Two sides of the same coin
People aren't always the way it seems in the beginning. One person can have two faces.
I remember that it was raining, the day I met her. I had been at my sister’s house after school and was on my way back home. Luckily, I had been warned of the weather in the morning and had brought an umbrella with me. The sound of the water hitting the umbrella and the ground was the only thing to be heard around me and I sighed. It was so calm, so peaceful - almost too peaceful. Do you know the sound of the silence that tells you something is going to happen that will change your life? Well, it was that kind of silence.
I walked on the street just outside my house when I saw someone standing on the street just a few meters ahead of me. Looking closer I saw that it was a girl, the first person I had met on my way. 'Why is she standing in the middle of the rain without an umbrella?' I thought to myself. I walked closer to her and was just about to say something when she turned her head and looked at me. Her soaking wet hair clung to her face and covered the most of it, except for the eyes. They were... breathtaking. So much beauty and yet even more sadness filled those piercing green eyes. They seemed to see right through me and still not see me at all. Her slightly pouty mouth was perfectly shaped and pink, but they did not express anything: no sorrow, no anger, no happiness, not even confusion. She was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and baggy military pants. They were just like her hair: completely soaked. Once again I tried to say something but her gaze made the words stock in my throat. And then, without even blinking once, she turned around and started to walk away. I could only look at her back as she turned a corner and disappeared, because my body didn't seem to function. I stood there for several minutes just looking at the direction where the girl had disappeared until it got too cold. Slowly and hesitantly I started walking towards my house. I turned around right before I entered the house but I couldn't see anything. She really was gone.
Several weeks have passed since I saw the girl. Whatever I do I still can't get her out of my mind. But whenever I try to recall her face the only thing I remember is her eyes. Those eyes that almost drive me crazy with all their sadness. Who was she?
Still lost in my thoughts I don't notice the person that sneaks up on me from behind. I lie down on the desk in front of me and sigh. A pair of cold hands touches my neck and the coldness brings me back to reality. I turn around and am met with the biggest grin ever; belonging to Yuichi. Of course. The red-head boy always has cold hands, even now in the spring. "It's lunch now, Yuuji, so don't look so miserable!" he says to me. I smile at him and stand up. Yuichi is short, almost a head shorter than me and he's really thin. Not sickly thin, just - thin. It's hard to believe that all that energy that he has can actually fit in a body that small. We walk out of the classroom together and start heading for the cafeteria to get food. Yuichi looks up at me and smiles again.
"So, how's the first day of school going so far?" he asks. I don't know why he asks, since we're in the same class.
"Good, I suppose. Except for that I'd rather stay at home and sleep. Or lie outside and watch the clouds, that'd be great too." I see some people me and Yuichi went to the same school with in junior high and greet them as I walk pass. Yuichi greets them too, though I bet he doesn't recognize them.
"You're so lazy, Yuuji. Aren't you happy that we came in the same class again?" Yuichi looks at me with his puppy-eyes. I laugh and pat his head.
"Yeah, I'm happy. Give me a reason why I wouldn't be happy being in the same class as my twin brother?" We may not look at all alike but then again, we're not identical twins. Just regular twins. And we would look a lot more alike if Yuichi didn't dye his hair red and insisted on putting ribbons and what-not in his hair. I always thought that he'd fit better as a girl than a boy, but I’ve never said that to anyone. Anyway, he can't give me a reason so he keeps quiet instead, with a huge smile on his face.
We reach the cafeteria and stand in line to buy our food. After 10 minutes of being indecisive and then finally picking a plate of pasta, Yuichi is finished and we can finally get our seats. Looking around I see that there’s almost no tables left to sit at, except for one. A boy from our class is sitting alone. If I'm right his name is Hamajima Mizuki. I point at the table to Yuichi and he happily walks to where the lonely boy is sitting.
"Is it okay if we sit here?" Yuichi asks. The boy looks up at Yuichi. This is the first time today that I can clearly see his face. He has round, soft skin and a small nose. The perfectly shaped mouth is slightly red and his eyebrows are thin. Like a girl’s face. But he has the strong jaw line of a male. He looks at Yuichi from head to toe and then he looks at me. His dark green eyes meet mine and I can feel my breath hitch. His gaze stays a moment longer at me and then he looks down again. My body relaxes as his eyes disappear behind dark strands of unruly hair.
They were almost like her eyes.
