Once More, With Tension
They needed to talk. Buffy had heard that from everyone and she knew that they needed to talk, but that didn’t mean she wanted to. Needing and wanting were two completely different things. Theo was in the infirmary, but he was about leave. Buffy wanted to wait until the very end of his shift to talk to him so they wouldn’t be interrupted.
She took a deep breath to gather her courage and walked into the infirmary.
The monitoring spell was affecting his work. Theo was rethinking every little cast he made because of it. He was short-tempered and on edge. He didn’t know how to reconcile what had happened. He grabbed his things to leave for the evening and turned.
Buffy was standing in the doorway.
Theo froze. He didn’t know what to say to her. He had not seen her since Willow had told Buffy about his... gift.
“Hi,” she said softly. Now that she was standing in front of him, she didn’t know what in the world to say. So she stuck with the obvious. “You leaving for the day?”
“I had planned on it, yes,” Theo said, unsure what to say next.
At least she was speaking to him again. He knew he’d just about driven several of the slayers crazy asking for any news of her while she was away, but he could not get Buffy out of his mind. He was very bothered by the fact that she might think he only liked her because she had died. It was what got him to take a second look at her, yes, but it was not why he liked her. He had liked showing her things in the wizarding world, things that were new to her.
What the hell was she supposed to say next? Raise any zombies lately? How are all the dead people? Why are you still even here?
Instead, she stuck with the basics. Again. “Heal many people today?”
Theo frowned. “Well, you can check Giles’ little scroll. It will tell you exactly what I’ve been up to. You can also peek and see what Willow’s been up to since they did it to her as well.”
He wasn’t meaning to sound snippy, but it had come out that way.
“I’m sorry. This whole thing is just making me second guess using even the simplest of spells.”
Buffy had no idea what that feeling was like, but when the Council had come to evaluate her, she always second guessed every single move, even if those moves saved lives.
Maybe she should have stuck to asking about the zombies. She took a deep breath and did as Dawn suggested. Listen to listen, not listen just to make up a response.
“I’m not looking at the scroll. I’m asking you.”
“Well, word has gotten out that I’m Zombie Theo, so a lot of the girls are afraid to come to me now. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any point to my being here anymore. Ironically, Malfoy’s slayer has been in several times, but I think she’s trying to prove she’s not scared of me.”
Buffy bit her lip. She was never scared of Theo. Well, she was, but not physically. She was scared that he would hurt her heart, but she never doubted his ability to do his job. “I’ll speak to them,” she said quietly. “They don’t have any reason to be scared, do they?”
“Not unless they die.”
She had a horrified look on her face.
“Too soon to make jokes about that. Right.” Theo took a deep breath. “No, they don’t have reason to fear. I would never harm any of them. They are part of you. To harm them would be to harm you, and I would never do such a thing.”
Buffy almost opened her mouth and said too late but she refrained. Then she became angry. She wasn’t going to censor herself anymore. “I can’t do this. Everyone says that we need to talk but what the hell am I supposed to say?”
“Well, what do you feel like saying? And wait. You’re only here because you were peer pressured into it?”
It was like she had slapped him.
“I would have come anyway, but I was going to let my feelings set, but that would have been bad in the long run. Would you rather I ignore you for a month? I can do that too.” She had a feeling that it wouldn’t matter if they hashed things out now or if she ignored him. She was getting angry again, but she was so drained that the anger quickly faded and she just became numb.
“No, I would not rather you do that,” Theo snapped, stepping close enough for her to smack him pretty good.
He didn’t know what to do, how to make this right. There likely wasn’t any making it right, though. He’d settle for better, but he didn’t know who to make it better either. He wasn’t good at things like that.
“God! What do you want from me?” she shouted at him. “What is it? Do you want to study me? Do you want the chance to be around people who risk their lives every day? Do you want to be around all the death? Because this isn’t a hobby to me. It’s my life and I don’t get to walk away from that.”
Theo, knowing he was courting bodily harm, kissed her then. “I want to study you, but not in the way you think I do.”
