(no subject)
Why am I such an idiot?!!?!
But seriously yesterday i went thru every single possible emotion/feeling there is....but mostly the bad kind.
Okay we were supposed to be cooking outside but it was raining so we did it at my friend`s house.... for starters i drank a LOT of coffee like really a lot...just cause i felt like it. Then we had food and i had way too many drinks of way too many different kind...like i had wine, wodka, this other really strong stuff, and beer to top if all off. Then we played Activity. Then we went down to this sorta fair thing we have on May 1st and i was standing with these friends of mine that included the guy i`m still fucking hopelessly for and this buddy of his....and well i was standing there and watching my friend and her bf make out for like half an hour and the two guys talk about every girl that went by and look at them and all.....it drove me insane. Like seriously insane. Honestly there is the boy i love and he knows about it and i watched him looking at other girls and i def wanted to puke or at least jump in the river and die. Anyways i went and left them there, had a beer with a friend who at least cared about me.....and then i went down to the river and cried....then they called me that they wanna go home. So i went back semi-sulking....and they were like "hope u didnt mind that we wanted to leave" so i was like no....as that wasnt my problem at all. geez.
anyways then i was in this uber bitter state when they dropped me off at my house...my parents werent home so i decided to go back down and find someone to talk to, cause i knew that otherwise in the state of uber depression that i was in....i migbt do something silly at home or at least be sulking and crying on my own and anything is better than that. So i went and found the friend i had the beer with before....he was with Chipet. Man i was so done by this time....oh wells we chatted and decided to get together once i`m done my exam and to have a nice chat the two of us...he was being really nice. Dont get this wrong...i`m not returning to my feelings for him, it was just a nice friendly gesture. Then he had to leave and there was only me and these two other sorta friends of mine. Then we went for a walk and they decided that i needed cheering up and made me get on this roller-coster...now if u remember i never get on these things cause for one thing i hate the feeling, and then it makes me VERY naseous. So i had the worst night ever cause i couldnt sleep at all, partly from the too much coffee i drank and mostly casue my tummy hurt soooooooo much and its still hurting. I havent eaten anything in like almost a day....:S
So all night i couldnt sleep so i was thinking.....man i hope none of u go thru this. Its the worst fucking thing. My tummy was hurting, i was slightly dizzy so i couldnt move and i cried and i cried and i was feeling this utter hate for everyone and everything. Now i`m just sulking i suppose. But yeah. I was the idiot for going out yesterday, i should of stayed in and studied. I should of known better than to spend the afternoon with the boy that i should be trying to forget, and shouldnt have got on that fucking roller coster. So its all my fault. And at the same time i think i`m dissapointed in ppl in general. Not you, cause well u guys are far away and didnt do anything but just i dunno. Obviously i`m in a bad mood, which can be caused by my hurting, empty tummy and/or my lack of life....but thats okay. I`ll deal with it, i just HAD to write it out of myself. guuuuuuuuuuh.
Now i`1l go and try eating some crackers or something or puke either way. Take care guys....and just be smarter than i am, k?! :)
But seriously yesterday i went thru every single possible emotion/feeling there is....but mostly the bad kind.
Okay we were supposed to be cooking outside but it was raining so we did it at my friend`s house.... for starters i drank a LOT of coffee like really a lot...just cause i felt like it. Then we had food and i had way too many drinks of way too many different kind...like i had wine, wodka, this other really strong stuff, and beer to top if all off. Then we played Activity. Then we went down to this sorta fair thing we have on May 1st and i was standing with these friends of mine that included the guy i`m still fucking hopelessly for and this buddy of his....and well i was standing there and watching my friend and her bf make out for like half an hour and the two guys talk about every girl that went by and look at them and all.....it drove me insane. Like seriously insane. Honestly there is the boy i love and he knows about it and i watched him looking at other girls and i def wanted to puke or at least jump in the river and die. Anyways i went and left them there, had a beer with a friend who at least cared about me.....and then i went down to the river and cried....then they called me that they wanna go home. So i went back semi-sulking....and they were like "hope u didnt mind that we wanted to leave" so i was like no....as that wasnt my problem at all. geez.
anyways then i was in this uber bitter state when they dropped me off at my house...my parents werent home so i decided to go back down and find someone to talk to, cause i knew that otherwise in the state of uber depression that i was in....i migbt do something silly at home or at least be sulking and crying on my own and anything is better than that. So i went and found the friend i had the beer with before....he was with Chipet. Man i was so done by this time....oh wells we chatted and decided to get together once i`m done my exam and to have a nice chat the two of us...he was being really nice. Dont get this wrong...i`m not returning to my feelings for him, it was just a nice friendly gesture. Then he had to leave and there was only me and these two other sorta friends of mine. Then we went for a walk and they decided that i needed cheering up and made me get on this roller-coster...now if u remember i never get on these things cause for one thing i hate the feeling, and then it makes me VERY naseous. So i had the worst night ever cause i couldnt sleep at all, partly from the too much coffee i drank and mostly casue my tummy hurt soooooooo much and its still hurting. I havent eaten anything in like almost a day....:S
So all night i couldnt sleep so i was thinking.....man i hope none of u go thru this. Its the worst fucking thing. My tummy was hurting, i was slightly dizzy so i couldnt move and i cried and i cried and i was feeling this utter hate for everyone and everything. Now i`m just sulking i suppose. But yeah. I was the idiot for going out yesterday, i should of stayed in and studied. I should of known better than to spend the afternoon with the boy that i should be trying to forget, and shouldnt have got on that fucking roller coster. So its all my fault. And at the same time i think i`m dissapointed in ppl in general. Not you, cause well u guys are far away and didnt do anything but just i dunno. Obviously i`m in a bad mood, which can be caused by my hurting, empty tummy and/or my lack of life....but thats okay. I`ll deal with it, i just HAD to write it out of myself. guuuuuuuuuuh.
Now i`1l go and try eating some crackers or something or puke either way. Take care guys....and just be smarter than i am, k?! :)