Goodbye To All That - Harry/Draco - PG-13
Title: Goodbye To All That
Author: screaminglungs
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: Life changes all the time, for Harry Potter this is no exception. However, for a long time there has been on constant in Harry's life and that's Draco.
Word Count: 6376
Info: Beta read by kcstories who has been amazing for me over the last few weeks. The title is taken from the title of Robert Graves' Autobiography but thats where the simlarities between this tale and that ends.
Harry pressed soft, desperate kisses to Lily's head. She sighed softly and wrinkled her nose in her sleep, but otherwise did not stir. He stared at her soft, worry free face and felt panic bubbling up inside him. He so wished he could protect her from all of this, and he hated that, just like his childhood had been defined be the death of parents, his divorce from Ginny would in some way come to define Lily's, as well as Al and James'. He hated that things had fallen apart so quickly over the past year. He hated that Ginny had left him because her job was more important than her husband and children. He hated that in the morning he would tell his only daughter that her mother had left her to live in another country, had left because Quidditch was her passion now, not Harry.
Harry stood from the child's bed and with a whispered Nox closed the door and went downstairs.
Draco was sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea cradled in his fine boned hands. "Is she asleep?"
"Yeah, with not a care in the world!" Harry sighed wearily and threw himself onto the sofa next to Draco.
"Well, she's not to know her parents have been living separate lives this past year or that her thoughtless whore of a mother..."
"Draco, please stop before you say something you'll regret!" Harry sounded exasperated; he knew very well Draco wouldn’t stop, but he was in no mood right now to listen to him go on and on about Ginny.
"Oh, don't be naïve, Harry! We both know she didn't just leave because of the transfer; she transferred because of him! Viktor Krum is the reason your wife is off gallivanting around Europe! And I won't regret a single word I say about her." Draco snorted indignantly.
"Well, Lily doesn't need to know that right now, does she?" Harry leaned back on the sofa and rested his head against the cushioned back. He stared unblinkingly at the ceiling. He could feel a headache coming on and he sighed heavily. It had been one hell of a day.
"Maybe she should!" Draco snapped.
"Draco, be reasonable. She's ten years old. She still believes in happily ever after. I'm her Daddy. I'm not going to be the one to shatter that illusion for her. Right now, all she needs to know is that her Mum has a new job. It’s not like Ginny was around much to begin with anyway!" Harry couldn't remember feeling any more frustrated. Ginny had truly left him in the lurch to deal with the fall-out of the situation; he was dreading telling the children.
"Maybe you're right."
Harry looked dumbfounded. Draco very rarely conceded defeat in any discussion.
"Really?" Harry sat upright and stared at Draco with suspicion.
"Yeah. I sometimes forget how young she is. It’s hard to remember how innocent our children are. The concept of happily ever after seems unfathomable to someone whose parents worshipped a megalomaniac for as long as you can remember." Draco sighed sadly and picked up his glass of scotch from the coffee table.
"I know. Spending your childhood being locked in a cupboard knowing Mummy and Daddy are never coming back also does a lot to kill that blind sort of hope our kids seem to have. I've always envied them for that and I don't want to be the one to take it away from her, or Al and James for that matter.” Harry cringed at the thought of what his boys were going to say.
Draco smiled tentatively at his friend. "I understand." He really did. He would have done anything to stop Scorpius from being dragged into his and Astoria’s divorce.
“Thank you,” Harry said softly before reaching for his own glass of scotch and smiling back at Draco as best he could.
The fact that they were friends often dumbfounded Harry and it certainly hadn’t come easy, but looking back, being forced to work with Draco on their first day of Auror training had been one of the best things to ever happen to him.
Draco had been the first person he turned to when he suspected Ginny had been having an affair all those months ago, when she’d gotten complacent about matching her weekends away with the training schedule they had always kept taped to their fridge. He had helped Draco through his own messy divorce several years earlier when he had stupidly been caught sleeping with another man, by his wife, in their bed. Harry had been one of a few of Draco’s friends who would actually still talk to him after the incident, Narcissa had refused to talk her son for several months after he’d been outed. The worst of all had been watching Draco go through the agony of Astoria keeping Scorpius away from him.
Harry had foolishly hoped at the time that he would never have to experience such turmoil in his own private life, but he hadn’t counted on Viktor Krum, and he had certainly overestimated the solidity of his marriage and the depth of both his and Ginny’s feelings.
Harry had long passed the point where he was upset that his wife had cheated on him. In fact, he’d gone through a period of wondering why he wasn’t as upset as he thought he should have been. It seemed they had fallen out of love a long time ago and Ginny had just been the first one to do something about it. He couldn’t fault her for not loving him any longer; that was how life sometimes turned out. He could, however, fault her for the way she had gone about it; for leaving him to look after their three children, for behaving like a child and running away from her life as if she weren’t a thirty-eight year old woman with responsibilities.
It was over now, and she was gone, finally, and once he’d told his children, he’d be able to breathe again and that would be the first step.
Harry had built his world around his family and although things hadn’t been perfect, it would take a while to let go of the perfect image he had in his head and begin to look for love again. He wasn’t even sure he knew how to do that anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he and Ginny had made love, let alone the last time he had felt an emotion akin to passion.
“Harry?”
Harry blinked several times before turning to Draco. “Yeah?”
“Things will be okay, you know? It was for me in the end and it will be for you. The kids know you love them and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.” Draco was rarely profound, let alone sincere, and Harry appreciated it when he tried.
“Thanks.” Harry managed another small smile before they lapsed into silence, both of them sipping at their finger of scotch.
*
Visiting the boys in Hogsmeade at the weekend was one of the hardest things Harry had done in a long time. For the rest of the week leading up to his and Lily’s visit, he had managed to convince his daughter that her mother had just been away training. It wasn’t until they were all sitting together that the enormity of what he was about to tell his children sunk in.
James sat at his side, proud and desperately trying to be older than his fourteen years. Albus sat across from him, looking almost exactly as gangly as Harry had at his age, while Lily sat as close to him as possible, gripping his hand tightly in her own. Her palms were clammy and Harry was almost convinced that she already knew exactly what he was going to say.
“It’s about Mum...”
“She’s not been hurt, has she, Dad? She’s been training a lot recently.” James looked positively stricken.
“No, James. She’s fine. In fact, she’s moved to a new team...”
“But she loved the Harpies!” Al sounded outraged.
“I know, Al, but the Sofia Scorpions have offered her a new position and she’s...”
“Sofia Scorpions? But Dad, that’s in...”
“Bulgaria, James. Yeah, I know, that’s why I’ve come to speak to you. You see, your Mum, she’s well...well...erm...” Harry didn’t think he could do this.
“She’s left you, hasn’t she?”
Harry’s gaze snapped up to meet Al’s own green eyes and he sighed heavily. “Yes, Al, your Mum’s taken most of her clothes and things and she’s moved to Bulgaria.” Harry felt Lily’s hand squeeze his hand impossibly harder.
“What?!” James was shaking his head in disbelief. They had obviously done a good job of hiding the cracks in their relationship.
“I know things are going to be hard, but we’ll manage and you’ll be able to see your Mum whenever you want. That’s not going to change.” Harry reached for James’ hand and didn’t want to think about how much it hurt when his son pulled it away.
“Why would she leave? What did you do? Did you have a fight?” James scowled at his father, and Harry was given a sharp reminder that James had always been closer to his mother.
