I love the Comedy Central Newsletter. It's so fuckin hilarious
DID IT ALL FOR THE NUKEY
Good news in the search for weapons of mass destruction. There is new, clear evidence that not only did WMD's exist, but that the technology of terror has been allowed to spread throughout the axis of evil and beyond. The only problem is that the WMD's aren't in Iraq, but rather pretty much everywhere else.
This, thanks to former head of the Pakistani nuclear program Abdul Quadeer Khan, who admitted this week that he had been exporting Pakistan's nuclear secrets and technology to Iran, North Korea, Libya and elsewhere since the late 1980s.
Khan appeared on Pakistani TV to say that he is very very sorry--that he got caught--saying, "I give you an assurance, my dear brothers and sisters, that such activities will never take place in the future." He then admitted that was mainly because now everyone's got pretty much all the nuclear secrets they'll need.
A day after Khan admitted handing nuclear secrets over to religious zealots and homicidal madmen, Pakistani President Pervez Musharaf pardoned him, which either means the Musharaf government is an illegitimate junta with no respect for its own laws, or just the friendliest military dictatorship ever.
But Musharraf was flirting with disaster just by confronting the hero Khan and his colleagues at all. Friends and family members of scientists swept up in the Khan investigation took to the streets to demand the government back off. Their passion and creepy green glow made people everywhere scream, "Fine, you're right, just stay away from my children!"
The daughter of one such scientist explained her outrage at Khan's treatment, saying, "He is a national hero, along with the rest of his colleagues and instead of giving national heroes the due respect and reverence they deserve, they completely treated them worse than criminals." Meanwhile people living on the Korean peninsula briefly felt sympathy for her, before going back to digging their bomb shelters.
As for why he would do this, Musharraf says it was simply greed, but Dr. Khan insists he did it to help Pakistan, since "The creation of more nuclear-armed Muslim nations would ease Western attention on Pakistan's program." Incidentally, Pentagon officials Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz are under suspicion for selling Dr. Khan the balls to say something like that.
(by the way, this is about a month old, but I finally just read it)
Good news in the search for weapons of mass destruction. There is new, clear evidence that not only did WMD's exist, but that the technology of terror has been allowed to spread throughout the axis of evil and beyond. The only problem is that the WMD's aren't in Iraq, but rather pretty much everywhere else.
This, thanks to former head of the Pakistani nuclear program Abdul Quadeer Khan, who admitted this week that he had been exporting Pakistan's nuclear secrets and technology to Iran, North Korea, Libya and elsewhere since the late 1980s.
Khan appeared on Pakistani TV to say that he is very very sorry--that he got caught--saying, "I give you an assurance, my dear brothers and sisters, that such activities will never take place in the future." He then admitted that was mainly because now everyone's got pretty much all the nuclear secrets they'll need.
A day after Khan admitted handing nuclear secrets over to religious zealots and homicidal madmen, Pakistani President Pervez Musharaf pardoned him, which either means the Musharaf government is an illegitimate junta with no respect for its own laws, or just the friendliest military dictatorship ever.
But Musharraf was flirting with disaster just by confronting the hero Khan and his colleagues at all. Friends and family members of scientists swept up in the Khan investigation took to the streets to demand the government back off. Their passion and creepy green glow made people everywhere scream, "Fine, you're right, just stay away from my children!"
The daughter of one such scientist explained her outrage at Khan's treatment, saying, "He is a national hero, along with the rest of his colleagues and instead of giving national heroes the due respect and reverence they deserve, they completely treated them worse than criminals." Meanwhile people living on the Korean peninsula briefly felt sympathy for her, before going back to digging their bomb shelters.
As for why he would do this, Musharraf says it was simply greed, but Dr. Khan insists he did it to help Pakistan, since "The creation of more nuclear-armed Muslim nations would ease Western attention on Pakistan's program." Incidentally, Pentagon officials Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz are under suspicion for selling Dr. Khan the balls to say something like that.
(by the way, this is about a month old, but I finally just read it)