"It's okay." That's the only thing he says. Me and Yuichi look at each other and then sit down. We're both thinking the same: ‘What a weird guy’. I look back at the boy. Indeed there's some resemblance to that girl. It's the same mouth, nose, eyes. But there's also something missing. I can't really place it, but something that made that girl so special is missing from this guy. I shake my head to rid myself from those thoughts and I start eating my sandwich. On my left, Yuichi is chatting away about some new music group that he's started to listen to. I don't really pay that much attention; I learned long ago that half of everything my brother says is complete nonsense. Instead I watch the guy sitting in front of us. He doesn't seem to hear anything at all. In fact, I think that he doesn't even seem to be here. Then something strikes me and I begin to laugh.
Yuichi looks curiously at me. "What's so funny, Yuuji?" His eyes follow my gaze and he looks at the guy.
I press my index finger against my lips. "Sch. I think he's sleeping, Yuichi. Be quiet." I whisper to him.
Yuichi's eyes go completely round. "Wait... He's sleeping? Sitting?" He stares at the boy, his mouth slightly open. And surely, we can both hear his gentle and steady breathing. I grin at my brother and lean over the table to wake the poor fellow up. I poke him lightly on his shoulder and he looks up at once. He stares at me and a faint blush taints his cheeks.
"Did you sleep well?" I ask him, barely able to contain my laughter while Yuichi giggles beside me.
The boy looks away. "I - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" he begin, clearly ashamed.
"Save it. You don't need to apologize, it happens to everyone. I fell asleep during classes all the time before. And Yuichi fell asleep during PE, somehow." I tell him.
Yuichi giggles some more. "It took them twenty minutes to find me snoring behind the benches." Yuichi adds.
I smile. "The way I see it, you were lucky you fell asleep in here. This way, the teachers won't scold you for not paying attention." The boy looks at me from under his bangs and he looks less embarrassed now. "I'm Yuuji by the way. Kamikawa Yuuji. That's my brother, Yuichi. We're in the same class as you, if you didn't know." I nod at the boy. He smiles.
"I know. You two are a couple that's hard to miss. I'm Mizuki. Thank you for waking me up." He bows his head.
The bell rings, telling us that lunch has ended and that it's time to go back to class. I look down at my half eaten sandwich and sigh. I guess I have to throw it away. I look at Yuichi's plate and see that it's empty. When did he have time to finish it? I sigh again and Mizuki looks at me.
"You age one year extra for each sigh you let out" he says and laughs. Yuichi and I look at each other, then at Mizuki and smiles. Then all three of us walk back to the classroom, chatting about nothing and everything.
As the weeks passed I began to notice something strange with Mizuki. He is a great guy, no question about that. He's funny, generous and loves to talk. But he has those moments when he seems to disappear. His eyes turn darker and he doesn't seem to hear or see anything at all. I don't know why, but it's unnerving. Especially because his eyes seem so similar to hers during those times. Then there's also another thing. He never changes with all the other guys when it's time for PE. He's always late because of that. Maybe he doesn't like to see other people seeing his body. I want to ask him, but I don't want to intrude in his private life.
"Hello? Yuuji, can you hear me?"
"Huh?" I didn't know I was staring at Mizuki, so deep was I in my thoughts. He just grins at me.
"You looked like your soul had left your body and went for a picnic" he says and laughs. I smile at him.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something." I look around. I and Mizuki are waiting for Yuichi so that we can go home. The club activities ended a long time ago for the basketball-team, which I joined not long ago, and the mangaclub for Mizuki, which he joined today. I didn't surprise me when Yuichi said he had joined the handcraft club, but it's a bit annoying that they always end so late. I look back at Mizuki only to find him staring weirdly at me. "Mizuki? You okay there?" I don't know why, but something in his look is unnerving. Like he knows something I don't and is trying to decided whether I can be trusted with that secret or not.
Mizuki blinks several times and seems to come back to his senses. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."
I just smile and pat him on the head. "I think today is the day for spacing out, don't you?" Both begin to laugh just as Yuichi appears around the corner, running.
"Oi, Mizuki, Yuuji! Ready to go home now?" he asks as he gets closer.
"Baka (Idiot)!" Mizuki yells at him. "We've been waiting for you for almost two hours now." Mizuki hits Yuichi lightly on the arm. "Hurry up now, I want to get home today" he says grinning.
Yuichi pouts. "I'm sorry. But I was sewing on this really cute hat and I just forgot about the time."
I watch the pair as we walk back home, just half listening to their bickering. It's usually like this. I've always been more quiet than Yuichi, so now that we've met someone that speaks just as much as my brother I find myself speaking less and less. But in turn I get to observe more. For example how Mizuki's hands moves when he talks. Or how many faces Yuichi can pull, except for pouts and smiles. But lately I've found myself watching Mizuki more and more closely. I think my subconscious is trying to find some resemblance with her. I know it's useless, since I'll probably never see her again, but I can't stop myself.
