BtVS songfic: Lighthouse
Title: Lighthouse
Author: SCWLC
Disclaimer: Don’t own the characters or the song which is Déanta’s “Ready for the Storm”
Distribution: Whoever wants it just has to let me know they’re taking it.
Spoilers: Umm. Yeah. Those two most recent episodes of AtS and BtVS as of 05/13/03 for those of us who can’t remember episode titles anymore.
Summary: Okay, I’m pretending that Angel and the others had the sense to turn down W&H’s offer and that instead of turning up in the Buffy episode when he did he turned up after. Sort of how I think things should go. To a point.
Notes: No, I’m not writing a sequel or anything after. This is pretty much it. I write until I run out of song then I stop. Also, I decided to not have Connor in this at all ‘cause I can’t write him to save my life.
Feedback: Comments? Questions? Complaints? Demands that I stop clogging your mailboxes? scwlc@yahoo.ca
//The waves crash in and the tide pulls out//
The final battle had been in waiting for weeks, months even. The omens had been building and even the people of Sunnydale had given in to the inevitable and cleared the way for the warriors to battle unimpeded by those uninvolved in the conflict. Buffy strolled the streets looking at the town she had come to think of as not just her home, but as hers. She was its guardian and its caretaker. For all that her exploits had caused more damage to the infrastructure of the town over the years than most natural disasters, she was the one that had kept it standing.
//It’s an angry sea but there is no doubt
That the lighthouse will keep shinin’ out
To warn the lonely sailor//
She had called Angel two hours before. They needed more fighters in the battle and she needed him there. Spike had been a tower of strength but Buffy needed her other half with her. It had been so long since they had last fought together instead of with one another she felt almost divorced from some part of her. It was an empty space only Angel could fill and Buffy walked the streets waiting for him to arrive. She could feel him coming closer and hoped he would get there before she cracked.
Angel, hiding in the back seat of his car and huddled beneath a blanket was letting his mind wander to his former lover. She was a beacon to him, a light that he was drawn to as a moth to a flame. He had spoken to her on the phone and knew she needed him. The pull was irresistible to him and he had agreed to come before even hearing what help she needed. Now that they had been in the car for two hours Fred was finally asking, “So what’s this Buffy facin’ that we can help with?”
Before Angel could say anything Cordelia replied, “God only knows. This stupid town is like Monster Island.”
“Cordelia,” Angel warned. “Buffy said that the First Evil is sponsoring someone other than the Bringers to try to end the Slayer line.”
Wesley sounded disturbingly cheerful at the prospect to Angel. “It is truly fascinating to be facing such a foe,” he said enthusiastically. It seemed his geekyness, as Buffy would have said, was resurfacing after its long absence. “We may well be the first to gain such close observation of it.”
“You seem way too happy about this English,” Gunn reprimanded the other man. He raised his voice a little as he switched to addressing the whole car. “What are these Bringers anyway?”
“They are the First Evil’s followers. They are its physical presence as it were as the First cannot corporeally manifest itself here,” replied Wesley.
“What?” Cordelia asked.
Angel sighed from under his blanket. “The First has no solid form. It’s like a hallucination when it appears to you.” His lips tightened as he remembered his last encounter with it. “When it came to me a couple years ago it appeared as some of the people I killed.”
“Wow,” said Fred. Angel wasn’t inclined to talk about it so he stayed silent. Wesley had other ideas.
“You mean you’ve actually spoken to the First?” he inquired eagerly, “What did it say? What did it want?”
Huddling slightly under his blanket as he controlled his response to Wesley’s questions Angel replied, “She said that I was a vicious killer and that I should just give in to whatever urges I had. She said that she had brought me back from Hell to work for her.” He cleared his throat as he remembered the look on Buffy’s face on that hilltop overlooking Sunnydale. “She said I should give in and kill Buffy.”
Cordelia and Wesley were both silent but Fred spoke up, “Why do you keep calling the First ‘her’?” she asked. “Wesley calls it an ‘it’ and the research he did before we left suggests an indeterminate gender.”
“It was pretending to be one of my victims,” Angel replied shortly.
Fred couldn’t let well enough alone. “Who?”
“One of the tribe of gypsies that cursed me in the first place and Buffy’s Watcher’s girlfriend,” he said.
Cordelia gasped and whispered, “Oh.”
No one said anything else as Angel sank into the bittersweet memories of that tortured several days around Christmas. Sweet only because all memories of Buffy were to be cherished and set aside for the remembered closeness to his mate.