Buffy let him kiss her, not knowing if it would be their last. When he touched her face, he was gentle. Even when she had him heal a few scrapes and bruises, he was always gentle. But his words stoked the fire of fear inside her. She shoved him away. “I’m not a specimen you get to shove under a microscope,” she snapped.
“And you’re not hearing me,” Theo said in a dangerous tone. “I don’t want to study you that way.”
He stepped back into her personal space. Theo was normally not so aggressive, but something in her anger made him go as Slytherin as the rest of his housemates. He didn’t think she’d appreciate hearing that he had come to think of her as his, but he sort of had. He could be just as darkly possessive as any Slytherin, and it sort of startled Theo to discover this. He didn’t think he carried that particular trait.
He put his lips to the shell of her ear. “I want to turn you inside out and let you do the same to me.”
Buffy shivered and clenched her fists, not sure if she would really push him away. Fear shot down her spine, but she felt a calm settling over her too. He suddenly reminded her of Spike, not when they were enemies, but when his feelings for her developed into the obsessive and romantic. Buffy knew Theo wasn’t like Spike in that Theo wasn’t one step away from wanting to rip her throat out, hopefully, but she saw similar dark sides. Spike wanted to possess her. Theo sounded like he wanted to do the same.
“That better be metaphorical, because if it’s literal, I will do the same quicker than you can blink.”
“I don’t kill things,” he said.
He liked the way she shivered when he spoke in that low tone a little too much. He was bordering very much on inappropriate with how much in her personal space he was. Any closer, and he’d be on top of her.
“I know you can snap me like kindling, but you don’t. It’s definitely metaphorical. The literal things I want to do to you are not exactly for polite conversation.”
Buffy had never exerted so much self-control as she did in the moment she took a small step back. She had to breathe and think clearly. “I want to trust you. I do. But you’re going to have to be honest with me. Otherwise this is the end for us.”
“I thought I was being honest,” Theo said, taking a step towards her.
He was pretty sure he’d never looked at anything as intently as he was looking at her right now.
“What else would you like me to say? I missed you while you were gone? I drove everyone mad questioning them about when you’d return? I considered apparating to Oxford to spy upon you and your sister? I didn’t, but it was near thing.”
Buffy didn’t bother saying that they hadn’t stayed in Oxford that long or that Dawn would have liked him to come up to meet him. She didn’t bother saying his honesty terrified her. She didn’t bother saying that she missed him, too.
Instead, she asked a question that she didn’t know if she wanted the answer to. “When did it stop being about my deaths, if you really mean it when you say that it’s not about that anymore?”
“The first time we danced,” he said honestly.
She inhaled sharply, not expecting that answer. Buffy had prepared herself for after the end of the second date, or even after, but not so soon. They hadn’t even spent that much time together by then.
Buffy swallowed and met his gaze. They were close together and the intensity of his blue eyes so close was unlike anything she had seen. His look was taking her breath away. “Thank you,” she replied softly. “That...helps.”
“Good,” he said, swallowing nervously. “And as I like my limbs attached, I am going to take my leave before impulses get the better of me. Do not wait so long to speak to me again. It makes me a bit... possessive when you do come near. Obviously. It’s been about all I could do not to toss you on a flat surface and claim you as mine.”
He took two very large steps back from her and towards the door then. If he didn’t step away now, he would not.
Buffy had never before wanted to kick a man for being so chivalrous. Her inner battle was like a tennis match and she had no idea which scenario she would act out. In the end, the emotion she tried to stomp down won: irritation.
She grabbed his arm and spun him around so his back hit the wall by the door. Buffy stepped close and kept a hand on his chest to keep him against the wall. “I know you have this possession thing going and Draco’s tried to explain it to me, but I’ll give you the same warning I gave him. I don’t like being defined as someone’s thing.”
“Then have the sodding berk explain it again because obviously he missed the mark the first time,” Theo said through his teeth.
She’d shoved him against the wall so hard that she’d actually managed to make him feel pain even through all the scar tissue on his back.
