Thoughts
You know I used to believe that everything happens for a reason. People meet certain people for a reason, weather to be friends, lovers, or enemies. I always thought there was just some reason, even if you only knew that person for a short period of time. I also used to believe that no matter how hard your world comes crashing down, that it usually isn't as bad as you think.
There are nice people in the world.
Who do good.
Who care about people.
But my hopes for finding a nice guy, is totally shattered.
The one guy I thought wouldn't do anything, knowingly, to hurt one of his friends, turn out to be a big surprise. I used to keep telling myself that just because a fling or relationship can't or wont work out, doesn't mean I wont find a nice guy someday. But telling yourself that after every heartbreak, just breaks your heart even more.
Im tired of always being second choice.
The other girl, if you will.
I'm tired of willingly letting them hurt me.
"Your such a nice person. I don't think I know anyone nicer than you!"
Sometimes I wish I could be a total bitch and not care about anything. If Im so nice, why do people keep hurting me? If Im so nice, why haven't I found someone who likes me for being nice, and not just for how I look? Which apparently isn't good enough.
I know what your thinking...it will get better, just like you said in the beginning. Sure. And while Im waiting for the good, the bad will just take over and Ill become totally depressed.
But I won't show it.
No, not at all. Who wants a sad depressed girl around who used to be so nice? I sometimes wish we didn't have to feel at all, but then I realize you miss out on the good that actually does happen.
This world is a fucked up place. And I think everyday you grow stronger and stronger, but then something happens and you lose that strength in a blink of an eye.
I wonder what complete satisfaction and happiness really feels like. I mean, does anyone really even know?
There are nice people in the world.
Who do good.
Who care about people.
But my hopes for finding a nice guy, is totally shattered.
The one guy I thought wouldn't do anything, knowingly, to hurt one of his friends, turn out to be a big surprise. I used to keep telling myself that just because a fling or relationship can't or wont work out, doesn't mean I wont find a nice guy someday. But telling yourself that after every heartbreak, just breaks your heart even more.
Im tired of always being second choice.
The other girl, if you will.
I'm tired of willingly letting them hurt me.
"Your such a nice person. I don't think I know anyone nicer than you!"
Sometimes I wish I could be a total bitch and not care about anything. If Im so nice, why do people keep hurting me? If Im so nice, why haven't I found someone who likes me for being nice, and not just for how I look? Which apparently isn't good enough.
I know what your thinking...it will get better, just like you said in the beginning. Sure. And while Im waiting for the good, the bad will just take over and Ill become totally depressed.
But I won't show it.
No, not at all. Who wants a sad depressed girl around who used to be so nice? I sometimes wish we didn't have to feel at all, but then I realize you miss out on the good that actually does happen.
This world is a fucked up place. And I think everyday you grow stronger and stronger, but then something happens and you lose that strength in a blink of an eye.
I wonder what complete satisfaction and happiness really feels like. I mean, does anyone really even know?