They arrived at 1630 Revello at the same time. The sun had just set so Angel climbed out of the car stretching muscles cramped by hours of huddling under a blanket for fear of stray beams of sunlight. He turned to see her standing at the edge of the driveway, “Buffy.”
“Angel,” she responded.
Both paused, holding on to the brief moment of accord during which they could pretend this was a reunion and not a business trip, could bathe briefly in each other’s presence with no other obligations. Then the moment was over. Inside the group from LA found mayhem of a more mundane kind and was drafted to assist.
//The lightning strikes and the wind cuts cold
To the sailor’s bones to the sailor’s soul//
Suddenly, an apparition appeared in the centre of the room. Angel looked at it and drew in a sharp breath. One by one the group fell silent. They stared at it as it turned to Angel and spoke. “So you came back. Are you going to finish what you started? What I brought you back for?”
Then she turned to a black man who had arrived while Angel was acting as a translator for the young Chinese girl. “Robin. Darling, I’m disappointed in you.”
The man’s jaw worked, then he said, “You’re not my mother.”
As the others jerked a little Angel wondered what she looked like to them. He looked at the apparition pretending to be Jenny Calendar and asked, “What did you bring me back for? You say it’s to kill Buffy,” he ignored the gasps that followed the statement and continued, “But there are prophecies saying that I play a role in the final battles. Maybe you had nothing to do with it,” he challenged her.
Her eyes narrowed and she seemed about to shout in fury. Then she calmed and smiled. “Whatever you choose to believe. Murderer.” Her form rippled as she took on the forms of those he’d killed over the centuries. He swallowed and fell back as the guilt swelled. He felt the room spin as the memories threatened to overwhelm him.
//‘Til there’s nothing left that he can hold
Except the roarin’ ocean.//
He felt Buffy’s hand on his arm, heard her voice and clung to it. He couldn’t hear the words she spoke, but he knew their substance. Everything was fine and would be fine as long as she was with him. He let her presence wash over him like waves on the shore. He shuddered, coming back to himself and staring into her eyes. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. For a moment the room fell away again, but this time it was replaced by the soothing warmth of Buffy’s love.
In the hubbub that followed the First’s appearance Angel and Buffy slipped away. She to escape the responsibilities laid on her by a unanimous unheld vote, Angel merely following her. He climbed the stairs to her room and saw her standing by the window. Her face was lit solely by the light of the moon. “What do you want?” she asked him. Her voice was weary.
//But I . . . I’m ready for the storm//
“I wanted to see how you’re holding up,” he said softly. He stepped closer but was stopped by the sharp motion of her hand waving him off.
She turned to him, her eyes showing the pain he could feel tearing at his soul. “I’m fine Angel,” she lied.
“You’re not.” Angel moved toward her ignoring the way her shoulders tensed. “We’re alone here. You don’t have to be strong now.”
She wondered how he always knew what she was thinking. “You really have been gone a while,” she told him with a bitter chuckle.
//Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm//
“Not that long,” he told her positively. He gently laid a hand on her shoulder and was startled when she swung at him, sending her ex-lover into the door.
Buffy couldn’t lose control. Not now. She stood as tall as her small stature would allow and faced him down. “I always have to be strong. Especially with you.” Her eyes showed the lessons learnt from grief and loss. Lessons learnt from him. “You and I both know what happens when I . . . we . . .” she trailed off her eyes filled with unshed tears.
“Buffy-“
She turned from him sharply “No. Leave me alone Angel. I’d tell you to leave but we need all the help we can get.” Buffy was startled when he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.
“I won’t leave you alone. We need to work this out.” He fixed her with a firm stare.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Buffy stared at him as though she’d never seen him before. Her chest began to heave as her breath sped up and suddenly she collapsed crying into his arms. Her whole body shook with the force of her sobs and Angel helplessly held her, crooning into his slayer’s ear as she let out all the heartache gathered inside her. “Shh. It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” he whispered to her. “I love you.”
Finally she wound down and pulled away from him slightly, then resettled more comfortably. “I’m sorry. I got your shirt wet.”
“It’ll dry,” he told her with a small smile. “What’s been going on around here?” She looked away from him and bit her lip. He was pleased to note she didn’t pull away.
//Give me mercy for my dreams//
“I don’t know. I think it’s just . . . everything,” she told him.
He tightened his arms in reassurance. “Then tell me everything.”
“Well, there’s Willow and the fact that we can’t use her witchy powers since she’ll go all veiny and stuff,” Buffy started. “There’s the fact that Xander’s lost his eye because of me and so many of the potentials have been killed because I wasn’t there for them and Spike is in love with me and I don’t know what to tell him.” She felt Angel tense as she spoke and realised why immediately. “Maybe I should stop.”
