American McGee's Alice
In Pandemonium, at the bottom of the deepest pit, there lives a brave revolutionary. But enough of Paradise Lost, this is American McGee’s Alice.
Fun fact: Apparently, “Pandemonium” literally means “place of demons,” and hence it is oftentimes the capital of Hell. But the only demon here is the gremlin of poor health-and-safety regulations.
Tentacles, check. Oh man, I should start rating each level on whether it contains tentacles, if so how many, and how soon into the level you see them. I am genuinely tempted to replay the game again to compile this list.
Oh, here’s how the classy L-S-D screen looks with actual save files. The game auto-saves at the beginning of each level. Because of this, you don’t really need to save very often, but some levels are long enough for it to be worth it.
Oh, apparently rocks fell and prevented me from returning the way I came. These are not the first falling rocks we will see today. Hell, there’s even a warning sign.
The backgrounds continue to be packed full of gorgeous scenery. Dangerous scenery.
Whoap, overshot a bit there… nice sideways house down there in the murk. That wheel over there on the right is being powered by mechanical legs.
And this looks like our introduction to this game’s rope mechanics. For some reason, they apparently never programmed any non-green ropes. Even in levels where there is no reason for the ropes to be green - they are green.
Oh, hiya Cat. I’d say they’re better than stepladders, because you don’t need someone at the bottom to be holding them up. Although you do need something at the top to be holding them down.
Our target’s down there in the lower-right, apparently uninterested in our rope-jumping antics.
Whee! This is pretty fun.
Okay, facing the right direction now. Now, let me see, what was the button to climb down…
Couldn’t remember. Eh, I’ll do without. What could possibly go wrong?
Ironing, delicious, etc. Not only did I plummet down into the toxic pool, it turns out that, despite what I said yesterday, there is falling damage in this game. I sure suck at this game compared to several years ago.
Okay, here we go. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
Alice does her demure act again while an old man tells her to get off his lawn. Seriously, though. Pursuing him? We found out about him five minutes ago, and that was in an area probably within earshot of this one.
She’s really laying it on thick here.
This is the guy being described in the last segment as one who “still lives free.” I mocked the man who said that. I was right to do so.
The old man - oh yeah, I should note, I think this guy’s the Mayor Elder. If not, he doesn’t have any name that I know of. Except maybe, “the old man.” Anyway, what I was saying was that the old man just puffs away at his pipe while Alice ignores his self-deprecating sighs.
Oh yes, there’s always a price. Huh. He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This quest will occupy us for the next, let me see… six levels. It’s not like it should even be very difficult; Rabbit managed it with no apparent effort.
You could always threaten him?
He does smoke too much, but this is garbage. Based on what I’ve seen him do, this guy could manage the whole thing without breaking a sweat. He’s just lazy.
Oh man, it’s probably going to be like Pokémon and she has to rub his back. It was creepy then and it’s creepy now.
The Card Guards’ Compound is singularly unimpressive.
First glimpse of a Diamond Guard! As I call them. Along with Club Guards, they’re the grunts. Spade and Heart Guards are far more fearsome. We won’t be seeing those until the nineteenth level… and shouldn’t be fighting them until about nine levels after that. You can tell they’re better because they can afford to have their suits repaired. Pun very much intended.
We’re back in control as the old man vanishes in a puff of sparkles.
If he can teleport, why doesn’t he just go get the key himself? He never even said what it was for. I’ve played this whole game several times. I still don’t know what it’s for.
Ah, so that’s how you climb down. Got it. In this game you can press Esc to return to the main menu at any time, and then return to the game from there. Quite convenient. There is a pause feature, but I guess they dummied it out because it’s only accessible through cheat codes.
Anyway, we have a slasher knife, so let’s go exploring.
After grabbing some meta-essence. Actually this specific kind only restores Sanity; regular meta-essence restores both Sanity and Will. I don’t know if the ones which only restore one or the other have special names.
Danger, no kidding. I think there literally is a gap you can slip down into a bottomless pit here.
But that’s not a problem to Alice! Or, to be honest, to any normal people who might ever walk up here.