“Nothing, James. I didn’t do anything. Your Mum didn’t do anything either. People fall out of love; that’s sometimes what happens. It’s nobody’s fault.” Harry stared into James’ hazel eyes and answered him as calmly as he could. The last thing he wanted to do was get angry at his son, especially not in the middle of the Three Broomsticks.
“That’s rubbish!” James stood abruptly from his seat and made a dash for the toilets.
Harry would have followed him, but his little girl was clinging to him so tightly he could barely move.
“Daddy?” Harry stared down at Lily who was plastered to his side.
“Yes, love?” Harry squeezed Lily’s hand.
“Does Mum not love us anymore?” Lily’s large eyes were glistening and Harry felt his heart breaking.
“No, honey. Mum loves you; it’s just me that she’s not so happy about right now, okay? It’s not you, remember that, okay?”
Lily nodded.
“Alright, Al’?” Harry reached for his younger son’s hand and was relieved that he wasn’t rejected.
“Alright, Dad.”
Harry smiled; Al could always be relied upon to help Harry out.
A little while later, James came back from the toilets with red-rimmed eyes and a sullen expression on his face and they left.
The family wandered through Hogsmeade for a little while, Al and Lily running ahead of their father and older brother who silently walked side by side.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” James finally said, so softly Harry barely heard him.
Harry stopped and turned to James and smiled softly at his firstborn. “That’s alright, James. I know that wasn’t the easiest conversation in the world and you have every right to be angry, but please remember your mum and I both love you, alright? I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”
James smiled softly and hugged his father.
“I love you too, Dad,” James whispered into his father’s neck, and Harry couldn’t help but wonder when his son had gotten so tall.
Harry and a very quiet Lily headed home after he’d made sure the boys were safely back inside the castle. Harry was very much aware of the details he had left out of his discussion with his children, but the bitter part of him wanted Ginny to at least take some responsibility for her actions and admit to her children exactly why she had left them and moved across Europe.
*
“How did it go?”
“Awfully. James blamed me, of course.” Harry was sitting across from Draco at a small restaurant in Hogsmeade they often had dinner at.
“Sounds like James. He’s definitely a Mummy’s boy, that one,” Draco said bluntly as he cut into his fillet steak.
“Draco! That’s my son you’re talking about!” Harry wanted to sound aghast but he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.
“I know that. It’s just unfortunate that he’s also Ginny’s!”
“Stop it! Al was okay; well, at least he seemed to be.” Harry frowned down at his own steak.
“What?”
“It’s just starting to hit me that I’m really alone. I’m almost forty, Draco, and I’m alone and in a few months’ time, I won’t even have my daughter.” Harry sighed miserably.
“You don’t want her back, do you?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just nice to come home to a warm body at night, and not to have to wake up alone.” Harry smiled grimly at Draco, who for once didn’t comment, only blushed and shovelled steak into his mouth.
They spent the rest of the evening bitching about the people they worked with, generally avoiding the topic of Ginny, and after one too many glasses of wine, Draco slept on Harry’s sofa.
*
Life carried on for Harry and he began to realise just how much Ginny had actually been away because things didn’t change as much as he’d thought they would. Lily went to school and he went to work.
Draco came over most nights and they shared cooking duties. He and Lily had always gotten on splendidly and he had taken to helping her with her homework on the nights when it was Harry’s turn to cook.
Harry was thankful for having Draco around; the house felt less empty when there was an extra glass of wine on the coffee table and the sound of his soft huffing breaths as he slept on the sofa was comforting.
He had seen Ginny twice in the three months since she had left; both times had been when she had come to pick up Lily to spend the weekend with her at the Burrow. Harry had flat out refused to let her take the girl back to Bulgaria with her, and told her she wasn’t to tell the Lily anything about Viktor until she’d told all of the children together when they came home from school at the end of June.
Both times had been incredibly awkward. Harry really didn’t know how to behave around her now or whether or not he was angry with her or relieved she was gone.
He spent a long time leading up to the summer holidays utterly confused and as much as he loved having Draco around, his presence didn’t help matters.
Harry found himself looking at Draco in ways he hadn’t before, or certainly hadn’t consciously. Draco was his best friend, but there were moments when he looked at him and he was struck by just how attractive the blonde was. Once upon a time, these thoughts would have scared him, but now Ginny was gone and he was living a life he never expected he would, he found himself more and more open to new possibilities.
This coming weekend would be the third time she picked Lily up for a weekend away. He had arranged to spend the weekend with Draco, hopefully getting incredibly drunk and pointedly not worrying that his wife was going to run away with his daughter. It was only a few weeks before the end of term at Hogwarts and soon the boys would be back. Harry was looking forward to having the house filled with all his children again; he just hoped it wouldn’t mean he’d see less of Draco.
At four o’clock on Friday afternoon, there was a knock on the door and for the third time in three months, Harry’s stomach clenched. Lily was upstairs, changing out of her school robes and putting things together for the weekend.
Harry opened the door and stared grimly at his wife.
“Hello Harry.” Ginny smiled softly at her husband in a way he now found patronising.
“Ginny, come in. Lily will be down in a minute.” Harry stepped back and let Ginny into what used to be their house. She wandered into the living room and stopped short when she noticed the changes Harry had made.
“You decorated?” Ginny frowned and wandered further into the room, which instead of being a rich reddish pink was now a very light green which complimented the white wooden furniture and dark red sofa.
It hadn’t taken Harry long to decide to redecorate the house. It was something fun he and Lily had done together and Draco had even come with him to help choose colours. The house had been such a reflection of his wife that after a while, it had begun to drive Harry mad and made him angry that he hadn’t put more of an input into their home. Now she was gone, he wanted the house to be a reflection of him and his children. Gone were the flowery patterns and feminine overtones; they had been replaced by soft colours and clean lines. Draco had definitely proven his worth when it came to shopping for new furniture.
“Yeah. Lily and I wanted something to do together at the weekends. We’re doing her bedroom next and then ours. Well, mine now, actually.”
Ginny scowled. “Hasn’t taken you long to change things, has it?” she said softly as she wandered over to the bookshelves that framed the fireplace and picked up a picture of Lily that Draco had taken when they had visited London Zoo a few weeks earlier. Lily was holding a snake and grinning happily up at the camera. Ginny frowned and placed the picture back among a series of other new additions Harry had added to the room. Ginny’s face was certainly not as prominent as it had once been in the room.
“Well, what did you expect, Gin? For us to be sitting around, pining for you?” Harry smiled smugly at her as he perched on the arm of his leather armchair.
“No. Of course not!” Ginny snapped, but something in her tone told Harry she had meant the absolute opposite.
“Good! If you were expecting that, then you’d have been disappointed. You may have been the one to leave, but I refuse to be the victim here. I’m going to be here for my children and try and make this as painless as possible. Draco has...”
“Draco? Let me guess. He’s been here to hold your hand through it all?” Ginny sneered; an expression that made her look truly ugly in a way Harry had never appreciated before.
“As a matter of fact, he has!” Harry shrugged. He refused to make a big deal out of the fact that he had come to rely upon Draco.
Ginny rolled her eyes. “There’s a surprise!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry frowned at her.
“He’s been waiting ages for the right opportunity to get his feet under the table!”
“You’re absolutely mad. Did you know that?”
“No, actually, Harry, I’m not, but you’re certainly blind! That man has been in love with you for years. Why do you think he’s always here? And to be honest, I’m not entirely convinced you’re not in love with him either!”
“You’re being ridiculous! He’s my friend!” Harry denied it, but he could feel himself blushing.