Angel looked down at her and smiled. “It’s alright.” He took a deep breath. “I just need to remember that he has a soul and that I have no right to judge you.”
“What?” she asked, “Why-“
He shook his head. “One thing at a time. You weren’t done.”
A dry chuckle escaped her. “No kidding. You’re gonna tell me everything when we’re done buster.”
“Deal.”
The laughter faded instantly as Buffy braced herself to go on. “Then there’s Principal Wood who hired me as a school counsellor because I’m the Slayer and possibly to get into my pants and now he’s sleeping with Faith or something.” The look on her face turned slightly disgusted. “Now I can’t even figure out why I was attracted to him. Maybe it’s a demon hunter thing.” Buffy peeked up at Angel but seemed unaffected by the revelation. “Anyway,” the Slayer sighed and snuggled closer. “Sometimes I just want . . .” she trailed off again and tried to burrow into him.
“Buffy,” Angel reprimanded her.
The big eyes that looked up at him made the vampire forget momentarily where he was and what was happening. Then she asked, “Do I have to?” Her lower lip stuck out in an artless pout that showed the hours of work she had put into it by it’s impact.
On impulse he leaned down and kissed her. When their lips separated he said, “What were you saying?” he prompted.
She pouted a little but quietly admitted, “Sometimes I just want to stop and . . .” She swallowed, clearly bracing herself, “Go back to Heaven.”
Every muscle in his body tensed as the words sank in. Angel looked down at her, feeling agony rip through him. He forced himself to say, “I understand.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I know you don’t really, but you’re the first who’s tried.” She smiled at him. “I missed that y’know.” Buffy looked so sad as she spoke Angel frowned.
“What do you mean?”
//‘Cause every confrontation
Seems to tell me what it really means
To be this lonely sailor//
Buffy’s eyes looked a little empty again. “Dawn is so scared I’ll leave her alone again that any thing I say to her like I might want to be somewhere else she thinks means I’m gonna abandon her. Xander acts like it means I’m giving up and Willow and Anya accuse me of being suicidal.” She shivered and said, “It’s like they know better what I’m feeling than me.”
“And all you can think is that you’re more alone with them than when you’re alone sometimes,” Angel’s words filled an empty place inside her. It was a place that had been empty since he left her after graduation. A small reassurance that someone actually understood what she felt and wouldn’t judge her for it. She could also feel the price that knowledge had extracted from him.
“What happened?” Buffy demanded. She turned around in his lap and fixed him with a glare.
So Angel told her a long involved story. It was a story about Darla and redemption denied, a story of a night of pure despair and about a son and an old enemy and how that son came back a bitter and angry youth who hated his father-by-blood with a passion. He told her about the goddess that had taken over LA and how they had returned humanity’s choice at the cost of world and personal peace. He told her about the son he’d lost in the process and how he didn’t think they would ever find him again.
Then it was his turn to break down and hers to hold him and whisper comforting words of love and reassurance. “Everything’ll be fine Angel. I promise. You’ll get him back.” Buffy could feel his pain and guilt as though they were her own. “I love you.”
//But when the sky begins to clear
And the sunlight melts away my fear
I’ll cry a silent weary tear
At those that need to love me//
It was minutes away from sunrise that Angel finished. “I . . .” his eyes searched hers for a long moment. “Thank you.”
They shared a moment of understanding, then they were kissing. Angel held her close, desperate to feel her and to know she was real. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips and felt as the wetness from both their tears mingled on their cheeks. It was curiously appropriate. They had shared everything else, it seemed right that they share their tears too.
//And I . . . I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm//
Feeling whole for the first time in longer than either cared to remember they were interrupted by the door to Buffy’s room slamming into the wall as people came pouring in. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Xander demanded as he stormed in, followed by Giles, Willow, Dawn and really more people than the house was ever designed to hold.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Buffy sat up immediately and pulled away looking ashamed and exhausted again. “I’m sorry.”
Wesley, startlingly, spoke up. “Why?”
The blonde slayer’s voice was dull and emotionless. “It was a moment of weakness. I shouldn’t have kissed him and I know it’s wrong-“
Her former watcher blinked and interrupted. “No, I meant why were you sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Yeah,” Fred added. “I mean, I know that the curse’ll break and stuff if Angel’s too happy but you guys were just kissin’.” She smiled encouragingly and seemed about to say more but was interrupted.
Giles seemed on the verge of apoplexy Angel absently noted. “Well I for one cannot believe you would be so irresponsible.” He turned his furious glare on Angel. “You especially. I half expect this ridiculousness from Buffy, but you’re old enough to know better,” he spat.
