Chasing Love up Against the Sun
Great conversation with K last night. Things Were Discussed. And basically the matter is this: I'm head over heels for her. It took me ages to admit it to myself, to decide that it is okay to let myself feel this way. K describes me as a monogamist at heart. And certainly I do approach things from that perspective, because this is the only way I've known. But I am learning. I'm changing the way I view myself, I'm changing the way I view people I care about, both in relation to me and not.
At one point, she did say she didn't want me to be focused on the 'goal' of being with her and J that I missed things around me. And I have to disagree there. It's not a goal. It's something at this point that I'd like and I occasionally think about. J and I are working out a dynamic. K, J and I have yet to work out a group dynamic. It may not work out. It might be brilliant. I've no idea. None of us do. There's no point in setting goals when you are dealing with something that isn't under your control. I can't decide, 'Hey, guess what, I'm moving in with you two.' No, it doesn't work like that.
And the other thing is that there are degrees of openness and polyandry. If it's about being with people who make you happy, you get to choose that. If I decide that just being with K & J make me happy, that's my choice. That doesn't mean that they have to stop being open with other people. It just means that I'm done. By the same token, if they decide to close off but allow me to be free, that's their choice. So long as communication is there. As long as people are okay.
If you're feeling threatened, or jealous, or unhappy, speak up!
If you're feeling happy, or contented, or loved, speak up!
Single, coupled, trebled, whatever. Just talk to each other.
At one point, she did say she didn't want me to be focused on the 'goal' of being with her and J that I missed things around me. And I have to disagree there. It's not a goal. It's something at this point that I'd like and I occasionally think about. J and I are working out a dynamic. K, J and I have yet to work out a group dynamic. It may not work out. It might be brilliant. I've no idea. None of us do. There's no point in setting goals when you are dealing with something that isn't under your control. I can't decide, 'Hey, guess what, I'm moving in with you two.' No, it doesn't work like that.
And the other thing is that there are degrees of openness and polyandry. If it's about being with people who make you happy, you get to choose that. If I decide that just being with K & J make me happy, that's my choice. That doesn't mean that they have to stop being open with other people. It just means that I'm done. By the same token, if they decide to close off but allow me to be free, that's their choice. So long as communication is there. As long as people are okay.
If you're feeling threatened, or jealous, or unhappy, speak up!
If you're feeling happy, or contented, or loved, speak up!
Single, coupled, trebled, whatever. Just talk to each other.