fic: so happy i could die [zach in the city, 4/6]
Title: So Happy I Could Die [Zach in the City, 4/6]
Fandom: ST RPF
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zach/Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Zach/Chris, Chris/OMC
Word Count: ~4700 of ~29k (completed, but staggered posting)
Summary: Jesse's return. Set between April 28 and May 9, 2010. Kerri is better known as Mrs. John Cho, but here she's just Kerri. (AO3)
Two days later, it's still raining. It rains hideous, incapacitating amounts.
Incapacitating for Chris, anyway, which means they work (Zach on the movie and some auditions, Chris the odd audition or two) and Chris goes to one Tribeca event per night, while Zach lets the city suck him back into the event whirlwind.
He does drag Chris out to a venue where Jesse's performing -- You have to be there. It's for you. Don't ask anyone. It's a SURPRISE. -- and they sit off to the side at a front table. Jesse's friend Eric is there, too, with his girlfriend, and Chris is so ecstatic to be able to talk to someone about the two sports they actually keep up with, it's kind of adorable.
Jesse comes up on stage and Chris leans over to whisper, "He's wearing plaid. I think you officially have a type."
"Or you've finally identified a contemporary fashion trend," Zach hisses. "Way to go, babe. I'm so proud. Now shut up." Zach leans forward and tells the table, "Jesse said this is for me."
"He hasn't stopped telling us," Eric says with a nod to his girlfriend. "You should have seen how cute he was when he realized what he wanted to do for you."
Chris slouches further into his chair, leans on his hand, and watches with one eyebrow raised.
Zach's mouth drops open when he recognizes the opening words, and lets his head drop to the table gleefully when Jesse whispers into the microphone, "Alejandro."
Because it's a five minute Shatnering of Lady fucking Gaga (except Jesse can really sing and that's still such a novelty), and Chris has never gotten the whole Gaga thing, or the fact that, actually? It's important to Zach. Music is important, and how Chris uses his iPod to listen to podcasts and NPR when he works out indicates --
It comes down to the fact that no one he's been with in the past two years (God, maybe longer) has been amazing enough to make him the gift of Gaga, or even made a similar effort.
John and Kerri get there late and John crouches by Zach's chair in the middle of the song. Zach can't help himself and grabs John hand excitedly. "Soulmate," Zach says, and if Chris shifts uncomfortably in his chair, Zach blames it on his jeans.
Jesse comes down the steps of the stage and Zach meets him with a tight, fierce hug in the dark of the venue. "Welcome back," Zach says near his ear and presses a swift kiss to Jesse's jaw.
"I knew you'd like it," Jesse replies into his ear. "It came on my iPod during the flight to LA and I just knew -- this is what Zach needs."
"This is so what Zach needs."
They sit down and Zach notices Chris vacated the chair next to him, choosing to sit on the other side of the table with John and his wife at the furthest point from everything. Introductions are done, but there are factions; Zach tries to pay attention to both groups equally, but Jesse grins so easily and with so little provocation -- it's so infectious.
Soon, Chris, John, and Kerri get up to go and Zach grabs at John again. "You guys are heading out?"
"The baby summons us, man," John says. "And Chris has something early tomorrow, or he just wants to rub his cock into some Steinbeck, he didn't actually say."
"Okay, okay, but tomorrow night," Zach says loudly. "We dance. We do that movie and after party shit, but you get a sitter and we all dance."
"Except us," Eric says. "We have things."
"Sexy things, I bet," Jesse laughs.
"She's here, don't blow my cover!"
"Okay," Zach laughs and turns back to John. "So it'll be the five of us, and you'll come dancing, right?"
John sighs loudly and dramatically, and groans, "Oh, fine, I guess we could abandon our baby for some dancing."
"Oh don't --"
"I'll tell Chris," John says, because Zach notices Chris is long gone. He pushes it out of his mind and turns back to the table.
*
"Come home with me," Jesse says when they're about to step outside into the rain.
"Jesse --"
"No, I know, last time was weird," Jesse interrupts. "I was -- kind of freaking out because God, I just -- can I blame my brain or something, or --"
"Oh, you jerk," Zach laughs as he leans in towards Jesse. "And you snapped at me to stop freaking out."
Jesse presses his forehead to Zach's and grins again, then flies into motion and goes outside to hail a cab.
Once they're heading uptown to Jesse's, Zach leans over and says, "Also, I want this -- it's not just 'thank you for Gaga' sex or anything."
"I wasn't thinking that, but now I am."
"No no, I just said it wasn't!"
"Too late," Jesse sighs dramatically, but he grins at Zach a second later and Zach rolls his eyes.
"Jerk," Zach says as he sinks into the seat of the cab and leans against Jesse's side for the rest of the trip.
*
It's the twist, Zach realizes, that's he's never quite felt before.
Jesse unlocks the door and walks into his apartment, drops his bag on the floor and keys in a bowl. When Zach takes more than four seconds to follow him (he's a little preoccupied seeing Jesse's apartment at night for the first time), Jesse tosses a grin over his shoulder and says, "Come on."
Seeing Jesse's grin as he stands in the corridor to his bedroom, a soft light on in the bedroom and the orange lights from the street making everything look like the inside of a jack-o-lantern, kind of -- no, it's the grin, Zach thinks as he tilts his head and takes another step into the apartment, that makes him think no one's ever grinned at him before.
Which is dumb, of course, but there's this twisting at the bottom of his stomach -- it's fear and anticipation and excitement because he never, ever, ever imagined he'd be led into an Upper West Side bedroom by the hand of a short redheaded man on his belt buckle. Jesse looks at him again and flashes another grin, and Zach chastises himself for thinking he's just short, just a redhead, just a guy.
A guy from Albuquerque?! And like, he and Neil Patrick Harris have had hours and hours of conversation about Albuquerque and Zach had been there for some of it. All he could focus on was Jesse's face as he tried to remember pep rally cheers from their respective high schools, and 15-year-old gossip about closeted linebackers and after-school trysts among the members of the drama club.