There was a telling silence, then Buffy began to ease off the bed. Everyone was surprised when Kennedy marched over and pushed her back into Angel. “You know what?” she said. “I think I’m beginning to get why Buffy is so stressed and weird *all the time*.” She turned back to the group hovering about the room. “You’re so busy treating her like a child about everything but the slaying she’s going nuts trying to prove that she’s worth something there!”
“And here I thought her friends were the ones givin’ her a reason to keep on,” Spike said. “Turns out they’re better at mental torture than Angelus there ever was.” He smiled and tipped an imaginary hat at Buffy’s friends. “I salute the lot of you. I’m impressed.”
A glare from Willow did nothing to take the smile from his face. “I thought you loved Buffy,” Willow said curiously to him. “Why aren’t you jealous?”
“Oh I am,” he replied. His face was sober as he looked at the lovers now curled together on the bed. “But I also appreciate that no one makes her happier than Angel. I can be happy for her happiness.” His eyes met Angel and a moment of camaraderie missing for a century returned to the two.
Then the room burst into denunciations, arguments and bitter backbiting as old grudges surfaced and were aired. Quietly the potential slayers filed out, Buffy and Angel in their midst, as the support groups of the two warriors began to shout at one another. While the girls whispered in consternation in the living room, Buffy and Angel joined Faith where she lay recovering from the bomb beneath the vineyard.
//Distance it is no real friend
And Time will take its time//
“So,” she said with no preamble, “I hear you two are back together.” Faith grinned at the couple shifting uncomfortably in front of her.
Angel recovered first. “Really had to strain your hearing to catch that gossip huh?” His small half smile put both women at ease.
Faith shrugged. “Eh. I woulda guessed even if there hadn’t been the fight of the century down the hall.” The brunette slayer patted the bed next to her. “Sit and tell Auntie Faith all about it.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy plonked down. “We’re both older than you.”
“It’s possible for someone’s niece or nephew to be older than the aunt or uncle,” Angel said as he joined them on the bed. He received a glare from Buffy. “What?”
//And you will find that in the end
It brings you near a lonely sailor//
Her grin belied her words, “You’re still taking her side?”
With that the ice finally broke and the three spoke about everything. The events that had driven the slayers apart, the Lakers’ chances at winning that year, the potentials and their training and anything else that crossed their minds.
Pain was shared and the gaps between them were finally mended. During the conversation Buffy and Angel gradually moved closer until she was sitting, curled next to him, their arms around each other. Watching this Faith once again felt a pang that she didn’t have anything like that. They fit together even though Buffy was too short and Angel was too tall and it made her more jealous than she could ever admit. Still, the way they still held each other with a desperation and wariness that attested to the troubles they still suffered. Faith decided then that she could never be quite that envious of them.
They finally took their leave of Faith to join the others in planning. There was a grim silence in the room that gradually dissipated as Buffy refused to be cowed by her friends’ disapproval and began to use the expertise of everyone in the room to form a plan to defeat the First’s plans. Angel stood behind her and let her lean on him.
//But when you take me by your side
You love me warm you love me//
Despite the desperate situation Buffy felt more in control and optimistic than she had in years. She felt safe and loved and it was wonderful. The others responded to the surge of positive emotion and began to perk up. It was mentioned by one of the potentials that since the First was incorporeal it did mean that they didn’t have to worry about it. Caleb was out of the picture leaving the Turok-Han vampires that were now around but they too could be dealt with when Xander reminded them of a rocket launcher hidden in the attic.
//And I shoulda realised
I had no reason to be frightened//
The few times someone tried to attack Buffy’s choice of Angel she told them off. Willow, Xander, Giles or Dawn would look surprised, then quietly apologise. None of them declared eternal enmity toward Buffy or Angel and, as the afternoon wore on, Buffy’s confidence began to grow. Angel watched it with pride and happiness.
//And I . . . I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm
I’m ready for the storm//
Plans were made and they marched determinedly to battle. Time was up and Buffy felt a grin stretching her lips as they walked to the vineyard. This was what she had been made for. At her right hand strode her soulmate. Angel took her hand smiled at her.
//I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I//
Angel looked at his slayer in her element and felt a grin of his own stretching his lips. She was so beautiful. Perhaps this wasn’t the End of Days battle, but this battle was one where he belonged. He looked over his friends and hers seeing the results of his love’s work and determination and felt a surge of pride.
//I’m ready for the storm//
The chaos swirled around them and the fight began. And despite the cries of pain and the horror there was joy.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Because they were together.
