find who i really am
Im starting to realize i might be living a life im not entirely made for. I have had this image in my head of where i should be and what my life should look like. I think i have it all wrong. The more time that passes at my 9-5 married life the more i think i made the wrong decision. I find myself always questioning if im making or made the right choices. I have aslo realized how much of my own time i value. I am hardly even sick but use it to be able to stay home alone and enjoy my own company. Use it to collect my thoughts. Today i found myself realizing i actually moved from the apartment in Dartmouth. I feel like a piece of me is missing. As though i left it behind with parts of me. It was the only place in the world i had made mine. The only place i truly felt at home. I dont feel at home in Rachel's arms and i dont feel at home in the new apartment. Something is terribly wrong and i want more then anything to fix it. I feel as though i blame rachel for a lot of the way i feel when deep down i know nothing is either of our faults. Im scared to truly admit that we just aren't meant to be. That maybe just maybe we aren't really helping each other grow anymore. Im also afraid that this is just my coward way of trying to get out of a situation that im uncomfortable with. I don't know how to feel anymore i dont know how to feel like myself. Is it so bad to want my individuality back?