“Yeah. In the same way Viktor is mine!” Ginny said snidely and threw Harry a malicious grin.
“Don’t you dare mention that man’s name in my house; don’t you dare! You do not get to come here and talk to me like that, not after what you did to this family, not after what you’ve been doing!” Harry snarled as he towered over Ginny.
“Daddy?” Lily’s voice was like a bucket of water being poured over his head and he spun around to find his frightened daughter standing in the doorway, staring between her parents with wide eyes.
“Lily, I’m sorry,” Harry was across the room in two steps and pulling Lilly into a tight hug.
“I didn’t mean to shout at Mum. I was just cross,” Harry whispered to her and was satisfied to feel her nodding against his chest. He tried to ignore the fact that she was trembling. He pulled away and held his daughter out to look at her. She smiled up at him with a small watery smile.
“Are you ready?” Ginny asked from behind Harry.
“Yes, Mum,” Lily said softly and wrapped her arms around Harry for another hug. “Love you, Dad.”
*
Harry had already started drinking by the time Draco arrived from work at around seven o’clock. He was sitting on the sofa in the dark, drinking his third finger of scotch and trying to ignore how much he wanted to punch a wall.
“Harry?” Draco said tentatively as he walked into the darkened living room. Harry didn’t reply, just continued staring at the unlit fire.
“Harry, are you alright?” Draco turned on the light on the end table next to the sofa, sending soft light across the room.
“I don’t really know,” Harry whispered, his voice cracking.
“What did she say?” Draco sat down next to his friend and looked at him in concern.
“Actually, she said some stuff about you.” Harry watched Draco stiffen.
“What did the silly bint have to say about me then? That I’m evil? That I’ll poison your children?” Draco snarled and scooted a little closer to Harry.
“No, actually, she said that you’re in love with me.” Harry stared at Draco, watching for any sort of reaction.
Draco clenched his jaw, practically jumped from the sofa and strode across the room until he was standing as far from Harry as he could. He stood for a moment, silently staring out the window across the front garden before he spoke.
“Did she?” he said softly. His words were stilted and stiff. Harry knew he had touched a nerve.
“In fact, she said you’ve been in love with me for years, just waiting for your opportunity.” Harry stared at Draco’s back, watching his shoulders hunch and stiffen further.
“That’s not true,” Draco said through clenched teeth.
“Then you don’t love me?” Harry asked softly, not sure what he would do if Draco said no, not after he’d spent the entire evening coming to realise his true feelings beneath all the layers of confusion he’d been battling with for weeks.
“It didn’t start off that way. I haven’t been biding my time. I was happy to have a friend, to have you in my life and then…”
“And then?” Harry rose from the sofa and walked across the room. Draco was still standing by the window and looking out over the front garden.
“Things got complicated.” Draco sighed heavily and refused to turn and look at Harry.
“Complicated?”
Draco jumped at the sound of Harry’s voice so close by, but still didn’t look around. “Yes! Astoria and I divorced and suddenly you were the only person in my life, literally everyone else wasn’t talking to me and I liked being a part of your life. I didn’t want you and her to break up; I didn’t want anything from you. It just happened…” There was a desperate edge to Draco’s voice that Harry had never heard before and it frightened him a little. Ginny had been right.
“Draco…” Harry stepped closer.
“I’m sorry, Harry; I know all this is the last thing you want to hear. It’s the last thing I wanted to tell you! You’re my best friend. I don’t even know when that happened, let alone anything else, but you’re like family to me now and I don’t want to lose that, not over something stupid like…”
“Being in love with me?”
“Yes,” Draco whispered miserably. Harry wrapped a hand around Draco’s upper arm and turned him so they were face to face.
“Look at me,” Harry said softly, but Draco refused.
“Look at me, Draco,” Harry pleaded and finally Draco did. His eyes were wide and frightened.
Harry drew in a sharp breath; Draco really was terrified of losing him. It was written plainly all over the man’s face.
“Harry, I’m so…”
Before Draco could finish his sentence, Harry leaned forward and brushed their lips together. It was a simple experimental press of lips, but it made Draco gasp.
“Draco,” Harry whispered, asking permission.
Draco jerked his head in the briefest of nods before Harry pushed forward once more and sealed their lips together. In a matter of moments, they were kissing passionately, Draco whimpering in the back of his throat as Harry plundered his mouth with his tongue.
They separated for air after several minutes and Harry pressed his forehead to Draco’s.
Draco was gasping for air and too stunned to say anything.
“I didn’t think I’d thank Ginny for anything ever again,” Harry joked weakly, desperate to break the tension between them, but as Draco pulled away further, it seemed he had failed.
“Harry, I can’t do this,” Draco said as he paced across the room.
Harry stared at him in disbelief. He had thought this was what Draco wanted, and it was certainly what he wanted. Ginny telling him about Draco had just been a wake up call for him.
Harry loved having Draco around; he hadn’t missed Ginny because he knew that Draco was still there for him. He had looked forward to Draco coming over and every night, it had become harder going upstairs knowing Draco was downstairs alone, and while Harry was up there, he had begun dreaming about Draco; how his hair might feel between his fingers and how his skin might taste under his mouth.
“I...I don’t understand…”
“I can’t be your experiment!” Draco shouted, shocking Harry into silence. “I can’t be some little rebound fling for you, okay? That’s why I can’t do this! One day soon, you’ll come to your senses and meet some pretty little witch and realise what a mistake this was and I’ll be alone. And that’s fine; I’m used to being alone, but I can’t be given this-given you-just to have it snatched away again!”
Draco looked positively terrified and before Harry could say anything else, he was out the door and Harry was left standing in the living room, wondering how his day had managed to go so terribly wrong.
Harry didn’t hear from Draco for the entire weekend, and by the time Ginny brought Lily back on Sunday evening, he had worked himself up into a snit. He barely looked at his wife, let alone spoke to her; this was her fault after all. Just like everything else that was screwed up in his life.
*
When Monday morning came around, Harry immediately went to find Draco, only to be told by his secretary that he had taken a last minute holiday and wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week. Knowing how close the two men were, she frowned at Harry, confused as to why he hadn’t already been aware of that.
Harry walked out of Draco’s office, feeling as if he’d left his stomach behind. He hadn’t been able to think of anything but Draco since Friday night and the more he thought of him, the more he became convinced of how good things could be between them. Draco had been the most important person in his life for longer than he had realised and without him around, he felt bereft.
The week went by without Harry hearing a word from Draco and with each passing day, he became more distracted. At dinner in the evenings with Lily, he was barely aware of his small daughter’s happy chattering about school, or her excitement about her brothers coming home the following week.
“Daddy? Why hasn’t Uncle Draco come to visit us this week? He makes roast chicken and creamy potatoes.” Lily looked down and made a face at the remnants of the soggy pasta in her bowl. Harry grimaced and looked down at his own dinner.
“I’m sorry, Lils. I think Uncle Draco’s been busy this week. I don’t know why he hasn’t come to visit.” Harry didn’t want to sound as miserable as he did.
“Are you sad, Daddy? Have you fallen out with Uncle Draco? Professor Periwinkle says it’s silly to fall out with our friends,” Lily said matter-of-factly.
“I know, sweetheart. We’ve not fallen out; he’s just busy. I’m sure he’ll be around next week when Scorpius is back from school.”
Harry tried to smile, but from the look on his daughter’s face, he knew he’d failed miserably.
*
Harry stood talking to Ron and Hermione on platform 9 ¾, all the while looking for a shock of blonde hair amongst the crowd.