The End
Back to archive page
Author: SCWLC
Disclaimer: Don’t own the characters or the song which is Déanta’s “Ready for the Storm”
Distribution: Whoever wants it just has to let me know they’re taking it.
Spoilers: Umm. Yeah. Those two most recent episodes of AtS and BtVS as of 05/13/03 for those of us who can’t remember episode titles anymore.
Summary: Okay, I’m pretending that Angel and the others had the sense to turn down W&H’s offer and that instead of turning up in the Buffy episode when he did he turned up after. Sort of how I think things should go. To a point.
Notes: No, I’m not writing a sequel or anything after. This is pretty much it. I write until I run out of song then I stop. Also, I decided to not have Connor in this at all ‘cause I can’t write him to save my life.
Feedback: Comments? Questions? Complaints? Demands that I stop clogging your mailboxes? scwlc@yahoo.ca
//The waves crash in and the tide pulls out//
The final battle had been in waiting for weeks, months even. The omens had been building and even the people of Sunnydale had given in to the inevitable and cleared the way for the warriors to battle unimpeded by those uninvolved in the conflict. Buffy strolled the streets looking at the town she had come to think of as not just her home, but as hers. She was its guardian and its caretaker. For all that her exploits had caused more damage to the infrastructure of the town over the years than most natural disasters, she was the one that had kept it standing.
//It’s an angry sea but there is no doubt
That the lighthouse will keep shinin’ out
To warn the lonely sailor//
She had called Angel two hours before. They needed more fighters in the battle and she needed him there. Spike had been a tower of strength but Buffy needed her other half with her. It had been so long since they had last fought together instead of with one another she felt almost divorced from some part of her. It was an empty space only Angel could fill and Buffy walked the streets waiting for him to arrive. She could feel him coming closer and hoped he would get there before she cracked.
Angel, hiding in the back seat of his car and huddled beneath a blanket was letting his mind wander to his former lover. She was a beacon to him, a light that he was drawn to as a moth to a flame. He had spoken to her on the phone and knew she needed him. The pull was irresistible to him and he had agreed to come before even hearing what help she needed. Now that they had been in the car for two hours Fred was finally asking, “So what’s this Buffy facin’ that we can help with?”
Before Angel could say anything Cordelia replied, “God only knows. This stupid town is like Monster Island.”
“Cordelia,” Angel warned. “Buffy said that the First Evil is sponsoring someone other than the Bringers to try to end the Slayer line.”
Wesley sounded disturbingly cheerful at the prospect to Angel. “It is truly fascinating to be facing such a foe,” he said enthusiastically. It seemed his geekyness, as Buffy would have said, was resurfacing after its long absence. “We may well be the first to gain such close observation of it.”
“You seem way too happy about this English,” Gunn reprimanded the other man. He raised his voice a little as he switched to addressing the whole car. “What are these Bringers anyway?”
“They are the First Evil’s followers. They are its physical presence as it were as the First cannot corporeally manifest itself here,” replied Wesley.
“What?” Cordelia asked.
Angel sighed from under his blanket. “The First has no solid form. It’s like a hallucination when it appears to you.” His lips tightened as he remembered his last encounter with it. “When it came to me a couple years ago it appeared as some of the people I killed.”
“Wow,” said Fred. Angel wasn’t inclined to talk about it so he stayed silent. Wesley had other ideas.
“You mean you’ve actually spoken to the First?” he inquired eagerly, “What did it say? What did it want?”
Huddling slightly under his blanket as he controlled his response to Wesley’s questions Angel replied, “She said that I was a vicious killer and that I should just give in to whatever urges I had. She said that she had brought me back from Hell to work for her.” He cleared his throat as he remembered the look on Buffy’s face on that hilltop overlooking Sunnydale. “She said I should give in and kill Buffy.”
Cordelia and Wesley were both silent but Fred spoke up, “Why do you keep calling the First ‘her’?” she asked. “Wesley calls it an ‘it’ and the research he did before we left suggests an indeterminate gender.”
“It was pretending to be one of my victims,” Angel replied shortly.
Fred couldn’t let well enough alone. “Who?”
“One of the tribe of gypsies that cursed me in the first place and Buffy’s Watcher’s girlfriend,” he said.
Cordelia gasped and whispered, “Oh.”
No one said anything else as Angel sank into the bittersweet memories of that tortured several days around Christmas. Sweet only because all memories of Buffy were to be cherished and set aside for the remembered closeness to his mate.
They arrived at 1630 Revello at the same time. The sun had just set so Angel climbed out of the car stretching muscles cramped by hours of huddling under a blanket for fear of stray beams of sunlight. He turned to see her standing at the edge of the driveway, “Buffy.”
