PURE INSECURITIES
I don't understand.
Is this God's way of testing me? I don't like it. I used to not care, but the more I think about it the more it bothers me. Its not because of the past, but because in my stupid head that makes me not good enough. I know it doesn't but I have to keep asking God for peace of mind and heart. I know the truth, but its hard to remember it at all times. I was recently told "something to behold, not conquer." i want to always be something to behold. i need to get out of my head. look at myself from someone elses perspective. what do people see when they look at me, when they talk to me, once they get to know me? what was my first impression on someone? what other people truely think of you can be very powerful. i will fight for His way. I need him to need me. I don't want to need him, but I don't get that choice. You can't help who you love. The hardest lesson to learn, is the heart wants what it wants. Even if you don't want it. It all hurts. When you think of love, the first thing you think is not pain. LOVE HURTS. you feel it in your heart, you hear it in your mind, you see it in your body. love is everywhere. you see people everyday who are in love. you see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. what you don't hear or see is what is going on inside their mind. the thoughts of forever, the thoughts of the end, the want behind the eyes, the hope for a happy ending, and sometimes the pain of happily never after. in the end all the hurt and the tears doesn't mean anything. you still feel the love. through all the pain, the love is haunting your every thought. although love can be the most painful emotion in the world it is also the greatest emotion. loving someone and being loved back is the best feeling in the world.
so that started out as something completely different than what it ended up as. oh well:o)