Pointless cutscene.
An awkward-looking jump later…
And we’re safely in the mine cart that’s here for no reason.
Going up…
Contrary to appearances, I do not have control here, or indeed in any part of this somewhat gratuitous sequence. It’s a little odd.
Not that far, camera!
Doesn’t look the safest position to sit in on a wild mine cart ride, but admittedly there aren’t any better ones. Because yes, this literally is the obligatory mine cart sequence. Thank you, video games.
Falling rocks which I can do nothing whatsoever about.
Wow, this sure would be a tense situation if I had control here.
It’d be neat if we could swap tracks, but nah.
I believe this is the plot device known as “railroading.”
How is this thing going uphill, anyway?
I’ve used cheats to explore a lot of the background of this game, but it’s occurred to me I’ve never taken a good look around this area.
Tumty-tum
Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?
Oh, right, yeah, we nearly are there now!
End of the line.
Wheeeee
eeeeeee
eeeee tentacles
<
*sploosh*
Very cool, Alice.
But you know what would’ve been cooler?
If you’d maybe noticed that there was an enemy just next to you?
Ouch, nearly went there! Vorpal Throw!
I like how he hasn’t noticed at all.
I believe this is what’s known as “cutting the deck.”
Anyway, let’s go investigate that new weapon on fire over there.
After restoring Sanity by stealing the life-force of butchered foes!
Hmmm. Now if only I had a hookshot.
Oh yeah, new weapon. Oh wait, I think they’re actually called “Toys.” Knives are toys.
It’s a pack of cards with part of the game’s logo on it!
Maybe my humour was never juvenile, because I haven’t heard of it.
Anyway (off he fades, eyeless and toothless), these are the Cards. I don’t know if they have an official name or what it might be, but in my mind they’ve always just been the Cards. Finally Alice can expend her Will fighting enemies. Although the Vorpal Knife is still kinda better. Let’s take a look:
Uh yeah, the attack animation started before she even managed to raise her arm. Okay. This is the primary attack of the Cards, where Alice just fires a single card. Auto-targeting is in effect, although you have to be pretty much facing your enemy anyway, I think. It consumes a tiny amount of Will which quickly restores itself, and is only really effective as a rapid-fire. I never use this.
You only really get an idea of what’s going on there in the third image… This is the rather more interesting secondary attack, which involves Alice throwing out a handful of cards. Judging from the image, seven to nine? Same rules as the primary attack, except you can’t spam this one. Probably a bit better than a Vorpal Throw (let me be clear that I make these attack names up), but I still prefer the knife.
As can be seen here. It’s the entrance to the Card Guards’ compound… let’s sneak in.
Man, two doors. You can tell they’re important.
You should be recognising the old man’s cutscene by now.
There’s a massive Heart meta-essence on the wall up there. These tend to be hidden in more obscure locations, and only the most powerful enemies drop them.
The first of the two Club Guards approaches…
He was dealt with.
Yeah that’s his head landing just next to me. Alice should really take Sanity cuts from this.
This game turns me into a real sicko, because I just love seeing bleeding bodies strewn about. Makes one feel one’s achieved something.
Ah, now. This would be the part with the Sanity cuts. I’ve no idea how they both managed to get so close. The Diamond shouldn’t have noticed, and the Club should be dead already. Hell, Diamond Guards are meant to be ranged attackers. They shoot diamonds, presumably unearthed from these very mines.
My attempts to run away like a coward are not going as well as I would like.
Alright, the Club Guard exploded! Now for you, Diamond Guard!
Now for you, Diamond Gua - oh wait. I’m… dead. Or insane, as the case may be.
No! Not this soon…
Okay, this is where it started going wrong the first time. I’m going to try and get it right now.
Yeah, that’s how you climb down a rope.
Back in business!
Now that’s how you deal with a rogue Club Guard. His body went running off like a headless chicken supposedly does.
Time for another go!
ARRRGHH
That’s what I like to see.
…This is really messed-up stuff. Oh well, hopefully nobody saw me.
Ah.
Time to try out my knife-throwing act.
Throw me out of the circus, will you?!
That’s what I thought.