“Because if you think belonging to one of us regulates you into the category of thing, he hasn’t done his job properly. It’s so much more than that.”
He tried to move to leave, but she was pinning him to the wall.
“Why don’t you explain it if you think he’s not doing such a good job at it?” she asked, making sure she didn’t lock her elbow into place, but exerted enough pressure that he wouldn’t be able to push her away.
“It goes both ways - belonging to me means I belong just as much to you. It means you will be coveted and defended with my very life if it comes to that. It means harm to anyone who means you harm.”
That was the same way she treated all of her slayers and the watchers. They were her family. It was her job to protect them, but this...this was different. This was intense and quick and unexpected. Buffy let up on the hand she used to push him into the wall. “In a way, I understand that.” She had just never had it happen to her on such a deep level.
If it came between her and the world, Angel would have chosen the world, and she understood that as well. It was his duty. She and Riley had never been equals. While they had loved each other, they both wanted different things from each other. And Spike...she knew Spike loved her and in a way, she loved him. She would protect him and he would protect her, but the emotion didn’t run too deep.
But even now, Theo only had eyes on her. She shivered again.
“I should go,” he said, not really wanting to, but knowing for now that it was the best thing for both of them.
He’d actually like to drag her off by her hair and be just wicked, but in reality, if he grabbed her at all, she’d tear his sodding arms off. There was also the fact that he was uncomfortable with how out of control she made him. He’d all but peed on her just now to mark his territory.
“Yeah,” she said after a moment. He raised his eyebrows at her and she jumped slightly. “Oh, you need to actually be able to move to leave.”
Buffy took a step back, dropping her arm to her side.
“Not that I mind you holding me down in the least,” Theo said in a snarky tone before exiting the infirmary.
He needed to get far away from her and take an ice bath.
The smirk he sent her before he disappeared through the doors almost--almost--had her reaching out for him again, but she would be strong. She needed to get her head above water and sort her feelings out, and there were many.
In the end, she decided there was not enough chocolate ice cream in the world to keep her thoughts from Theo Nott. With a growl, she stalked out of the infirmary and headed to her room. She was going to change and then beat the crap out of some punching bags.
She took a deep breath to gather her courage and walked into the infirmary.
The monitoring spell was affecting his work. Theo was rethinking every little cast he made because of it. He was short-tempered and on edge. He didn’t know how to reconcile what had happened. He grabbed his things to leave for the evening and turned.
Buffy was standing in the doorway.
Theo froze. He didn’t know what to say to her. He had not seen her since Willow had told Buffy about his... gift.
“Hi,” she said softly. Now that she was standing in front of him, she didn’t know what in the world to say. So she stuck with the obvious. “You leaving for the day?”
“I had planned on it, yes,” Theo said, unsure what to say next.
At least she was speaking to him again. He knew he’d just about driven several of the slayers crazy asking for any news of her while she was away, but he could not get Buffy out of his mind. He was very bothered by the fact that she might think he only liked her because she had died. It was what got him to take a second look at her, yes, but it was not why he liked her. He had liked showing her things in the wizarding world, things that were new to her.
What the hell was she supposed to say next? Raise any zombies lately? How are all the dead people? Why are you still even here?
Instead, she stuck with the basics. Again. “Heal many people today?”
Theo frowned. “Well, you can check Giles’ little scroll. It will tell you exactly what I’ve been up to. You can also peek and see what Willow’s been up to since they did it to her as well.”
He wasn’t meaning to sound snippy, but it had come out that way.
“I’m sorry. This whole thing is just making me second guess using even the simplest of spells.”
Buffy had no idea what that feeling was like, but when the Council had come to evaluate her, she always second guessed every single move, even if those moves saved lives.
Maybe she should have stuck to asking about the zombies. She took a deep breath and did as Dawn suggested. Listen to listen, not listen just to make up a response.
“I’m not looking at the scroll. I’m asking you.”
