mall wiccans
This is a copy of an apperantly funny post I wrote as Calypsomyst. Enjoy!
Genocide Target #76-Mall Wiccans
If there's one thing I excel at, it's pointing out the many, many ways in which so many other people are wrong. You might say it's a hobby of mine! One of the best places to point out the flaws of others would have to be any large suburban mall. For starters, they're wrong for being there- cheaper goods can be purchased in other stores, and for those who gravitate to the mall for social interaction, I reserve the utmost contempt.
Admittedly, I was once one of those mallrats. Mallratting served as my first baby steps into becoming the tyrannical oversexed asshole I am today, and in retrospect, it was a huge waste of time. While I was easily able to find female company in such a setting, the girls were even more defective than the usual breed! But somehow, amazingly, the quality of mallrats has taken a sharp nosedive in recent years. They've managed to become dumber and uglier than ever- some of the mall sluts of my day were actually attractive! But today...ye gads, what a crop of retards. Fat ones, too. Yuck.
Yes, many of them are posing as Goths. They don't do it terribly well, mind you- they have no idea how to apply eyeliner, they dress in black t-shirts(often with WRESTLING THEMES of all things), they crudely and randomly attach metal spikes to their apparel, they revere such musical excrement as Korn, ICP, Linkin Park and other White Angst crap. These people are a walking affront to the few real goths I've known. But their most obnoxious habit has GOT to be their choice of pseudo-religion...Mall Wicca.
In my time, I've met exactly ONE legitimate witch. She lived across the street from me for five years, and I never even SAW HER HOUSE until after she came over to introduce herself. She dressed and behaved more or less normally, but this woman had the most imposing aura of control and wisdom that I've ever seen. She made her rounds of polite introduction, indulged in small talk, politely refused offers of drinks, spoke briefly to me and then went on her way. The experience still stands out in my mind.
Now let's compare this to the standard issue Mall Wiccan. The first thing you notice about them is that they ADVERTISE. They go out of their way to beat everyone over the head with their wiccan-ness. If their giant pentacle necklace (or pentagram,they don't seem to know the difference) isn't enough, then the giant pentacle/pentagram printed on their t-shirt serves as another gentle reminder. The horribly spackled-on makeup and other kindergoth accessories are also a dead giveaway. The next thing that distinguishes them is their extensive library of up to TWO 'Llewellyn press' tomes of sorcery, available at finer Hot Topic stores and any book franchise with a coffee bar in it. There are such titles as "to ride a golden broomstick", "the essential teenage witch", "the goddess within", and "how to dress so that there's no possible doubt in anyone's mind that you're a mall wiccan". Mention such titles as "the Golden Bough" or "Der Hexenhammer", or ask such fundamental questions as who Aleister Crowley was or what the Tree of Life is, or how to perform a basic defensive pillar ritual,....all you'll get is blank looks and maybe some genius mentioning the wonders of the entirely fictional Necronomicon.
Of course, they see no problem on confronting the mysteries of the arcane world when high, drunk or rolling. After all, drugs are an important part of being a young american, and to forego such things in the name of magick would be unacceptable.
If someone is going to embrace an alternative religion, even one that's a total sham, they should at least bother to be fucking SOBER for it. Even I don't go to church drunk.
Yes, Mall Wicca is all around us. You can see the magick at work when their spineless,confused parents pick them up in the minivan at ten.
Yet again, I must maintain my stance that this kind of behavior would cease if parents would simply put aside some quality time, sit down with their kids, and beat the stupidity out of them.
-Ris
Genocide Target #76-Mall Wiccans
If there's one thing I excel at, it's pointing out the many, many ways in which so many other people are wrong. You might say it's a hobby of mine! One of the best places to point out the flaws of others would have to be any large suburban mall. For starters, they're wrong for being there- cheaper goods can be purchased in other stores, and for those who gravitate to the mall for social interaction, I reserve the utmost contempt.
Admittedly, I was once one of those mallrats. Mallratting served as my first baby steps into becoming the tyrannical oversexed asshole I am today, and in retrospect, it was a huge waste of time. While I was easily able to find female company in such a setting, the girls were even more defective than the usual breed! But somehow, amazingly, the quality of mallrats has taken a sharp nosedive in recent years. They've managed to become dumber and uglier than ever- some of the mall sluts of my day were actually attractive! But today...ye gads, what a crop of retards. Fat ones, too. Yuck.
Yes, many of them are posing as Goths. They don't do it terribly well, mind you- they have no idea how to apply eyeliner, they dress in black t-shirts(often with WRESTLING THEMES of all things), they crudely and randomly attach metal spikes to their apparel, they revere such musical excrement as Korn, ICP, Linkin Park and other White Angst crap. These people are a walking affront to the few real goths I've known. But their most obnoxious habit has GOT to be their choice of pseudo-religion...Mall Wicca.
In my time, I've met exactly ONE legitimate witch. She lived across the street from me for five years, and I never even SAW HER HOUSE until after she came over to introduce herself. She dressed and behaved more or less normally, but this woman had the most imposing aura of control and wisdom that I've ever seen. She made her rounds of polite introduction, indulged in small talk, politely refused offers of drinks, spoke briefly to me and then went on her way. The experience still stands out in my mind.
Now let's compare this to the standard issue Mall Wiccan. The first thing you notice about them is that they ADVERTISE. They go out of their way to beat everyone over the head with their wiccan-ness. If their giant pentacle necklace (or pentagram,they don't seem to know the difference) isn't enough, then the giant pentacle/pentagram printed on their t-shirt serves as another gentle reminder. The horribly spackled-on makeup and other kindergoth accessories are also a dead giveaway. The next thing that distinguishes them is their extensive library of up to TWO 'Llewellyn press' tomes of sorcery, available at finer Hot Topic stores and any book franchise with a coffee bar in it. There are such titles as "to ride a golden broomstick", "the essential teenage witch", "the goddess within", and "how to dress so that there's no possible doubt in anyone's mind that you're a mall wiccan". Mention such titles as "the Golden Bough" or "Der Hexenhammer", or ask such fundamental questions as who Aleister Crowley was or what the Tree of Life is, or how to perform a basic defensive pillar ritual,....all you'll get is blank looks and maybe some genius mentioning the wonders of the entirely fictional Necronomicon.
Of course, they see no problem on confronting the mysteries of the arcane world when high, drunk or rolling. After all, drugs are an important part of being a young american, and to forego such things in the name of magick would be unacceptable.
If someone is going to embrace an alternative religion, even one that's a total sham, they should at least bother to be fucking SOBER for it. Even I don't go to church drunk.
Yes, Mall Wicca is all around us. You can see the magick at work when their spineless,confused parents pick them up in the minivan at ten.
Yet again, I must maintain my stance that this kind of behavior would cease if parents would simply put aside some quality time, sit down with their kids, and beat the stupidity out of them.
-Ris