we chose each other | s.coups/woozi [27/32]
title: we chose each other [chapter twenty seven]
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 2.2k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
a/n: hi all it’s been a while. Hope you’re ready for the end. Yes, you read right, there are 5 chapters left and they’re all coming out at once. enjoy!
Jihoon meets Youngho in the morning as soon as he steps out of his room, before he even gets a chance to get to the bathroom or have some coffee.
He grumbles some sort of greeting, stumbles into the bathroom and gets ready for work.
He finds it sad he’s relieved that at least his new bodyguard wasn’t watching him sleep from the end of his bed.
Jihoon calls Seungcheol from the bathroom towards the end of the day, before Seungcheol starts his shift at Healing.
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you properly and I don’t know when I will, but my parents blackmailed me into accepting a bodyguard and he started today,” Jihoon murmurs softly. Youngho is just outside the bathrooms. Jihoon isn’t too sure how much privacy he truly has.
Seungcheol, to his credit, doesn’t question the million things he could have, just asks, “Are you okay though?”
“Yes,” Jihoon breathes, heart warm that his safety is Seungcheol’s first concern. “I’ll work something out, but it might take some time. I’ll message you and call when I can, okay?”
“Okay, Jihoonie. It’ll be okay, we’ll work it out. Take care, okay?” Jihoon knows he doesn’t believe it will be okay. Neither of them do. Nothing about this situation is okay, or will be. But he tries to cling onto desperate hope that maybe, somehow, it could be.
“You too, Seungcheol. I love you,”
The softest huff of breath, and Jihoon hopes it’s because he’s smiling. “I love you too, Jihoonie,”
Soonyoung is the one who eventually suggests it, during their coffee catch up. Youngho is seated at the adjacent table, and Soonyoung pretends he’s sharing gossip about a girl when he leans over and whispers his idea into Jihoon’s ear.
Jihoon’s look of disbelief is genuine and he gives Soonyoung a look, but Soonyoung just smiles. It’s probably his calm demeanour that convinces Jihoon to try it the next day.
“You don’t need to come with me, Youngho,” Jihoon says coolly as he puts on his shoes.
“You are going out. I am to ensure your safety,” Youngho answers evenly.
“I’m going to meet Kwon Soonyoung, who I am not supposed to associate with, and we're meeting at his house where they have their own bodyguards."
"You could leave,"
"And go where?"
"Anywhere. You could run away."
Jihoon laughs, loud and clear. “Where do I have to run?” he smiles, but the look in his eyes is empty. “Everything I have is tracked or tied to the company. I can’t do anything without them. I have nothing to use to go anywhere, and I have nowhere to go. Me running away? It’s almost laughable.”
Youngho makes a face but doesn’t say more.
“Look, I'll give you Kwon Soonyoung's phone number and the address of the Kwon household. I’ll message you when I’m with Soonyoung, and message you when I’m heading home. If I don’t message, or it gets too late, you can come looking for me, okay?"
Reluctantly, Youngho nods slowly. Jihoon smiles. "Thank you,"
Jihoon only tries it about once or twice a week, and he really does go see Soonyoung on those first few times, out of pure fear they do track him. Then he starts changing it up, borrowing one of the Kwon household cars so that he won’t be tracked to Seungcheol’s place. They probably already know where it is though, from the times he went before, but he’s going to keep up the best facade he can.
When it’s late and he messages Youngho to say he’s on his way back, he’s usually actually at Seungcheol’s door, coming by to say a quick hi and kiss his boyfriend goodnight. It’s always bittersweet, being able to see Seungcheol even though he knows he has to leave soon or he’ll have his family’s security team at his heels.
After a while, he stops seeing Soonyoung, and starts only meeting up with Seungcheol. He still borrows a Kwon car and it’s usually on the days when Healing is closed, or when Yejin can give Seungcheol an early night, and Jihoon still reluctantly leaves by late evening, kissing Seungcheol goodnight softly.
It’s not the same, but with soft conversations late at night over the phone and stolen kisses in the dead of the night, they manage. Jihoon whispers affection and love and promises he is working with Soonyoung on every possibility, and Seungcheol always whispers promises to wait and swears he still loves Jihoon the same.
