as it stands now...
well, we survived driving across Ohio for the Social Security Medical Eval for Road-Dawg
I have no idea when we will hear anything from them
people keep telling me, it can take years to get a determination from SS
meanwhile, we are struggling
I don't think our families will allow us to lose our house to foreclosure
but
they are really up my ass above moving
and I just don't have the energy to even entertain the idea of packing for a major move...
we still have no ramp
so I am "walking" RD down the back stairs
a frightening sight according to the red haired boy
the tiny woman, guiding the tall heavy man whose body is half paralyzed
down a flight of concrete steps
well, its what we have to do
and while I can see physical improvements
I do not see RD's mental state improving much
he falters around me
but when is around other people, its like he tries harder
and he def comes across as "not so bad" aside from his struggling for words
maybe he uses all of his energy to "look right" for others??
but I have seen him
fumbling with his iPod when the phone is ringing
or settling into a numb daze in his chair
having no idea what I'm talking about at times
etc
I am apathetic about the future now
and as I waffle between hopelessness and super woman
my anxiety has reached a strange peak
I am not comfortable
but I am becoming numb