“Angel,” she responded.
Both paused, holding on to the brief moment of accord during which they could pretend this was a reunion and not a business trip, could bathe briefly in each other’s presence with no other obligations. Then the moment was over. Inside the group from LA found mayhem of a more mundane kind and was drafted to assist.
//The lightning strikes and the wind cuts cold
To the sailor’s bones to the sailor’s soul//
Suddenly, an apparition appeared in the centre of the room. Angel looked at it and drew in a sharp breath. One by one the group fell silent. They stared at it as it turned to Angel and spoke. “So you came back. Are you going to finish what you started? What I brought you back for?”
Then she turned to a black man who had arrived while Angel was acting as a translator for the young Chinese girl. “Robin. Darling, I’m disappointed in you.”
The man’s jaw worked, then he said, “You’re not my mother.”
As the others jerked a little Angel wondered what she looked like to them. He looked at the apparition pretending to be Jenny Calendar and asked, “What did you bring me back for? You say it’s to kill Buffy,” he ignored the gasps that followed the statement and continued, “But there are prophecies saying that I play a role in the final battles. Maybe you had nothing to do with it,” he challenged her.
Her eyes narrowed and she seemed about to shout in fury. Then she calmed and smiled. “Whatever you choose to believe. Murderer.” Her form rippled as she took on the forms of those he’d killed over the centuries. He swallowed and fell back as the guilt swelled. He felt the room spin as the memories threatened to overwhelm him.
//‘Til there’s nothing left that he can hold
Except the roarin’ ocean.//
He felt Buffy’s hand on his arm, heard her voice and clung to it. He couldn’t hear the words she spoke, but he knew their substance. Everything was fine and would be fine as long as she was with him. He let her presence wash over him like waves on the shore. He shuddered, coming back to himself and staring into her eyes. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. For a moment the room fell away again, but this time it was replaced by the soothing warmth of Buffy’s love.
In the hubbub that followed the First’s appearance Angel and Buffy slipped away. She to escape the responsibilities laid on her by a unanimous unheld vote, Angel merely following her. He climbed the stairs to her room and saw her standing by the window. Her face was lit solely by the light of the moon. “What do you want?” she asked him. Her voice was weary.
//But I . . . I’m ready for the storm//
“I wanted to see how you’re holding up,” he said softly. He stepped closer but was stopped by the sharp motion of her hand waving him off.
She turned to him, her eyes showing the pain he could feel tearing at his soul. “I’m fine Angel,” she lied.
“You’re not.” Angel moved toward her ignoring the way her shoulders tensed. “We’re alone here. You don’t have to be strong now.”
She wondered how he always knew what she was thinking. “You really have been gone a while,” she told him with a bitter chuckle.
//Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm//
“Not that long,” he told her positively. He gently laid a hand on her shoulder and was startled when she swung at him, sending her ex-lover into the door.
Buffy couldn’t lose control. Not now. She stood as tall as her small stature would allow and faced him down. “I always have to be strong. Especially with you.” Her eyes showed the lessons learnt from grief and loss. Lessons learnt from him. “You and I both know what happens when I . . . we . . .” she trailed off her eyes filled with unshed tears.
“Buffy-“
She turned from him sharply “No. Leave me alone Angel. I’d tell you to leave but we need all the help we can get.” Buffy was startled when he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.
“I won’t leave you alone. We need to work this out.” He fixed her with a firm stare.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Buffy stared at him as though she’d never seen him before. Her chest began to heave as her breath sped up and suddenly she collapsed crying into his arms. Her whole body shook with the force of her sobs and Angel helplessly held her, crooning into his slayer’s ear as she let out all the heartache gathered inside her. “Shh. It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” he whispered to her. “I love you.”
Finally she wound down and pulled away from him slightly, then resettled more comfortably. “I’m sorry. I got your shirt wet.”
“It’ll dry,” he told her with a small smile. “What’s been going on around here?” She looked away from him and bit her lip. He was pleased to note she didn’t pull away.
//Give me mercy for my dreams//
“I don’t know. I think it’s just . . . everything,” she told him.
He tightened his arms in reassurance. “Then tell me everything.”
“Well, there’s Willow and the fact that we can’t use her witchy powers since she’ll go all veiny and stuff,” Buffy started. “There’s the fact that Xander’s lost his eye because of me and so many of the potentials have been killed because I wasn’t there for them and Spike is in love with me and I don’t know what to tell him.” She felt Angel tense as she spoke and realised why immediately. “Maybe I should stop.”