“Well, word has gotten out that I’m Zombie Theo, so a lot of the girls are afraid to come to me now. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any point to my being here anymore. Ironically, Malfoy’s slayer has been in several times, but I think she’s trying to prove she’s not scared of me.”
Buffy bit her lip. She was never scared of Theo. Well, she was, but not physically. She was scared that he would hurt her heart, but she never doubted his ability to do his job. “I’ll speak to them,” she said quietly. “They don’t have any reason to be scared, do they?”
“Not unless they die.”
She had a horrified look on her face.
“Too soon to make jokes about that. Right.” Theo took a deep breath. “No, they don’t have reason to fear. I would never harm any of them. They are part of you. To harm them would be to harm you, and I would never do such a thing.”
Buffy almost opened her mouth and said too late but she refrained. Then she became angry. She wasn’t going to censor herself anymore. “I can’t do this. Everyone says that we need to talk but what the hell am I supposed to say?”
“Well, what do you feel like saying? And wait. You’re only here because you were peer pressured into it?”
It was like she had slapped him.
“I would have come anyway, but I was going to let my feelings set, but that would have been bad in the long run. Would you rather I ignore you for a month? I can do that too.” She had a feeling that it wouldn’t matter if they hashed things out now or if she ignored him. She was getting angry again, but she was so drained that the anger quickly faded and she just became numb.
“No, I would not rather you do that,” Theo snapped, stepping close enough for her to smack him pretty good.
He didn’t know what to do, how to make this right. There likely wasn’t any making it right, though. He’d settle for better, but he didn’t know who to make it better either. He wasn’t good at things like that.
“God! What do you want from me?” she shouted at him. “What is it? Do you want to study me? Do you want the chance to be around people who risk their lives every day? Do you want to be around all the death? Because this isn’t a hobby to me. It’s my life and I don’t get to walk away from that.”
Theo, knowing he was courting bodily harm, kissed her then. “I want to study you, but not in the way you think I do.”
Buffy let him kiss her, not knowing if it would be their last. When he touched her face, he was gentle. Even when she had him heal a few scrapes and bruises, he was always gentle. But his words stoked the fire of fear inside her. She shoved him away. “I’m not a specimen you get to shove under a microscope,” she snapped.
“And you’re not hearing me,” Theo said in a dangerous tone. “I don’t want to study you that way.”
He stepped back into her personal space. Theo was normally not so aggressive, but something in her anger made him go as Slytherin as the rest of his housemates. He didn’t think she’d appreciate hearing that he had come to think of her as his, but he sort of had. He could be just as darkly possessive as any Slytherin, and it sort of startled Theo to discover this. He didn’t think he carried that particular trait.
He put his lips to the shell of her ear. “I want to turn you inside out and let you do the same to me.”
Buffy shivered and clenched her fists, not sure if she would really push him away. Fear shot down her spine, but she felt a calm settling over her too. He suddenly reminded her of Spike, not when they were enemies, but when his feelings for her developed into the obsessive and romantic. Buffy knew Theo wasn’t like Spike in that Theo wasn’t one step away from wanting to rip her throat out, hopefully, but she saw similar dark sides. Spike wanted to possess her. Theo sounded like he wanted to do the same.
“That better be metaphorical, because if it’s literal, I will do the same quicker than you can blink.”
“I don’t kill things,” he said.
He liked the way she shivered when he spoke in that low tone a little too much. He was bordering very much on inappropriate with how much in her personal space he was. Any closer, and he’d be on top of her.
“I know you can snap me like kindling, but you don’t. It’s definitely metaphorical. The literal things I want to do to you are not exactly for polite conversation.”
Buffy had never exerted so much self-control as she did in the moment she took a small step back. She had to breathe and think clearly. “I want to trust you. I do. But you’re going to have to be honest with me. Otherwise this is the end for us.”
“I thought I was being honest,” Theo said, taking a step towards her.
He was pretty sure he’d never looked at anything as intently as he was looking at her right now.
“What else would you like me to say? I missed you while you were gone? I drove everyone mad questioning them about when you’d return? I considered apparating to Oxford to spy upon you and your sister? I didn’t, but it was near thing.”