“Have you ended things?”
Jihoon looks up from the proposal he has been reviewing with his father for the past half hour, an eyebrow raised.
“What do you mean?”
“With that man, that night your... friends broke into the building,” his father says, not looking up from the pretty graphs on the page that showed their sales data.
“Invited in by me,” Jihoon clarifies, “and no, I haven't had a chance,”
His father scoffs. “You've had plenty of chances, going out every few nights,”
“I've been at corporate functions and seeing Kwon Soonyoung who is preparing to take over Highlight Marketing, so no, Father, I have not had plenty of chances,” Jihoon says coolly, although he can feel his irritation rising.
His father finally lifts his eyes and glares a little. “End it. Now. Or the agreement is off the table and your friends will face prosecution,”
“How do I end it now if I'm in your office?” Jihoon asks calmly.
“You have a phone, don't you?”
Jihoon can’t help the stunned look on his face. “Isn't ending a relationship over the phone a little too cruel?”
“I will be more cruel than that if you don't end it, now,”
Jihoon chews the inside of his cheek before pulling out his phone. He dials Soonyoung’s number that he uses when he’s Hoshi.
“Jihoon!”
“Seungcheol,” Jihoon says, voice tight. “I need to talk to you about something,”
He’s lucky Soonyoung is quick to pick up on things. “Sure, go ahead,” he says softly.
And even though Jihoon knows it's Soonyoung, knows Soonyoung will understand that Jihoon is in some sort of situation, knows that he isn't actually breaking up with Seungcheol, it feels like his airways are closing up. “We have to end things between us. I can't explain, and I'm sorry. Please don't contact me again,”
Jihoon tries to keep his voice steady but it breaks a little at the end and he hangs up before Soonyoung can answer him. It’s unintentional, but his unravelling emotions are making for a convincing act.
He swallows thickly once, then speaks, voice quivering slightly. “Happy now?” he asks.
His father just nods mutely, going back to his documents seamlessly, like Jihoon doesn't look emotionally unstable in front of him.
“If he contacts you again, we will deal with him. Now you can move forward with your life, with Sora,”
At the mention of the girl, Jihoon remembers he's about to be engaged. His heart aches more.
“I have a meeting with the marketing team in five minutes,” Jihoon says softly, not trusting himself with anything more. His father waves him away, not looking up from his papers.
He bows stiffly and excuses himself before shuffling out of the room.
Soonyoung twirls the little umbrella in his drink. “So, you want to explain what this morning’s call was about?”
“I told you the deal my father made with me,” Jihoon murmurs. “He told me to end it right then and there in front of him or he’d file lawsuits against everyone.”
They’re at a bar, but not Healing. Jihoon finds he can’t relax. Youngho is further down the bar, drinking a soft drink.
Soonyoung sighs. “How cruel,”
“It hurt, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says quietly. “It wasn’t even real and it hurt so much,”
Soonyoung reaches to put an arm around him, but Jihoon is trying to push down the crushing feeling in his chest. He takes a few deep breaths, but can feel the tears welling up in his eyes when he asks, “What am I going to do when I have to do it for real?”
Soonyoung doesn’t answer him, just hugs him and rubs his back and lets Jihoon desperately try to work out what he’s going to do when it becomes inevitable.
He doesn’t have much time left.
Seungcheol is brushing Jihoon’s hair from his face and humming an aimless melody, while Jihoon is desperately trying not to fall asleep. It’s the dead of the night and Jihoon has to leave soon, but it’s so warm and comforting here with Seungcheol. He knows he won’t be able to sleep so easily when he returns to the cold place he’s meant to call home.
“Do you think we would have still found each other?” Seungcheol murmurs and Jihoon forces his eyes open, propping himself up on an elbow.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“If we hadn’t met that time you walked into Healing because of Soonyoung,” Seungcheol smiles, as if recalling the memory, “do you think we would have still found each other?”
Jihoon furrows his brow in thought and Seungcheol’s smile is soft as he slowly rubs a finger between his eyebrows, as if easing the wrinkles.