There’s the Diamond Guard! I stab him with my Vorpal Throw.
…Why is he doing a forward roll?
Oh, it’s because he’s dead.
I don’t really need it, but still.
Wait a minute. So they have statues for Diamonds, Hearts, and Spades, and it’s the Club which gets replaced by Heart meta-essence? Truly, a world gone mad.
Oh well, time for this key which I don’t remember doing anything. Maybe it represents Alice’s decision to fight for her life.
Interesting banner…
Oh, and here’s our first portal! Green portals are entrances, orange portals are exits. I fancy most levels end with a green portal.
But not this one, though.
Uh-oh, looks like the Diamonds have turned out in force.
Now there’s a green portal which ends a level, pretty much. Way to go old man, just do nothing useful and hope the Diamonds don’t turn around. Not like you couldn’t one-hit kill them or anything.
Snipe
Nice.
I went after this one with the Cards.
I always forget about this guy. Probably because he’s hiding.
Let’s see if I can master the Heart of the Cards.
How boring.
Now where did that come from?
Let’s just get to the portal. Now rope-climbing I can do.
I guess there was a third one who I killed off-screenshot or something. Anyway, here’s the portal.
And we’re up in that spot by the Card Guards’ compound. Get ready for the key to never be mentioned again in the game. One of my theories when I was younger was that the Card Guards had secured the old man’s airship to the dock, and the key was needed to release it.
Huh, oh, I guess I still have the key and am yet to use it. Eh, I don’t know. Maybe the next few levels will jog my memory. Alice, by the way, is sitting in that basket in the front there.
She’s being carried around like groceries. Maybe the old man used to give airship rides.
A pressing question, young Alice, and one that will be answered…
…next time. When we will not, contrary to appearances, be crashing into a tentacle.
I have another treat for you. The game comes with a casebook, written by the doctor treating Alice at the Rutledge Asylum. Over nineteen pages it explains the background to Alice’s case and the measures taken to connect with her. I’ll be posting one up every other level, although they may be a little hard-to-read, for which I apologise; my scanner is not what it used to be. Here’s the first page:
Next Time: Fortress of Doors.
Fun fact: Apparently, “Pandemonium” literally means “place of demons,” and hence it is oftentimes the capital of Hell. But the only demon here is the gremlin of poor health-and-safety regulations.
Tentacles, check. Oh man, I should start rating each level on whether it contains tentacles, if so how many, and how soon into the level you see them. I am genuinely tempted to replay the game again to compile this list.
Oh, here’s how the classy L-S-D screen looks with actual save files. The game auto-saves at the beginning of each level. Because of this, you don’t really need to save very often, but some levels are long enough for it to be worth it.
Oh, apparently rocks fell and prevented me from returning the way I came. These are not the first falling rocks we will see today. Hell, there’s even a warning sign.
The backgrounds continue to be packed full of gorgeous scenery. Dangerous scenery.
Whoap, overshot a bit there… nice sideways house down there in the murk. That wheel over there on the right is being powered by mechanical legs.
And this looks like our introduction to this game’s rope mechanics. For some reason, they apparently never programmed any non-green ropes. Even in levels where there is no reason for the ropes to be green - they are green.
Oh, hiya Cat. I’d say they’re better than stepladders, because you don’t need someone at the bottom to be holding them up. Although you do need something at the top to be holding them down.
Our target’s down there in the lower-right, apparently uninterested in our rope-jumping antics.
Whee! This is pretty fun.
Okay, facing the right direction now. Now, let me see, what was the button to climb down…
Couldn’t remember. Eh, I’ll do without. What could possibly go wrong?
Ironing, delicious, etc. Not only did I plummet down into the toxic pool, it turns out that, despite what I said yesterday, there is falling damage in this game. I sure suck at this game compared to several years ago.
Okay, here we go. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
Alice does her demure act again while an old man tells her to get off his lawn. Seriously, though. Pursuing him? We found out about him five minutes ago, and that was in an area probably within earshot of this one.
She’s really laying it on thick here.
This is the guy being described in the last segment as one who “still lives free.” I mocked the man who said that. I was right to do so.
