< Rant > Just a little angry < /Rant>
There's something really kind of complicated that I'm working out in my head that makes me so very angry mostly because I'm not sure what I can actually do about it.
See there are these people, and yes they are mostly male, in my life, and that I'm pretty close to who keep disrespecting my shit.
I can totally accept people I don't know making judgements about my life - deciding that I'm flaky or a failure or that my choices are less valid than their's - we're all really used to that and it doesn't matter all that much. The look from work mates when I start talking about a film I've just seen or the fact that I've got no interest in children, house in the suburbs, sport - I can deal with that. Their frame of reference is different to mine, usually very different, and if and when I'm lucky, some of them are willing to listen to the things I'm into, because you know what, I listen to the the things they're into too. It's one of those zero-sum game things - there is no winner or loser in things that you think rock; it's not a value decision that you can say people are good because they like the same things or bad because they don't. The world is actually way more interesting because everyone likes such a diverse set of things and don't we all want to be excited because somebody enjoys something?
And this I think is the heart of it - there are people in my life who write me off and under estimate my capabilities because I'm into fandom, or because I'm into craft and cooking and sewing, or because I'm self-aware enough to know that I'm not able (and don't want to) hold down a 9-5 admin job and that I'm courageous enough to work on structuring my life in a way that I want to live.
At no point have I ever implied, to anyone I know, that my way of doing this is any better or worse than anyone else's and I'm really sick of people, I know well, assuming and judging me because my choices aren't their's and because my goals aren't their's.
I'm not under-utilising my skills and I am capable of a hell of a lot of shit. I'm a creative, clever person who can do anything I want and I'm not being arrogant or any of that shit when I say this. This is the fricken side effect of modesty - people judge you as failing because they don't know what you're capable of. And then, when they know what you're capable of they want to decide how you're supposed to be using those skills because if you're not using them the 'proper way' then you're obviously misguided or something.
And, the worst thing for me is that it's not just random people we meet, it's people who have more than a passing engagement with alternative lifestyles and who know that I wasn't brought up in a middle class suburban way (I live/d in sharehousing/co-ops 85% or more of my life and I'm vegetarian, and I'm political (again, not necessarily on other people's terms), I'm pagan, I'm a geek). They've met my family, too (I'm pretty open with people meeting my family, I love them and it gives people another shot at understanding me).
And I don't think that this makes me more 'alternative' or whatever than anyone else, I think it means that my values and the way I grew up are different to the mainstream. I really believe in shared resources and that we can build a better world working together, I believe that change is possible and that my actions have an impact on the world. I believe that I don't need someone else's permission to make decisions about my life and I believe I don't need someone else's approval about the decisions I make. I believe that the personal is political, that class and gender and sexuality and all the various identity politics affect the way we see the world - what I don't get is why people would think that doesn't include me?
See there are these people, and yes they are mostly male, in my life, and that I'm pretty close to who keep disrespecting my shit.
I can totally accept people I don't know making judgements about my life - deciding that I'm flaky or a failure or that my choices are less valid than their's - we're all really used to that and it doesn't matter all that much. The look from work mates when I start talking about a film I've just seen or the fact that I've got no interest in children, house in the suburbs, sport - I can deal with that. Their frame of reference is different to mine, usually very different, and if and when I'm lucky, some of them are willing to listen to the things I'm into, because you know what, I listen to the the things they're into too. It's one of those zero-sum game things - there is no winner or loser in things that you think rock; it's not a value decision that you can say people are good because they like the same things or bad because they don't. The world is actually way more interesting because everyone likes such a diverse set of things and don't we all want to be excited because somebody enjoys something?
And this I think is the heart of it - there are people in my life who write me off and under estimate my capabilities because I'm into fandom, or because I'm into craft and cooking and sewing, or because I'm self-aware enough to know that I'm not able (and don't want to) hold down a 9-5 admin job and that I'm courageous enough to work on structuring my life in a way that I want to live.
At no point have I ever implied, to anyone I know, that my way of doing this is any better or worse than anyone else's and I'm really sick of people, I know well, assuming and judging me because my choices aren't their's and because my goals aren't their's.
I'm not under-utilising my skills and I am capable of a hell of a lot of shit. I'm a creative, clever person who can do anything I want and I'm not being arrogant or any of that shit when I say this. This is the fricken side effect of modesty - people judge you as failing because they don't know what you're capable of. And then, when they know what you're capable of they want to decide how you're supposed to be using those skills because if you're not using them the 'proper way' then you're obviously misguided or something.
And, the worst thing for me is that it's not just random people we meet, it's people who have more than a passing engagement with alternative lifestyles and who know that I wasn't brought up in a middle class suburban way (I live/d in sharehousing/co-ops 85% or more of my life and I'm vegetarian, and I'm political (again, not necessarily on other people's terms), I'm pagan, I'm a geek). They've met my family, too (I'm pretty open with people meeting my family, I love them and it gives people another shot at understanding me).
And I don't think that this makes me more 'alternative' or whatever than anyone else, I think it means that my values and the way I grew up are different to the mainstream. I really believe in shared resources and that we can build a better world working together, I believe that change is possible and that my actions have an impact on the world. I believe that I don't need someone else's permission to make decisions about my life and I believe I don't need someone else's approval about the decisions I make. I believe that the personal is political, that class and gender and sexuality and all the various identity politics affect the way we see the world - what I don't get is why people would think that doesn't include me?