Buffy didn’t bother saying that they hadn’t stayed in Oxford that long or that Dawn would have liked him to come up to meet him. She didn’t bother saying his honesty terrified her. She didn’t bother saying that she missed him, too.
Instead, she asked a question that she didn’t know if she wanted the answer to. “When did it stop being about my deaths, if you really mean it when you say that it’s not about that anymore?”
“The first time we danced,” he said honestly.
She inhaled sharply, not expecting that answer. Buffy had prepared herself for after the end of the second date, or even after, but not so soon. They hadn’t even spent that much time together by then.
Buffy swallowed and met his gaze. They were close together and the intensity of his blue eyes so close was unlike anything she had seen. His look was taking her breath away. “Thank you,” she replied softly. “That...helps.”
“Good,” he said, swallowing nervously. “And as I like my limbs attached, I am going to take my leave before impulses get the better of me. Do not wait so long to speak to me again. It makes me a bit... possessive when you do come near. Obviously. It’s been about all I could do not to toss you on a flat surface and claim you as mine.”
He took two very large steps back from her and towards the door then. If he didn’t step away now, he would not.
Buffy had never before wanted to kick a man for being so chivalrous. Her inner battle was like a tennis match and she had no idea which scenario she would act out. In the end, the emotion she tried to stomp down won: irritation.
She grabbed his arm and spun him around so his back hit the wall by the door. Buffy stepped close and kept a hand on his chest to keep him against the wall. “I know you have this possession thing going and Draco’s tried to explain it to me, but I’ll give you the same warning I gave him. I don’t like being defined as someone’s thing.”
“Then have the sodding berk explain it again because obviously he missed the mark the first time,” Theo said through his teeth.
She’d shoved him against the wall so hard that she’d actually managed to make him feel pain even through all the scar tissue on his back.
“Because if you think belonging to one of us regulates you into the category of thing, he hasn’t done his job properly. It’s so much more than that.”
He tried to move to leave, but she was pinning him to the wall.
“Why don’t you explain it if you think he’s not doing such a good job at it?” she asked, making sure she didn’t lock her elbow into place, but exerted enough pressure that he wouldn’t be able to push her away.
“It goes both ways - belonging to me means I belong just as much to you. It means you will be coveted and defended with my very life if it comes to that. It means harm to anyone who means you harm.”
That was the same way she treated all of her slayers and the watchers. They were her family. It was her job to protect them, but this...this was different. This was intense and quick and unexpected. Buffy let up on the hand she used to push him into the wall. “In a way, I understand that.” She had just never had it happen to her on such a deep level.
If it came between her and the world, Angel would have chosen the world, and she understood that as well. It was his duty. She and Riley had never been equals. While they had loved each other, they both wanted different things from each other. And Spike...she knew Spike loved her and in a way, she loved him. She would protect him and he would protect her, but the emotion didn’t run too deep.
But even now, Theo only had eyes on her. She shivered again.
“I should go,” he said, not really wanting to, but knowing for now that it was the best thing for both of them.
He’d actually like to drag her off by her hair and be just wicked, but in reality, if he grabbed her at all, she’d tear his sodding arms off. There was also the fact that he was uncomfortable with how out of control she made him. He’d all but peed on her just now to mark his territory.
“Yeah,” she said after a moment. He raised his eyebrows at her and she jumped slightly. “Oh, you need to actually be able to move to leave.”
Buffy took a step back, dropping her arm to her side.
“Not that I mind you holding me down in the least,” Theo said in a snarky tone before exiting the infirmary.
He needed to get far away from her and take an ice bath.
The smirk he sent her before he disappeared through the doors almost--almost--had her reaching out for him again, but she would be strong. She needed to get her head above water and sort her feelings out, and there were many.
In the end, she decided there was not enough chocolate ice cream in the world to keep her thoughts from Theo Nott. With a growl, she stalked out of the infirmary and headed to her room. She was going to change and then beat the crap out of some punching bags.