“I don’t know,” Jihoon answers truthfully. “I don’t know if we ever would have met, let alone gotten to know each other, and become who we are to each other now,” Jihoon says. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he says leaning over to gently kiss Seungcheol, two small smiles meeting in the tiny apartment. “It’s not ideal, and I wish I had just been a normal person who happened to walk into a bar and meet you, but I wouldn’t trade any of it if it meant I couldn’t be with you,”
Seungcheol grins. “Sap,”
Jihoon scrunches his nose. “I’m just being reflective. And you started it,” Seungcheol laughs softly and props himself up on an elbow to kiss Jihoon’s forehead.
“Still a sap, but I wouldn’t trade it either,” he says, “You wouldn’t be you if anything changed. If you had a normal family, if you didn’t have the pressure you have had in your life, you would be a different person. And whilst I wish you could have lived a normal life, I’m just in love with and admire the person you are now, as you are,”
Jihoon fakes retching. “Sap,” he mutters, though he breaks into a grin. “I love you, Seungcheol,”
Seungcheol blows him a kiss. “Love you too, Jihoonie,” he rolls back to reach for his watch and look at the time. “You should go, before you’re too sleepy to drive,”
He rolls back to face Jihoon, only to be met with Jihoon’s lips on his. Seungcheol hums happily, fingers tangling in Jihoon’s hair as they kiss. “That’s nice, you should still go,” he says when they pull apart, grinning when Jihoon scrunches his face up.
“I don’t want to go,” Jihoon almost whines.
“Neither do I, love, but it’ll be okay,” Seungcheol says as they climb out of bed, “I’ll be here, for whenever you need me to be,”
Jihoon intertwines their hands for a moment, looking up at Seungcheol warmly. “You’re the best thing in my life,” he whispers. Seungcheol answers it with a smile and a kiss.
“See you soon,” he murmurs and Jihoon nods. They exchange one more kiss before Jihoon slips on his shoes and grabs his keys.
Just as Jihoon walks out the door, Seungcheol calls his name.
Jihoon turns back, face dimly lit from Seungcheol’s apartment, the corridor empty and dark in the late night.
Seungcheol smiles. “In our next life, let’s be boring old high school best friends who fall in love instead, yeah?”
JIhoon smiles, eyes crinkled in the dim light. “I’d love to have another life with you,” he says.
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 2.2k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
a/n: hi all it’s been a while. Hope you’re ready for the end. Yes, you read right, there are 5 chapters left and they’re all coming out at once. enjoy!
Jihoon meets Youngho in the morning as soon as he steps out of his room, before he even gets a chance to get to the bathroom or have some coffee.
He grumbles some sort of greeting, stumbles into the bathroom and gets ready for work.
He finds it sad he’s relieved that at least his new bodyguard wasn’t watching him sleep from the end of his bed.
Jihoon calls Seungcheol from the bathroom towards the end of the day, before Seungcheol starts his shift at Healing.
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you properly and I don’t know when I will, but my parents blackmailed me into accepting a bodyguard and he started today,” Jihoon murmurs softly. Youngho is just outside the bathrooms. Jihoon isn’t too sure how much privacy he truly has.
Seungcheol, to his credit, doesn’t question the million things he could have, just asks, “Are you okay though?”
“Yes,” Jihoon breathes, heart warm that his safety is Seungcheol’s first concern. “I’ll work something out, but it might take some time. I’ll message you and call when I can, okay?”
“Okay, Jihoonie. It’ll be okay, we’ll work it out. Take care, okay?” Jihoon knows he doesn’t believe it will be okay. Neither of them do. Nothing about this situation is okay, or will be. But he tries to cling onto desperate hope that maybe, somehow, it could be.
“You too, Seungcheol. I love you,”
The softest huff of breath, and Jihoon hopes it’s because he’s smiling. “I love you too, Jihoonie,”
Soonyoung is the one who eventually suggests it, during their coffee catch up. Youngho is seated at the adjacent table, and Soonyoung pretends he’s sharing gossip about a girl when he leans over and whispers his idea into Jihoon’s ear.
Jihoon’s look of disbelief is genuine and he gives Soonyoung a look, but Soonyoung just smiles. It’s probably his calm demeanour that convinces Jihoon to try it the next day.
“You don’t need to come with me, Youngho,” Jihoon says coolly as he puts on his shoes.