The old man - oh yeah, I should note, I think this guy’s the Mayor Elder. If not, he doesn’t have any name that I know of. Except maybe, “the old man.” Anyway, what I was saying was that the old man just puffs away at his pipe while Alice ignores his self-deprecating sighs.
Oh yes, there’s always a price. Huh. He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. This quest will occupy us for the next, let me see… six levels. It’s not like it should even be very difficult; Rabbit managed it with no apparent effort.
You could always threaten him?
He does smoke too much, but this is garbage. Based on what I’ve seen him do, this guy could manage the whole thing without breaking a sweat. He’s just lazy.
Oh man, it’s probably going to be like Pokémon and she has to rub his back. It was creepy then and it’s creepy now.
The Card Guards’ Compound is singularly unimpressive.
First glimpse of a Diamond Guard! As I call them. Along with Club Guards, they’re the grunts. Spade and Heart Guards are far more fearsome. We won’t be seeing those until the nineteenth level… and shouldn’t be fighting them until about nine levels after that. You can tell they’re better because they can afford to have their suits repaired. Pun very much intended.
We’re back in control as the old man vanishes in a puff of sparkles.
If he can teleport, why doesn’t he just go get the key himself? He never even said what it was for. I’ve played this whole game several times. I still don’t know what it’s for.
Ah, so that’s how you climb down. Got it. In this game you can press Esc to return to the main menu at any time, and then return to the game from there. Quite convenient. There is a pause feature, but I guess they dummied it out because it’s only accessible through cheat codes.
Anyway, we have a slasher knife, so let’s go exploring.
After grabbing some meta-essence. Actually this specific kind only restores Sanity; regular meta-essence restores both Sanity and Will. I don’t know if the ones which only restore one or the other have special names.
Danger, no kidding. I think there literally is a gap you can slip down into a bottomless pit here.
But that’s not a problem to Alice! Or, to be honest, to any normal people who might ever walk up here.
Pointless cutscene.
An awkward-looking jump later…
And we’re safely in the mine cart that’s here for no reason.
Going up…
Contrary to appearances, I do not have control here, or indeed in any part of this somewhat gratuitous sequence. It’s a little odd.
Not that far, camera!
Doesn’t look the safest position to sit in on a wild mine cart ride, but admittedly there aren’t any better ones. Because yes, this literally is the obligatory mine cart sequence. Thank you, video games.
Falling rocks which I can do nothing whatsoever about.
Wow, this sure would be a tense situation if I had control here.
It’d be neat if we could swap tracks, but nah.
I believe this is the plot device known as “railroading.”
How is this thing going uphill, anyway?
I’ve used cheats to explore a lot of the background of this game, but it’s occurred to me I’ve never taken a good look around this area.
Tumty-tum
Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?
Oh, right, yeah, we nearly are there now!
End of the line.
Wheeeee
eeeeeee
eeeee tentacles
<
*sploosh*
Very cool, Alice.
But you know what would’ve been cooler?
If you’d maybe noticed that there was an enemy just next to you?
Ouch, nearly went there! Vorpal Throw!
I like how he hasn’t noticed at all.
I believe this is what’s known as “cutting the deck.”
Anyway, let’s go investigate that new weapon on fire over there.
After restoring Sanity by stealing the life-force of butchered foes!
Hmmm. Now if only I had a hookshot.
Oh yeah, new weapon. Oh wait, I think they’re actually called “Toys.” Knives are toys.
It’s a pack of cards with part of the game’s logo on it!
Maybe my humour was never juvenile, because I haven’t heard of it.
Anyway (off he fades, eyeless and toothless), these are the Cards. I don’t know if they have an official name or what it might be, but in my mind they’ve always just been the Cards. Finally Alice can expend her Will fighting enemies. Although the Vorpal Knife is still kinda better. Let’s take a look:
Uh yeah, the attack animation started before she even managed to raise her arm. Okay. This is the primary attack of the Cards, where Alice just fires a single card. Auto-targeting is in effect, although you have to be pretty much facing your enemy anyway, I think. It consumes a tiny amount of Will which quickly restores itself, and is only really effective as a rapid-fire. I never use this.