But there they are, Jesse pulling Zach along by the belt buckle until they get to his bedroom and Jesse turns around, that grin on his face fading into a smile that's no less -- shit, Zach is complete putty with this man. He wonders if his face gives it away or maybe the traitors are his knees that kind of want to stop working as he ducks down and pulls Jesse in for a kiss.
The second time is sweet -- god, the second time is what Zach imagines he sees in Chris's face just before he comes but never anywhere else. No, Jesse is all warm eyes and crinkles at the edges, and laughter that doesn't cut him down, and hands that don't tug on his hair to annoy him --
Jesse leans in and presses the most hilariously gentle bite to his shoulder.
"What was that?" Zach asks.
"Costume fittings are over," he replies with just a hint of shyness, or slyness, Zach honestly can't tell.
Zach laughs and nips at Jesse's ear, and his jaw, and his neck, and just about every part he can remember, and it had never occurred to him that biting could be difficult when he can't stop smiling.
Yeah, the second time is better. Afterwards, they lie in Jesse's bed and face each other.
"I like you a lot," Zach says. "Like, so much." He stops and sighs, and covers his face with the sheets. "Doctors are still trying to calculate how much of me is teenage girl and how much of me is 32-year-old Pittsburghian male."
Jesse laughs and pulls the sheets off Zach's head. His hand rests in Zach's hair and plays with a few strands. "I like you a lot, too." He pauses and says, "Wait, is it creepy to do the sweet thing and say 'even the teenage girl part' because that sounds. You know. I work with teenage girls."
"God, I forgot," Zach laughs. "But I'm glad you like me."
"You sound surprised," Jesse says, his hand still in Zach's hair. "It's like you forget the part where you're funny, gorgeous, and -- Jesus -- so much fun."
"I know, right?" Zach realizes what he said and facepalms himself. "I mean, like. I love that this person I want to spend all this time with also really likes going out and isn't a big, moody homebody, you know?"
"That's what I was worried about! You just look like a big, moody homebody and then ten minutes into meeting up again in the city, we bought tickets to five hundred concerts and movies and -- it's pretty awesome." Jesse looks hesitant for a moment and then says, "Hey, let's go to sleep before I say stupid things like 'thanks for enriching my social calendar and sex life.'"
Zach hadn't thought of it like that and tries, very hard, to not let it bother him. He pushes a smile onto his face and kisses Jesse lightly. "Night."
"Night," Jesse replies, and he kisses Zach again. "One night, by the way, we're going to say the right things to each other."
Zach considers it and says, "Yeah, but this is funnier, isn't it?"
"Oh, shut up. I'll kick you in your sleep."
"I bite."
"I noticed."
*
The next night, they make it onto the dance floor eventually and Zach escapes everyone briefly to bribe the DJ into playing "Telephone". It gets a few groans from those sober enough on the floor to notice, but fuck, Zach believes in this song and its awesomeness like few other things in life.
"Wow, you know all the words!" Jesse laughs as they dance.
"Gaga wrote this song for me!" Zach yells back.
"Shut up, you know how gullible I am!"
"So serious!" Zach glances around and sees Chris nearby, he and John laughing as they show Kerri all their variations on the robot (because they are dorks). "I met her at some party, told her I loved her like crazy, and it was a dance party so I was yelling all this and she -- you know, listened, but then I kept saying 'hold on' and answering my phone --" Zach throws his head back and laughs, and then leans in to Jesse again. "It was Chris, that shit, like, he is so the dickhead in this song who is like, let's hang out! Wait I don't want to! Wait I'm going to call you all fucking night!"
"It's okay, though, he's out with us now!" Jesse says.
"Totally!" Zach dances for another moment, and then rushes over and screams the bridge in Chris's ear, startling the hell out of him. Zach slides back over to Jesse and pretends he wasn't even there, which would work but Chris, surprisingly enough, rushes right back at him and puts his chin on Zach's shoulder (awkward while dancing, but what is Chris if not awkward all the time -- what's Zach if not awkward all the time?)
"When are they going to get some MJ here?" Chris asks. "Me and this guy --"
"What guy?"
"I have friends sometimes, you know -- he took me to Michael Jackson night at one of those clubs you're always at in LA --"
"I swear I don't dance as much as he says I do," Zach says to Jesse, who shrugs before he's abducted by John, who tries to teach him the ways of the robot.
"You so do, anyway -- the way you make me feel!" Chris says in Zach's ear. "It really turns me on. You knock me offa my feet now, babe. My lonely days are gone."
"Aw, that's so cute," Zach says, and he steps away from Chris and pats his hat carefully. "I'll bribe the DJ again."
"No, I'll take care of it," Chris says, and he disappears into the crowd.
Zach glances over at Jesse, who watched Chris walk away and then looked to Zach. "So how do you like him?"
"He's… fine? I don't know, we haven't talked much," Jesse replies unsteadily.
"He's --" Zach just shrugs and laughs, and makes arm motions that might explain if other people were as insane as he was, but Jesse just laughs at him and they keep dancing.
When Chris's song comes on, it does brighten up the atmosphere because even if it's not an insane dance mix one can dry hump to, it's still a goddamn classic. John and Chris know all the words and Kerri urges them to dance together. Zach leans on Jesse and Kerri and laughs at them. He's completely jealous of how cool John is when it comes to just about anything -- he can let Chris ride his leg like they're competing in a twink rodeo, singing Michael Jackson hits at the top of his lungs, and still get work in the morning.
Zach turns to Jesse and they wrap their arms around each other, dancing relatively slowly to keep in time with the music. If Zach uses every downbeat to shift them closer out of the main lights of the dance floor and presses his face into the crook where Jesse's neck meets his shoulder -- at least they're dancing together. In public. It's more than he ever gives himself in LA.
*
A few songs after that, Zach heads to the bathroom and waits in line. The line for the bathroom varies from club to club: there's either friendly/flirty commiseration or total self-immersion, and Zach is kind of pleased that it's the latter at this place. It's been so, so long since he did something as minor as dancing with someone he was dating in public -- his paranoia is finely honed and he's glad no one seems to notice him.