We walk down the same lane where I saw her for the first time. That time it was raining, but now the sun is shining on our bare arms and faces. I look at Mizuki. He looks younger in the sunlight. I think it's the sun lightening up his features and it makes him look so much happier than the first time we met him. For some reason that makes me happy.
We reach almost the end of the lane where me and Yuichi lives. After a quick goodbye to Mizuki we start to walk up to the door. I look back just in time to see Mizuki turn around the corner. It's not the first time I get chills just by watching his back as he disappears.
It's late at night, but I can't sleep. I don't know why. I am tired, but the more I try the harder it is to fall asleep. I can hear the wind blowing outside and Yuichi's light breathing. I turn to lie on my side and I can see out through the window.
It's now autumn and our class had decided to go to the hot springs over the weekend, for some unknown reason. Yuichi was really excited as usual but I was pretty much indifferent. Sure, it's fun to go to hot springs but I'd rather go alone and just enjoy the peace and tranquility. Don't take me for a loner, I'm not. I just like when it's peaceful, and in my class you just don't get many of those moments. One example today is when Hinamoto Kaoru found a frog and threw it into one of the girls' rooms. The three girls had run out of the room screaming the throats out. They then proceeded to run after Hinamoto when they found out that it was he who had done it.
But what had worried me had been Mizuki. He had looked troubled when he found out that the entire class was going on a trip. It had taken several days to convince him that he should come too, and that only after promising him that he would get a room for himself. Everyone had come to accept Mizuki's little habits, like him not using the male locker-room together with the rest of us when it's time for PE. We just assumed that he was ashamed of his body for some reason. But I had been watching him the entire day and he still seemed a bit anxious even though he was laughing and joking like always. Maybe this was his first time outside the city?
I sigh and turn around again. I think I'll try to count sheeps to see if I'll be able to fall asleep, even though I doubt it. Just as I reach 87 and I finally am starting to feel a bit sleepy I hear footsteps outside the door. Sitting up I wonder who it can be, everyone should still be asleep. I can hear the footsteps walking away from my room now. It's a light sound, not the cautious footsteps of someone who is trying to sneak away but more like someone who is heading nowhere in particular. I stand up and walk quietly towards the door, trying not to wake up Yuichi as I open the door.
I sneak out of the room just in time to something white disappear around the corner of the corridor. I try to follow as fast as I can without making to much sound and when I too walk around the corner I see a familiar back. "Mizuki?" I whisper. He doesn't seem to hear me and just keeps walking. I follow him but for some reason I feel like I shouldn't get too near so I keep my distance. After a few minutes I realize that he's heading towards the entrance. He walks out through the double doors and I do the same a few moments later. The air outside is a bit cold but Mizuki doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps on walking and he's now heading towards the forest. He looks to the side for a second just as the moon appears from behind a cloud. But that second was enough. Mizuki's eyes are lit up by the light from the moon and I can clearly see that it's her eyes. My head suddenly clears up and the previous feeling that I shouldn't disturb him disappears. "Mizuki!" I yell. He stops at once. I slowly walk towards him, not knowing what to expect. He slowly turns around but he's looking at the ground. "Mizu-" I start but get interrupted.
"Mizuki?" The voice coming from Mizuki's mouth is soft, a lot softer than it usually is but the silky sound makes my blood freeze. There voice is so cold, without any emotions at all. "You're looking for him?" The person looks up and I look into the saddest of eyes for the second time ever. I tense. There's something wrong. Why is Mizuki like this? I always thought there was resemblance between them, but I never thought they would be the same person. "Mizuki can't see you right now" the girl says and smiles. "But I can play with you if you want to." Her smile gives me chills. She slowly starts to walk towards me and I'm unable to move from where I'm standing. She comes closer and closer until she's standing just a few inches from me, staring me in the eyes the entire time. She lifts her right arm and she puts her small and soft hand on my neck, her smooth fingers tickles me lightly. Then she leans forwards and stands on her toes. Our lips meet. The touch from her lips sends electricity down my spine and I try to push her away, but her fingers grip around my neck, choking me. Panicking, I manage to take a step backwards but her hold on my neck won't loosen up. It hurts and I can't get any air to my lungs. She keep on looking me in the eyes, without even the smallest amount of empathy in her gaze, while I slowly but surely feel how the my knees are giving in and the world getting a bit darker. It's weird, I think, how this girl can be so strong. But I think it's her gaze holding me down, not her strength.