“You are going out. I am to ensure your safety,” Youngho answers evenly.
“I’m going to meet Kwon Soonyoung, who I am not supposed to associate with, and we're meeting at his house where they have their own bodyguards."
"You could leave,"
"And go where?"
"Anywhere. You could run away."
Jihoon laughs, loud and clear. “Where do I have to run?” he smiles, but the look in his eyes is empty. “Everything I have is tracked or tied to the company. I can’t do anything without them. I have nothing to use to go anywhere, and I have nowhere to go. Me running away? It’s almost laughable.”
Youngho makes a face but doesn’t say more.
“Look, I'll give you Kwon Soonyoung's phone number and the address of the Kwon household. I’ll message you when I’m with Soonyoung, and message you when I’m heading home. If I don’t message, or it gets too late, you can come looking for me, okay?"
Reluctantly, Youngho nods slowly. Jihoon smiles. "Thank you,"
Jihoon only tries it about once or twice a week, and he really does go see Soonyoung on those first few times, out of pure fear they do track him. Then he starts changing it up, borrowing one of the Kwon household cars so that he won’t be tracked to Seungcheol’s place. They probably already know where it is though, from the times he went before, but he’s going to keep up the best facade he can.
When it’s late and he messages Youngho to say he’s on his way back, he’s usually actually at Seungcheol’s door, coming by to say a quick hi and kiss his boyfriend goodnight. It’s always bittersweet, being able to see Seungcheol even though he knows he has to leave soon or he’ll have his family’s security team at his heels.
After a while, he stops seeing Soonyoung, and starts only meeting up with Seungcheol. He still borrows a Kwon car and it’s usually on the days when Healing is closed, or when Yejin can give Seungcheol an early night, and Jihoon still reluctantly leaves by late evening, kissing Seungcheol goodnight softly.
It’s not the same, but with soft conversations late at night over the phone and stolen kisses in the dead of the night, they manage. Jihoon whispers affection and love and promises he is working with Soonyoung on every possibility, and Seungcheol always whispers promises to wait and swears he still loves Jihoon the same.
“Have you ended things?”
Jihoon looks up from the proposal he has been reviewing with his father for the past half hour, an eyebrow raised.
“What do you mean?”
“With that man, that night your... friends broke into the building,” his father says, not looking up from the pretty graphs on the page that showed their sales data.
“Invited in by me,” Jihoon clarifies, “and no, I haven't had a chance,”
His father scoffs. “You've had plenty of chances, going out every few nights,”
“I've been at corporate functions and seeing Kwon Soonyoung who is preparing to take over Highlight Marketing, so no, Father, I have not had plenty of chances,” Jihoon says coolly, although he can feel his irritation rising.
His father finally lifts his eyes and glares a little. “End it. Now. Or the agreement is off the table and your friends will face prosecution,”
“How do I end it now if I'm in your office?” Jihoon asks calmly.
“You have a phone, don't you?”
Jihoon can’t help the stunned look on his face. “Isn't ending a relationship over the phone a little too cruel?”
“I will be more cruel than that if you don't end it, now,”
Jihoon chews the inside of his cheek before pulling out his phone. He dials Soonyoung’s number that he uses when he’s Hoshi.
“Jihoon!”
“Seungcheol,” Jihoon says, voice tight. “I need to talk to you about something,”
He’s lucky Soonyoung is quick to pick up on things. “Sure, go ahead,” he says softly.
And even though Jihoon knows it's Soonyoung, knows Soonyoung will understand that Jihoon is in some sort of situation, knows that he isn't actually breaking up with Seungcheol, it feels like his airways are closing up. “We have to end things between us. I can't explain, and I'm sorry. Please don't contact me again,”
Jihoon tries to keep his voice steady but it breaks a little at the end and he hangs up before Soonyoung can answer him. It’s unintentional, but his unravelling emotions are making for a convincing act.
He swallows thickly once, then speaks, voice quivering slightly. “Happy now?” he asks.
His father just nods mutely, going back to his documents seamlessly, like Jihoon doesn't look emotionally unstable in front of him.
“If he contacts you again, we will deal with him. Now you can move forward with your life, with Sora,”
At the mention of the girl, Jihoon remembers he's about to be engaged. His heart aches more.