He knew it was rude; he hadn’t seen his friends properly since Ginny had left and while he appreciated Hermione’s concern and Ron’s sympathy, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk about his soon-to-be ex-wife. He was so desperate to see Draco that he could feel his whole body thrumming with want.
“Harry? Are you listening to me?”
“Yes, sorry, Hermione, I was just…”
“Looking for Draco? Yes, I had noticed he wasn’t at your side.” Hermione smirked at him knowingly and Harry couldn’t help but blush. He hadn’t even noticed Ron wandering off with Lily and Hugo to watch for the train coming down the track.
Hermione had known for some time that Harry had come to rely on Draco, and about the problems in his marriage, so he wasn’t surprised by the look she was giving him. He just wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before.
“Well, he’s been busy lately, I suppose,” Harry said evasively and turned away to look into the crowed, clearly missing Hermione’s concerned frown.
“He practically lives at yours! Well, when Ginny wasn’t there. What’s happened?”
Harry bit his lip and turned to look at his friend. He was ready to spill the beans just so he would have someone to speak to, but just then the sound of the Hogwarts Express’ whistle could be heard, signalling the train’s imminent arrival, and their conversation was halted by the mass movement of parents and guardians towards the train to welcome their offspring home.
Moving with the crowd, Harry then spied Draco, as far down the platform from Harry as he could possibly be, and since the man was pointedly looking anywhere but at his friend, Harry knew Draco had avoided him on purpose.
Harry felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. What if he had been wrong that night? What if Draco didn’t want him and he had just ruined their friendship by humiliating himself? He thought he had gotten it right, that Draco had wanted him. He had thought that finally seeing Draco would reassure him that everything was going to be alright, but maybe he had pushed Draco too far.
He swallowed heavily and put on a brave smile as the train drew to a halt and children began to pour out of every door.
James was the first to find him and he pulled Harry into a fierce hug, something quite unusual for Harry’s eldest son.
“Good to see you, Dad,” James whispered and smiled at his father a little sadly, and it was then Harry realised why the boy was being so affectionate; Ginny had told him the truth.
“Good to see you too, James.” Harry pulled him into another hug and clung to his son tightly. He so wished he could protect them from things like this.
Several minutes later, Albus Severus arrived with Scorpius in tow. Harry swallowed hard. Draco couldn’t continue to ignore him now.
Draco approached the small group and smiled politely at Hermione and Ron before greeting Scorpius. Not once did he look at Harry.
“Hi Draco,” Harry said softly.
Draco looked up at him and forced a smile. “Potter.”
Harry felt his stomach plummet. Hurt was written all over his face and he saw Draco frown before swiftly looking away.
After all the children had arrived, Ron began ushering everyone back into the main station. Draco trailed behind, talking softly to Scorpius while Harry took up the front, pointedly ignoring the lump in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. He had lost his best friend. This much was obvious.
Hermione caught up with him and grabbed his arm. “Do you want us to take the kids home, so you can talk?” she asked softly as Harry paced across the station.
“There’s no point. I’ve tried to talk to him; he doesn’t want me,” Harry said softly before he realised what he was saying, and stared at Hermione with wide eyes. “I mean, he doesn’t want to talk to me.” Harry shook his head and as they reached the side entrance of the station, they stood and waited for everyone else to catch up.
“Harry, you do know what a Freudian slip is, don’t you?” Hermione smirked at him, but he was in no mood to make jokes about the situation he was in, especially when his chest felt like it might implode.
“Hermione, please, I just want to go home,” Harry snapped just as the children caught up with them, looking somewhat startled by his angry tone.
“We’re not going to Scorpius’ house for lunch anymore?” Al frowned. They had planned it months ago when the children had been home for Easter. They were going to spend the day at the Manor and enjoy the early summer sunshine. Harry had completely forgotten.
“Of course we are, Al. I’ve got everything ready.” Draco smiled grimly, and Harry remembered that if there was one thing Draco would never do, it was disappoint his son.
Pointedly not looking at Harry, Draco took hold of Scorpius and Al’s hands. “See you all there,” Draco he softly and Apparated away.
Hermione shrugged at Harry before taking Rose and Hugo’s hands and Apparating away. Ron grinned, as usual completely oblivious to Harry’s inner turmoil.
Harry sighed heavily as Ron disappeared. He picked up his daughter and took James’ hand. The boy frowned at him in confusion, but Harry said nothing. This was definitely a conversation he didn’t want to have with his son just yet. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the feeling of Apparition wash over him.
When Harry opened his eyes, he was in the Malfoy gardens, which were currently in full bloom.
The kids were all sitting around a large elegant wooden table laden with food. There was a large parasol, and several wooden sun loungers stood on the patio. The garden smelled of lilies and hydrangeas and Harry was struck by how pretty the garden was. He didn’t often visit the Manor. He still didn’t feel completely comfortable here. He still kept expecting Lucius Malfoy to jump out of the shadows and kick him off the premises. Draco understood his feelings and barely spent his own time there; when Scorpius was at school, he stayed at his town house in London.
It took Harry a moment to collect himself and when he did, he realised Draco wasn’t sitting at the table with everyone else. He looked to Hermione who jutted her chin towards to French doors leading into the breakfast room.
Harry made his way into the house and immediately heard Draco’s voice; snapping out instructions, no doubt. Harry allowed himself a ghost of a smile, until Draco appeared in the doorway and he felt like a deer in headlights.
“We need to talk,” Harry said softly.
“I have a garden full of people; right now I need to go and deal with them,” Draco snapped and stepped around Harry.
“Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like I’ve done something awful to you?” Harry asked softly and he couldn’t keep the misery from him voice.
Draco stopped and turned to him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snapped and carried on across the room, but Harry had had enough. He was hot on Draco’s heels, grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“You don’t get to pull this shit with me; you don’t get to tell me you love me and then spend a week ignoring me. I didn’t do anything. You pushed me away and I want some answers!” Harry growled and finally Draco really looked at him.
“There’s nothing to say. I said everything last week. You’ll get tired of this and move on. I’m saving you the inevitable awkwardness and severing ties now,” Draco replied, but couldn’t stop his voice from cracking.
“I’m not going to get tired of you. I’m in love with you. Why can’t you just accept that? I can’t function without you.” Harry sighed sadly and was shocked when Draco cupped his cheek. They stared at each other, terror in both their eyes for completely different reasons.
“Promise me. Promise me this is real. Promise me this isn’t going to end,” Draco whispered as he leaned in to Harry.
“I promise. I’m not going anywhere, just please, don’t push me away. I can’t… Oh God, Draco, the last week has been hell without you.” Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and crushed the smaller man against him. Harry cupped the back of Draco’s head and angled his head back. Harry pressed his lips to Draco’s and sighed softly. It felt like coming home, kissing Draco felt like nothing else he had ever experienced.
“God, Harry, do you think it’s been easy for me? Every day I wanted to come and see you, but I’ve been so scared, this is so scary.” Draco shuddered against Harry and Harry smiled as he smoothed a hand down the side of Draco’s face and cupped his chin.
“This is exhilarating,” Harry corrected and pressed his lips to Draco’s once more.
“I love you.”
Harry sighed and smiled down at Draco, happy to hear the words he thought he would never get to hear.
“Me too.” Harry grinned.
“We really should head outside,” Draco said softly and Harry nodded, squeezing Draco one last time before going outside to join their children, their family.
For the first time in months, Harry felt complete in a way he’d never thought he would feel again, and when Draco smiled at him from across the table, he knew the best was yet to come.