He heads back to the floor but doesn't see anyone he knows. Suddenly his phone vibrates and it's Jesse: We're back in the VIP room in one of the booths. Do you need help being greased back into your pants?
Eventually he finds them and presents himself to everyone. "Somehow got my cock back into my pants. You applaud now."
There are polite little golf claps and he slides into the booth next to Kerri, across from Jesse and Chris, who are deep in conversation.
"Shakespeare or something," John says quietly over Kerri. Zach raises his eyebrows and nods. "Yeah, I don't want to touch that either."
"At least now Jesse knows not to talk to Chris about books," Kerri laughs. "I guess everyone has to lose hours of their life like that at least once."
"Or like, a million times," Zach sighs. "Glutton for punishment," he adds as he motions to himself.
"But Jesse is so sweet," Kerri says. "I really like him, and you two are so hilarious and cute together."
John pauses and looks at Zach, then at Jesse, then at his wife, and then rolls his eyes. "So who just picked up on the theme for the night," John says as he slowly raises his hand then grabs his drink. "How long?"
"Uh, like a month," Zach says as he runs a hand through his hair. "It's not serious, though."
"No, that's awesome," John says, but he's clearly uncomfortable and in the hypothetical break up with Chris, Zach would lose him and Kerri, and that's depressing. At least he would have Zoe and Karl -- Zoe having stayed by his side for ten years already and Karl being too fucking old and mature to do anything but roll his eyes and snap a quick, "Whatever," before grabbing a thousand beers to make everything better.
"I like him a lot," Zach says, and he has Kerri's approval at least.
"You should," John says, but his eyes keep drifting to Chris and never quite staying on Zach for long enough to make it seem like he cared.
"Oh my God, I just -- I can't," Jesse finally announces. He stands up from the booth and looks down at Chris. "You're Zach's best friend and you're awesome and everything, but oh my God, you are impossible."
"Well, yeah," Chris laughs. "Didn't he mention that?"
"Yes," Jesse says, like he's just realizing it for himself. He leans over the tableless booth and takes Zach's hand. "Zachary Quinto, you are always right about everything forever."
John winces and says, "You don't want to sign that away too quickly. I mean, have you seen his winter wardrobe?"
"He means my winter wardrobe is spectacular," Zach says.
"Honey, I know you can't dress yourself," Jesse says. "It's part of your charm."
They laugh and Zach gives them all the finger.
They all shift so Jesse can sit next to Zach and rest his head on Zach's shoulder. They lean against each other and Zach closes his eyes to block out the sound of the club. He focuses on Jesse rehashing the conversation, noting where he could have done things differently. Zach grabs his hand and squeezes, and Jesse gets it.
Chris looks over as he's talking to John and coos at them, which makes Zach blush and roll his eyes. He holds Chris's glance and Chris is smiling at him wryly and knowingly -- and pleased.
"You approve?" Zach asks, too quiet for Jesse to hear and too quickly for John or Kerri to read his lips. Chris, being Chris, understands and laughs. He's about to open his mouth and respond, but then jumps up because "Single Ladies" has suddenly come on.
"My other song! Yeah!" Chris yells. He looks at Zach, dancing a little in front of him and Jesse, and motions to his hand. "Put a ring on that shit."
"Definitely at least a cock ring for you," Zach replies. Chris winks and drags John and Kerri back to the dance floor, singing all the words at the top of his lungs.
"God, that man," Jesse sighs as they watch the three of them on the floor. "He'll discover Ke$ha this fall, I guess, and then what?"
"More of the same," Zach says. "Come on," he adds as he stands up and tugs on Jesse's hands. "It's still a fun song."
"I know! Somehow that makes it worse. It's outdated-good, not bad-and-now-ironically-good." Jesse gets up and they head back to the dance floor, debating on the merits of rocking Chris's world with some music from the present fucking day.
*
A few nights later, Zach and Chris were supposed to see a movie (a big stupid blockbuster, a relief from Tribeca), but Chris mysteriously stood him up and never texted to say why. Zach gets a call the night after while he's out to dinner with Jesse. He steps outside of the restaurant and drifts away from the door to talk.
"Hey, what's up? Weren't we supposed to see a movie yesterday?" Zach asked. "I mean, it's fine, I got to surprise Jesse in the park and kind of molest him behind some scenery, so --"
"Sorry, man, I'm in LA," Chris says. Zach can hear laughter in the background and Chris sounds distracted. "I meant to text you but -- it was kind of sudden."
"Wait, you -- just went?" Zach asks.
"Yeah, and I had to call you and laugh -- I'm doing that thing you do right now, with your pants when you want to show off? And I needed a phone in one hand, obviously."
Zach didn't realize sticking his hand in his pocket while talking on the phone was a seduction technique, and ignores it for the more pressing matter at hand. "Okay, but why LA, Chris?"
"Oh!" Chris says, as if that's really a fucking shocking question to ask. "Uh, this guy. Frank. It was just this spontaneous thing. He got a bunch of his friends together, wanted me to meet them for the first time ever, and was like -- just hop on a plane, man, and come out here. And he's coming back to New York with me, so fair's fair."
"You jumped on a plane for this guy?" Zach asks carefully, noting in his mind really, really loudly that it's this guy, Frank, not my friend, Frank.
"Yeah, don't sound so shocked," Chris laughs. "Sometimes I'm capable of --"
"You didn't tell me you were seeing someone," Zach interrupts.
"I didn't want to jinx things, you know?" Chris says. "But -- meeting the friends -- that's a big deal, right?"
"Getting on a plane to meet them is a big deal."
"Yeah, it is," and it kind of kills Zach that he can hear Chris smiling as he talks. "Okay, I think he noticed. I'll text you when I'm back in New York and we'll all hang out."
"Yeah, have fun."
"You okay?"
"I'm just shocked, that's all! You've never -- I don't think you've ever -- you hate flying."
"I don't hate it, I mean, I do it all the time so --"
"Okay, we'll talk when you're back in the city, okay? I'm out to dinner."
"Awesome, tell Jesse I say hi. I'll text you later."
