innocence
to whoever left me that comment about reading the may 27th entry...that was interfering with something that is none of your business...and i doubt you can understand how greatful i am that you butt in...
ive made, choices in my life im very disappointed in myself for making...things i swore i would never do, i did simply to gain the affections of one person...i put all my faith and hope in a relationship the majoridy of my freinds could tell was unhealthy, dangerous to my sanity....i didnt think anyone really wanted the best for me, i just thought they wanted to interfere...that they couldnt handle the loner girl having someone...i put my life, my happiness in his hands, only to be left empty and bewildered when he left, time and again...but i still assumed i was only of any worth if he felt i was...when in reality, i had some of the best freinds a person could have, but i was ashamed of who id become...and so i pushed them away...i couldnt handle their possible disappointment, and maybe even disgust of me...its easier for me to assume the worst, pull away, then to see things through...thats what i did...i regret losing some freinds...and no, it wasnt your fault B...it was all mine...and by the time i woke up from my blind "love" nightmare, i was much to proud to try and set things straight...but im not as fragile as i think i am, i think :) and i should have swallowed my enormously large amount of pride and started talking to you again, really...i miss you, our unique freindship...im sorry i backed off...this cant undo what all those monthes did, but i hope this explains a little...
ive made, choices in my life im very disappointed in myself for making...things i swore i would never do, i did simply to gain the affections of one person...i put all my faith and hope in a relationship the majoridy of my freinds could tell was unhealthy, dangerous to my sanity....i didnt think anyone really wanted the best for me, i just thought they wanted to interfere...that they couldnt handle the loner girl having someone...i put my life, my happiness in his hands, only to be left empty and bewildered when he left, time and again...but i still assumed i was only of any worth if he felt i was...when in reality, i had some of the best freinds a person could have, but i was ashamed of who id become...and so i pushed them away...i couldnt handle their possible disappointment, and maybe even disgust of me...its easier for me to assume the worst, pull away, then to see things through...thats what i did...i regret losing some freinds...and no, it wasnt your fault B...it was all mine...and by the time i woke up from my blind "love" nightmare, i was much to proud to try and set things straight...but im not as fragile as i think i am, i think :) and i should have swallowed my enormously large amount of pride and started talking to you again, really...i miss you, our unique freindship...im sorry i backed off...this cant undo what all those monthes did, but i hope this explains a little...