Author: screaminglungs
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: Life changes all the time, for Harry Potter this is no exception. However, for a long time there has been on constant in Harry's life and that's Draco.
Word Count: 6376
Info: Beta read by kcstories who has been amazing for me over the last few weeks. The title is taken from the title of Robert Graves' Autobiography but thats where the simlarities between this tale and that ends.
Harry pressed soft, desperate kisses to Lily's head. She sighed softly and wrinkled her nose in her sleep, but otherwise did not stir. He stared at her soft, worry free face and felt panic bubbling up inside him. He so wished he could protect her from all of this, and he hated that, just like his childhood had been defined be the death of parents, his divorce from Ginny would in some way come to define Lily's, as well as Al and James'. He hated that things had fallen apart so quickly over the past year. He hated that Ginny had left him because her job was more important than her husband and children. He hated that in the morning he would tell his only daughter that her mother had left her to live in another country, had left because Quidditch was her passion now, not Harry.
Harry stood from the child's bed and with a whispered Nox closed the door and went downstairs.
Draco was sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea cradled in his fine boned hands. "Is she asleep?"
"Yeah, with not a care in the world!" Harry sighed wearily and threw himself onto the sofa next to Draco.
"Well, she's not to know her parents have been living separate lives this past year or that her thoughtless whore of a mother..."
"Draco, please stop before you say something you'll regret!" Harry sounded exasperated; he knew very well Draco wouldn’t stop, but he was in no mood right now to listen to him go on and on about Ginny.
"Oh, don't be naïve, Harry! We both know she didn't just leave because of the transfer; she transferred because of him! Viktor Krum is the reason your wife is off gallivanting around Europe! And I won't regret a single word I say about her." Draco snorted indignantly.
"Well, Lily doesn't need to know that right now, does she?" Harry leaned back on the sofa and rested his head against the cushioned back. He stared unblinkingly at the ceiling. He could feel a headache coming on and he sighed heavily. It had been one hell of a day.
"Maybe she should!" Draco snapped.
"Draco, be reasonable. She's ten years old. She still believes in happily ever after. I'm her Daddy. I'm not going to be the one to shatter that illusion for her. Right now, all she needs to know is that her Mum has a new job. It’s not like Ginny was around much to begin with anyway!" Harry couldn't remember feeling any more frustrated. Ginny had truly left him in the lurch to deal with the fall-out of the situation; he was dreading telling the children.
"Maybe you're right."
Harry looked dumbfounded. Draco very rarely conceded defeat in any discussion.
"Really?" Harry sat upright and stared at Draco with suspicion.
"Yeah. I sometimes forget how young she is. It’s hard to remember how innocent our children are. The concept of happily ever after seems unfathomable to someone whose parents worshipped a megalomaniac for as long as you can remember." Draco sighed sadly and picked up his glass of scotch from the coffee table.
"I know. Spending your childhood being locked in a cupboard knowing Mummy and Daddy are never coming back also does a lot to kill that blind sort of hope our kids seem to have. I've always envied them for that and I don't want to be the one to take it away from her, or Al and James for that matter.” Harry cringed at the thought of what his boys were going to say.
Draco smiled tentatively at his friend. "I understand." He really did. He would have done anything to stop Scorpius from being dragged into his and Astoria’s divorce.
“Thank you,” Harry said softly before reaching for his own glass of scotch and smiling back at Draco as best he could.
The fact that they were friends often dumbfounded Harry and it certainly hadn’t come easy, but looking back, being forced to work with Draco on their first day of Auror training had been one of the best things to ever happen to him.
Draco had been the first person he turned to when he suspected Ginny had been having an affair all those months ago, when she’d gotten complacent about matching her weekends away with the training schedule they had always kept taped to their fridge. He had helped Draco through his own messy divorce several years earlier when he had stupidly been caught sleeping with another man, by his wife, in their bed. Harry had been one of a few of Draco’s friends who would actually still talk to him after the incident, Narcissa had refused to talk her son for several months after he’d been outed. The worst of all had been watching Draco go through the agony of Astoria keeping Scorpius away from him.
Harry had foolishly hoped at the time that he would never have to experience such turmoil in his own private life, but he hadn’t counted on Viktor Krum, and he had certainly overestimated the solidity of his marriage and the depth of both his and Ginny’s feelings.
Harry had long passed the point where he was upset that his wife had cheated on him. In fact, he’d gone through a period of wondering why he wasn’t as upset as he thought he should have been. It seemed they had fallen out of love a long time ago and Ginny had just been the first one to do something about it. He couldn’t fault her for not loving him any longer; that was how life sometimes turned out. He could, however, fault her for the way she had gone about it; for leaving him to look after their three children, for behaving like a child and running away from her life as if she weren’t a thirty-eight year old woman with responsibilities.
It was over now, and she was gone, finally, and once he’d told his children, he’d be able to breathe again and that would be the first step.
Harry had built his world around his family and although things hadn’t been perfect, it would take a while to let go of the perfect image he had in his head and begin to look for love again. He wasn’t even sure he knew how to do that anymore. He couldn’t remember the last time he and Ginny had made love, let alone the last time he had felt an emotion akin to passion.
“Harry?”
Harry blinked several times before turning to Draco. “Yeah?”
“Things will be okay, you know? It was for me in the end and it will be for you. The kids know you love them and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.” Draco was rarely profound, let alone sincere, and Harry appreciated it when he tried.
“Thanks.” Harry managed another small smile before they lapsed into silence, both of them sipping at their finger of scotch.
*
Visiting the boys in Hogsmeade at the weekend was one of the hardest things Harry had done in a long time. For the rest of the week leading up to his and Lily’s visit, he had managed to convince his daughter that her mother had just been away training. It wasn’t until they were all sitting together that the enormity of what he was about to tell his children sunk in.
James sat at his side, proud and desperately trying to be older than his fourteen years. Albus sat across from him, looking almost exactly as gangly as Harry had at his age, while Lily sat as close to him as possible, gripping his hand tightly in her own. Her palms were clammy and Harry was almost convinced that she already knew exactly what he was going to say.
“It’s about Mum...”
“She’s not been hurt, has she, Dad? She’s been training a lot recently.” James looked positively stricken.
“No, James. She’s fine. In fact, she’s moved to a new team...”
“But she loved the Harpies!” Al sounded outraged.
“I know, Al, but the Sofia Scorpions have offered her a new position and she’s...”
“Sofia Scorpions? But Dad, that’s in...”
“Bulgaria, James. Yeah, I know, that’s why I’ve come to speak to you. You see, your Mum, she’s well...well...erm...” Harry didn’t think he could do this.
“She’s left you, hasn’t she?”
Harry’s gaze snapped up to meet Al’s own green eyes and he sighed heavily. “Yes, Al, your Mum’s taken most of her clothes and things and she’s moved to Bulgaria.” Harry felt Lily’s hand squeeze his hand impossibly harder.
“What?!” James was shaking his head in disbelief. They had obviously done a good job of hiding the cracks in their relationship.
“I know things are going to be hard, but we’ll manage and you’ll be able to see your Mum whenever you want. That’s not going to change.” Harry reached for James’ hand and didn’t want to think about how much it hurt when his son pulled it away.
“Why would she leave? What did you do? Did you have a fight?” James scowled at his father, and Harry was given a sharp reminder that James had always been closer to his mother.
