i was fine until...
i got an email this morning about having to move desks next monday (back to where i was working during my internship). i've known i had to do this for a while, but i thought by this point, i would have a job and be gone or close to leaving. and now the new planner is coming (i know him already) and it just hit me like a ton of bricks; i still don't have a job after i'm done with the city. and that makes me feel like a failure yet again.
i've really tried to job hunt; applying for all kinds of jobs. i've refused for a year to become a retail whore again, but i might just have to. and i hate that. it's been almost a year since we graduated and i have still yet to land a full-time job within my field. i know it's hard, but why is it so hard for me? i dont know what i'm meant to be or do yet and i think that's hurting me and preventing me from getting a job. and no one will give me a chance because of lack of experience. my coworkers tell me i'm bright and enthusiastic and a fast learner, and it has yet to get me anywhere past short-term, part-time positions. i hate this. i hate my life. i hate my degree. it has gotten me nowhere. i wish i stuck with bio because then i could've gone somewhere with it at this point. i wish i did an internship in college. i wish this, i wish that. i'm starting to regret because it's currently causing so much pain.
i just want this to be all over. i want a damn job that will be salaried and have benefits. i'm tired of worrying. i'm tired of being disappointed. i'm tired of getting upset. i'm tired of waiting. i just can't stand this anymore. i'm so done with this. i know God has a plan for me, but it'd be really nice if it worked itself out already.
i've really tried to job hunt; applying for all kinds of jobs. i've refused for a year to become a retail whore again, but i might just have to. and i hate that. it's been almost a year since we graduated and i have still yet to land a full-time job within my field. i know it's hard, but why is it so hard for me? i dont know what i'm meant to be or do yet and i think that's hurting me and preventing me from getting a job. and no one will give me a chance because of lack of experience. my coworkers tell me i'm bright and enthusiastic and a fast learner, and it has yet to get me anywhere past short-term, part-time positions. i hate this. i hate my life. i hate my degree. it has gotten me nowhere. i wish i stuck with bio because then i could've gone somewhere with it at this point. i wish i did an internship in college. i wish this, i wish that. i'm starting to regret because it's currently causing so much pain.
i just want this to be all over. i want a damn job that will be salaried and have benefits. i'm tired of worrying. i'm tired of being disappointed. i'm tired of getting upset. i'm tired of waiting. i just can't stand this anymore. i'm so done with this. i know God has a plan for me, but it'd be really nice if it worked itself out already.