You only really get an idea of what’s going on there in the third image… This is the rather more interesting secondary attack, which involves Alice throwing out a handful of cards. Judging from the image, seven to nine? Same rules as the primary attack, except you can’t spam this one. Probably a bit better than a Vorpal Throw (let me be clear that I make these attack names up), but I still prefer the knife.
As can be seen here. It’s the entrance to the Card Guards’ compound… let’s sneak in.
Man, two doors. You can tell they’re important.
You should be recognising the old man’s cutscene by now.
There’s a massive Heart meta-essence on the wall up there. These tend to be hidden in more obscure locations, and only the most powerful enemies drop them.
The first of the two Club Guards approaches…
He was dealt with.
Yeah that’s his head landing just next to me. Alice should really take Sanity cuts from this.
This game turns me into a real sicko, because I just love seeing bleeding bodies strewn about. Makes one feel one’s achieved something.
Ah, now. This would be the part with the Sanity cuts. I’ve no idea how they both managed to get so close. The Diamond shouldn’t have noticed, and the Club should be dead already. Hell, Diamond Guards are meant to be ranged attackers. They shoot diamonds, presumably unearthed from these very mines.
My attempts to run away like a coward are not going as well as I would like.
Alright, the Club Guard exploded! Now for you, Diamond Guard!
Now for you, Diamond Gua - oh wait. I’m… dead. Or insane, as the case may be.
No! Not this soon…
Okay, this is where it started going wrong the first time. I’m going to try and get it right now.
Yeah, that’s how you climb down a rope.
Back in business!
Now that’s how you deal with a rogue Club Guard. His body went running off like a headless chicken supposedly does.
Time for another go!
ARRRGHH
That’s what I like to see.
…This is really messed-up stuff. Oh well, hopefully nobody saw me.
Ah.
Time to try out my knife-throwing act.
Throw me out of the circus, will you?!
That’s what I thought.
There’s the Diamond Guard! I stab him with my Vorpal Throw.
…Why is he doing a forward roll?
Oh, it’s because he’s dead.
I don’t really need it, but still.
Wait a minute. So they have statues for Diamonds, Hearts, and Spades, and it’s the Club which gets replaced by Heart meta-essence? Truly, a world gone mad.
Oh well, time for this key which I don’t remember doing anything. Maybe it represents Alice’s decision to fight for her life.
Interesting banner…
Oh, and here’s our first portal! Green portals are entrances, orange portals are exits. I fancy most levels end with a green portal.
But not this one, though.
Uh-oh, looks like the Diamonds have turned out in force.
Now there’s a green portal which ends a level, pretty much. Way to go old man, just do nothing useful and hope the Diamonds don’t turn around. Not like you couldn’t one-hit kill them or anything.
Snipe
Nice.
I went after this one with the Cards.
I always forget about this guy. Probably because he’s hiding.
Let’s see if I can master the Heart of the Cards.
How boring.
Now where did that come from?
Let’s just get to the portal. Now rope-climbing I can do.
I guess there was a third one who I killed off-screenshot or something. Anyway, here’s the portal.
And we’re up in that spot by the Card Guards’ compound. Get ready for the key to never be mentioned again in the game. One of my theories when I was younger was that the Card Guards had secured the old man’s airship to the dock, and the key was needed to release it.
Huh, oh, I guess I still have the key and am yet to use it. Eh, I don’t know. Maybe the next few levels will jog my memory. Alice, by the way, is sitting in that basket in the front there.
She’s being carried around like groceries. Maybe the old man used to give airship rides.
A pressing question, young Alice, and one that will be answered…
…next time. When we will not, contrary to appearances, be crashing into a tentacle.
I have another treat for you. The game comes with a casebook, written by the doctor treating Alice at the Rutledge Asylum. Over nineteen pages it explains the background to Alice’s case and the measures taken to connect with her. I’ll be posting one up every other level, although they may be a little hard-to-read, for which I apologise; my scanner is not what it used to be. Here’s the first page:
Next Time: Fortress of Doors.