Angel looked down at her and smiled. “It’s alright.” He took a deep breath. “I just need to remember that he has a soul and that I have no right to judge you.”
“What?” she asked, “Why-“
He shook his head. “One thing at a time. You weren’t done.”
A dry chuckle escaped her. “No kidding. You’re gonna tell me everything when we’re done buster.”
“Deal.”
The laughter faded instantly as Buffy braced herself to go on. “Then there’s Principal Wood who hired me as a school counsellor because I’m the Slayer and possibly to get into my pants and now he’s sleeping with Faith or something.” The look on her face turned slightly disgusted. “Now I can’t even figure out why I was attracted to him. Maybe it’s a demon hunter thing.” Buffy peeked up at Angel but seemed unaffected by the revelation. “Anyway,” the Slayer sighed and snuggled closer. “Sometimes I just want . . .” she trailed off again and tried to burrow into him.
“Buffy,” Angel reprimanded her.
The big eyes that looked up at him made the vampire forget momentarily where he was and what was happening. Then she asked, “Do I have to?” Her lower lip stuck out in an artless pout that showed the hours of work she had put into it by it’s impact.
On impulse he leaned down and kissed her. When their lips separated he said, “What were you saying?” he prompted.
She pouted a little but quietly admitted, “Sometimes I just want to stop and . . .” She swallowed, clearly bracing herself, “Go back to Heaven.”
Every muscle in his body tensed as the words sank in. Angel looked down at her, feeling agony rip through him. He forced himself to say, “I understand.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I know you don’t really, but you’re the first who’s tried.” She smiled at him. “I missed that y’know.” Buffy looked so sad as she spoke Angel frowned.
“What do you mean?”
//‘Cause every confrontation
Seems to tell me what it really means
To be this lonely sailor//
Buffy’s eyes looked a little empty again. “Dawn is so scared I’ll leave her alone again that any thing I say to her like I might want to be somewhere else she thinks means I’m gonna abandon her. Xander acts like it means I’m giving up and Willow and Anya accuse me of being suicidal.” She shivered and said, “It’s like they know better what I’m feeling than me.”
“And all you can think is that you’re more alone with them than when you’re alone sometimes,” Angel’s words filled an empty place inside her. It was a place that had been empty since he left her after graduation. A small reassurance that someone actually understood what she felt and wouldn’t judge her for it. She could also feel the price that knowledge had extracted from him.
“What happened?” Buffy demanded. She turned around in his lap and fixed him with a glare.
So Angel told her a long involved story. It was a story about Darla and redemption denied, a story of a night of pure despair and about a son and an old enemy and how that son came back a bitter and angry youth who hated his father-by-blood with a passion. He told her about the goddess that had taken over LA and how they had returned humanity’s choice at the cost of world and personal peace. He told her about the son he’d lost in the process and how he didn’t think they would ever find him again.
Then it was his turn to break down and hers to hold him and whisper comforting words of love and reassurance. “Everything’ll be fine Angel. I promise. You’ll get him back.” Buffy could feel his pain and guilt as though they were her own. “I love you.”
//But when the sky begins to clear
And the sunlight melts away my fear
I’ll cry a silent weary tear
At those that need to love me//
It was minutes away from sunrise that Angel finished. “I . . .” his eyes searched hers for a long moment. “Thank you.”
They shared a moment of understanding, then they were kissing. Angel held her close, desperate to feel her and to know she was real. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips and felt as the wetness from both their tears mingled on their cheeks. It was curiously appropriate. They had shared everything else, it seemed right that they share their tears too.
//And I . . . I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm//
Feeling whole for the first time in longer than either cared to remember they were interrupted by the door to Buffy’s room slamming into the wall as people came pouring in. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Xander demanded as he stormed in, followed by Giles, Willow, Dawn and really more people than the house was ever designed to hold.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Buffy sat up immediately and pulled away looking ashamed and exhausted again. “I’m sorry.”
Wesley, startlingly, spoke up. “Why?”
The blonde slayer’s voice was dull and emotionless. “It was a moment of weakness. I shouldn’t have kissed him and I know it’s wrong-“
Her former watcher blinked and interrupted. “No, I meant why were you sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Yeah,” Fred added. “I mean, I know that the curse’ll break and stuff if Angel’s too happy but you guys were just kissin’.” She smiled encouragingly and seemed about to say more but was interrupted.
Giles seemed on the verge of apoplexy Angel absently noted. “Well I for one cannot believe you would be so irresponsible.” He turned his furious glare on Angel. “You especially. I half expect this ridiculousness from Buffy, but you’re old enough to know better,” he spat.