And just when I think it all might end, since all my own strength is all gone, the hold on my throat loosens and I fall to the ground gasping for air. As my lungs are filled with the wonderful air I hear someone scream. I look at the girl and see that she too has fallen to the ground, gripping her head.
"Argh! Stop that, it hurts!" she shrieks. I hear that some people are waking up in the house but I don't care as the girl keeps screaming. Once again I feel paralyzed by the scene before me. "Mizuki, what are you doing?!" she yells. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Please Mizuki!" She curls up into a ball and tenses up. Then she relaxes and lies down on the back, breathing heavily. I feel that I can move again and slowly crawl to where she's lying. Her eyes open up and I lean away, but it's not the girl looking at me. It's Mizuki and he smiles lightly.
It's spring again and the cherry blossom is slowly falling to the ground. I'm sitting on a bench outside the rehability center, waiting. It has been months since I last saw Mizuki. After I realized that the girl had disappeared I ran forward and picked Mizuki up. He was weak and could barely walk with my help but the people from our class had heard the yells and had rushed out one after one. They had all helped Mizuki and me and they also called an ambulance. But I never got a chance a talk to Mizuki. We ended up in different rooms in the hospital and the doctors forbade everyone except from his parents to visit him. It wasn't until we all returned to the school that our homeroom teacher told us that Mizuki was suffering from multiple personalities and that no one had known except for Mizuki. Mizuki is actually a girl, biologically speaking, but his mind is fully male. His parents had just thought their daughter was going through a faze and that was why she was dressing as a male. It had stirred quite a commotion in the class since the teacher didn't know more than that. Soon everybody seemed to forget about Mizuki, except for me and Yuichi. I guess that's the nature of teenagers.
"Hi" I hear behind me. I turn around and see Mizuki standing some feet away. He's wearing black sweatpants and a white loose T-shirt instead of the obligatory robes that are used here. The nurses had told me that he had charmed them to let him wear his own clothes, but they wouldn't agree to let him bind his chest. His hair was a bit longer since the last time so he had it in a ponytail so that it wouldn't get in his face. He really looked like a girl but I know that he really is a guy deep inside.
I smile towards him. "Hello stranger" I say. He smiles back and sits next to me on the bench. I give him the basket I was holding in my lap. It's filled with dolls and cookies.
Mizuki looks surprised. "You did this?" he asks and stare at me.
"No way" I say. "I don't have the knowledge to do those things. Yuichi did. He says he's sorry he couldn't come today, but he'll try next time." I lean back.
Mizuki picks up one of the dolls that is supposed to be him. "Tell him I'm really grateful for this and that I look forward to his visit" he says and puts the basket next to him. "How are you guys doing?" He's not looking at me as he asks; he's looking at the small pond in front of us.
"We're okay, now. The bruises on my neck went away after two week, but Yuichi still checks if there's anything left everyday. He got really upset when we found out we couldn't visit you, you know. He was yelling at the doctors and calling them things I didn't know he knew of." We both snicker at the thought. "How about you?" I ask him.
Mizuki shrugs. "I guess I'm alright. I mean, I could've been sent to a mental-hospital if i had been unlucky. But it's nice here. As you can see, we have a huge yard where we can just walk around and it's quiet here." He looks at me. "Just the way you like it, and I can understand why now. A lot of things happened after that night and I'm just happy to get away from it all."
"That's great Mizuki" I tell him. We both laugh for some reason and it feels like that night never happened. We start talking about stuff and time passes by so quickly that we both are shocked when one of the nurses tells us that visiting time is almost over. We stand up and head toward the main building where we'll say goodbye. There's a silence between us, but it's not awkward. It’s actually quite nice. When we're almost there I think of something. "Hey, Mizuki?" He looks at me. "If you have two personalities, which one is the real one then?" I ask.
He frowns. "We're both real, Sakura and me."
"Sakura?"
He smiles. "Yeah. The girl this body really belongs to. I came after she had been dumped by a guy that she really liked. He was really cruel to her, she still hasn’t forgotten about him" He frowned again. "When I think about it, you look a bit like him. Maybe that's why she tried to kill you, she confused you with him."
"You mean you don't know?" I ask him.
"I'm not sure. She hasn't talked to me since that night; I think she's mad at me. I hope you got the answer to your question" he says.
I smile at him. "I think I had my answer all along." He looks confused and I laugh. We say goodbye to each other and I promise to come back next month with Yuichi. I walk out of the building and look back on last time.
I guess the one that is real for me is the one that is my friend, Mizuki; I think and walk away with a smile on my face.