He stands outside for a moment (and it's finally stopped raining -- why does New York hate Chris?) and a phrase keeps repeating itself in his mind: But you fucked me two hours ago for your health. That had been about a week… maybe two weeks ago?
Maybe it'd been for Chris's health. Both their healths. Health health health.
He walks back into the restaurant and sits down across from Jesse. He takes a moment to think and stare at his drink. Jesse kicks him under the table and raises his eyebrows.
"So Chris flew back to LA yesterday to meet his secret boyfriend's friends," Zach explains. "Which he just called to tell me now."
"Aw, that's nice of him."
"Yeah, it's great -- he's such a prissy bitch, like, that's a big deal for him," Zach says. "I had to give him a month's notice to get him out here, but for this guy. Well."
"You are so jealous," Jesse laughs. "That's adorable!"
Zach leans on his hand and looks at Jesse, bemused expressions on both their faces, and wonders how much he should tell him. He raises his eyebrows and looks off at some of the other diners, then back at Jesse.
"It's funny -- I thought he might have had a thing for me earlier, like when we hung out in LA before I left," Zach says.
"Really?" Jesse asks. The bemused expression becomes puzzled and then he shakes his head. "I didn't get that from him at all."
"Well, it wasn't like, big things he did," Zach says, and he wonders why he's even bothering to explain, if it can even be explained. (Is there something to explain?)
"You said this was in LA, before -- you know." Jesse motions to the two of them and Zach nods. "So he would have -- did he make a move while he was here?"
That's when Zach realizes that… no. Chris hadn't -- but Zach had. And Zach knew what moves from Chris looked like because he had seen them a lot. He had seen Chris gulp down a shot and ride forth to talk up men, women, actors, directors, producers, baristas, cashiers, waiters, valet drivers, a (really fucking hot) fighter pilot in Kuwait, his own fucking pets, even, and now he had flown across the fucking country for some guy.
And there were those times when Chris just got a look in his face, a lift in his eyebrow, a smirk on his lips, and Zach knew that meant they should find a dark room and take care of each other immediately.
So it wasn't that Chris was lacked the skills or the timing -- he just lacked the motivation. With Zach.
Zach sees Jesse is staring at him with his eyebrows knit together and his hands clasped on the table. Zach's leaning on his hand and his fingers lightly tap his own chin as he smiles slightly.
"What?" Jesse asks, a smirk of his own on his lips.
"I just realized how, God." Zach laughs again and says, "How lonely I was in LA."
"Oh, Zach."
"Yeah," Zach replies, and he swallows quickly as he adds, "So it's lucky I fell in with Chris, who took care of me, you know?"
"Well, not lucky. Just smart. I don't understand why you think things just sort of happen to you -- like you're not working 12-hour days and networking 16-hour nights, and then suddenly things pay off after all that effort."
"It doesn't seem like work," Zach says.
"Now that's lucky," Jesse laughs, "Your work not feeling like work."
Zach smiles and shrugs. Jesse adds, "Anyway, what I meant was: it wasn't luck that you know Chris is a good guy and gravitated to him. It's reasonable."
Their dinner arrives. Zach is about to bite into his food when Jesse suddenly remembers something.
"Betty White on Saturday Night Live this week," Jesse says. "Are you watching?"
"Right!" Zach says. "I was thinking -- do you want to come over? We could --"
"Or," Jesse laughs. "Seth Meyers invited me and anyone I want to watch the show from the green room and meet Betty freaking White." He sips from his glass of wine and adds, "But if you want to have a slumber party --"
"I want to have a slumber party with Betty White please take me," Zach says all in a rush.
"Then we have a date to see Betty White," Jesse says as he grins. "Which I think has already been entered into the Guinness Book of Records as Best Date Ever, never to be broken."
"Uh, never," Zach agrees, and he bursts out laughing like a crazy person because he hasn't been to The High Line today and things just got so, so fucking surreal -- but he can handle it. It doesn't feel like he's going to burst just from living and feeling and doing all the time -- he can handle it.
*
"Betty White thinks we're adorable," Jesse says as she walks away to talk to the other adoring people waiting backstage after the taping. "Betty White? Thinks. We're. Adorable."
"We're just so adorable," Zach corrects, and he clutches Jesse's hand and brings it to his mouth to bite it lightly, and then drops it to say, "Oh my God, she thinks we're adorable. We've been blessed by Betty White."
"Molly Shannon," Jesse chokes out as he grabs Zach's hand again and drags him over like they're kids in a candy store and have just found a life-size gummy Molly Shannon. "Best night ever."
"Best night ever," Zach agrees, and just as he says that, Molly Shannon turns around and he has to make words that sound like, "Hi, I'm Zach and this is Jesse and we freaking love you."
But Molly Shannon knows who they are and Zach's hand claws at the small of Jesse's back as he listens calmly to Molly Shannon fangirl his boyfriend. Jesse slips his phone into his pocket and he clutches at Zach's hand behind his back, suddenly contortionists for the purpose of not completely losing their shit in front of their childhood idols.
*
They crawl into Jesse's bed at 6 AM, the sun already beginning to shine and the city beginning to wake up even though it's Sunday. Like the city cares what fucking day it is.
"Hey," Zach says as Jesse curls up behind him and puts a hand on his chest. "Remember that time we met Betty White?"
"No," Jesse says sleepily. "Who else was there?"
"Oh, everyone," Zach sighs. "Molly Shannon and Tina Fey and Ana Gasteyer and Amy Poehler. I've never been so in awe of breasts before."
"Seriously!"
"And Jason Sudeikis is a secret Trekkie and I think he wanted to do things to me."
"You're so cute, thinking people can't resist you," Jesse says into Zach's shoulder. "It's easier than it looks."
"He said as he pushed his thigh between mine," Zach laughs.
"I should shut up. I'm not even making sense."
"Yes, please," Zach yawns. He listens to Jesse breathe against him for a few minutes, and then closes his eyes. If his hand happens to cover Jesse's, if he happens to curl and push against Jesse to feel his weight all along his back, well. It happens.
Jesse's performance of Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" can be found right here. It's pretty awesome.
Also, did you catch the part where I plagiarized myself? I rock!