“Nothing, James. I didn’t do anything. Your Mum didn’t do anything either. People fall out of love; that’s sometimes what happens. It’s nobody’s fault.” Harry stared into James’ hazel eyes and answered him as calmly as he could. The last thing he wanted to do was get angry at his son, especially not in the middle of the Three Broomsticks.
“That’s rubbish!” James stood abruptly from his seat and made a dash for the toilets.
Harry would have followed him, but his little girl was clinging to him so tightly he could barely move.
“Daddy?” Harry stared down at Lily who was plastered to his side.
“Yes, love?” Harry squeezed Lily’s hand.
“Does Mum not love us anymore?” Lily’s large eyes were glistening and Harry felt his heart breaking.
“No, honey. Mum loves you; it’s just me that she’s not so happy about right now, okay? It’s not you, remember that, okay?”
Lily nodded.
“Alright, Al’?” Harry reached for his younger son’s hand and was relieved that he wasn’t rejected.
“Alright, Dad.”
Harry smiled; Al could always be relied upon to help Harry out.
A little while later, James came back from the toilets with red-rimmed eyes and a sullen expression on his face and they left.
The family wandered through Hogsmeade for a little while, Al and Lily running ahead of their father and older brother who silently walked side by side.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” James finally said, so softly Harry barely heard him.
Harry stopped and turned to James and smiled softly at his firstborn. “That’s alright, James. I know that wasn’t the easiest conversation in the world and you have every right to be angry, but please remember your mum and I both love you, alright? I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”
James smiled softly and hugged his father.
“I love you too, Dad,” James whispered into his father’s neck, and Harry couldn’t help but wonder when his son had gotten so tall.
Harry and a very quiet Lily headed home after he’d made sure the boys were safely back inside the castle. Harry was very much aware of the details he had left out of his discussion with his children, but the bitter part of him wanted Ginny to at least take some responsibility for her actions and admit to her children exactly why she had left them and moved across Europe.
*
“How did it go?”
“Awfully. James blamed me, of course.” Harry was sitting across from Draco at a small restaurant in Hogsmeade they often had dinner at.
“Sounds like James. He’s definitely a Mummy’s boy, that one,” Draco said bluntly as he cut into his fillet steak.
“Draco! That’s my son you’re talking about!” Harry wanted to sound aghast but he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.
“I know that. It’s just unfortunate that he’s also Ginny’s!”
“Stop it! Al was okay; well, at least he seemed to be.” Harry frowned down at his own steak.
“What?”
“It’s just starting to hit me that I’m really alone. I’m almost forty, Draco, and I’m alone and in a few months’ time, I won’t even have my daughter.” Harry sighed miserably.
“You don’t want her back, do you?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just nice to come home to a warm body at night, and not to have to wake up alone.” Harry smiled grimly at Draco, who for once didn’t comment, only blushed and shovelled steak into his mouth.
They spent the rest of the evening bitching about the people they worked with, generally avoiding the topic of Ginny, and after one too many glasses of wine, Draco slept on Harry’s sofa.
*
Life carried on for Harry and he began to realise just how much Ginny had actually been away because things didn’t change as much as he’d thought they would. Lily went to school and he went to work.
Draco came over most nights and they shared cooking duties. He and Lily had always gotten on splendidly and he had taken to helping her with her homework on the nights when it was Harry’s turn to cook.
Harry was thankful for having Draco around; the house felt less empty when there was an extra glass of wine on the coffee table and the sound of his soft huffing breaths as he slept on the sofa was comforting.
He had seen Ginny twice in the three months since she had left; both times had been when she had come to pick up Lily to spend the weekend with her at the Burrow. Harry had flat out refused to let her take the girl back to Bulgaria with her, and told her she wasn’t to tell the Lily anything about Viktor until she’d told all of the children together when they came home from school at the end of June.
Both times had been incredibly awkward. Harry really didn’t know how to behave around her now or whether or not he was angry with her or relieved she was gone.
He spent a long time leading up to the summer holidays utterly confused and as much as he loved having Draco around, his presence didn’t help matters.
Harry found himself looking at Draco in ways he hadn’t before, or certainly hadn’t consciously. Draco was his best friend, but there were moments when he looked at him and he was struck by just how attractive the blonde was. Once upon a time, these thoughts would have scared him, but now Ginny was gone and he was living a life he never expected he would, he found himself more and more open to new possibilities.
This coming weekend would be the third time she picked Lily up for a weekend away. He had arranged to spend the weekend with Draco, hopefully getting incredibly drunk and pointedly not worrying that his wife was going to run away with his daughter. It was only a few weeks before the end of term at Hogwarts and soon the boys would be back. Harry was looking forward to having the house filled with all his children again; he just hoped it wouldn’t mean he’d see less of Draco.
At four o’clock on Friday afternoon, there was a knock on the door and for the third time in three months, Harry’s stomach clenched. Lily was upstairs, changing out of her school robes and putting things together for the weekend.
Harry opened the door and stared grimly at his wife.
“Hello Harry.” Ginny smiled softly at her husband in a way he now found patronising.
“Ginny, come in. Lily will be down in a minute.” Harry stepped back and let Ginny into what used to be their house. She wandered into the living room and stopped short when she noticed the changes Harry had made.
“You decorated?” Ginny frowned and wandered further into the room, which instead of being a rich reddish pink was now a very light green which complimented the white wooden furniture and dark red sofa.
It hadn’t taken Harry long to decide to redecorate the house. It was something fun he and Lily had done together and Draco had even come with him to help choose colours. The house had been such a reflection of his wife that after a while, it had begun to drive Harry mad and made him angry that he hadn’t put more of an input into their home. Now she was gone, he wanted the house to be a reflection of him and his children. Gone were the flowery patterns and feminine overtones; they had been replaced by soft colours and clean lines. Draco had definitely proven his worth when it came to shopping for new furniture.
“Yeah. Lily and I wanted something to do together at the weekends. We’re doing her bedroom next and then ours. Well, mine now, actually.”
Ginny scowled. “Hasn’t taken you long to change things, has it?” she said softly as she wandered over to the bookshelves that framed the fireplace and picked up a picture of Lily that Draco had taken when they had visited London Zoo a few weeks earlier. Lily was holding a snake and grinning happily up at the camera. Ginny frowned and placed the picture back among a series of other new additions Harry had added to the room. Ginny’s face was certainly not as prominent as it had once been in the room.
“Well, what did you expect, Gin? For us to be sitting around, pining for you?” Harry smiled smugly at her as he perched on the arm of his leather armchair.
“No. Of course not!” Ginny snapped, but something in her tone told Harry she had meant the absolute opposite.
“Good! If you were expecting that, then you’d have been disappointed. You may have been the one to leave, but I refuse to be the victim here. I’m going to be here for my children and try and make this as painless as possible. Draco has...”
“Draco? Let me guess. He’s been here to hold your hand through it all?” Ginny sneered; an expression that made her look truly ugly in a way Harry had never appreciated before.
“As a matter of fact, he has!” Harry shrugged. He refused to make a big deal out of the fact that he had come to rely upon Draco.
Ginny rolled her eyes. “There’s a surprise!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry frowned at her.
“He’s been waiting ages for the right opportunity to get his feet under the table!”
“You’re absolutely mad. Did you know that?”
“No, actually, Harry, I’m not, but you’re certainly blind! That man has been in love with you for years. Why do you think he’s always here? And to be honest, I’m not entirely convinced you’re not in love with him either!”
“You’re being ridiculous! He’s my friend!” Harry denied it, but he could feel himself blushing.
“Yeah. In the same way Viktor is mine!” Ginny said snidely and threw Harry a malicious grin.