I remember that it was raining, the day I met her. I had been at my sister’s house after school and was on my way back home. Luckily, I had been warned of the weather in the morning and had brought an umbrella with me. The sound of the water hitting the umbrella and the ground was the only thing to be heard around me and I sighed. It was so calm, so peaceful - almost too peaceful. Do you know the sound of the silence that tells you something is going to happen that will change your life? Well, it was that kind of silence.
I walked on the street just outside my house when I saw someone standing on the street just a few meters ahead of me. Looking closer I saw that it was a girl, the first person I had met on my way. 'Why is she standing in the middle of the rain without an umbrella?' I thought to myself. I walked closer to her and was just about to say something when she turned her head and looked at me. Her soaking wet hair clung to her face and covered the most of it, except for the eyes. They were... breathtaking. So much beauty and yet even more sadness filled those piercing green eyes. They seemed to see right through me and still not see me at all. Her slightly pouty mouth was perfectly shaped and pink, but they did not express anything: no sorrow, no anger, no happiness, not even confusion. She was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and baggy military pants. They were just like her hair: completely soaked. Once again I tried to say something but her gaze made the words stock in my throat. And then, without even blinking once, she turned around and started to walk away. I could only look at her back as she turned a corner and disappeared, because my body didn't seem to function. I stood there for several minutes just looking at the direction where the girl had disappeared until it got too cold. Slowly and hesitantly I started walking towards my house. I turned around right before I entered the house but I couldn't see anything. She really was gone.
Several weeks have passed since I saw the girl. Whatever I do I still can't get her out of my mind. But whenever I try to recall her face the only thing I remember is her eyes. Those eyes that almost drive me crazy with all their sadness. Who was she?
Still lost in my thoughts I don't notice the person that sneaks up on me from behind. I lie down on the desk in front of me and sigh. A pair of cold hands touches my neck and the coldness brings me back to reality. I turn around and am met with the biggest grin ever; belonging to Yuichi. Of course. The red-head boy always has cold hands, even now in the spring. "It's lunch now, Yuuji, so don't look so miserable!" he says to me. I smile at him and stand up. Yuichi is short, almost a head shorter than me and he's really thin. Not sickly thin, just - thin. It's hard to believe that all that energy that he has can actually fit in a body that small. We walk out of the classroom together and start heading for the cafeteria to get food. Yuichi looks up at me and smiles again.
"So, how's the first day of school going so far?" he asks. I don't know why he asks, since we're in the same class.
"Good, I suppose. Except for that I'd rather stay at home and sleep. Or lie outside and watch the clouds, that'd be great too." I see some people me and Yuichi went to the same school with in junior high and greet them as I walk pass. Yuichi greets them too, though I bet he doesn't recognize them.
"You're so lazy, Yuuji. Aren't you happy that we came in the same class again?" Yuichi looks at me with his puppy-eyes. I laugh and pat his head.
"Yeah, I'm happy. Give me a reason why I wouldn't be happy being in the same class as my twin brother?" We may not look at all alike but then again, we're not identical twins. Just regular twins. And we would look a lot more alike if Yuichi didn't dye his hair red and insisted on putting ribbons and what-not in his hair. I always thought that he'd fit better as a girl than a boy, but I’ve never said that to anyone. Anyway, he can't give me a reason so he keeps quiet instead, with a huge smile on his face.
We reach the cafeteria and stand in line to buy our food. After 10 minutes of being indecisive and then finally picking a plate of pasta, Yuichi is finished and we can finally get our seats. Looking around I see that there’s almost no tables left to sit at, except for one. A boy from our class is sitting alone. If I'm right his name is Hamajima Mizuki. I point at the table to Yuichi and he happily walks to where the lonely boy is sitting.
"Is it okay if we sit here?" Yuichi asks. The boy looks up at Yuichi. This is the first time today that I can clearly see his face. He has round, soft skin and a small nose. The perfectly shaped mouth is slightly red and his eyebrows are thin. Like a girl’s face. But he has the strong jaw line of a male. He looks at Yuichi from head to toe and then he looks at me. His dark green eyes meet mine and I can feel my breath hitch. His gaze stays a moment longer at me and then he looks down again. My body relaxes as his eyes disappear behind dark strands of unruly hair.
They were almost like her eyes.
