Worst thing about vacation
I've been in my office for 12 hours...still playing the catch-up game from my vacation. Or do I just not have a life outside of work? I was just glancing back on my journal and amazed myself at how many filtered entries, all work related, I have.
Speaking of work, I find myself thinking about the earlier mentioned publications. Of course I'm absolutely *thrilled* to receive a copy of 3 documents I worked VERY hard on at my previous job. I'm FINALLY primary author on one, quite the shining moment in my career!
Why then, does this bring tears to my eyes?
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Possibility #1 = Ego?
I'll never publish again, not at this job. I am certain of that. I hate to say it, but sometimes I do question, "Did I make a mistake in my career change last March?" I was important at my old job, respected my many in my industry. I was proud. A young successful female in a male-dominated business, published 15 times without a PhD (go me, go me!). I went from a big fish in a little pond to the scum that floats on the top of the water.
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Possibility #2 = Sentimental Sap/Professional Closure?
This is my last tie to my old job, a job that I loved pretty much all 7 years I was there.
*insert fuzzy screen as I reminisce*
We started this in 1999! I remember a few summer nights working until 8, 10, even midnight...countless tables sprawled out across my office floor, checking data from one report to the next, my fingers stained with a rainbow of highlighters. Arguing with Carter about the differences in our writing styles. Dave (b/f at the time) taking a bus from NYC to Hackensack just to bring me dinner. Carter putting in his resignation. Re-writing Carter's pieces (I'm so freaking anal-retentive at work it's not even funny) after he left. Coming in on Summer Fridays. Assuming role of project manager. First draft fitting in not one, but TWO 3-inch binders. Reviewers rejecting it immediately b/c it was too voluminous, LOL! Splitting project into 4 more realistic components. Getting my first "promotion" and major salary adjustment for all my dedication.
This project would remain my baby for FOUR YEARS, and now it's complete. The last tie is severed.
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Possibility #3 = Symbolic of Change?
Ah, the joys of editing. Deciding which data points were not completely relevant and therefore briefly mentioned, and which would be expanded upon in great detail. Formatting changes. Setting priorities. Including new data. As these documents evolved over those 4 years, so did my life.
I ended my longest romantic relationship, then found my true love. I had a beautiful wedding on a lovely spring day and an ugly divorce a year later. My soul was left bruised, anyone who knew (or met) me during that time could attest to my emotional neediness. I jumped into relationships too soon. Business trips exposed me to new parts of the USA and Europe. I refined my group of friends, keeping (and adding) only quality people with positive energy. I took an incredible vacation and met very special people. I found a new job.
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I think my current state of emotion is a mixture of all three. And I'm tired of writing now, so good night all.
Speaking of work, I find myself thinking about the earlier mentioned publications. Of course I'm absolutely *thrilled* to receive a copy of 3 documents I worked VERY hard on at my previous job. I'm FINALLY primary author on one, quite the shining moment in my career!
Why then, does this bring tears to my eyes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Possibility #1 = Ego?
I'll never publish again, not at this job. I am certain of that. I hate to say it, but sometimes I do question, "Did I make a mistake in my career change last March?" I was important at my old job, respected my many in my industry. I was proud. A young successful female in a male-dominated business, published 15 times without a PhD (go me, go me!). I went from a big fish in a little pond to the scum that floats on the top of the water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Possibility #2 = Sentimental Sap/Professional Closure?
This is my last tie to my old job, a job that I loved pretty much all 7 years I was there.
*insert fuzzy screen as I reminisce*
We started this in 1999! I remember a few summer nights working until 8, 10, even midnight...countless tables sprawled out across my office floor, checking data from one report to the next, my fingers stained with a rainbow of highlighters. Arguing with Carter about the differences in our writing styles. Dave (b/f at the time) taking a bus from NYC to Hackensack just to bring me dinner. Carter putting in his resignation. Re-writing Carter's pieces (I'm so freaking anal-retentive at work it's not even funny) after he left. Coming in on Summer Fridays. Assuming role of project manager. First draft fitting in not one, but TWO 3-inch binders. Reviewers rejecting it immediately b/c it was too voluminous, LOL! Splitting project into 4 more realistic components. Getting my first "promotion" and major salary adjustment for all my dedication.
This project would remain my baby for FOUR YEARS, and now it's complete. The last tie is severed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Possibility #3 = Symbolic of Change?
Ah, the joys of editing. Deciding which data points were not completely relevant and therefore briefly mentioned, and which would be expanded upon in great detail. Formatting changes. Setting priorities. Including new data. As these documents evolved over those 4 years, so did my life.
I ended my longest romantic relationship, then found my true love. I had a beautiful wedding on a lovely spring day and an ugly divorce a year later. My soul was left bruised, anyone who knew (or met) me during that time could attest to my emotional neediness. I jumped into relationships too soon. Business trips exposed me to new parts of the USA and Europe. I refined my group of friends, keeping (and adding) only quality people with positive energy. I took an incredible vacation and met very special people. I found a new job.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think my current state of emotion is a mixture of all three. And I'm tired of writing now, so good night all.