Title of this chapter from the Lady Gaga song of the same name.
Fandom: ST RPF
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zach/Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Zach/Chris, Chris/OMC
Word Count: ~4700 of ~29k (completed, but staggered posting)
Summary: Jesse's return. Set between April 28 and May 9, 2010. Kerri is better known as Mrs. John Cho, but here she's just Kerri. (AO3)
Two days later, it's still raining. It rains hideous, incapacitating amounts.
Incapacitating for Chris, anyway, which means they work (Zach on the movie and some auditions, Chris the odd audition or two) and Chris goes to one Tribeca event per night, while Zach lets the city suck him back into the event whirlwind.
He does drag Chris out to a venue where Jesse's performing -- You have to be there. It's for you. Don't ask anyone. It's a SURPRISE. -- and they sit off to the side at a front table. Jesse's friend Eric is there, too, with his girlfriend, and Chris is so ecstatic to be able to talk to someone about the two sports they actually keep up with, it's kind of adorable.
Jesse comes up on stage and Chris leans over to whisper, "He's wearing plaid. I think you officially have a type."
"Or you've finally identified a contemporary fashion trend," Zach hisses. "Way to go, babe. I'm so proud. Now shut up." Zach leans forward and tells the table, "Jesse said this is for me."
"He hasn't stopped telling us," Eric says with a nod to his girlfriend. "You should have seen how cute he was when he realized what he wanted to do for you."
Chris slouches further into his chair, leans on his hand, and watches with one eyebrow raised.
Zach's mouth drops open when he recognizes the opening words, and lets his head drop to the table gleefully when Jesse whispers into the microphone, "Alejandro."
Because it's a five minute Shatnering of Lady fucking Gaga (except Jesse can really sing and that's still such a novelty), and Chris has never gotten the whole Gaga thing, or the fact that, actually? It's important to Zach. Music is important, and how Chris uses his iPod to listen to podcasts and NPR when he works out indicates --
It comes down to the fact that no one he's been with in the past two years (God, maybe longer) has been amazing enough to make him the gift of Gaga, or even made a similar effort.
John and Kerri get there late and John crouches by Zach's chair in the middle of the song. Zach can't help himself and grabs John hand excitedly. "Soulmate," Zach says, and if Chris shifts uncomfortably in his chair, Zach blames it on his jeans.
Jesse comes down the steps of the stage and Zach meets him with a tight, fierce hug in the dark of the venue. "Welcome back," Zach says near his ear and presses a swift kiss to Jesse's jaw.
"I knew you'd like it," Jesse replies into his ear. "It came on my iPod during the flight to LA and I just knew -- this is what Zach needs."
"This is so what Zach needs."
They sit down and Zach notices Chris vacated the chair next to him, choosing to sit on the other side of the table with John and his wife at the furthest point from everything. Introductions are done, but there are factions; Zach tries to pay attention to both groups equally, but Jesse grins so easily and with so little provocation -- it's so infectious.
Soon, Chris, John, and Kerri get up to go and Zach grabs at John again. "You guys are heading out?"
"The baby summons us, man," John says. "And Chris has something early tomorrow, or he just wants to rub his cock into some Steinbeck, he didn't actually say."
"Okay, okay, but tomorrow night," Zach says loudly. "We dance. We do that movie and after party shit, but you get a sitter and we all dance."
"Except us," Eric says. "We have things."
"Sexy things, I bet," Jesse laughs.
"She's here, don't blow my cover!"
"Okay," Zach laughs and turns back to John. "So it'll be the five of us, and you'll come dancing, right?"
John sighs loudly and dramatically, and groans, "Oh, fine, I guess we could abandon our baby for some dancing."
"Oh don't --"
"I'll tell Chris," John says, because Zach notices Chris is long gone. He pushes it out of his mind and turns back to the table.
*
"Come home with me," Jesse says when they're about to step outside into the rain.
"Jesse --"
"No, I know, last time was weird," Jesse interrupts. "I was -- kind of freaking out because God, I just -- can I blame my brain or something, or --"
"Oh, you jerk," Zach laughs as he leans in towards Jesse. "And you snapped at me to stop freaking out."
Jesse presses his forehead to Zach's and grins again, then flies into motion and goes outside to hail a cab.
Once they're heading uptown to Jesse's, Zach leans over and says, "Also, I want this -- it's not just 'thank you for Gaga' sex or anything."
"I wasn't thinking that, but now I am."
"No no, I just said it wasn't!"
"Too late," Jesse sighs dramatically, but he grins at Zach a second later and Zach rolls his eyes.
"Jerk," Zach says as he sinks into the seat of the cab and leans against Jesse's side for the rest of the trip.
*
It's the twist, Zach realizes, that's he's never quite felt before.
Jesse unlocks the door and walks into his apartment, drops his bag on the floor and keys in a bowl. When Zach takes more than four seconds to follow him (he's a little preoccupied seeing Jesse's apartment at night for the first time), Jesse tosses a grin over his shoulder and says, "Come on."
Seeing Jesse's grin as he stands in the corridor to his bedroom, a soft light on in the bedroom and the orange lights from the street making everything look like the inside of a jack-o-lantern, kind of -- no, it's the grin, Zach thinks as he tilts his head and takes another step into the apartment, that makes him think no one's ever grinned at him before.
Which is dumb, of course, but there's this twisting at the bottom of his stomach -- it's fear and anticipation and excitement because he never, ever, ever imagined he'd be led into an Upper West Side bedroom by the hand of a short redheaded man on his belt buckle. Jesse looks at him again and flashes another grin, and Zach chastises himself for thinking he's just short, just a redhead, just a guy.
A guy from Albuquerque?! And like, he and Neil Patrick Harris have had hours and hours of conversation about Albuquerque and Zach had been there for some of it. All he could focus on was Jesse's face as he tried to remember pep rally cheers from their respective high schools, and 15-year-old gossip about closeted linebackers and after-school trysts among the members of the drama club.