"It's okay." That's the only thing he says. Me and Yuichi look at each other and then sit down. We're both thinking the same: ‘What a weird guy’. I look back at the boy. Indeed there's some resemblance to that girl. It's the same mouth, nose, eyes. But there's also something missing. I can't really place it, but something that made that girl so special is missing from this guy. I shake my head to rid myself from those thoughts and I start eating my sandwich. On my left, Yuichi is chatting away about some new music group that he's started to listen to. I don't really pay that much attention; I learned long ago that half of everything my brother says is complete nonsense. Instead I watch the guy sitting in front of us. He doesn't seem to hear anything at all. In fact, I think that he doesn't even seem to be here. Then something strikes me and I begin to laugh.
Yuichi looks curiously at me. "What's so funny, Yuuji?" His eyes follow my gaze and he looks at the guy.
I press my index finger against my lips. "Sch. I think he's sleeping, Yuichi. Be quiet." I whisper to him.
Yuichi's eyes go completely round. "Wait... He's sleeping? Sitting?" He stares at the boy, his mouth slightly open. And surely, we can both hear his gentle and steady breathing. I grin at my brother and lean over the table to wake the poor fellow up. I poke him lightly on his shoulder and he looks up at once. He stares at me and a faint blush taints his cheeks.
"Did you sleep well?" I ask him, barely able to contain my laughter while Yuichi giggles beside me.
The boy looks away. "I - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" he begin, clearly ashamed.
"Save it. You don't need to apologize, it happens to everyone. I fell asleep during classes all the time before. And Yuichi fell asleep during PE, somehow." I tell him.
Yuichi giggles some more. "It took them twenty minutes to find me snoring behind the benches." Yuichi adds.
I smile. "The way I see it, you were lucky you fell asleep in here. This way, the teachers won't scold you for not paying attention." The boy looks at me from under his bangs and he looks less embarrassed now. "I'm Yuuji by the way. Kamikawa Yuuji. That's my brother, Yuichi. We're in the same class as you, if you didn't know." I nod at the boy. He smiles.
"I know. You two are a couple that's hard to miss. I'm Mizuki. Thank you for waking me up." He bows his head.
The bell rings, telling us that lunch has ended and that it's time to go back to class. I look down at my half eaten sandwich and sigh. I guess I have to throw it away. I look at Yuichi's plate and see that it's empty. When did he have time to finish it? I sigh again and Mizuki looks at me.
"You age one year extra for each sigh you let out" he says and laughs. Yuichi and I look at each other, then at Mizuki and smiles. Then all three of us walk back to the classroom, chatting about nothing and everything.
As the weeks passed I began to notice something strange with Mizuki. He is a great guy, no question about that. He's funny, generous and loves to talk. But he has those moments when he seems to disappear. His eyes turn darker and he doesn't seem to hear or see anything at all. I don't know why, but it's unnerving. Especially because his eyes seem so similar to hers during those times. Then there's also another thing. He never changes with all the other guys when it's time for PE. He's always late because of that. Maybe he doesn't like to see other people seeing his body. I want to ask him, but I don't want to intrude in his private life.
"Hello? Yuuji, can you hear me?"
"Huh?" I didn't know I was staring at Mizuki, so deep was I in my thoughts. He just grins at me.
"You looked like your soul had left your body and went for a picnic" he says and laughs. I smile at him.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something." I look around. I and Mizuki are waiting for Yuichi so that we can go home. The club activities ended a long time ago for the basketball-team, which I joined not long ago, and the mangaclub for Mizuki, which he joined today. I didn't surprise me when Yuichi said he had joined the handcraft club, but it's a bit annoying that they always end so late. I look back at Mizuki only to find him staring weirdly at me. "Mizuki? You okay there?" I don't know why, but something in his look is unnerving. Like he knows something I don't and is trying to decided whether I can be trusted with that secret or not.
Mizuki blinks several times and seems to come back to his senses. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."
I just smile and pat him on the head. "I think today is the day for spacing out, don't you?" Both begin to laugh just as Yuichi appears around the corner, running.
"Oi, Mizuki, Yuuji! Ready to go home now?" he asks as he gets closer.
"Baka (Idiot)!" Mizuki yells at him. "We've been waiting for you for almost two hours now." Mizuki hits Yuichi lightly on the arm. "Hurry up now, I want to get home today" he says grinning.
Yuichi pouts. "I'm sorry. But I was sewing on this really cute hat and I just forgot about the time."
I watch the pair as we walk back home, just half listening to their bickering. It's usually like this. I've always been more quiet than Yuichi, so now that we've met someone that speaks just as much as my brother I find myself speaking less and less. But in turn I get to observe more. For example how Mizuki's hands moves when he talks. Or how many faces Yuichi can pull, except for pouts and smiles. But lately I've found myself watching Mizuki more and more closely. I think my subconscious is trying to find some resemblance with her. I know it's useless, since I'll probably never see her again, but I can't stop myself.
