Beware of angry botanists!
Author's note : First of all........I don't own these guys......if I did they would still be filming season 6...or 7!
Secondly .........I would like to thank Barcardicider and Jayne Perry for their comments and suggestions.
Thirdly........this was inspired by a pic I posted on Minigeek a while ago, which also appears at the end of this story.
Fourthly.......there is no fourthly!
On with the story...........
Rodney knew you should never piss off the botany department! Guess he forgot to tell Sheppard that important fact. Whoops!
It happened on their last off world mission to that desert planet. SGA-1 was accompanying a group of scientists, including a few from the botany department. It should have been a quiet run with no unexpected surprises but this was SGA-1 we are talking about!
The team from Atlantis arrived through the gate to the sight of an oasis surrounded by unending sand dunes in all directions.
Rodney glared at Sheppard, “If you hadn’t been in such a hurry I could have grabbed my sunscreen! You know how easily I burn!”
“Quit bitching, McKay!” replied Sheppard as he looked around, “OK guys, get yourselves sorted. We have four hours to gather as much info as we can, then we gate back to Atlantis.”
Rodney started checking for energy readings, while Teyla and Ronon headed off to check for local residents.
Three and a half hours later Sheppard radioed the science teams to remind them to start packing up and head back towards the gate. When he got no response from the botany team, Sheppard called Ronon over and told him to keep an eye on Rodney. Sheppard headed off to find out what was holding up the botanists.
He tracked them down to the southeast corner of the oasis and was just about to yell at them for ignoring the radio call when Dr Parrish yelled, “Watch where you’re walking!!”
Sheppard stopped and looked down at the ground. “Why?!” he exclaimed, “You didn’t answer the radio!” he added.
Parrish looked at him blankly, “But ….but… we found a whole new species of succulents here and we need to take samples back to the lab! We need more time!”
Sheppard snorted, “You were told how long you had……it’s time to pack up now and get back to the gate! We’ll arrange another trip for you when we can fit it in.” Sheppard was not about to miss movie night because some botanist wanted to take some prickly little plant back to Atlantis!
“But Colonel…” spluttered Parrish. “NOW!” yelled Sheppard as he turned back towards the gate. “You have fifteen minutes to get there!”
As he stomped back to the gate, the botanists looked at each other. “Why don’t the military ever realise our job is just as important as theirs?” muttered Parrish. Hurrying to gather their equipment together, Drs Morgan and Green started hatching a plan.
Back on Atlantis the following day, Rodney headed to the mess hall for breakfast. He grabbed a tray and looked around, spotting Sheppard sitting at a table by the window.
As he sat down opposite him, he asked Sheppard “What did you do to get the botany department so riled up?”
“What are you talking about, Rodney?” Sheppard replied.
“Well, I was walking past their lab down on the east pier and I could hear a couple of them arguing about what they should do to prove they are as important as they military,” Rodney explained.
“So what did you do?” Sheppard asked. Rodney looked up from his toast, “Nothing…why should I? Seems to me that it’s more your problem than mine!”
“Thanks a lot Rodney!” snapped John. “I suppose I’d better go and see these guys…..who was it anyway?”
“Uhmm….I think it was Morgan and Green. You know, those two from yesterday’s mission?” Rodney responded.
“Ok, I’ll catch you later, Rodney,” said Sheppard as he left the mess hall and headed towards the east pier.
It took Sheppard about fifteen minutes to reach the lab, stopping just out of sight of the door. He listened to see if he could hear anyone inside. It seemed quiet so he stepped into the lab only to find there was no-one there. He noticed a tray of small prickly plants on one of the tables and went over to look at them.
He was just about to pick one up when there was a yell behind him. “ What are you doing?!” Dr Morgan came rushing in to the lab and grabbed the tray of plants before Sheppard could get hold of them.
“Hey! Back off doctor! I wasn’t going to do anything to them!” Sheppard replied.
“You come in here like you own the place and mess with our stuff! You military types are all the same!” ranted Morgan.
“Look, I don’t know what your problem is…..” Sheppard began before Morgan cut him off yelling “That’s it! I’ve had enough!”
He picked up a strange looking metal tablet and threw it towards the Colonel. When it hit Sheppard’s shoulder, it began to glow and suddenly there was a loud whoosh accompanied by a puff of green smoke.
When the smoke cleared, Dr Morgan stepped back with a shocked expression on his face. Colonel Sheppard had disappeared! In his place was a six inch tall, skinny cactus with a spiky top and lying next to it was the burnt out device that Dr Morgan had thrown at him.
“Oh s**t!” moaned Dr Morgan, “that wasn’t supposed to happen!” He radioed Dr Green and told him to get over to the lab right now! If they couldn’t sort this out he’d have to confess to Dr McKay and that would be a fate worse than death!
Dr Green skidded in to the lab. “What was so important that you dragged me down here…….” he began. .
“What the…..!! What have you done now?!” he asked Morgan who was cowering in the corner.
“I didn’t know that was an ancient device! How was I supposed to know it would do that?!” Morgan spluttered.
“Do what?!” yelled Green. He couldn’t see anything wrong but did wonder why there was a cactus on the floor next to a slightly fried oval tablet.
“The Colonel was there fiddling with the plants and …..and …..I got mad and threw that at him! Next thing I know he is a cactus and the device is fried!” Morgan cried. “What are we going to do?!”
“We?? What do you mean we?” asked Green. “I just wanted to find a way to prove we were as important to the expedition as the military! You’d better get Dr McKay down here and own up!”
Rodney made his way to the lab, grumbling the whole way. He knew it must have something to do with Sheppard. If he hadn’t mentioned those damn botanists to the Colonel at breakfast, Rodney could have been working on that secret project of his. Instead, he was trekking all the way out to the east pier.
“Ok, what have you imbeciles done now ….. and where is Colonel Sheppard? I thought he was coming down here to see you,” McKay asked the two pale scientists when he arrived at the lab.
.
“Well…..uhmm…” began Morgan.
“Come on out with it!” McKay snapped, “I haven’t got all day! I’ve got important projects that need my personal attention!”
“Ithrewthatdeviceatthecolonelandheturnedintoacactus!” gabbled Dr Morgan.
“Would you mind repeating that in English or do I need to get a linguist down here?” said McKay, sarcastically.
Morgan gulped, “I threw that device at the Colonel and he turned into a cactus!”
McKay looked at Morgan, then at the device and then at the cactus. “You did WHAT?!”
“It must have been his ATA gene that set off the device!” offered Dr Green.
“Well of course it was you idiot!” McKay responded. “Where did you get that device anyway? It should have been under lock and key until I had checked it out!”
“I don’t know! I just picked it up off the desk and threw it! I haven’t seen it before!” Morgan cried.
“Oh stop snivelling!” McKay snorted. He picked the tablet up and turned it over in his hands. “Looks like it is fried,” he muttered to himself. “I’ll get Zelenka to start going through the Ancient database and see if he can identify it.”
Putting the device in his pocket, he picked up the cactus. “What have you got yourself into this time, Sheppard?” he asked. As he turned to leave the lab he warned the two scientists, “Don’t leave the lab! I’ll be sending Major Lorne down with a team of guards to make sure you don’t cause any more trouble!”
As he walked back his own lab he looked down at the plant he held in his hand and ..........
