Crack fic // Negotiations
This is what happens when my muses and I fight. I wind up writing terribly OOC crack fics. My friend, Emily, did not help and, in fact, encouraged this nonsense. I found it horribly funny and decided that I should dump this on you guys.
Title: Negotiations
Rating: Light R
Pairing: Luke/Percy (with a dash of Nico)
Warnings: Pure crack. Very non-graphic sexual content.
Author's Note: Originally written as a sort of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure crack excerpt. I wrote whichever option Emily chose as she chose them, so you guys don't get to choose, sadly.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and, judging from this stuff, I shouldn't own them.
Ένα
Percy ran for the door, leaving behind a screaming empousa. He had to get off the ship, get back to his friends and get them back to Camp Half-Blood. They had to get a warning to the other campers. The son of Poseidon was almost in the clear, when none other than his friend-turned-enemy, Luke Castellan, stepped in front of him. Before he could even lift Riptide to defend himself, Luke had disarmed him and tackled him to the floor.
"You're not going anywhere, Percy," the traitorous son of Hermes purred, blue eyes locked on Percy's sea green ones.
Percy felt a shiver course over his body. He'd never admitted it to anyone, but he'd always found Luke attractive. With Luke's voice so soft and seductive, the son of Poseidon couldn't hide the blush gracing his cheeks. He felt Luke shift over him and he had to suppress a soft moan.
* * * *
What should Percy do next?
A) Shove Luke off him and fight.
B) Get all hot and heavy and convince Luke to sex him up.
Δύο
Luke was too close and Percy threw all caution to the wind as he caught the older demigod and pulled Luke down for a hard kiss. All sense of self-preservation left the son of Poseidon as he just gave in to the burning needs that had been haunting his mind, in the deliciously hot dreams he'd never admitted to having.
What surprised him was that Luke seemed to reciprocate. The older demigod showed no hesitation in giving Percy what he wanted. Not caring that they were in the middle of a ship's corridor, both demigods pulled and tugged each other's clothes away, kissed and bit and sucked at each other's skin as they rocked their bodies together. There was no preparation for Percy when Luke caught his hips and pushed himself into the younger demigod, hard and fast; Percy screamed in pleasure, voice echoing off the walls as he came.
* * * * *
Percy gave in to his desires, so now what?
A) Round two, bitch.
B) Round two and, surprise, surprise, Nico walks in.
Τρεις
Just as Percy was winding down from climax, body already aching for a second round (and Luke clearly ready to go for it), a shadow fell over the two demigod's sweat-covered forms. Arms still wrapped tightly around Luke, the son of Poseidon glanced up and caught sight of Nico standing over them. Percy's face, already red with exertion, went even redder. "Nico!"
"Percy, what are you - ?" The son of Hades was probably as red, if not redder than Percy was. But just looking at the younger demigod, Percy could see that it wasn't out of mortification, but rather, from arousal. Percy gave a soft groan as Luke pulled out of him and it was obvious that Luke, too, could see how aroused Nico was.
"What do you think, Perce?" Luke asked, his voice just as seductively silky as before. "Think Nico would like to join us for round two?"
So tempting.
* * * * *
Are Percy and Nico up for a threesome?
A) Does Nico have a choice?
B) Why the hell do you have to ask, woman?! Just write it!
Τέσσερις
"I don't think he has much of a choice," Percy replied, hand shooting out and grabbing Nico's wrist. He tugged the younger demigod down to the floor and straddled the son of Hades. Admittedly, Nico had turned out rather hot as he got older and there was no way Percy could pass up this chance.
Nico put up surprisingly little resistance, giving in to Percy's ministrations as the son of Poseidon's hands ran over his body, tearing clothes away and giving him all the pleasures of the flesh. The son of Hades spread his thighs and allowed Percy in, gasping, moaning, pleading. Luke re-took Percy at the same time Percy took Nico, the three of them rocking together, a tangle of legs and arms, a full orchestra of hot breath, pleasured noises and ecstatic screams. They found their releases together, their worlds colliding and each drowning in the feel of another.
* * * * *
And then the war was over, because Luke, Percy and Nico were too busy screwing to pay attention.
A) The Titans won.
B) The Olympians won and Hermes got everything Luke, Percy and Nico did on tape.
Πέντε
"You guys, where have you been?" Annabeth demanded when Percy and Nico finally showed up back to camp. The daughter of Athena looked downright livid at the two Big Three sons. She pointed a finger sharply at Percy. "You were supposed to lead this camp into battle and you just waltz in, after the fact, like you're some kind of big hero! And you!" She turned to Nico. "I send you to find Percy and you just disappear!"
"Whoa, Annabeth, chill," Luke told the demigoddess as he strode up behind Percy and Nico. He casually looped his arms over the younger demigods' shoulders, a smug grin on his face. "They were with me. Negotiating a truce."
"A t-truce?" Annabeth repeated, eyes wide in disbelief that Luke, the traitor, stood right there in the middle of camp. The son of Hermes hadn't been anywhere to be seen during the battle that had ended the war - and truthfully, Annabeth wasn't quite sure how they had won, if Luke hadn't been there; all she'd heard was that the war was over.
"Those were some negotiations," Hermes said, appearing by the group. He had a mischievous grin on his face and, seeing it, it was quite clear where his children got that grin from. The Lord of Liars held up his caduceus, which instantly transformed into a video camera. "I got the whole thing on tape!"