We walk down the same lane where I saw her for the first time. That time it was raining, but now the sun is shining on our bare arms and faces. I look at Mizuki. He looks younger in the sunlight. I think it's the sun lightening up his features and it makes him look so much happier than the first time we met him. For some reason that makes me happy.
We reach almost the end of the lane where me and Yuichi lives. After a quick goodbye to Mizuki we start to walk up to the door. I look back just in time to see Mizuki turn around the corner. It's not the first time I get chills just by watching his back as he disappears.
It's late at night, but I can't sleep. I don't know why. I am tired, but the more I try the harder it is to fall asleep. I can hear the wind blowing outside and Yuichi's light breathing. I turn to lie on my side and I can see out through the window.
It's now autumn and our class had decided to go to the hot springs over the weekend, for some unknown reason. Yuichi was really excited as usual but I was pretty much indifferent. Sure, it's fun to go to hot springs but I'd rather go alone and just enjoy the peace and tranquility. Don't take me for a loner, I'm not. I just like when it's peaceful, and in my class you just don't get many of those moments. One example today is when Hinamoto Kaoru found a frog and threw it into one of the girls' rooms. The three girls had run out of the room screaming the throats out. They then proceeded to run after Hinamoto when they found out that it was he who had done it.
But what had worried me had been Mizuki. He had looked troubled when he found out that the entire class was going on a trip. It had taken several days to convince him that he should come too, and that only after promising him that he would get a room for himself. Everyone had come to accept Mizuki's little habits, like him not using the male locker-room together with the rest of us when it's time for PE. We just assumed that he was ashamed of his body for some reason. But I had been watching him the entire day and he still seemed a bit anxious even though he was laughing and joking like always. Maybe this was his first time outside the city?
I sigh and turn around again. I think I'll try to count sheeps to see if I'll be able to fall asleep, even though I doubt it. Just as I reach 87 and I finally am starting to feel a bit sleepy I hear footsteps outside the door. Sitting up I wonder who it can be, everyone should still be asleep. I can hear the footsteps walking away from my room now. It's a light sound, not the cautious footsteps of someone who is trying to sneak away but more like someone who is heading nowhere in particular. I stand up and walk quietly towards the door, trying not to wake up Yuichi as I open the door.
I sneak out of the room just in time to something white disappear around the corner of the corridor. I try to follow as fast as I can without making to much sound and when I too walk around the corner I see a familiar back. "Mizuki?" I whisper. He doesn't seem to hear me and just keeps walking. I follow him but for some reason I feel like I shouldn't get too near so I keep my distance. After a few minutes I realize that he's heading towards the entrance. He walks out through the double doors and I do the same a few moments later. The air outside is a bit cold but Mizuki doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps on walking and he's now heading towards the forest. He looks to the side for a second just as the moon appears from behind a cloud. But that second was enough. Mizuki's eyes are lit up by the light from the moon and I can clearly see that it's her eyes. My head suddenly clears up and the previous feeling that I shouldn't disturb him disappears. "Mizuki!" I yell. He stops at once. I slowly walk towards him, not knowing what to expect. He slowly turns around but he's looking at the ground. "Mizu-" I start but get interrupted.
"Mizuki?" The voice coming from Mizuki's mouth is soft, a lot softer than it usually is but the silky sound makes my blood freeze. There voice is so cold, without any emotions at all. "You're looking for him?" The person looks up and I look into the saddest of eyes for the second time ever. I tense. There's something wrong. Why is Mizuki like this? I always thought there was resemblance between them, but I never thought they would be the same person. "Mizuki can't see you right now" the girl says and smiles. "But I can play with you if you want to." Her smile gives me chills. She slowly starts to walk towards me and I'm unable to move from where I'm standing. She comes closer and closer until she's standing just a few inches from me, staring me in the eyes the entire time. She lifts her right arm and she puts her small and soft hand on my neck, her smooth fingers tickles me lightly. Then she leans forwards and stands on her toes. Our lips meet. The touch from her lips sends electricity down my spine and I try to push her away, but her fingers grip around my neck, choking me. Panicking, I manage to take a step backwards but her hold on my neck won't loosen up. It hurts and I can't get any air to my lungs. She keep on looking me in the eyes, without even the smallest amount of empathy in her gaze, while I slowly but surely feel how the my knees are giving in and the world getting a bit darker. It's weird, I think, how this girl can be so strong. But I think it's her gaze holding me down, not her strength.
