zuko paused, shaking his head. Where had that come from?
"Please, father, I only had the fire nation's best interest at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"
He'd pleaded his way out of the worst of his father's wrath, but had been declared a useless waste of space in return.
Raw, pained screams echoing in the open space of the arena. He didn't know who was screaming until the backhand across his face took his breath away and silencing him. Then he passed out.
He clenched his jaw and forced the memories . . . thoughts . . . whatever they were, back down. He'd deal with it all later. Maybe he needed to talk to a healer. There had to be something that would make these flashes go away. Right now though, he was going to talk to Aiko.
Zuko marched up to her cell, ordering the guards away and snarled through the small window on the door, "What have you been telling Azula?"
"Just that we're her brother and sister and that we both care about her," the woman told him. The words, spoken so matter-of-factly from a face that looked so much like Azula threw Zuko for a loop, briefly.
His lips pressed together in annoyance. "She's changing, thanks to you. The things she's saying, the way she's acting, do you want her to wind up on the wrong side of our father? Like I did?"
Aiko sighed. "Just because the Fire Lord isn't happy with his children doesn't mean he can disinherit you both."
"You think there haven't been the children of concubines making it to the throne in the past?" Zuko asked her, sharply. "I can name six off the top of my head."
"A fair point," she said, "But perhaps the child of a commoner would be best on the throne."
Zuko snorted. "No wonder Shuga thinks so little of you."
She perked up. "I'm glad Shuga found you."
"How do you know the name I gave her?" Zuko asked, suspiciously.
Aiko rolled her eyes, managing to seem both annoyed and smug simultaneously. "She was the only friend you had when mother brought you to visit the enclave."
Silence.
Zuko stood there, gaping, trying to think of something to say in response to that incredible statement. After far too long, he said something. It was just bluster, but he had to find some way to counter such an incredible statement. "I see your time in prison has left you wolf bat crazy," he told her.
"Are you taking care to clean Shuga's toes properly?" she asked him, casually, ignoring his statement.
Zuko shook his head. "For your information, yes."
Her head came up and she fixed him with a look. "How would you know how to do that if you hadn't been told by someone in an enclave?" asked his sister. She fixed him with an earnest look. "Zuko . . . Lee . . . I understand now, that I have to help you. Lead you out of the moral ignorance your firebending creates inside you." She leaned forward, her eyes blazing in fervour. "I see it now. The role of air, the one Sozin tried to do away with, is to lead everyone of the lesser elements out of their self-imposed ignorance-"
"Or I can stay in moral ignorance, and at least not have to listen to your soppy, halfwitted, proselytising. At least, when I say that fire is the superior element, I'm not dressing it up in fake humility," Zuko snapped at her. "Stop trying to make Azula into a peaceful twin to you. You won't succeed." He turned on his heel and began to storm off. He paused, however, and briefly turned back to say, "By the way, have you ever heard of these things called, 'libraries'? It's amazing what you can find in them by way of information on topics you didn't know anything about before."
Then he finished storming off. His sense of righteousness faded almost the moment he was out of the prison. For one thing, he was starting to get a headache, for another, there were a lot of unanswered questions in his mind. Firstly, when had he chosen to name the bison Shuga, and how had Aiko known?
"Sound is simply vibrations in the air. An airbender with sufficient concentration can not only increase the volume of his speech to be heard by many people, he can arrange to hear conversations from a distance or make himself heard at a distance without resort to shouting," the man dressed in Water Tribe clothing told him when he'd asked about how Yanto had done so when announcing Zuko's presence to the Northern Tribe's enclave.
So maybe she'd been spying, but how had he known that, who were those people and why was he having these delusional memories and dreams?
Somehow he found his way to his bedroom, pacing anxiously around, trying to keep himself from pulling his hair out by the roots. He had to finally admit to himself that something hadn't been right since Ba Sing Se. Azula had been acting oddly, his relationship with Mai felt stilted, his father had kept giving him these strange, evaluating looks that were different from anything he'd ever aimed at his son and all these dreams about a past that wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't have happened.
He passed by the mirror again, struck, somehow, that something was missing from his reflection. Slowly, a hand reached up, tracing the left side of his face.
"You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."
What was happening to him?
As he stood there, struggling to find his centre, some sense of self, a thought intruded. He had to find Mai. Mai would make everything better. She'd make it all stop. When a headache threatened again, his mind was made up. At least she'd be able to get him a healer if he fell over and started frothing at the mouth.
Somehow, he'd lost enough of the day that the sun had set, and he couldn't just walk to her home without it being much remarked on. Without thinking, Zuko stole out the window of his own room, slipped through the shadows and found himself perched on the eaves of the roof, next to Mai's bedroom window. He was about to make his presence known, when he heard Azula's voice. "I don't see why you're objecting now."
"I'm objecting to continuing to play dutiful girlfriend when it's clear that Zuko and I don't fit," Mai said, her usually emotionless voice verging on exasperated.
Azula's response was sceptical. "You've pined after my brother since we were children. You're telling me you're giving up the dream? Already?"
"I had a crush on an idea," Mai told her. "The idea of the prince who would spoil me and indulge my whims. Someone who would keep me entertained without pinning me down."
"I don't know," Azula said. "He seems to have been dancing attendance on you pretty religiously."
A sigh. "It's not the same thing. Zuko does it because he's scared he'll lose me, not because he really wants to."
"I suppose I should have finessed things a little more," Azula said ruefully. "It's just that the opportunity offered by the Dai Li was too good to give up." She sounded sad as she said, "I just . . . I wanted him back."
Mai spoke again. "That reminds me. Did you have to make me into his anchor?"
"Who else was he going to voluntarily spend lots of time with?" Azula asked. "Even now, he doesn't trust me, and Ty Lee would be too suspicious. You're his girlfriend, so if he goes to you every time he's feeling a little . . . lost, it makes sense."
"And if I have to listen to him whine about his headaches and his confusion about who he is and why he keeps dreaming about the Avatar, I may put a knife through his hurting head."
"Do it, and I'll make sure you suffer for the rest of your very long life," Azula told her in a low, terrifying voice.
Mai's voice was as deadpan as always when she replied, "You were a lot less concerned about Zuko before you had the Dai Li take away his memories and put fake ones in their place. Why isn't that working?"
Zuko vaguely heard Azula's reply that the memories weren't gone, just buried, as he took off at a dead run. He was on the city rooftops within moments, stumbling and running. Trying to escape the sense of betrayal inside him. He couldn't go back. Everything was a lie. Everything.
He didn't even know which memories were real and which weren't. What was a dream and what was reality? He was barely even aware when he fell afoul of a few cutthroats after dropping into an alleyway to make his way through the dark city streets. All the clumsiness he'd suffered sparring at the palace was gone, and Zuko slipped lithely through the small group of men, tearing through them with near-cruel efficiency. The two women they'd had cornered moments before thanked him profusely, and Zuko found his spinning mind slowing as he walked them back to the building they both had apartments in.
If there was one thing which was clear, it was that he wasn't going to figure out what happened to him and his memory by staying at the palace. It made no sense, however, to run off half-cocked. He'd go back to the palace for travel supplies, and then he'd find Shuga. She was the one creature he knew he could trust, and if Aiko was to be believed, he'd known the bison before . . . whatever had come before Ba Sing Se.
Perhaps the bison could show him to somewhere to find out the truth.
Prologue Part One Part Two Part Three Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen
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