(no subject)
I have had many personally important, life-changing events in my thirty rotations. I recount the significant ones and they all have contributed in a major way to the unfinished anthology I represent today. Sometimes it's difficult to put into perspective how important a single moment can be and summarize it's lasting effects on your life. In fact, it scarcely ever is recognized immediately. The moments you think will change your life don't always live up to the hype and that random person you met at a party last week could become the most important person for the rest of your lifetime.
If any of these events could have been predicted, it's uncertain if we would have take steps to avoid or embrace those moments. Some of them are completely out of our hands, but some are conscious decisions. However, we never can fully grasp what effect the decisions of the present can shape in our future, only the lens of hindsight can attempt to attempt to explain cause and effect with some accuracy. As a general rule, people don't like sudden dramatic change.
It is that same notion that I thought I lived in defiance of a little over 4 years ago. I was living in the city for 2 years, wondering if the experiment of moving there was working out and not feeling particularly attached anymore. In general, things were not going particularly well. I spent more of my time dwelling on my past than looking ahead to my future. To be fair, I didn't give much concern to the future-and I liked it. Uncertainty, with it's odd promises of adventure, was something I clung to. I liked the freedom to leave it all behind when I felt it necessary.
But that freedom and the engine of chaos that largely powered my life had a monkeywrench thrown in it around new years, 2005. I went to visit a friend and take a look at something she was desperate to get rid of. I didn't intend to stay for long, as my allergies always acted up there. Walking in the front door everyone was gathered around and smiling broadly.
And who wouldn't be? Eleven newborn puppies can make even the most cynical heart turn to goo. She had been pressuring me to take one, and I refused, claiming it would be too much responsibility for me. I knew it was the sort of thing that would change my life. But, despite my protestations, a beautiful puppy, not weighing more than 2lbs and still too young to open his eyes was put in my lap. And when I called the next day to ask "Has anyone adopted that puppy you put in my lap yesterday?", I still knew it would change my life irrevocably-but I damned well couldn't resist.
There were immediate changes, of course. I had to move, as my apartment didn't allow dogs. And of course, there's numerous responsibilities one takes on with a dog. Obviously, there was a signifigant financial burden, and that went a long way in making sure I stayed employed. I lost the freedom to just up and leave town for a weekend or more. I had to plan and make sure things were taken care of for him. Those were the things I feared would come to pass.
I didn't count on the positive aspects, some of which are the same as the negative ones above. I had to stay employed. It kept me centered, kept me routine. I had to pay my bills, I had to budget. I had to set my priorities. In short, I had to be much more responsible. These stopped being negative things, and the enforcement of them made me realize how positive they were.
The things I got back from this? I had a face that was ALWAYS happy to see me, no matter the circumstances. I had the most loyal friend one could ask for, a guardian and a calming point. A sane man cannot stay angry in a friendly dog's presence.
I don't recall ever feeling so centered and so balanced in the previous 26 years. I still have many of the same characteristics as ever. Still sarcastic. Still a little eccentric. Still the same-but I have a certain serenity about me that I think is mostly new-or at least dramatically developed(if one can develop serenity in a dramatic manner).
I owe most of the development and achievements of the past several years and those yet to come directly and indirectly to that one moment when this little puppy was put in my lap. For a life-changing event, this is one that has proved to be so undeniably positive. I don't think he realizes how much so this is, but perhaps that's one of the lessons I can learn from him.