And just when I think it all might end, since all my own strength is all gone, the hold on my throat loosens and I fall to the ground gasping for air. As my lungs are filled with the wonderful air I hear someone scream. I look at the girl and see that she too has fallen to the ground, gripping her head.
"Argh! Stop that, it hurts!" she shrieks. I hear that some people are waking up in the house but I don't care as the girl keeps screaming. Once again I feel paralyzed by the scene before me. "Mizuki, what are you doing?!" she yells. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Please Mizuki!" She curls up into a ball and tenses up. Then she relaxes and lies down on the back, breathing heavily. I feel that I can move again and slowly crawl to where she's lying. Her eyes open up and I lean away, but it's not the girl looking at me. It's Mizuki and he smiles lightly.
It's spring again and the cherry blossom is slowly falling to the ground. I'm sitting on a bench outside the rehability center, waiting. It has been months since I last saw Mizuki. After I realized that the girl had disappeared I ran forward and picked Mizuki up. He was weak and could barely walk with my help but the people from our class had heard the yells and had rushed out one after one. They had all helped Mizuki and me and they also called an ambulance. But I never got a chance a talk to Mizuki. We ended up in different rooms in the hospital and the doctors forbade everyone except from his parents to visit him. It wasn't until we all returned to the school that our homeroom teacher told us that Mizuki was suffering from multiple personalities and that no one had known except for Mizuki. Mizuki is actually a girl, biologically speaking, but his mind is fully male. His parents had just thought their daughter was going through a faze and that was why she was dressing as a male. It had stirred quite a commotion in the class since the teacher didn't know more than that. Soon everybody seemed to forget about Mizuki, except for me and Yuichi. I guess that's the nature of teenagers.
"Hi" I hear behind me. I turn around and see Mizuki standing some feet away. He's wearing black sweatpants and a white loose T-shirt instead of the obligatory robes that are used here. The nurses had told me that he had charmed them to let him wear his own clothes, but they wouldn't agree to let him bind his chest. His hair was a bit longer since the last time so he had it in a ponytail so that it wouldn't get in his face. He really looked like a girl but I know that he really is a guy deep inside.
I smile towards him. "Hello stranger" I say. He smiles back and sits next to me on the bench. I give him the basket I was holding in my lap. It's filled with dolls and cookies.
Mizuki looks surprised. "You did this?" he asks and stare at me.
"No way" I say. "I don't have the knowledge to do those things. Yuichi did. He says he's sorry he couldn't come today, but he'll try next time." I lean back.
Mizuki picks up one of the dolls that is supposed to be him. "Tell him I'm really grateful for this and that I look forward to his visit" he says and puts the basket next to him. "How are you guys doing?" He's not looking at me as he asks; he's looking at the small pond in front of us.
"We're okay, now. The bruises on my neck went away after two week, but Yuichi still checks if there's anything left everyday. He got really upset when we found out we couldn't visit you, you know. He was yelling at the doctors and calling them things I didn't know he knew of." We both snicker at the thought. "How about you?" I ask him.
Mizuki shrugs. "I guess I'm alright. I mean, I could've been sent to a mental-hospital if i had been unlucky. But it's nice here. As you can see, we have a huge yard where we can just walk around and it's quiet here." He looks at me. "Just the way you like it, and I can understand why now. A lot of things happened after that night and I'm just happy to get away from it all."
"That's great Mizuki" I tell him. We both laugh for some reason and it feels like that night never happened. We start talking about stuff and time passes by so quickly that we both are shocked when one of the nurses tells us that visiting time is almost over. We stand up and head toward the main building where we'll say goodbye. There's a silence between us, but it's not awkward. It’s actually quite nice. When we're almost there I think of something. "Hey, Mizuki?" He looks at me. "If you have two personalities, which one is the real one then?" I ask.
He frowns. "We're both real, Sakura and me."
"Sakura?"
He smiles. "Yeah. The girl this body really belongs to. I came after she had been dumped by a guy that she really liked. He was really cruel to her, she still hasn’t forgotten about him" He frowned again. "When I think about it, you look a bit like him. Maybe that's why she tried to kill you, she confused you with him."
"You mean you don't know?" I ask him.
"I'm not sure. She hasn't talked to me since that night; I think she's mad at me. I hope you got the answer to your question" he says.
I smile at him. "I think I had my answer all along." He looks confused and I laugh. We say goodbye to each other and I promise to come back next month with Yuichi. I walk out of the building and look back on last time.
I guess the one that is real for me is the one that is my friend, Mizuki; I think and walk away with a smile on my face.