“I have a meeting with the marketing team in five minutes,” Jihoon says softly, not trusting himself with anything more. His father waves him away, not looking up from his papers.
He bows stiffly and excuses himself before shuffling out of the room.
Soonyoung twirls the little umbrella in his drink. “So, you want to explain what this morning’s call was about?”
“I told you the deal my father made with me,” Jihoon murmurs. “He told me to end it right then and there in front of him or he’d file lawsuits against everyone.”
They’re at a bar, but not Healing. Jihoon finds he can’t relax. Youngho is further down the bar, drinking a soft drink.
Soonyoung sighs. “How cruel,”
“It hurt, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says quietly. “It wasn’t even real and it hurt so much,”
Soonyoung reaches to put an arm around him, but Jihoon is trying to push down the crushing feeling in his chest. He takes a few deep breaths, but can feel the tears welling up in his eyes when he asks, “What am I going to do when I have to do it for real?”
Soonyoung doesn’t answer him, just hugs him and rubs his back and lets Jihoon desperately try to work out what he’s going to do when it becomes inevitable.
He doesn’t have much time left.
Seungcheol is brushing Jihoon’s hair from his face and humming an aimless melody, while Jihoon is desperately trying not to fall asleep. It’s the dead of the night and Jihoon has to leave soon, but it’s so warm and comforting here with Seungcheol. He knows he won’t be able to sleep so easily when he returns to the cold place he’s meant to call home.
“Do you think we would have still found each other?” Seungcheol murmurs and Jihoon forces his eyes open, propping himself up on an elbow.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“If we hadn’t met that time you walked into Healing because of Soonyoung,” Seungcheol smiles, as if recalling the memory, “do you think we would have still found each other?”
Jihoon furrows his brow in thought and Seungcheol’s smile is soft as he slowly rubs a finger between his eyebrows, as if easing the wrinkles.
“I don’t know,” Jihoon answers truthfully. “I don’t know if we ever would have met, let alone gotten to know each other, and become who we are to each other now,” Jihoon says. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he says leaning over to gently kiss Seungcheol, two small smiles meeting in the tiny apartment. “It’s not ideal, and I wish I had just been a normal person who happened to walk into a bar and meet you, but I wouldn’t trade any of it if it meant I couldn’t be with you,”
Seungcheol grins. “Sap,”
Jihoon scrunches his nose. “I’m just being reflective. And you started it,” Seungcheol laughs softly and props himself up on an elbow to kiss Jihoon’s forehead.
“Still a sap, but I wouldn’t trade it either,” he says, “You wouldn’t be you if anything changed. If you had a normal family, if you didn’t have the pressure you have had in your life, you would be a different person. And whilst I wish you could have lived a normal life, I’m just in love with and admire the person you are now, as you are,”
Jihoon fakes retching. “Sap,” he mutters, though he breaks into a grin. “I love you, Seungcheol,”
Seungcheol blows him a kiss. “Love you too, Jihoonie,” he rolls back to reach for his watch and look at the time. “You should go, before you’re too sleepy to drive,”
He rolls back to face Jihoon, only to be met with Jihoon’s lips on his. Seungcheol hums happily, fingers tangling in Jihoon’s hair as they kiss. “That’s nice, you should still go,” he says when they pull apart, grinning when Jihoon scrunches his face up.
“I don’t want to go,” Jihoon almost whines.
“Neither do I, love, but it’ll be okay,” Seungcheol says as they climb out of bed, “I’ll be here, for whenever you need me to be,”
Jihoon intertwines their hands for a moment, looking up at Seungcheol warmly. “You’re the best thing in my life,” he whispers. Seungcheol answers it with a smile and a kiss.
“See you soon,” he murmurs and Jihoon nods. They exchange one more kiss before Jihoon slips on his shoes and grabs his keys.
Just as Jihoon walks out the door, Seungcheol calls his name.
Jihoon turns back, face dimly lit from Seungcheol’s apartment, the corridor empty and dark in the late night.
Seungcheol smiles. “In our next life, let’s be boring old high school best friends who fall in love instead, yeah?”
JIhoon smiles, eyes crinkled in the dim light. “I’d love to have another life with you,” he says.