At my Funeral
You may laugh. Particularly if you remember a funny story about me, something I said, or if somebody says something completely contradictory to what you know about me. Hell, laugh about anything.
You may wear whatever you want. If you think you should wear a button down shirt and your best shoes? Go for it. If you want to come dressed in the bright red T-Shirt I spilled beer on that one time, fair’s fair.
You may not hold grudges. Leave your drama, anger, and animosity at the door. If you’re adamantly opposed to another guest, let it go for the day. You’re both there for the same reason. So if you can’t play nice you should at least appreciate that you’re both there to pay respects to a common friend.
You may tell stories about me. Favorable or not. I wasn’t perfect and I’ve done some good, and some stupid. Why should anyone have an idealized memory of me just because I’m dead? There’s humor in a person’s flaws.
You may not hit on my daughters, if I have any, I will haunt the hell out of you. I swear to God.
You may drink, but not to the point it’ll make you forget rules 1, 4, or 6.
Have a slice of cake. Have two if you want. Funeral Calories don’t count.
Bring a button. If I have an open casket funeral anybody viewing the body will be expected to pin one to my lapel. Who can be somber when you view a corpse with a dozen silly buttons on him? I’d be like a zombie Ramblin Rod.
Move on. The funeral isn’t for me. I’m kinda past it at that point. It’s all so you can put your mind at ease by sending me off, and to have one last hurrah on my dime. If you learned anything from me, take it and run with it. Life is for the living, and I’m not in that club any more.
~ Jesse
You may wear whatever you want. If you think you should wear a button down shirt and your best shoes? Go for it. If you want to come dressed in the bright red T-Shirt I spilled beer on that one time, fair’s fair.
You may not hold grudges. Leave your drama, anger, and animosity at the door. If you’re adamantly opposed to another guest, let it go for the day. You’re both there for the same reason. So if you can’t play nice you should at least appreciate that you’re both there to pay respects to a common friend.
You may tell stories about me. Favorable or not. I wasn’t perfect and I’ve done some good, and some stupid. Why should anyone have an idealized memory of me just because I’m dead? There’s humor in a person’s flaws.
You may not hit on my daughters, if I have any, I will haunt the hell out of you. I swear to God.
You may drink, but not to the point it’ll make you forget rules 1, 4, or 6.
Have a slice of cake. Have two if you want. Funeral Calories don’t count.
Bring a button. If I have an open casket funeral anybody viewing the body will be expected to pin one to my lapel. Who can be somber when you view a corpse with a dozen silly buttons on him? I’d be like a zombie Ramblin Rod.
Move on. The funeral isn’t for me. I’m kinda past it at that point. It’s all so you can put your mind at ease by sending me off, and to have one last hurrah on my dime. If you learned anything from me, take it and run with it. Life is for the living, and I’m not in that club any more.
~ Jesse