But there they are, Jesse pulling Zach along by the belt buckle until they get to his bedroom and Jesse turns around, that grin on his face fading into a smile that's no less -- shit, Zach is complete putty with this man. He wonders if his face gives it away or maybe the traitors are his knees that kind of want to stop working as he ducks down and pulls Jesse in for a kiss.
The second time is sweet -- god, the second time is what Zach imagines he sees in Chris's face just before he comes but never anywhere else. No, Jesse is all warm eyes and crinkles at the edges, and laughter that doesn't cut him down, and hands that don't tug on his hair to annoy him --
Jesse leans in and presses the most hilariously gentle bite to his shoulder.
"What was that?" Zach asks.
"Costume fittings are over," he replies with just a hint of shyness, or slyness, Zach honestly can't tell.
Zach laughs and nips at Jesse's ear, and his jaw, and his neck, and just about every part he can remember, and it had never occurred to him that biting could be difficult when he can't stop smiling.
Yeah, the second time is better. Afterwards, they lie in Jesse's bed and face each other.
"I like you a lot," Zach says. "Like, so much." He stops and sighs, and covers his face with the sheets. "Doctors are still trying to calculate how much of me is teenage girl and how much of me is 32-year-old Pittsburghian male."
Jesse laughs and pulls the sheets off Zach's head. His hand rests in Zach's hair and plays with a few strands. "I like you a lot, too." He pauses and says, "Wait, is it creepy to do the sweet thing and say 'even the teenage girl part' because that sounds. You know. I work with teenage girls."
"God, I forgot," Zach laughs. "But I'm glad you like me."
"You sound surprised," Jesse says, his hand still in Zach's hair. "It's like you forget the part where you're funny, gorgeous, and -- Jesus -- so much fun."
"I know, right?" Zach realizes what he said and facepalms himself. "I mean, like. I love that this person I want to spend all this time with also really likes going out and isn't a big, moody homebody, you know?"
"That's what I was worried about! You just look like a big, moody homebody and then ten minutes into meeting up again in the city, we bought tickets to five hundred concerts and movies and -- it's pretty awesome." Jesse looks hesitant for a moment and then says, "Hey, let's go to sleep before I say stupid things like 'thanks for enriching my social calendar and sex life.'"
Zach hadn't thought of it like that and tries, very hard, to not let it bother him. He pushes a smile onto his face and kisses Jesse lightly. "Night."
"Night," Jesse replies, and he kisses Zach again. "One night, by the way, we're going to say the right things to each other."
Zach considers it and says, "Yeah, but this is funnier, isn't it?"
"Oh, shut up. I'll kick you in your sleep."
"I bite."
"I noticed."
*
The next night, they make it onto the dance floor eventually and Zach escapes everyone briefly to bribe the DJ into playing "Telephone". It gets a few groans from those sober enough on the floor to notice, but fuck, Zach believes in this song and its awesomeness like few other things in life.
"Wow, you know all the words!" Jesse laughs as they dance.
"Gaga wrote this song for me!" Zach yells back.
"Shut up, you know how gullible I am!"
"So serious!" Zach glances around and sees Chris nearby, he and John laughing as they show Kerri all their variations on the robot (because they are dorks). "I met her at some party, told her I loved her like crazy, and it was a dance party so I was yelling all this and she -- you know, listened, but then I kept saying 'hold on' and answering my phone --" Zach throws his head back and laughs, and then leans in to Jesse again. "It was Chris, that shit, like, he is so the dickhead in this song who is like, let's hang out! Wait I don't want to! Wait I'm going to call you all fucking night!"
"It's okay, though, he's out with us now!" Jesse says.
"Totally!" Zach dances for another moment, and then rushes over and screams the bridge in Chris's ear, startling the hell out of him. Zach slides back over to Jesse and pretends he wasn't even there, which would work but Chris, surprisingly enough, rushes right back at him and puts his chin on Zach's shoulder (awkward while dancing, but what is Chris if not awkward all the time -- what's Zach if not awkward all the time?)
"When are they going to get some MJ here?" Chris asks. "Me and this guy --"
"What guy?"
"I have friends sometimes, you know -- he took me to Michael Jackson night at one of those clubs you're always at in LA --"
"I swear I don't dance as much as he says I do," Zach says to Jesse, who shrugs before he's abducted by John, who tries to teach him the ways of the robot.
"You so do, anyway -- the way you make me feel!" Chris says in Zach's ear. "It really turns me on. You knock me offa my feet now, babe. My lonely days are gone."
"Aw, that's so cute," Zach says, and he steps away from Chris and pats his hat carefully. "I'll bribe the DJ again."
"No, I'll take care of it," Chris says, and he disappears into the crowd.
Zach glances over at Jesse, who watched Chris walk away and then looked to Zach. "So how do you like him?"
"He's… fine? I don't know, we haven't talked much," Jesse replies unsteadily.
"He's --" Zach just shrugs and laughs, and makes arm motions that might explain if other people were as insane as he was, but Jesse just laughs at him and they keep dancing.
When Chris's song comes on, it does brighten up the atmosphere because even if it's not an insane dance mix one can dry hump to, it's still a goddamn classic. John and Chris know all the words and Kerri urges them to dance together. Zach leans on Jesse and Kerri and laughs at them. He's completely jealous of how cool John is when it comes to just about anything -- he can let Chris ride his leg like they're competing in a twink rodeo, singing Michael Jackson hits at the top of his lungs, and still get work in the morning.
Zach turns to Jesse and they wrap their arms around each other, dancing relatively slowly to keep in time with the music. If Zach uses every downbeat to shift them closer out of the main lights of the dance floor and presses his face into the crook where Jesse's neck meets his shoulder -- at least they're dancing together. In public. It's more than he ever gives himself in LA.
*
A few songs after that, Zach heads to the bathroom and waits in line. The line for the bathroom varies from club to club: there's either friendly/flirty commiseration or total self-immersion, and Zach is kind of pleased that it's the latter at this place. It's been so, so long since he did something as minor as dancing with someone he was dating in public -- his paranoia is finely honed and he's glad no one seems to notice him.
He heads back to the floor but doesn't see anyone he knows. Suddenly his phone vibrates and it's Jesse: We're back in the VIP room in one of the booths. Do you need help being greased back into your pants?