Luke grinned maniacally as both Percy and Nico gave embarrassed groans as Hermes proceeded to offer to show the tape to everyone at camp at that night's bonfire.
* * * * *
The End!
Title: Negotiations
Rating: Light R
Pairing: Luke/Percy (with a dash of Nico)
Warnings: Pure crack. Very non-graphic sexual content.
Author's Note: Originally written as a sort of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure crack excerpt. I wrote whichever option Emily chose as she chose them, so you guys don't get to choose, sadly.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and, judging from this stuff, I shouldn't own them.
Ένα
Percy ran for the door, leaving behind a screaming empousa. He had to get off the ship, get back to his friends and get them back to Camp Half-Blood. They had to get a warning to the other campers. The son of Poseidon was almost in the clear, when none other than his friend-turned-enemy, Luke Castellan, stepped in front of him. Before he could even lift Riptide to defend himself, Luke had disarmed him and tackled him to the floor.
"You're not going anywhere, Percy," the traitorous son of Hermes purred, blue eyes locked on Percy's sea green ones.
Percy felt a shiver course over his body. He'd never admitted it to anyone, but he'd always found Luke attractive. With Luke's voice so soft and seductive, the son of Poseidon couldn't hide the blush gracing his cheeks. He felt Luke shift over him and he had to suppress a soft moan.
* * * *
What should Percy do next?
A) Shove Luke off him and fight.
B) Get all hot and heavy and convince Luke to sex him up.
Δύο
Luke was too close and Percy threw all caution to the wind as he caught the older demigod and pulled Luke down for a hard kiss. All sense of self-preservation left the son of Poseidon as he just gave in to the burning needs that had been haunting his mind, in the deliciously hot dreams he'd never admitted to having.
What surprised him was that Luke seemed to reciprocate. The older demigod showed no hesitation in giving Percy what he wanted. Not caring that they were in the middle of a ship's corridor, both demigods pulled and tugged each other's clothes away, kissed and bit and sucked at each other's skin as they rocked their bodies together. There was no preparation for Percy when Luke caught his hips and pushed himself into the younger demigod, hard and fast; Percy screamed in pleasure, voice echoing off the walls as he came.
* * * * *
Percy gave in to his desires, so now what?
A) Round two, bitch.
B) Round two and, surprise, surprise, Nico walks in.
Τρεις
Just as Percy was winding down from climax, body already aching for a second round (and Luke clearly ready to go for it), a shadow fell over the two demigod's sweat-covered forms. Arms still wrapped tightly around Luke, the son of Poseidon glanced up and caught sight of Nico standing over them. Percy's face, already red with exertion, went even redder. "Nico!"
"Percy, what are you - ?" The son of Hades was probably as red, if not redder than Percy was. But just looking at the younger demigod, Percy could see that it wasn't out of mortification, but rather, from arousal. Percy gave a soft groan as Luke pulled out of him and it was obvious that Luke, too, could see how aroused Nico was.
"What do you think, Perce?" Luke asked, his voice just as seductively silky as before. "Think Nico would like to join us for round two?"
So tempting.
* * * * *
Are Percy and Nico up for a threesome?
A) Does Nico have a choice?
B) Why the hell do you have to ask, woman?! Just write it!
Τέσσερις
"I don't think he has much of a choice," Percy replied, hand shooting out and grabbing Nico's wrist. He tugged the younger demigod down to the floor and straddled the son of Hades. Admittedly, Nico had turned out rather hot as he got older and there was no way Percy could pass up this chance.
Nico put up surprisingly little resistance, giving in to Percy's ministrations as the son of Poseidon's hands ran over his body, tearing clothes away and giving him all the pleasures of the flesh. The son of Hades spread his thighs and allowed Percy in, gasping, moaning, pleading. Luke re-took Percy at the same time Percy took Nico, the three of them rocking together, a tangle of legs and arms, a full orchestra of hot breath, pleasured noises and ecstatic screams. They found their releases together, their worlds colliding and each drowning in the feel of another.
* * * * *
And then the war was over, because Luke, Percy and Nico were too busy screwing to pay attention.
A) The Titans won.
B) The Olympians won and Hermes got everything Luke, Percy and Nico did on tape.
Πέντε
"You guys, where have you been?" Annabeth demanded when Percy and Nico finally showed up back to camp. The daughter of Athena looked downright livid at the two Big Three sons. She pointed a finger sharply at Percy. "You were supposed to lead this camp into battle and you just waltz in, after the fact, like you're some kind of big hero! And you!" She turned to Nico. "I send you to find Percy and you just disappear!"
"Whoa, Annabeth, chill," Luke told the demigoddess as he strode up behind Percy and Nico. He casually looped his arms over the younger demigods' shoulders, a smug grin on his face. "They were with me. Negotiating a truce."
"A t-truce?" Annabeth repeated, eyes wide in disbelief that Luke, the traitor, stood right there in the middle of camp. The son of Hermes hadn't been anywhere to be seen during the battle that had ended the war - and truthfully, Annabeth wasn't quite sure how they had won, if Luke hadn't been there; all she'd heard was that the war was over.
"Those were some negotiations," Hermes said, appearing by the group. He had a mischievous grin on his face and, seeing it, it was quite clear where his children got that grin from. The Lord of Liars held up his caduceus, which instantly transformed into a video camera. "I got the whole thing on tape!"
Luke grinned maniacally as both Percy and Nico gave embarrassed groans as Hermes proceeded to offer to show the tape to everyone at camp at that night's bonfire.
* * * * *
The End!