Pictures of You - part 5 (unedited version for comments)

[scriva]

Warning for language! Lyrics belong to Robert Smith and "Double Dare" belongs to the band Bauhaus.

Pictures of You

Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
But always just breaking apart
My pictures of you

V.A hand was laying on his stomach, truth to be told, it had

Comments

Re: P.S:

[firuze_khanume]

I just can't believe it! I wrote a long justification and this thing ate it!!!
Well, I'll try again...
I don't think it's too abrupt. I think that the whole trip, and yes, specially the accident, acted as a catalyst for Jon. Here, he was forced to confront the other's humanity, he is not an abstract shadow to put the blame on. And as soon as he sees the normal chap in Brian, he is also forced to acknowledge those things he perceived or guessed about Jaz, his dark side. So he has to face that Jaz's actions had been his own choice, the choice of a man who was not forced but by himself to do them. It's obvious that while the relationship between Brian and Jon develops, the latter has flashbacks of the past, and that allows him to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Through this memories, it's clear to me, that Jon knew in a subcouncious way that Jaz was the one to blame for his own death and choices, but the pain of losing him, his brother and his idol, made him deny this reality. Time, the emotional distance from the fatal day, the meeting with Brian, all this conspires against the self delusion and unveils the truth to him.
Considering all this, I think it's not too abrupt, not at all.
I hope I was of some help.... (not that my opinion counts as an expert voice or anything...)
Take care, and have a good start in Berlin!
Have a nice week too!

Re: P.S:

[scriva]

A reader who likes a story is always an expert, that's why I apprectiate your opinions anytime. My problem is that I can't always see how a story works because I'm too much into writing it.

Beside, I have realised that I find more mistakes or errors or flaws when I reread the story in another format, like the LJ style. So i have found lots of mistakes in chapter 5, and I hope they weren't too annoying.

However, thank you for your comment and good wishes.