Eventually he finds them and presents himself to everyone. "Somehow got my cock back into my pants. You applaud now."
There are polite little golf claps and he slides into the booth next to Kerri, across from Jesse and Chris, who are deep in conversation.
"Shakespeare or something," John says quietly over Kerri. Zach raises his eyebrows and nods. "Yeah, I don't want to touch that either."
"At least now Jesse knows not to talk to Chris about books," Kerri laughs. "I guess everyone has to lose hours of their life like that at least once."
"Or like, a million times," Zach sighs. "Glutton for punishment," he adds as he motions to himself.
"But Jesse is so sweet," Kerri says. "I really like him, and you two are so hilarious and cute together."
John pauses and looks at Zach, then at Jesse, then at his wife, and then rolls his eyes. "So who just picked up on the theme for the night," John says as he slowly raises his hand then grabs his drink. "How long?"
"Uh, like a month," Zach says as he runs a hand through his hair. "It's not serious, though."
"No, that's awesome," John says, but he's clearly uncomfortable and in the hypothetical break up with Chris, Zach would lose him and Kerri, and that's depressing. At least he would have Zoe and Karl -- Zoe having stayed by his side for ten years already and Karl being too fucking old and mature to do anything but roll his eyes and snap a quick, "Whatever," before grabbing a thousand beers to make everything better.
"I like him a lot," Zach says, and he has Kerri's approval at least.
"You should," John says, but his eyes keep drifting to Chris and never quite staying on Zach for long enough to make it seem like he cared.
"Oh my God, I just -- I can't," Jesse finally announces. He stands up from the booth and looks down at Chris. "You're Zach's best friend and you're awesome and everything, but oh my God, you are impossible."
"Well, yeah," Chris laughs. "Didn't he mention that?"
"Yes," Jesse says, like he's just realizing it for himself. He leans over the tableless booth and takes Zach's hand. "Zachary Quinto, you are always right about everything forever."
John winces and says, "You don't want to sign that away too quickly. I mean, have you seen his winter wardrobe?"
"He means my winter wardrobe is spectacular," Zach says.
"Honey, I know you can't dress yourself," Jesse says. "It's part of your charm."
They laugh and Zach gives them all the finger.
They all shift so Jesse can sit next to Zach and rest his head on Zach's shoulder. They lean against each other and Zach closes his eyes to block out the sound of the club. He focuses on Jesse rehashing the conversation, noting where he could have done things differently. Zach grabs his hand and squeezes, and Jesse gets it.
Chris looks over as he's talking to John and coos at them, which makes Zach blush and roll his eyes. He holds Chris's glance and Chris is smiling at him wryly and knowingly -- and pleased.
"You approve?" Zach asks, too quiet for Jesse to hear and too quickly for John or Kerri to read his lips. Chris, being Chris, understands and laughs. He's about to open his mouth and respond, but then jumps up because "Single Ladies" has suddenly come on.
"My other song! Yeah!" Chris yells. He looks at Zach, dancing a little in front of him and Jesse, and motions to his hand. "Put a ring on that shit."
"Definitely at least a cock ring for you," Zach replies. Chris winks and drags John and Kerri back to the dance floor, singing all the words at the top of his lungs.
"God, that man," Jesse sighs as they watch the three of them on the floor. "He'll discover Ke$ha this fall, I guess, and then what?"
"More of the same," Zach says. "Come on," he adds as he stands up and tugs on Jesse's hands. "It's still a fun song."
"I know! Somehow that makes it worse. It's outdated-good, not bad-and-now-ironically-good." Jesse gets up and they head back to the dance floor, debating on the merits of rocking Chris's world with some music from the present fucking day.
*
A few nights later, Zach and Chris were supposed to see a movie (a big stupid blockbuster, a relief from Tribeca), but Chris mysteriously stood him up and never texted to say why. Zach gets a call the night after while he's out to dinner with Jesse. He steps outside of the restaurant and drifts away from the door to talk.
"Hey, what's up? Weren't we supposed to see a movie yesterday?" Zach asked. "I mean, it's fine, I got to surprise Jesse in the park and kind of molest him behind some scenery, so --"
"Sorry, man, I'm in LA," Chris says. Zach can hear laughter in the background and Chris sounds distracted. "I meant to text you but -- it was kind of sudden."
"Wait, you -- just went?" Zach asks.
"Yeah, and I had to call you and laugh -- I'm doing that thing you do right now, with your pants when you want to show off? And I needed a phone in one hand, obviously."
Zach didn't realize sticking his hand in his pocket while talking on the phone was a seduction technique, and ignores it for the more pressing matter at hand. "Okay, but why LA, Chris?"
"Oh!" Chris says, as if that's really a fucking shocking question to ask. "Uh, this guy. Frank. It was just this spontaneous thing. He got a bunch of his friends together, wanted me to meet them for the first time ever, and was like -- just hop on a plane, man, and come out here. And he's coming back to New York with me, so fair's fair."
"You jumped on a plane for this guy?" Zach asks carefully, noting in his mind really, really loudly that it's this guy, Frank, not my friend, Frank.
"Yeah, don't sound so shocked," Chris laughs. "Sometimes I'm capable of --"
"You didn't tell me you were seeing someone," Zach interrupts.
"I didn't want to jinx things, you know?" Chris says. "But -- meeting the friends -- that's a big deal, right?"
"Getting on a plane to meet them is a big deal."
"Yeah, it is," and it kind of kills Zach that he can hear Chris smiling as he talks. "Okay, I think he noticed. I'll text you when I'm back in New York and we'll all hang out."
"Yeah, have fun."
"You okay?"
"I'm just shocked, that's all! You've never -- I don't think you've ever -- you hate flying."
"I don't hate it, I mean, I do it all the time so --"
"Okay, we'll talk when you're back in the city, okay? I'm out to dinner."
"Awesome, tell Jesse I say hi. I'll text you later."
He stands outside for a moment (and it's finally stopped raining -- why does New York hate Chris?) and a phrase keeps repeating itself in his mind: But you fucked me two hours ago for your health. That had been about a week… maybe two weeks ago?
