HP fanfic: Foreword (Voldemort)
My submission for deatheaterdrabs Round Five: Voldemort, which took overall second place and best crack!
Title: Foreword
Word Count: 591
Rating: perfectly safe
Summary: A word from the author.
Warnings: none
Prompt: This pic.
Foreword
Immortality has fascinated mankind since the dawn of time. Much of human endeavor has been with this goal in mind: religion and belief in an afterlife, the pursuit of lasting fame, the search for the fountain of youth, the Philosopher's Stone, ambrosia, the Deathly Hallows. You, dear reader, might have traveled upon one or more of these paths in your own search for that ultimate desire. I, myself, have tried many different methods, and have become rather a connoisseur on the subject. This book presents my knowledge of the best technique I have found for prolonging and preserving one's life: horcruxes.
Many people, of course, balk at the very idea, and as a young man I was frustrated by the scarcity of information, and the reticence of anyone with any knowledge of horcruxes to speak about them. The notable exception to this was Professor Horace Slughorn of Hogwarts, whose candor was invaluable to a young man with important work to do and not enough time. Many thanks are due him, and he has achieved a kind of immortality for himself in helping this work come to be.
Now, a brief overview of what this book contains:
Chapter 1: "Who Is This Guy and Why Should I Listen to Him?" A bit of my own background and how I came to be interested in immortality in general and specifically horcruxes. If you are on the fence or are intimidated by the idea of splitting your soul into multiple pieces, I hope that my own humble history will help you realize that it's really something anybody can do. Well, except for Muggles, of course.
Chapter 2: "What Should I Use?" How to select the appropriate item or items to be your horcrux(es). There are several different theories about whether it is more advantageous to use a mundane, easily overlooked item like a table spoon, or a powerful magical artifact, or something in between. Dark wizards past and present each have their favorite ideas, and you are sure to find one that works well for you.
Chapter 3: "How to Create A Horcrux" Step-by-step instructions, including preparation of the ritual space, required paraphernalia (and where to find it), the intricate timing, correct pronunciation and emphasis, and what you can expect to experience during the process. Also included is helpful advice on conducting the requisite "sacrifice" - my personal preference is for the clean and efficient Killing Curse (see my Avada Kedavra for Dummies). The pages of this chapter are Charmed to repel blood and other fluids, just in case, for easy consultation during your ritual.
Chapter 4: "What Do I Do With It Now?" How to hide, disguise, and otherwise protect your new horcrux. Charms, jinxes, hexes, booby traps, and a brief primer on labyrinths, mazes, and pyramids. Rather obviously, if you have chosen to use a more mundane item like a spoon, a better place of concealment would be the silverware drawer. You may skip this chapter if it does not pertain to your situation.
Chapter 5: "Tips and Tricks" Bits of wisdom and trivia from other wizards and witches who have created horcruxes, amusing and informative anecdotes and legends, which charms and hexes work well together and which combine disastrously.
At the end of this book you will also find an annotated bibliography for those who wish to conduct their own research into this fascinating subject.
I hope you find this guide useful, and enjoy your immortality as much as I plan to enjoy mine.
Lord Voldemort
Horcruxes for Dummies
September 1981
Title: Foreword
Word Count: 591
Rating: perfectly safe
Summary: A word from the author.
Warnings: none
Prompt: This pic.
Foreword
Immortality has fascinated mankind since the dawn of time. Much of human endeavor has been with this goal in mind: religion and belief in an afterlife, the pursuit of lasting fame, the search for the fountain of youth, the Philosopher's Stone, ambrosia, the Deathly Hallows. You, dear reader, might have traveled upon one or more of these paths in your own search for that ultimate desire. I, myself, have tried many different methods, and have become rather a connoisseur on the subject. This book presents my knowledge of the best technique I have found for prolonging and preserving one's life: horcruxes.
Many people, of course, balk at the very idea, and as a young man I was frustrated by the scarcity of information, and the reticence of anyone with any knowledge of horcruxes to speak about them. The notable exception to this was Professor Horace Slughorn of Hogwarts, whose candor was invaluable to a young man with important work to do and not enough time. Many thanks are due him, and he has achieved a kind of immortality for himself in helping this work come to be.
Now, a brief overview of what this book contains:
Chapter 1: "Who Is This Guy and Why Should I Listen to Him?" A bit of my own background and how I came to be interested in immortality in general and specifically horcruxes. If you are on the fence or are intimidated by the idea of splitting your soul into multiple pieces, I hope that my own humble history will help you realize that it's really something anybody can do. Well, except for Muggles, of course.
Chapter 2: "What Should I Use?" How to select the appropriate item or items to be your horcrux(es). There are several different theories about whether it is more advantageous to use a mundane, easily overlooked item like a table spoon, or a powerful magical artifact, or something in between. Dark wizards past and present each have their favorite ideas, and you are sure to find one that works well for you.
Chapter 3: "How to Create A Horcrux" Step-by-step instructions, including preparation of the ritual space, required paraphernalia (and where to find it), the intricate timing, correct pronunciation and emphasis, and what you can expect to experience during the process. Also included is helpful advice on conducting the requisite "sacrifice" - my personal preference is for the clean and efficient Killing Curse (see my Avada Kedavra for Dummies). The pages of this chapter are Charmed to repel blood and other fluids, just in case, for easy consultation during your ritual.
Chapter 4: "What Do I Do With It Now?" How to hide, disguise, and otherwise protect your new horcrux. Charms, jinxes, hexes, booby traps, and a brief primer on labyrinths, mazes, and pyramids. Rather obviously, if you have chosen to use a more mundane item like a spoon, a better place of concealment would be the silverware drawer. You may skip this chapter if it does not pertain to your situation.
Chapter 5: "Tips and Tricks" Bits of wisdom and trivia from other wizards and witches who have created horcruxes, amusing and informative anecdotes and legends, which charms and hexes work well together and which combine disastrously.
At the end of this book you will also find an annotated bibliography for those who wish to conduct their own research into this fascinating subject.
I hope you find this guide useful, and enjoy your immortality as much as I plan to enjoy mine.
Lord Voldemort
Horcruxes for Dummies
September 1981