(no subject)
christmas break. i see a spiral happening. i live by that spiral. i should really learn to trust it by now. i really need to get up off my ass while im at home. i burned myself out this semester. i still managed to get a's and b's on 6 classes (thinking i was going to fail french..and got a b) and party a bit(but not too much). i just make myself go insane in school. i over achieve to the max..because i don't want to be like everyone else and half ass everything. i hate working in groups because i want to do everything great and everyone else wants to get back. its a good reflection of our society, of taught values. i'm in college to learn. not to get a job. what makes me the happiest is that interior smile of my brain when i can grasp something i didn't before, for my whole world to be changed by one idea or one person. i need to listen to people more. be a better listener. anyway, this entry is going all over the place. i drank coffee today. and man, i was detoxing. i drank so much coffee this semester that i think i've already changed my genetic code, its too late, my liver is going to turn on me. my brain is going to rewire myself. but when i drank coffee today, i read a bunch of this book i've been meaning to read, cleaned, working intensely on my scarf project, actually did other things. i didn't just sleep till 1 pm and do nothing all day. its making me go nuts. i want to go walk in the woods. i need some more friends damnit.
oh im going to peru and bolivia in may. got to get a yellow fever shot. and malaria pills. studying ecology, culture, biology. i'm reeeeeally interested in the chemistry of the amazon rainforest, it's unique brain like functioning, and of course the people who coexist in that "brain of an ecosystem'. i feel as though there is treasured intelligence of a form beyond our western thinking, that we take for advantage. hopefully i can get some good research in this trip. i'm intensely recording everything.
oh im going to peru and bolivia in may. got to get a yellow fever shot. and malaria pills. studying ecology, culture, biology. i'm reeeeeally interested in the chemistry of the amazon rainforest, it's unique brain like functioning, and of course the people who coexist in that "brain of an ecosystem'. i feel as though there is treasured intelligence of a form beyond our western thinking, that we take for advantage. hopefully i can get some good research in this trip. i'm intensely recording everything.