There was a telling silence, then Buffy began to ease off the bed. Everyone was surprised when Kennedy marched over and pushed her back into Angel. “You know what?” she said. “I think I’m beginning to get why Buffy is so stressed and weird *all the time*.” She turned back to the group hovering about the room. “You’re so busy treating her like a child about everything but the slaying she’s going nuts trying to prove that she’s worth something there!”
“And here I thought her friends were the ones givin’ her a reason to keep on,” Spike said. “Turns out they’re better at mental torture than Angelus there ever was.” He smiled and tipped an imaginary hat at Buffy’s friends. “I salute the lot of you. I’m impressed.”
A glare from Willow did nothing to take the smile from his face. “I thought you loved Buffy,” Willow said curiously to him. “Why aren’t you jealous?”
“Oh I am,” he replied. His face was sober as he looked at the lovers now curled together on the bed. “But I also appreciate that no one makes her happier than Angel. I can be happy for her happiness.” His eyes met Angel and a moment of camaraderie missing for a century returned to the two.
Then the room burst into denunciations, arguments and bitter backbiting as old grudges surfaced and were aired. Quietly the potential slayers filed out, Buffy and Angel in their midst, as the support groups of the two warriors began to shout at one another. While the girls whispered in consternation in the living room, Buffy and Angel joined Faith where she lay recovering from the bomb beneath the vineyard.
//Distance it is no real friend
And Time will take its time//
“So,” she said with no preamble, “I hear you two are back together.” Faith grinned at the couple shifting uncomfortably in front of her.
Angel recovered first. “Really had to strain your hearing to catch that gossip huh?” His small half smile put both women at ease.
Faith shrugged. “Eh. I woulda guessed even if there hadn’t been the fight of the century down the hall.” The brunette slayer patted the bed next to her. “Sit and tell Auntie Faith all about it.”
Rolling her eyes, Buffy plonked down. “We’re both older than you.”
“It’s possible for someone’s niece or nephew to be older than the aunt or uncle,” Angel said as he joined them on the bed. He received a glare from Buffy. “What?”
//And you will find that in the end
It brings you near a lonely sailor//
Her grin belied her words, “You’re still taking her side?”
With that the ice finally broke and the three spoke about everything. The events that had driven the slayers apart, the Lakers’ chances at winning that year, the potentials and their training and anything else that crossed their minds.
Pain was shared and the gaps between them were finally mended. During the conversation Buffy and Angel gradually moved closer until she was sitting, curled next to him, their arms around each other. Watching this Faith once again felt a pang that she didn’t have anything like that. They fit together even though Buffy was too short and Angel was too tall and it made her more jealous than she could ever admit. Still, the way they still held each other with a desperation and wariness that attested to the troubles they still suffered. Faith decided then that she could never be quite that envious of them.
They finally took their leave of Faith to join the others in planning. There was a grim silence in the room that gradually dissipated as Buffy refused to be cowed by her friends’ disapproval and began to use the expertise of everyone in the room to form a plan to defeat the First’s plans. Angel stood behind her and let her lean on him.
//But when you take me by your side
You love me warm you love me//
Despite the desperate situation Buffy felt more in control and optimistic than she had in years. She felt safe and loved and it was wonderful. The others responded to the surge of positive emotion and began to perk up. It was mentioned by one of the potentials that since the First was incorporeal it did mean that they didn’t have to worry about it. Caleb was out of the picture leaving the Turok-Han vampires that were now around but they too could be dealt with when Xander reminded them of a rocket launcher hidden in the attic.
//And I shoulda realised
I had no reason to be frightened//
The few times someone tried to attack Buffy’s choice of Angel she told them off. Willow, Xander, Giles or Dawn would look surprised, then quietly apologise. None of them declared eternal enmity toward Buffy or Angel and, as the afternoon wore on, Buffy’s confidence began to grow. Angel watched it with pride and happiness.
//And I . . . I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I
I’m ready for the storm
I’m ready for the storm//
Plans were made and they marched determinedly to battle. Time was up and Buffy felt a grin stretching her lips as they walked to the vineyard. This was what she had been made for. At her right hand strode her soulmate. Angel took her hand smiled at her.
//I’m ready for the storm
Yes so ready I//
Angel looked at his slayer in her element and felt a grin of his own stretching his lips. She was so beautiful. Perhaps this wasn’t the End of Days battle, but this battle was one where he belonged. He looked over his friends and hers seeing the results of his love’s work and determination and felt a surge of pride.
//I’m ready for the storm//
The chaos swirled around them and the fight began. And despite the cries of pain and the horror there was joy.
//I’m ready for the storm//
Because they were together.
The End
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