Maybe it'd been for Chris's health. Both their healths. Health health health.
He walks back into the restaurant and sits down across from Jesse. He takes a moment to think and stare at his drink. Jesse kicks him under the table and raises his eyebrows.
"So Chris flew back to LA yesterday to meet his secret boyfriend's friends," Zach explains. "Which he just called to tell me now."
"Aw, that's nice of him."
"Yeah, it's great -- he's such a prissy bitch, like, that's a big deal for him," Zach says. "I had to give him a month's notice to get him out here, but for this guy. Well."
"You are so jealous," Jesse laughs. "That's adorable!"
Zach leans on his hand and looks at Jesse, bemused expressions on both their faces, and wonders how much he should tell him. He raises his eyebrows and looks off at some of the other diners, then back at Jesse.
"It's funny -- I thought he might have had a thing for me earlier, like when we hung out in LA before I left," Zach says.
"Really?" Jesse asks. The bemused expression becomes puzzled and then he shakes his head. "I didn't get that from him at all."
"Well, it wasn't like, big things he did," Zach says, and he wonders why he's even bothering to explain, if it can even be explained. (Is there something to explain?)
"You said this was in LA, before -- you know." Jesse motions to the two of them and Zach nods. "So he would have -- did he make a move while he was here?"
That's when Zach realizes that… no. Chris hadn't -- but Zach had. And Zach knew what moves from Chris looked like because he had seen them a lot. He had seen Chris gulp down a shot and ride forth to talk up men, women, actors, directors, producers, baristas, cashiers, waiters, valet drivers, a (really fucking hot) fighter pilot in Kuwait, his own fucking pets, even, and now he had flown across the fucking country for some guy.
And there were those times when Chris just got a look in his face, a lift in his eyebrow, a smirk on his lips, and Zach knew that meant they should find a dark room and take care of each other immediately.
So it wasn't that Chris was lacked the skills or the timing -- he just lacked the motivation. With Zach.
Zach sees Jesse is staring at him with his eyebrows knit together and his hands clasped on the table. Zach's leaning on his hand and his fingers lightly tap his own chin as he smiles slightly.
"What?" Jesse asks, a smirk of his own on his lips.
"I just realized how, God." Zach laughs again and says, "How lonely I was in LA."
"Oh, Zach."
"Yeah," Zach replies, and he swallows quickly as he adds, "So it's lucky I fell in with Chris, who took care of me, you know?"
"Well, not lucky. Just smart. I don't understand why you think things just sort of happen to you -- like you're not working 12-hour days and networking 16-hour nights, and then suddenly things pay off after all that effort."
"It doesn't seem like work," Zach says.
"Now that's lucky," Jesse laughs, "Your work not feeling like work."
Zach smiles and shrugs. Jesse adds, "Anyway, what I meant was: it wasn't luck that you know Chris is a good guy and gravitated to him. It's reasonable."
Their dinner arrives. Zach is about to bite into his food when Jesse suddenly remembers something.
"Betty White on Saturday Night Live this week," Jesse says. "Are you watching?"
"Right!" Zach says. "I was thinking -- do you want to come over? We could --"
"Or," Jesse laughs. "Seth Meyers invited me and anyone I want to watch the show from the green room and meet Betty freaking White." He sips from his glass of wine and adds, "But if you want to have a slumber party --"
"I want to have a slumber party with Betty White please take me," Zach says all in a rush.
"Then we have a date to see Betty White," Jesse says as he grins. "Which I think has already been entered into the Guinness Book of Records as Best Date Ever, never to be broken."
"Uh, never," Zach agrees, and he bursts out laughing like a crazy person because he hasn't been to The High Line today and things just got so, so fucking surreal -- but he can handle it. It doesn't feel like he's going to burst just from living and feeling and doing all the time -- he can handle it.
*
"Betty White thinks we're adorable," Jesse says as she walks away to talk to the other adoring people waiting backstage after the taping. "Betty White? Thinks. We're. Adorable."
"We're just so adorable," Zach corrects, and he clutches Jesse's hand and brings it to his mouth to bite it lightly, and then drops it to say, "Oh my God, she thinks we're adorable. We've been blessed by Betty White."
"Molly Shannon," Jesse chokes out as he grabs Zach's hand again and drags him over like they're kids in a candy store and have just found a life-size gummy Molly Shannon. "Best night ever."
"Best night ever," Zach agrees, and just as he says that, Molly Shannon turns around and he has to make words that sound like, "Hi, I'm Zach and this is Jesse and we freaking love you."
But Molly Shannon knows who they are and Zach's hand claws at the small of Jesse's back as he listens calmly to Molly Shannon fangirl his boyfriend. Jesse slips his phone into his pocket and he clutches at Zach's hand behind his back, suddenly contortionists for the purpose of not completely losing their shit in front of their childhood idols.
*
They crawl into Jesse's bed at 6 AM, the sun already beginning to shine and the city beginning to wake up even though it's Sunday. Like the city cares what fucking day it is.
"Hey," Zach says as Jesse curls up behind him and puts a hand on his chest. "Remember that time we met Betty White?"
"No," Jesse says sleepily. "Who else was there?"
"Oh, everyone," Zach sighs. "Molly Shannon and Tina Fey and Ana Gasteyer and Amy Poehler. I've never been so in awe of breasts before."
"Seriously!"
"And Jason Sudeikis is a secret Trekkie and I think he wanted to do things to me."
"You're so cute, thinking people can't resist you," Jesse says into Zach's shoulder. "It's easier than it looks."
"He said as he pushed his thigh between mine," Zach laughs.
"I should shut up. I'm not even making sense."
"Yes, please," Zach yawns. He listens to Jesse breathe against him for a few minutes, and then closes his eyes. If his hand happens to cover Jesse's, if he happens to curl and push against Jesse to feel his weight all along his back, well. It happens.
Jesse's performance of Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" can be found right here. It's pretty awesome.
Also, did you catch the part where I plagiarized myself? I rock!
Title of this chapter from the Lady Gaga song of the same name.