“Don’t you dare mention that man’s name in my house; don’t you dare! You do not get to come here and talk to me like that, not after what you did to this family, not after what you’ve been doing!” Harry snarled as he towered over Ginny.
“Daddy?” Lily’s voice was like a bucket of water being poured over his head and he spun around to find his frightened daughter standing in the doorway, staring between her parents with wide eyes.
“Lily, I’m sorry,” Harry was across the room in two steps and pulling Lilly into a tight hug.
“I didn’t mean to shout at Mum. I was just cross,” Harry whispered to her and was satisfied to feel her nodding against his chest. He tried to ignore the fact that she was trembling. He pulled away and held his daughter out to look at her. She smiled up at him with a small watery smile.
“Are you ready?” Ginny asked from behind Harry.
“Yes, Mum,” Lily said softly and wrapped her arms around Harry for another hug. “Love you, Dad.”
*
Harry had already started drinking by the time Draco arrived from work at around seven o’clock. He was sitting on the sofa in the dark, drinking his third finger of scotch and trying to ignore how much he wanted to punch a wall.
“Harry?” Draco said tentatively as he walked into the darkened living room. Harry didn’t reply, just continued staring at the unlit fire.
“Harry, are you alright?” Draco turned on the light on the end table next to the sofa, sending soft light across the room.
“I don’t really know,” Harry whispered, his voice cracking.
“What did she say?” Draco sat down next to his friend and looked at him in concern.
“Actually, she said some stuff about you.” Harry watched Draco stiffen.
“What did the silly bint have to say about me then? That I’m evil? That I’ll poison your children?” Draco snarled and scooted a little closer to Harry.
“No, actually, she said that you’re in love with me.” Harry stared at Draco, watching for any sort of reaction.
Draco clenched his jaw, practically jumped from the sofa and strode across the room until he was standing as far from Harry as he could. He stood for a moment, silently staring out the window across the front garden before he spoke.
“Did she?” he said softly. His words were stilted and stiff. Harry knew he had touched a nerve.
“In fact, she said you’ve been in love with me for years, just waiting for your opportunity.” Harry stared at Draco’s back, watching his shoulders hunch and stiffen further.
“That’s not true,” Draco said through clenched teeth.
“Then you don’t love me?” Harry asked softly, not sure what he would do if Draco said no, not after he’d spent the entire evening coming to realise his true feelings beneath all the layers of confusion he’d been battling with for weeks.
“It didn’t start off that way. I haven’t been biding my time. I was happy to have a friend, to have you in my life and then…”
“And then?” Harry rose from the sofa and walked across the room. Draco was still standing by the window and looking out over the front garden.
“Things got complicated.” Draco sighed heavily and refused to turn and look at Harry.
“Complicated?”
Draco jumped at the sound of Harry’s voice so close by, but still didn’t look around. “Yes! Astoria and I divorced and suddenly you were the only person in my life, literally everyone else wasn’t talking to me and I liked being a part of your life. I didn’t want you and her to break up; I didn’t want anything from you. It just happened…” There was a desperate edge to Draco’s voice that Harry had never heard before and it frightened him a little. Ginny had been right.
“Draco…” Harry stepped closer.
“I’m sorry, Harry; I know all this is the last thing you want to hear. It’s the last thing I wanted to tell you! You’re my best friend. I don’t even know when that happened, let alone anything else, but you’re like family to me now and I don’t want to lose that, not over something stupid like…”
“Being in love with me?”
“Yes,” Draco whispered miserably. Harry wrapped a hand around Draco’s upper arm and turned him so they were face to face.
“Look at me,” Harry said softly, but Draco refused.
“Look at me, Draco,” Harry pleaded and finally Draco did. His eyes were wide and frightened.
Harry drew in a sharp breath; Draco really was terrified of losing him. It was written plainly all over the man’s face.
“Harry, I’m so…”
Before Draco could finish his sentence, Harry leaned forward and brushed their lips together. It was a simple experimental press of lips, but it made Draco gasp.
“Draco,” Harry whispered, asking permission.
Draco jerked his head in the briefest of nods before Harry pushed forward once more and sealed their lips together. In a matter of moments, they were kissing passionately, Draco whimpering in the back of his throat as Harry plundered his mouth with his tongue.
They separated for air after several minutes and Harry pressed his forehead to Draco’s.
Draco was gasping for air and too stunned to say anything.
“I didn’t think I’d thank Ginny for anything ever again,” Harry joked weakly, desperate to break the tension between them, but as Draco pulled away further, it seemed he had failed.
“Harry, I can’t do this,” Draco said as he paced across the room.
Harry stared at him in disbelief. He had thought this was what Draco wanted, and it was certainly what he wanted. Ginny telling him about Draco had just been a wake up call for him.
Harry loved having Draco around; he hadn’t missed Ginny because he knew that Draco was still there for him. He had looked forward to Draco coming over and every night, it had become harder going upstairs knowing Draco was downstairs alone, and while Harry was up there, he had begun dreaming about Draco; how his hair might feel between his fingers and how his skin might taste under his mouth.
“I...I don’t understand…”
“I can’t be your experiment!” Draco shouted, shocking Harry into silence. “I can’t be some little rebound fling for you, okay? That’s why I can’t do this! One day soon, you’ll come to your senses and meet some pretty little witch and realise what a mistake this was and I’ll be alone. And that’s fine; I’m used to being alone, but I can’t be given this-given you-just to have it snatched away again!”
Draco looked positively terrified and before Harry could say anything else, he was out the door and Harry was left standing in the living room, wondering how his day had managed to go so terribly wrong.
Harry didn’t hear from Draco for the entire weekend, and by the time Ginny brought Lily back on Sunday evening, he had worked himself up into a snit. He barely looked at his wife, let alone spoke to her; this was her fault after all. Just like everything else that was screwed up in his life.
*
When Monday morning came around, Harry immediately went to find Draco, only to be told by his secretary that he had taken a last minute holiday and wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week. Knowing how close the two men were, she frowned at Harry, confused as to why he hadn’t already been aware of that.
Harry walked out of Draco’s office, feeling as if he’d left his stomach behind. He hadn’t been able to think of anything but Draco since Friday night and the more he thought of him, the more he became convinced of how good things could be between them. Draco had been the most important person in his life for longer than he had realised and without him around, he felt bereft.
The week went by without Harry hearing a word from Draco and with each passing day, he became more distracted. At dinner in the evenings with Lily, he was barely aware of his small daughter’s happy chattering about school, or her excitement about her brothers coming home the following week.
“Daddy? Why hasn’t Uncle Draco come to visit us this week? He makes roast chicken and creamy potatoes.” Lily looked down and made a face at the remnants of the soggy pasta in her bowl. Harry grimaced and looked down at his own dinner.
“I’m sorry, Lils. I think Uncle Draco’s been busy this week. I don’t know why he hasn’t come to visit.” Harry didn’t want to sound as miserable as he did.
“Are you sad, Daddy? Have you fallen out with Uncle Draco? Professor Periwinkle says it’s silly to fall out with our friends,” Lily said matter-of-factly.
“I know, sweetheart. We’ve not fallen out; he’s just busy. I’m sure he’ll be around next week when Scorpius is back from school.”
Harry tried to smile, but from the look on his daughter’s face, he knew he’d failed miserably.
*
Harry stood talking to Ron and Hermione on platform 9 ¾, all the while looking for a shock of blonde hair amongst the crowd.
