wonderfully bored.
do you ever sit back on wonder the short yet complex question what if? or why? or even how?
i do upon occasion. like right now as im sitting in the library trying to burn time. lunch time to be exact. allen called melast night all worried about me and i thought it was cute. >.< until mom started screaming at me to get off of the phone solate. he was worried. about me. as a person. which implies that he noticed that something was wrong. which implies that there very welll may have been something wrong.
for instance the fact that my chorus teacher mr. turner has already selected a girl to do a solo frm tates creek. its kind of dissapointing to me. actually its really dissapointing to me because i want a solo so bad sometimes that i can taste it. sometimes i just want to bust out in song because thats the one thing that lately makes me feel great about myself. singing makes me feel like all the things im not... im not gunna go into the list because you will all refuse them and i jsut dont want to deal with it. singing makes me feel like w riting used to make me feel. y eah w riting makes me feel nice when there are no restrictions and no pressure of someone saying you spelled this or that wrong. but as of lately writing kind of makes me fee like i dont know anythign at all. wrting makes me feel like im not that good at anything. my classes make me feel like im not good at anything.
i mean shit... i cant even begin to describe to you whats its like to feel stupid all the time. its like everyone looks at me like im some stereotypical blond who cant speak right or write right or dress right. you know? im constantly a nervous wreck. i dont know. i hate how my grades make me miserable. im trying harder and hard with each passing day to make myself smarter but it seems that my efforts are futile. i jsut dont have it in me to remember all the things im supposed to remember.
i hate today. im really self concious in this damn skirt. i feel like evryone is lookign at me. O_o i dont like it at all . i hate how when i hear people laughing i automatically assume that its about me. O-o i hate that feeling. a lot. i need to start doing better in my classes. seriously im beginning to not care if i get good grades or not. because it just feels like so much that i cant handle. i dont feel like im in control with my life lately you know? i need osme form of control over my life adn im not sure how to achieve it. i wish i drank. just because drinking made me feel better and not need to spill my guts all the time. but now everything just too out of control for me to handle.
cj
i do upon occasion. like right now as im sitting in the library trying to burn time. lunch time to be exact. allen called melast night all worried about me and i thought it was cute. >.< until mom started screaming at me to get off of the phone solate. he was worried. about me. as a person. which implies that he noticed that something was wrong. which implies that there very welll may have been something wrong.
for instance the fact that my chorus teacher mr. turner has already selected a girl to do a solo frm tates creek. its kind of dissapointing to me. actually its really dissapointing to me because i want a solo so bad sometimes that i can taste it. sometimes i just want to bust out in song because thats the one thing that lately makes me feel great about myself. singing makes me feel like all the things im not... im not gunna go into the list because you will all refuse them and i jsut dont want to deal with it. singing makes me feel like w riting used to make me feel. y eah w riting makes me feel nice when there are no restrictions and no pressure of someone saying you spelled this or that wrong. but as of lately writing kind of makes me fee like i dont know anythign at all. wrting makes me feel like im not that good at anything. my classes make me feel like im not good at anything.
i mean shit... i cant even begin to describe to you whats its like to feel stupid all the time. its like everyone looks at me like im some stereotypical blond who cant speak right or write right or dress right. you know? im constantly a nervous wreck. i dont know. i hate how my grades make me miserable. im trying harder and hard with each passing day to make myself smarter but it seems that my efforts are futile. i jsut dont have it in me to remember all the things im supposed to remember.
i hate today. im really self concious in this damn skirt. i feel like evryone is lookign at me. O_o i dont like it at all . i hate how when i hear people laughing i automatically assume that its about me. O-o i hate that feeling. a lot. i need to start doing better in my classes. seriously im beginning to not care if i get good grades or not. because it just feels like so much that i cant handle. i dont feel like im in control with my life lately you know? i need osme form of control over my life adn im not sure how to achieve it. i wish i drank. just because drinking made me feel better and not need to spill my guts all the time. but now everything just too out of control for me to handle.
cj