He knew it was rude; he hadn’t seen his friends properly since Ginny had left and while he appreciated Hermione’s concern and Ron’s sympathy, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk about his soon-to-be ex-wife. He was so desperate to see Draco that he could feel his whole body thrumming with want.
“Harry? Are you listening to me?”
“Yes, sorry, Hermione, I was just…”
“Looking for Draco? Yes, I had noticed he wasn’t at your side.” Hermione smirked at him knowingly and Harry couldn’t help but blush. He hadn’t even noticed Ron wandering off with Lily and Hugo to watch for the train coming down the track.
Hermione had known for some time that Harry had come to rely on Draco, and about the problems in his marriage, so he wasn’t surprised by the look she was giving him. He just wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before.
“Well, he’s been busy lately, I suppose,” Harry said evasively and turned away to look into the crowed, clearly missing Hermione’s concerned frown.
“He practically lives at yours! Well, when Ginny wasn’t there. What’s happened?”
Harry bit his lip and turned to look at his friend. He was ready to spill the beans just so he would have someone to speak to, but just then the sound of the Hogwarts Express’ whistle could be heard, signalling the train’s imminent arrival, and their conversation was halted by the mass movement of parents and guardians towards the train to welcome their offspring home.
Moving with the crowd, Harry then spied Draco, as far down the platform from Harry as he could possibly be, and since the man was pointedly looking anywhere but at his friend, Harry knew Draco had avoided him on purpose.
Harry felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. What if he had been wrong that night? What if Draco didn’t want him and he had just ruined their friendship by humiliating himself? He thought he had gotten it right, that Draco had wanted him. He had thought that finally seeing Draco would reassure him that everything was going to be alright, but maybe he had pushed Draco too far.
He swallowed heavily and put on a brave smile as the train drew to a halt and children began to pour out of every door.
James was the first to find him and he pulled Harry into a fierce hug, something quite unusual for Harry’s eldest son.
“Good to see you, Dad,” James whispered and smiled at his father a little sadly, and it was then Harry realised why the boy was being so affectionate; Ginny had told him the truth.
“Good to see you too, James.” Harry pulled him into another hug and clung to his son tightly. He so wished he could protect them from things like this.
Several minutes later, Albus Severus arrived with Scorpius in tow. Harry swallowed hard. Draco couldn’t continue to ignore him now.
Draco approached the small group and smiled politely at Hermione and Ron before greeting Scorpius. Not once did he look at Harry.
“Hi Draco,” Harry said softly.
Draco looked up at him and forced a smile. “Potter.”
Harry felt his stomach plummet. Hurt was written all over his face and he saw Draco frown before swiftly looking away.
After all the children had arrived, Ron began ushering everyone back into the main station. Draco trailed behind, talking softly to Scorpius while Harry took up the front, pointedly ignoring the lump in his throat and the stinging in his eyes. He had lost his best friend. This much was obvious.
Hermione caught up with him and grabbed his arm. “Do you want us to take the kids home, so you can talk?” she asked softly as Harry paced across the station.
“There’s no point. I’ve tried to talk to him; he doesn’t want me,” Harry said softly before he realised what he was saying, and stared at Hermione with wide eyes. “I mean, he doesn’t want to talk to me.” Harry shook his head and as they reached the side entrance of the station, they stood and waited for everyone else to catch up.
“Harry, you do know what a Freudian slip is, don’t you?” Hermione smirked at him, but he was in no mood to make jokes about the situation he was in, especially when his chest felt like it might implode.
“Hermione, please, I just want to go home,” Harry snapped just as the children caught up with them, looking somewhat startled by his angry tone.
“We’re not going to Scorpius’ house for lunch anymore?” Al frowned. They had planned it months ago when the children had been home for Easter. They were going to spend the day at the Manor and enjoy the early summer sunshine. Harry had completely forgotten.
“Of course we are, Al. I’ve got everything ready.” Draco smiled grimly, and Harry remembered that if there was one thing Draco would never do, it was disappoint his son.
Pointedly not looking at Harry, Draco took hold of Scorpius and Al’s hands. “See you all there,” Draco he softly and Apparated away.
Hermione shrugged at Harry before taking Rose and Hugo’s hands and Apparating away. Ron grinned, as usual completely oblivious to Harry’s inner turmoil.
Harry sighed heavily as Ron disappeared. He picked up his daughter and took James’ hand. The boy frowned at him in confusion, but Harry said nothing. This was definitely a conversation he didn’t want to have with his son just yet. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the feeling of Apparition wash over him.
When Harry opened his eyes, he was in the Malfoy gardens, which were currently in full bloom.
The kids were all sitting around a large elegant wooden table laden with food. There was a large parasol, and several wooden sun loungers stood on the patio. The garden smelled of lilies and hydrangeas and Harry was struck by how pretty the garden was. He didn’t often visit the Manor. He still didn’t feel completely comfortable here. He still kept expecting Lucius Malfoy to jump out of the shadows and kick him off the premises. Draco understood his feelings and barely spent his own time there; when Scorpius was at school, he stayed at his town house in London.
It took Harry a moment to collect himself and when he did, he realised Draco wasn’t sitting at the table with everyone else. He looked to Hermione who jutted her chin towards to French doors leading into the breakfast room.
Harry made his way into the house and immediately heard Draco’s voice; snapping out instructions, no doubt. Harry allowed himself a ghost of a smile, until Draco appeared in the doorway and he felt like a deer in headlights.
“We need to talk,” Harry said softly.
“I have a garden full of people; right now I need to go and deal with them,” Draco snapped and stepped around Harry.
“Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like I’ve done something awful to you?” Harry asked softly and he couldn’t keep the misery from him voice.
Draco stopped and turned to him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snapped and carried on across the room, but Harry had had enough. He was hot on Draco’s heels, grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“You don’t get to pull this shit with me; you don’t get to tell me you love me and then spend a week ignoring me. I didn’t do anything. You pushed me away and I want some answers!” Harry growled and finally Draco really looked at him.
“There’s nothing to say. I said everything last week. You’ll get tired of this and move on. I’m saving you the inevitable awkwardness and severing ties now,” Draco replied, but couldn’t stop his voice from cracking.
“I’m not going to get tired of you. I’m in love with you. Why can’t you just accept that? I can’t function without you.” Harry sighed sadly and was shocked when Draco cupped his cheek. They stared at each other, terror in both their eyes for completely different reasons.
“Promise me. Promise me this is real. Promise me this isn’t going to end,” Draco whispered as he leaned in to Harry.
“I promise. I’m not going anywhere, just please, don’t push me away. I can’t… Oh God, Draco, the last week has been hell without you.” Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and crushed the smaller man against him. Harry cupped the back of Draco’s head and angled his head back. Harry pressed his lips to Draco’s and sighed softly. It felt like coming home, kissing Draco felt like nothing else he had ever experienced.
“God, Harry, do you think it’s been easy for me? Every day I wanted to come and see you, but I’ve been so scared, this is so scary.” Draco shuddered against Harry and Harry smiled as he smoothed a hand down the side of Draco’s face and cupped his chin.
“This is exhilarating,” Harry corrected and pressed his lips to Draco’s once more.
“I love you.”
Harry sighed and smiled down at Draco, happy to hear the words he thought he would never get to hear.
“Me too.” Harry grinned.
“We really should head outside,” Draco said softly and Harry nodded, squeezing Draco one last time before going outside to join their children, their family.
For the first time in months, Harry felt complete in a way he’d never thought he would feel again, and when Draco smiled at him from across the table, he knew the best was yet to come.